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Finding Enneagram, Help Appreciated! Large Questionnaire Included

Rachael

New member
Joined
Sep 16, 2017
Messages
2
Hi all, I'm new here and trying to find my Enneagram type. I've completed a large questionnaire that should be very helpful, but I can provide more information if it's needed.



1. How would an author describe you in a book? Write the paragraph that would introduce you in a novel.

She wakes up and rolls out of bed, her mind shifting in and out of place. Her vision blurs and her eyes can’t quite focus yet. Energy buzzes inconsistently through her body, juxtaposing her in an uncomfortable state between awake and asleep. She makes her bed, then begins her routine. Breathe in. Breathe out. Five sun salutes open her body and begin to calm her mind. She sets a timer for fifteen minutes and takes her seat on the floor, legs crossed. Her focus immediately turns to her body and environment, scanning up and down and taking in as much of the world as she can. No thought, only existence. With every breath she settles further into her form until she finally clicks into place and feels truly awake, the gap between mind and body dissolved. Her vision is sharper and her thoughts calm. Her energy has become steady and strong and she can feel her innate power grow and solidify.

As she moves through they day she continues to stay grounded in her physicality, taking in the world around her and further solidifying her existence. She strives to be completely in touch with reality, to feel truly alive. When she begins to drift away then bad things happen. Anxiety, derealization, mental chaos and disconnect. She becomes easily overwhelmed by the world and devolves into panic, her sense of stability and strength gone. Her mind severs from her body and she feels out of control. The soft pull to fall asleep tugs at her mind as she fights to stay awake, lulling her into a distracted haze. Anything to stop the fear.

She hates this feeling. It sucks the life from her, rendering her completely useless and lost. She wants to feel alive and awake, fully engaged in the world and experiencing all life has to offer. Though she may wish to fall asleep and never wake up, she fights the urge every day. She wants energy, vitality, intensity. Raw experience and emotion. The world is truly beautiful, and she wants all of it.

2. Think over the past day or week and make a mental list (you can also write it here) of ways other people have annoyed, angered, or otherwise bothered you - any situation where people have done one thing, while you wished they would have done another. Look at each of these instances and answer (you can make a list or make note of general patterns - an example is good): a. How would I characterize the trait that bothered me? b. Why did it bother me?
c. How did I react? d. How do I wish I would have reacted? e. If there was a discrepancy between c. and d. why did it come up?


Somebody yelled. Specifically, somebody close to me berated another person close to me for something they had done, and then was snippy and passive aggressive for a time afterwards. I can’t be around this sort of thing, it immediately puts me on edge and triggers my defensive response. I try to leave these sort of situations immediately, but sometimes I can’t and have to stay and deal with it. This time I was stuck, and I reacted by interjecting myself and trying to disperse the conflict. Not in any graceful manner, but by getting angry myself and throwing my own aggression into the ring. I hate what conflict like this does to me. It makes me cut off my empathy and suppress my feelings just to keep from falling apart under the pressure. I don’t like fighting and don’t want to hurt anybody, but when push comes to shove I have to stand my ground.

3. What holds you back in life? This can be an internal or external force. If that thing were gone, what would be different? What would you do?

How I handle stress, mainly. It’s hard for me to push through stuff that’s stressful, because I either shut down emotionally or start to come undone, and often get pulled between both at the same time. Not only that, but I straight up ignore stressful things to the point of it being a real problem. I let stuff slip by because it’s easier than sucking it up and dealing with it. When it gets really bad, I can’t even make myself focus on stressful things.

4. Your deepest secret has just been revealed to the person or people from whom you most wished to keep it. How do you feel? How do you react? What are the results on your life?

I don’t have any secrets of this nature, so it’s hard for me to answer this from experience. I’d probably feel embarrassed and ashamed, definitely worried about how it would affect our relationship. I’m assuming the people I want to keep it from are ones I’m close to, as it would hurt more than anything to lose them over this.

5. You are offered one of three gifts: a bottle filled with water from the Fountain of Life, a crown which will give you peaceful dominion over the world's people for your entire (full) lifetime, and a ring which will unite you with your true love and ensure a happy, passionate marriage. Which do you choose and why? What are your hesitations and motivations?

The bottle, no doubt. I want to have control over my lifespan and stay healthy and strong as long as possible. It would give me more time to experience the world and lessen my fear of running out of time. The crown is a horrible idea, how would the world recover from a power vacuum that massive after I’m gone? I have nowhere near the experience and knowledge to handle that kind of power, and I don’t think anybody does. I don’t feel like the ring is necessary, I’m confident I’ll find love in my life without it.

6. You are offered one of three houses… [shortened] ...Which do you choose and why? What are your hesitations and motivations?

The first house, definitely. I love people and would hate the second one, what’s the point of designing an amazing house if nobody can visit? I’ve basically lived in both the other two house’s locations and they have massive flaws for me, plus I love cities. All that prestige, historic value, and social capital is a nice bonus. I’m fine managing it and throwing events, it would probably be fun, plus I can raise money for charity and so on.

7. You are offered one of three doors… ...Which do you choose and why? What are your hesitations and motivations?

The first one, definitely. The third is boring and the second is stressful (I get easily overwhelmed by that sort of thing). The first world would give me a chance to prove my strength and find people worth fighting for, I literally daydream of being a character in a universe like this. It would give me what I’m looking for in terms of intensity, physicality, vitality, and adventure. Constant conflict and danger would massively weigh on me though, and that’s the price I’d have to pay for it. I feel overwhelmed by the conflict in our world already, so it’d likely be worse in this imaginary one. Hopefully I find a way to preserve my humanity and morality and can fight with love and compassion for the people I’m defending, not out of hatred for those I oppose.

8. What do you wish people understood about you? Talk about a time you were misunderstood.

That deep down, love is very important to me, even if it doesn’t show well on the surface. I can be very provocative and standoffish, but conflict wears on me. When I look at humanity I see so much good, so much potential, and I want to love everyone. I don’t really want to fight, but I know it’s a fact of life. I try to show my love for people but never feel like I’m doing it well enough. I’ve had somebody close to me say I don’t care about anybody but myself before, which inspired more fury in me than anything else I’ve been told.

9. What do you hope people won't notice about you? What are you uncomfortable being teased about?

My social insecurity. I feel perpetually inferior to many people and can get competitive about it. I get easily intimidated by self assured people, because I know I don’t have that confidence. Even with close friends I can get intimidated like this, which causes a lot of mixed feelings. I don’t want to hate them because they’re my friends, but my feelings of inferiority make it hard not to.

10. What's worse - to be seen as caring more than you do or less than you do? Why? Do you think you come across one way or the other? Do you typically pretend to care more or to care less?

Less, I think I made this clear in my answer to question 8. I can get furious at people who claim I don’t care about others, and it’s uncommon for me to be that angry with people. I think I make it clear I care a great deal about a great many things, since people I’m around often comment on how dedicated I can be. I do pretend to care less often though, especially when people make offensive remarks and jokes. I try to let them slide off me even if it hurts inside because I don’t want to rock the boat and be labeled oversensitive.

11. Think about a time that someone else tried to control your actions - to tell you what to do, to manipulate you, or influence you. How did you feel and how did you react? What went through your mind?

I was in the car with somebody, driving close to my home. I wanted to get out because being around that person was wearing on me and keeping me on edge, but when I asked for them to drop me off at home they refused. I got angry but didn’t say anything. I told them directly a few minutes later when we were passing close by to stop the car and let me get out, which they also refused to do. At this point I was really angry and called them the fuck out in front of other people in the car. When we got to our location I confronted them and told them off for treating me that way, not caring that other people could hear me. They tried to intimidate me and I didn’t back down, only got more angry for them trying to push me around. I remember caring about little except making it clear how angry I was. I then left immediately after telling them off so it wouldn’t escalate further, and because I just wanted to get away from the source of my stress.

12. When you first meet someone, what are your first thoughts? What judgments do you make and what kinds of considerations do you have? Are you more concerned with what they think of you or what you think of them? If you are preparing to meet someone new, what do you hope about them and what do you fear about them?


Preliminary things like race, gender, pronouns, etc. Then, what kind of people do they associate with? Who are their friends? Enemies? What do they believe in? What do we have in common? I want to know where they fit in the grand scheme of things. I’m concerned with what they think of me, because I need to know if they’ll respect me and the people I care about. I hope I can find a way to connect with them, which I try to do immediately with almost everyone. I fear them being intolerant and bigoted and polluting whatever circle we’re in with their hate.

13. Think about the last time you cried (if you've recently lost a loved one or gone through another similarly difficult experience, you can go back further and choose a random instance). What caused this? Who was around? Were you crying out of sadness, joy, frustration, or some other factor? How did you feel afterwards? Did it change anything? Is this typical for you?

I cried recently because I finally felt alive. I had cleaned the haze from my eyes and saw the world clearly, and I saw that it is beautiful. It felt amazing to be alive, to sense and feel and exist. I cried out of joy for life itself and the enthusiasm I felt to partake in this amazing world. I felt full of energy and couldn’t help but smile. I was by myself, but I cried in part because I knew that I am not alone. I knew that I have people who love me, and that I love them in return. I have been changing for the better, and this reflected my growth. It is typical for me to see the beauty in life and be happy to be alive, but rarely do I fully embrace my joy.

14. Think about the last time you felt really happy, joyful, or satisfied. What caused this feeling? What was different? What keeps you from feeling this way all the time?

Well uh, see above. I don’t feel this way all the time because I’m not always present. Sometimes I slip and fall into anxiety and overthinking, which makes it hard to appreciate life. When the anxiety hits then it’s hard to keep pessimistic thoughts at bay.

15. If you were a tragic hero, what would be your fatal flaw? If you were a character in a comedy, what would be your distinguishing trait (i.e. stingy with money, fastidious, shallow, pretentious, etc.) Do you think others would agree with these?

If I were a tragic hero, my story arc would be me coming to grasp the cruelty and futility of the world, having my idealism slowly and painfully die until I succumb to nihilistic despair. I would keep trying my best the whole time, but ultimately have to admit that my actions are pointless and no matter what I do, everything only gets worse and worse. If I were in a comedy then I’d be characterized by absurd optimism. Upon hearing bad news I would laugh it off, knowing that I should be shaken by what I have just heard, but refusing to lose my positivity no matter what.

16. Think over the past day or week and make a mental list (you can also write it here) of ways that you have done badly - by yourself, by others, etc. - any time that you have done something, and wish you would have done better. How would you characterize these instances? What caused you to fail and what was your reaction? Are you more likely to be hard on yourself or to find excuses for yourself?


I was rude to somebody who meant well and just didn’t care for some reason. Usually I’m not like this, but I just couldn’t be bothered. I’d like to be consistently friendly and kind with everyone, but sometimes I’m not and don’t really know why. I’m far more likely to be hard on myself than to find excuses for myself, though I definitely do make exceptions for myself often.

17. a. Imagine meeting an evil version of yourself - your 'dark side' - and describe this person.
b. Describe your ideal self.


a. Apathetic, nihilistic, brutal, uncaring, unsympathetic, and self absorbed. Someone who takes advantage of others and doesn’t care so long as she’s getting what she wants. Someone who uses her intellect not to help people but to continuously attack them and feel superior for “seeing through their illusions.” Someone who convinces herself she doesn’t need other people and will find happiness doing what she wants no matter the effect she has on other people. Someone who finds pleasure in the pain of others and hurts with no remorse. Someone who has lost touch with what it means to be human and forgets the common bond she shares with all people.

b. Genuinely loving and accepting of others, deeply empathic and understanding, and relentlessly brave and powerful. Grounded fully in reality and her own humanity, making love her modus operandi. Someone who lives fully in the moment, appreciating the inherent beauty of life and the company of others. Someone who will fight for a just cause to defend the innocent, but who ultimately seeks forgiveness and reconciliation. Someone who is courageous enough to go to war for her people, but strong enough to emerge with her humanity intact. She is fully awake but knows when to rest, and can enjoy both the most intense adventures and the quietest moments in nature. She is not her body or her mind but both merged to one, a fully whole human being. She is enthusiastic and full of vitality, inspiring others to action and taking on the most rigorous challenges to feel truly alive. She has a global perspective and can connect with people from any culture and demographic.

18. What is your experience with and how do you deal with the following:

a. Loneliness: I don’t deal with this well. I immerse in people and absorb their energy to keep myself going, and frequently use socializing as a distraction from pressing issues. Perhaps if I was forced to be alone I’d confront some of them, but I rely so much on others that I struggle to be truly alone for any length of time.

b. Doubt: I’ve had spells of intense doubt that have seriously screwed me up and caused massive anxiety. I doubt myself constantly and feel insecure around more capable people all the time. I’d rather just not doubt if I can help it, and try to stay grounded so I don’t get sucked into a black hole of overthinking.

c. boredom: can be a big issue. If I start feeling stuck somewhere boring then I can flip out and get angry and/or anxious. I need constant stimulation for the most part.

d. Laziness: I’m not typically lazy, but in my worse periods of stress I’ve gotten very apathetic and mentally tuned out for extended periods in response. I stay moving all day so I’m never not doing something.

e. Temper: I keep my anger out of the spotlight usually, but occasionally I fucking lose it and go off on somebody or rant about something big. I’ll get irritated with people and it can come out in passive aggressive ways, but my temper is generally contained.

19. Which of the 'seven deadly sins' - pride, wrath, sloth, envy, lust, gluttony, avarice - do you relate to most and why? Which do you relate to least and why? Feel free to go into depth about these.

I relate to envy the most. Oooh boy I can get envious, and when I do it’s spiteful. I hate people for being better than me and I hate myself for being so insecure. I want to be on par with them even if it means bringing them down to my level. I can get especially envious of close friends and sometimes it leaks out in my interaction with them. Not good. I relate to avarice the least, I really just don’t hold back on stuff. I freely give a lot of my focus and energy to people (I usually have an excess) and share stuff with them all the time. I can’t see any significant aspect of my life where I display avarice. Second to envy I relate to wrath though, I think I’ve shown through my questionnaire how furious I can get.

20. Link a song you relate to and explain why.

Allister - Stuck Powered On
YouTube

This song reflects a lot of themes I’ve talked about in this questionnaire. The pull to fall asleep to escape the stress of life but knowing I can’t. Mentally shutting down because of anxiety to try and carve out some modicum of peace from the chaos. Slipping into a haze as time flies by, knowing I’m tuning out reality but not wanting to confront it. Waking up every day to fight a never-ending war there is no rest from.

In This Moment - Adrenalize
YouTube

Pretty straightforward. “Don’t you wanna live before you die?” Pure energy and raw power. Adrenaline hitting my system and bringing me to life. Every day I ask myself: “I’m living, but am I alive?” This song expresses the intensity and lust for life that I’m after.

Death Cab For Cutie - Transatlanticism
Death Cab For Cutie - Transatlanticism - YouTube

I’ve gone through periods where my mood is like this for days on end, constantly dreaming about love and reflecting on my loneliness. I grasp at my dreams but they remain intangible. I settle into a comfortable sadness, a blanket of bittersweet feeling. It feels like home.



Thanks in advance for any help!
 

Mayflower

King Ping
Joined
Oct 3, 2016
Messages
701
MBTI Type
ESTP
Enneagram
9w8
Instinctual Variant
sp/so
Hello! You sound 7 to me.
 

Frosty

Poking the poodle
Joined
Apr 6, 2015
Messages
12,667
Instinctual Variant
sp
So/sp. 64(9w1 or 1w9)

6w7.

Or honestly- possible you are a disintigrating 9.

Actually. Yes. A lot of this sounds like 9 disintigration to 6.

Your answer to number 3 really really seems positive outlook oriented- and the well... it seems like its more an internal supression thing rather than an 'external distraction' thing (bad bad oversimplification but... Im lazy)- which seems 9.

The last few lines of being crushed when someone called you 'selfish' also points to positive outlook- and F. Its fairly obvious you are an F. But as a 6 or a 9... its less obvious if you are Fe or Fi.

Anyways. That points to postive outlook- and in particular... the cry of the 9 really- 'they are taking advantage of me. Dont appreciate me'

This might seem 2- and it CAN be. But with 2 I feel its more 'im not getting the appreciation I deserve' as in 'GIVE me more' where with 9 its like 'no one appreciates me' 'please STOP TAKING from me please'.

Like. I work hard at being well... agreeable. With being open- minded towards others. And then hearing that 'you only think of yourself' would be just... very hard for a 9 to hear.

But. You also talk a lot about 6 anxiety. But. Looking at it further- it seems as if it only comes out in stressful situations. And isnt really your core fear- but more what... well. What you teeter towards when something overwhelms you temorarily. Which.

Honestly... this isnt very clear. But I would say you might be 9w1. You 'ideal self' in number 17... well.... its yeah. Pretty 9w1.

*she is fully awake*

Kind of a cheap grab but one I cant ignore.

What do you think?
 
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