Enneagram help needed

[we are all mad here]

Disclaimer: How are you doing? Are there any major life events/illnesses/other issues that might be influencing you? Did you write this in one sitting, or have you pondered these issues deeply? Give us a sense of "where you're at" right now.
Depression and anxiety. On meds for both and have improved.


0. What's making you unsure of your type? What research have you already done to determine type?
I’m unsure of my core type. I take online quizzes with a grain of salt but I do get 4, 9, 6 a lot. After some research, I do see a lot of 4,9, 6, with a little of 5 and 3.


1. Establish a "baseline mood"--when you're at home with nothing to do, where are you at mentally and emotionally? What do you notice in yourself? (Note, this is not a mood you inhabit "frequently", but your psychological baseline).

2. Describe yourself--


a. What's it like to be you?

Well, I love true crime shows and putting the pieces together. I lose myself in art and cleaning, otherwise, my mind is quite restless. I strive for a peaceful yet playful environment. Proud to be dorky.

b. What have others said about you?

I’m told I’m insightful, funny, and thoughtful. Friends come to me when they need to vent or need to be cheered up. I’m told I’d make a great counselor and am looking into that.


c. What do you think of yourself?
I think I use humor to put myself at ease but to also keep people at arm’s length. I definitely deflect my emotions, especially when it gets too overwhelming, with humor. I’m far from a ‘class clown’ though. I like being left to myself or with a few friends. While shy I do my best to be polite and warm with people. I’m very critical of myself and others even if I don’t vocalize it. I strive for a peaceful setting which is interesting since I’m kinda anxious and dramatic.


4. You're not good at everything--
a. What personality traits and/or ways of being are impossible for you to adopt?

A dominant leader type. I’m more of low key leader. A diplomat. If I’m forceful or aggressive it would be because of someone being horrible to themselves or others.


b. What are qualities you'd like to have, but can't seem to develop?

I’d love to have more ambition and self-confidence. To be a more assertive leader type without having a panic attack.

5. Why have you left friends and other relationships in the past and/or why have they left you?
These both tie into my depression. It's hard for me to leave someone I've let in but if I do finally cut ties it's because the friendship got too toxic. When I was really deep in my depression I was very self destructive and I lost a few friends that gave up on me.

6. Which types do you identify with most? 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 9
a. How do you relate to these types?

2: I love being of use. I love bringing people joy.

3: I’m image conscious and secretly envious of others success, more so if I have a passion for it. My passion outweighs my success a lot. It’s not that I don’t try hard, I do, it just never gets me anywhere. There’s always someone better and smarter.

4: Let’s face it is a very drama llama type. I fit the moody and nobody gets boo hoo stereotype. They have their own inner world and I most definitely do.

5: I have this need to know everything I become passionate about. When something sparks my curiosity I become obsessed.

6: Phobic 6 does fit me a bit and I might have a little issue with authority yet I’m steadfast on rules I believe in. Add security minded and heightened concern for the well being of loved ones.

9: The ‘sloth’ type. Emotional harmony is a must for me. A MUST. Also, I do love sloths.

b. How do you NOT relate to them?

2: I’m so not a caretaker. If it’s in my tritype it’s not my core. 3: While I have a need for validation I just am not that ambitious. 4: I don’t care to be a snowflake if anything I find comfort being a box and knowing where I belong. Albeit that box will be customized to fit my personality. Yeah, I just described a 4, I know. I’m just at war with the four XD. I have no issues with 5, I think it’s more a wing type. 6: I can see it but I need to learn more about its disintegration. 9: I know it’s in my tritype I just don’t know where. Plus, I’m well known for my temper but I’m also someone who suppresses a lot.

7. Which types are least like you? Maybe 8? Honestly, I’m open to all types
a. Why specifically do you not relate to these types? I’m not a very dominant person. Confrontational and self-confident are not words I’d associate with myself.
b. What points (if any) DO you relate to? They don’t like being controlled and neither do I. I need and am grateful for support but don’t be possessive with me. I’m nobody’s property.

8. They claim enneagram type is a hidden love need. What are your attitudes toward finding love?
I was obsessed with the whole ‘true love’ thing for such a long time but honestly, I seek out positive and healthy love from people now. It doesn’t have to be romantic. People who truly love me and care about me instead of settling for whatever scraps of love I was offered. I love people quickly, trust is harder.

For the following, rank the issues in the order they apply and give a brief description of why and how you relate.

9. Determine your ego ideal--the way you strive to be and want others to perceive you. (Note, you may be consciously aware of failing at this, and you will be hard on yourself if you do. If someone else tells you you're NOT this way, it may make you feel hurt, violated, or angry.)

Which of the following ideals resonate with you the most, and why? Rank them.

-to strive to become/behave like a good person - I feel like I fail this a lot but it’s just important to me to be a better person and be more positive force than a negative one. We have enough douchebags in the world.

- to be a loveable person - see above

- to be "okay", having it together

- to be sensitive, original, unique, and creative - I’m a really creative spirit who like tweeking thing just a little to make things more personalized.

- to be knowlegeable

- to be accomplished and successful

- to be devoted and loyal to a person or cause

- to be loving and benevolent

- to be powerful, strong, unassailable.


10. Determine your "felt sense" of life. To do this it may help to look at how you perceive events. Another way to do this is to look back at your childhood and think of all the things your parents did to you. How did you/do you feel about these events?

Here are some common "felt senses" of life:
- I must do everything to maintain my world
- I have a sense of being unimportant, insignificant, and undeserving of attention
- I feel imperfect, not (good) enough
- I have been abandoned and I am inherently flawed
- I'm outside the natural unfoldment of things
- People have wronged and messed with me
- I feel isolated, cut off, and ultimately separate
- I have felt weak and/or vulnerable to attack
- I've had a sense of being rejectable

11. Core fears. You may have been aware of these fears even as a very small child, before anyone did anything to influence it. You'd be mortified to be in this position or have others perceive you this way.

Discuss which fears have played the greatest role in your life:
- Creating conflict by making myself or my needs too obvious
- Rejection, being needy, and not being loved
- Weak and not being on top of things
- Failure
- Being abandoned, sadness, feeling lost
- Entanglements and losing what I have
- Something is basically wrong with me--I'm not good enough
- Boredom, grunt work, and being exposed as a charlatan
- A lot--everything and everyone to one degree or another. It's very generalized

 

[notmyapples]

With the information you've given, I'd waver between 6 and 9. What are your general thoughts towards the future and what keyword feelings do you associate with it? What is your reaction to stress? Do you feel like it's easy for others to tell when you're upset or under stress?

 

[we are all mad here]

With the information you've given, I'd waver between 6 and 9. What are your general thoughts towards the future and what keyword feelings do you associate with it? What is your reaction to stress? Do you feel like it's easy for others to tell when you're upset or under stress?

It's very easy for people to tell when I'm upset, very easy. I'd say my reaction to stress is mostly going into fix-it mode while in a very intense state. If I'm feeling overwhelmed I will shut down and just not deal with anything. On the future I'd say cautiously optimistic. I have a 'hope and pray for the best but expect and prepare for the worst'.

Thank you for responding!

 

[notmyapples]

It's very easy for people to tell when I'm upset, very easy. I'd say my reaction to stress is mostly going into fix-it mode while in a very intense state. If I'm feeling overwhelmed I will shut down and just not deal with anything. On the future I'd say cautiously optimistic. I have a 'hope and pray for the best but expect and prepare for the worst'.

Thank you for responding!

I highly suspect you are a 6. It's very common for 6's to mistype as 9's or vice versa because they both deeply value emotional harmony and balance, but their fears and reactions to such disharmony is where the differentiation is. It's very difficult to tell when a 9 is under stress or upset because their natural reaction to such feelings is to ignore them or minimize the problem, hence why their sudden blowups can shock the individuals at the end of them. 6's are the opposite and cannot hide their emotions. Although they also value peace, they can't handle staying silent about conflict for long periods of time, thus their reaction is to try and repair the peace as soon as a conflict arises or, as you put it, go into fix it mode.

 

[we are all mad here]

I highly suspect you are a 6. It's very common for 6's to mistype as 9's or vice versa because they both deeply value emotional harmony and balance, but their fears and reactions to such disharmony is where the differentiation is. It's very difficult to tell when a 9 is under stress or upset because their natural reaction to such feelings is to ignore them or minimize the problem, hence why their sudden blowups can shock the individuals at the end of them. 6's are the opposite and cannot hide their emotions. Although they also value peace, they can't handle staying silent about conflict for long periods of time, thus their reaction is to try and repair the peace as soon as a conflict arises or, as you put it, go into fix it mode.

Thank you!

 

[esotericsurgery]

6w5.