Please ignore everything else I ever posted on this forum on anywhere else, because I was using a completely different mentality approaching myself with questions.
Thus, focus on the key traits mentioned in this thread only. And make your judgement based off them.
> I don’t like loud noises, and in general hate it when people talk loud or aggressively. However, even though I myself usually talk at a “normal†volume, I might often accidentally raise my voice without realizing it, and then get told by others to keep it down. I raise my voice automatically/subconsciously when the person asks me several times to repeat what I said, or when I feel like my words are being taken lightly or ignored in group conversation, hence I subconsciously try to dominate through loudness/directness/bluntness. I don’t need to build up courage to do it, it just happens naturally and I wish I could control it more…………..Hence, I don’t notice my own loudness/aggressiveness, but I am highly annoyed and feel extreme discomfort when being placed in a loud/aggressive environment.
> I have a sort of an identity crisis, as I struggle to figure out what personality I have and what values I should hold. And to solve this struggle, I engage in some creative thought, creating stories and characters in my head, with their own unique backgrounds, styles, behavior, goals, etc. and trying to figure out which of my created characters fits me the most. I guess you could say, since I completely fail to see my place/role/identity in the world from 1st POV, I need to engage in fantasy-inspired mental gymnastics to project myself onto a fictional character from a 3rd POV to figure out my own identity.
> People often ask me for advice on pretty much everything, as they see me as some kind of all-knowing guru, even though I have absolutely no experience with the things they’re asking me about. I always tend to provide a lengthy, well-thought-out opinion on everything they inquire.
> Even though I struggle to identify what my values are, I nevertheless tend to defend values I have but am mostly unconscious of. For instance, in a theoretical debate I might defend injustice, but when presented with injustice in the real world, I will defend justice more than any of my other peers. Here I’m not talking about feeding the poor or saving animals, but more about fairness of relationships, respect for human dignity, the importance of noble conduct.
> Whenever I join some kind of community/framework/system, I am always strongly compelled to reshape it. And this is probably not so much because I seek to make it more efficient, but rather more because I just enjoy reshaping things. A hypothetical example would be: if I would become part of some hierarchy, where every individual group has specific functions, I would feel strongly compelled to change those functions, to change the groups, to create new rules, regardless of whether all of my “reshaping†would really benefit the hierarchy or not. The “process†of reshaping things, for better or worse, is what appeals to me the most.
> As result of my desire to reshape things, I often find myself acting as an “advisor†or “counselor†of any group or system. I seek to influence the decisions of the higher-ups, by displaying my dedication to the issues at hand and being good at convincing them to change things. Being an “advisor†and an “opinion giver†is what ultimately grants me power in any group, I influence people by planting “seeds†of doubt/innovation/change in their minds.
> It usually takes a lot of effort to provoke me, as I tend to forgive and/or endure people’s attacks against me. But if they cross the line too far, I will instantly turn from a punching bag into a tyrant, and will spend several years if not the rest of my life, sadistically hurting that person in every way possible, and I won’t stop even if he begs forgiveness. Important thing to note here though: this “punching bag†thing works only with people who are close to me (friends/family). If attacks come from strangers I instantly repel them without lingering. And I have a bad tendency to provoke people whom I confidently dislike.
> It matters to me a lot how other people see me and what they think about it. It would really upset me if someone considers me stupid, immature, filthy, childish, tasteless, bland, bad-mannered, uneducated. So I put a lot of effort into trying to appear all of those things, even if I’m not. I don’t however do it in a boastful manner, but rather by creating an air of mysticism through saying less, leaving things open-ended (open to interpretation), surviving complex conversations through vague personal input, trying to dress and walk as elegantly and confidently as I can muster.
> My orderliness and cleanliness is really a two-sided coin. On the surface I try very hard to present myself to others as an orderly/clean/elegant/decisive person, but once I’m away from public eye, I turn into the exact opposite of all those things. External judgement is what compels me to keep up my “elegant/orderly†game, but as soon as that external judgement is gone, I can no longer be bothered with it.
> I’m both an optimist and a fatalist. I believe in the better likely outcomes of all things, and if outcomes weren’t good or pleasant, then I consider them to be useful experiences, which again makes them “goodâ€. And I dislike open display of pessimism from other people, hence I start trying to convince them in the benefit of optimism, and change their perspective on all things from worse to better. But as for my fatalistic side, I believe that whatever happens, happens for a reason, and if it happened, then it was meant to happen. Hence there’s no point crying over spilled milk. That milk was fated to be spilled, programmed into the code of this universe. But I guess this kind of fatalism again helps my optimism to persist.
> When it comes to my personal relationships, it’s always a white or black situation. There are people who really like me, and people who really hate me. There’s no middle ground between the two. Despite being fairly passive/quiet most of the time, I nevertheless tend to leave a big footprint/impression in everyone’s mind, and as result they develop a strong opinion on me, either strongly positive or strongly negative.
> I am low-key terrified of absolutely everything in the world, but almost never admit it. When I was born (as my parents told me) I was scared of people more than any other kid. When I went to school for the first time, I was scared of school. Going to the doctors was a nightmare. Walking on bridges was a nightmare (because I can’t swim). Swallowing pills (medicine) is also a nightmare because I’m scared of choking. Touching cats or dogs is also scary, because I envision getting bitten or scratched. But if I feel emotionally triggered and/or passionate about something, all those fears suddenly dissipate into nothingness, and I become a sort of a jackass. (as result of emotionally-triggered jackassness I injured myself several times in life, including breaking a bone) But most of the time I’m extremely scared of many physical activities, but pretend like I’m not.
> I tend to walk fast, and generally speaking, have a tendency to rush things to their completion. This especially presents a problem for me when I need to waste time. Let’s say, hypothetically, that I need to stay outside of my house for 8 hours, because I want to avoid some activities or people. I will come up with a way to spend those 8 hours outside, by going to place A, doing activity B, then going to place C and doing activity D. But in reality, I will instinctively rush through those places and activities, as if I’m in a hurry, and finish them in 1-2 hours instead of 8. And then loiter suffering and asking myself “What am I going to do for the next 6 hours??!!â€
Thus, focus on the key traits mentioned in this thread only. And make your judgement based off them.
> I don’t like loud noises, and in general hate it when people talk loud or aggressively. However, even though I myself usually talk at a “normal†volume, I might often accidentally raise my voice without realizing it, and then get told by others to keep it down. I raise my voice automatically/subconsciously when the person asks me several times to repeat what I said, or when I feel like my words are being taken lightly or ignored in group conversation, hence I subconsciously try to dominate through loudness/directness/bluntness. I don’t need to build up courage to do it, it just happens naturally and I wish I could control it more…………..Hence, I don’t notice my own loudness/aggressiveness, but I am highly annoyed and feel extreme discomfort when being placed in a loud/aggressive environment.
> I have a sort of an identity crisis, as I struggle to figure out what personality I have and what values I should hold. And to solve this struggle, I engage in some creative thought, creating stories and characters in my head, with their own unique backgrounds, styles, behavior, goals, etc. and trying to figure out which of my created characters fits me the most. I guess you could say, since I completely fail to see my place/role/identity in the world from 1st POV, I need to engage in fantasy-inspired mental gymnastics to project myself onto a fictional character from a 3rd POV to figure out my own identity.
> People often ask me for advice on pretty much everything, as they see me as some kind of all-knowing guru, even though I have absolutely no experience with the things they’re asking me about. I always tend to provide a lengthy, well-thought-out opinion on everything they inquire.
> Even though I struggle to identify what my values are, I nevertheless tend to defend values I have but am mostly unconscious of. For instance, in a theoretical debate I might defend injustice, but when presented with injustice in the real world, I will defend justice more than any of my other peers. Here I’m not talking about feeding the poor or saving animals, but more about fairness of relationships, respect for human dignity, the importance of noble conduct.
> Whenever I join some kind of community/framework/system, I am always strongly compelled to reshape it. And this is probably not so much because I seek to make it more efficient, but rather more because I just enjoy reshaping things. A hypothetical example would be: if I would become part of some hierarchy, where every individual group has specific functions, I would feel strongly compelled to change those functions, to change the groups, to create new rules, regardless of whether all of my “reshaping†would really benefit the hierarchy or not. The “process†of reshaping things, for better or worse, is what appeals to me the most.
> As result of my desire to reshape things, I often find myself acting as an “advisor†or “counselor†of any group or system. I seek to influence the decisions of the higher-ups, by displaying my dedication to the issues at hand and being good at convincing them to change things. Being an “advisor†and an “opinion giver†is what ultimately grants me power in any group, I influence people by planting “seeds†of doubt/innovation/change in their minds.
> It usually takes a lot of effort to provoke me, as I tend to forgive and/or endure people’s attacks against me. But if they cross the line too far, I will instantly turn from a punching bag into a tyrant, and will spend several years if not the rest of my life, sadistically hurting that person in every way possible, and I won’t stop even if he begs forgiveness. Important thing to note here though: this “punching bag†thing works only with people who are close to me (friends/family). If attacks come from strangers I instantly repel them without lingering. And I have a bad tendency to provoke people whom I confidently dislike.
> It matters to me a lot how other people see me and what they think about it. It would really upset me if someone considers me stupid, immature, filthy, childish, tasteless, bland, bad-mannered, uneducated. So I put a lot of effort into trying to appear all of those things, even if I’m not. I don’t however do it in a boastful manner, but rather by creating an air of mysticism through saying less, leaving things open-ended (open to interpretation), surviving complex conversations through vague personal input, trying to dress and walk as elegantly and confidently as I can muster.
> My orderliness and cleanliness is really a two-sided coin. On the surface I try very hard to present myself to others as an orderly/clean/elegant/decisive person, but once I’m away from public eye, I turn into the exact opposite of all those things. External judgement is what compels me to keep up my “elegant/orderly†game, but as soon as that external judgement is gone, I can no longer be bothered with it.
> I’m both an optimist and a fatalist. I believe in the better likely outcomes of all things, and if outcomes weren’t good or pleasant, then I consider them to be useful experiences, which again makes them “goodâ€. And I dislike open display of pessimism from other people, hence I start trying to convince them in the benefit of optimism, and change their perspective on all things from worse to better. But as for my fatalistic side, I believe that whatever happens, happens for a reason, and if it happened, then it was meant to happen. Hence there’s no point crying over spilled milk. That milk was fated to be spilled, programmed into the code of this universe. But I guess this kind of fatalism again helps my optimism to persist.
> When it comes to my personal relationships, it’s always a white or black situation. There are people who really like me, and people who really hate me. There’s no middle ground between the two. Despite being fairly passive/quiet most of the time, I nevertheless tend to leave a big footprint/impression in everyone’s mind, and as result they develop a strong opinion on me, either strongly positive or strongly negative.
> I am low-key terrified of absolutely everything in the world, but almost never admit it. When I was born (as my parents told me) I was scared of people more than any other kid. When I went to school for the first time, I was scared of school. Going to the doctors was a nightmare. Walking on bridges was a nightmare (because I can’t swim). Swallowing pills (medicine) is also a nightmare because I’m scared of choking. Touching cats or dogs is also scary, because I envision getting bitten or scratched. But if I feel emotionally triggered and/or passionate about something, all those fears suddenly dissipate into nothingness, and I become a sort of a jackass. (as result of emotionally-triggered jackassness I injured myself several times in life, including breaking a bone) But most of the time I’m extremely scared of many physical activities, but pretend like I’m not.
> I tend to walk fast, and generally speaking, have a tendency to rush things to their completion. This especially presents a problem for me when I need to waste time. Let’s say, hypothetically, that I need to stay outside of my house for 8 hours, because I want to avoid some activities or people. I will come up with a way to spend those 8 hours outside, by going to place A, doing activity B, then going to place C and doing activity D. But in reality, I will instinctively rush through those places and activities, as if I’m in a hurry, and finish them in 1-2 hours instead of 8. And then loiter suffering and asking myself “What am I going to do for the next 6 hours??!!â€
