Hey there. Mind typing me? Enneagram tritype, Mbti, socionics, anything? Thanks! No need to read everything — as long as you get to type me well.
Hello! This is a questionnaire that attempts to discern one's type by analyzing one's focus in everyday situations.
1. During your youth (7'ish to 18), What did you focus on the most? What activities did you like and why? What aspect of life was lax in attention?
I was always that kid sitting in the library reading a book and I haven't changed much in that area as I grow older. I read about every type of genre from the library but especially science, philosophy, and fiction.
I liked to prank people and joke around a lot. I remember barging into the teacher's faculty and on microphone, greeted them by rapping. Haha. The farther back you go, the more of a dick I was. Many times my name spread throughout the school campus early on as a pretty weird kid and later as a more likable person.. Sometimes they complained why someone like me didn't spend a lot of time with others — I seemed fun. But no — alone time + books = best.
In the middle of that — ages 11 to 15, I had a depression and anxiety that reached dangerous levels and I spent time gaining an incredible mastery of multiple therapies and happiness philosophies in response. Mostly from lots and lots of hours researching it alone.
2. You're in you senior year of high school (or whatever equivalent) and you are looking back over the last couple of years. What was your favorite aspect of the schooling experience and why? Favorite subject and why?
Haha. I'm getting pretty near a stage like this.
Well, for one I'd miss the library there considering this country lacks libraries. Sigh. So. Many. Free. Books. Gone.
Second, while many people say I'm easily bored and that's true — whenever summer vacation comes, I oddly start to miss the scheduled life and the same areas of school. Sure I like doing new things — but in the same old places. .
Third, I'd probably miss the community there — I wouldn't admit it to myself for most of my life — even more so admitting to others, but I really did like being accepted and welcomed by the community there. I'd miss the loud friendliness, the affectionate teasing and the immature jokes culture of these idiots.
3. A couple of friends call and invite you out to a restaurant. While there, you all are pleasantly conversing and one of your friends makes a comment that irked you. What are you're thoughts and how do you respond?
Someone irked me? Wow — that must be something. I'm pretty laid back. I only seek to change other's minds when they're open to it — otherwise we'd just end up fighting over and over. Conflict like that gives me weird uncomfortable feelings. Unless I'm defending my solitary research time — I'd prefer if they'd back away. I'm not really fond of it (I dislike anger for some reason) but the more alone time I need, the more moody I get.
Maybe analyze and double check their reasoning to see if I missed something myself. Ask questions. If I can't make them learn from me — at least I can learn from them. Even if most of it is wrong, they might have a point somewhere in there. And with enough ingenuity, you can get inspired by bad ideas and modify it to something better.
4. Your schooling is done and it's time to strike out into the world!! What sort of career do you want to go into and why?
I'm thinking something in programming — Its allow for some flexibility in that you can mix together another interest or two with this field. Think of how people mix programming with health, education, entertainment or more. I've found something strangely calming with the rigidity of logic — an ironic feeling of freedom in its structure. It's pretty solitary too.
I used to learn only for myself (I always felt like I didn't have enough time to learn enough for myself)—I used to want to be admired somehow for my knowledge but after my depression, something changed in me. I wanted to solve problems and think for someone other than myself for once.
Oh well. Let's see where this goes.
5. A friend is getting married and they put you in charge of the cake. You narrowed it down to two places to make an order. The first is a bakery with whom you got a good relationship with. The other is a well-known cake maker to whom everyone goes to (your friend hints to it as well). Which one do you choose and why?
I'll go to the second. Bud — happiness for the greatest number for people in the wedding. The other bakery is just one friend. Though if I had a good relationship with the first one, I might get a discount or get it for free. It depends on how much money the couple is willing to spend — for lower amounts, get first. For higher amounts — get second.
6. You get into an argument with a friend/family member/co-worker. They criticize one of your personality traits. What would most likely be the focus of their critique?
It might be overthinking. Whether I'm actually overthinking or simply being at a slower pace, I tend to think through a decision. If I don't stay deeply in my head for a certain period of time — I feel really meaningless or anxious.
A few people I know say I spend too much time alone. Not that I dislike people — I honestly like a lot of them but I just like alone time a lot more. My emotions of curiosity, wonder and fascination has always felt stronger to me than the feeling of love in relationships.
7. It's New Years! You and your friends are out and about after a party. Being drunk, one of your friends suggests to do something....'questionable' (Nothing serious. I.e, drugs, escort, etc.). What are your thoughts and how do you respond?
Well. . . I have no idea. Maybe if I'd think their sober self would like to do it, sure. I don't want to trespass on other's decisions. If they'd hate it, I'd try to distract them with my quirky humor. Flash that genuine big goofy smile everyone seems to like and lead them into something . . . more interesting. Haha. Whatever my brainstorming skills can whip up this time.
I probably won't spend that much time in the party — I get easily exhausted from crowds, constant conversations and noise so I'd probably leave my drunk friend with another friend later on. That, or I'm going to get cranky.
8. A new art gallery opens up and your friend wants to go to the grand opening. Both of you analyze all the paintings and sculptures. What about these works warrants the most attention from you? Why?
Eh — when they talk about looking at paintings like this, they always talk about noticing the emotions you feel towards a painting. But I don't feel much. Eh. I've gotten into art before considering the sheer amount of hobbies I've tried and more for novel ideas than emotional expression.
Maybe if I can get a background on the painting — I can treat this art like I treat history books. Maybe I can treat this as some amateur psychologist thing, bring a book on body language and see how other people react. Maybe ask my friend about how he/she sees the artworks here. Maybe do some background research on this before going.
9. You have been saving up and decide to buy a new car. At the dealership, you peruse the lots. What are the criteria and factors that influence your choice? Which one would initially be your main focus?
Haha. I don't know much about cars. How would I know? Err. . . Function. Don't care about aesthetics. As long as I get to my destination. It should last long and I wouldn't need to get it repaired that much.
Nothing too expensive — Think of the endless amounts of money I can use for books. I grew up with my dad being a fairly successful businessman, but even with all that money, I rarely asked him to buy anything expensive. "Would you like that (expensive gadget)?" he'd ask. "No, save for books." "Oh, I'd buy some for you." "No, I'm not finished with the books this month yet."
10. Yep, you now have a kid (sex of your choosing)! Years pass and they are now 15 years old. You notice their personality traits are the complete opposite of how you were when at their age. Describe how they are. Describe the possible conflicts that would arise between both of you due to differing temperaments.
She has a deep awareness of her emotions. Too impulsive at times. Believes love and compassion is the most important thing in life to irrational levels — probably dreaming of a perfect life with a perfect Prince Charming. This in contrast to my 15 year old self emphasizing truth and objectivity to similarly naive levels.
My kid would give no fucks about being admired and no "change the world" ambitions — gratitude for a simple life is what she values. She loves the outside, especially nature, and goes hiking a lot. Yet even with all that inside inside her, she has a more serious and unlikable presence outside to most people.
We might conflict on how quickly decisions should be Probably have different ways of dealing with conflict outside the two of us. We might conflict on our different types of humor. ("Those jokes are offensive/immature!" she'd say.) I imagine she'd get louder and angrier in an argument while I get more quiet and distant. Man, how fun.
Self-Preservation (Need to protect and preserve)
1. Do you tend to save money and are cautious about spending it?
Yes.
2. Are you security oriented? Ready to protect yourself, those close to you and your resources?
No.
3. Are you fairly consistent? Like things known and regular? No big changes?
I'm a weird mix of someone who likes change sometimes and hates it in other times, I guess. Though, I lean more with trying new hobbies and interests more (Counted more than 40 interests tried.) — but a big change all at once would make me feel lost.
4. Do you dislike taking big risks unless it's a "sure" thing?
It used to be like that all the time. But I've relaxed — enough that sometimes for a few hours I breathe so deeply, it's about 2-4 times per minute.
5. Are you fairly private? Not revealing too much to strangers?
I guess I'm just average in this area. Strangers who meet me don't really see me as reserved — not until later where they realize even with the easygoing friendly persona I still spend a huge time alone.
6. Do you tend to be introverted?
Haha. Yes. But my socializing is less socializing a bit here and here while spending some more time alone. It's more often like really lively and enthusiastic socializing with an even much much much longer time spent alone to cope with the feeling of meaningless and anxiety I mentioned earlier. (I need to be in my head). But I prefer it this way. If I have reason to talk to someone in my Rest stage, I just tend to come off as softspoken, calm and incredibly relaxed. Unless, I've just started my rest stage — then that would piss me off.
7. Do you understand money? Securities? Investments?
Yes. Somewhat. This is why I have a book list ordered by priority in my files somewhere.
8. Do you tend to plan for the future? Ready for emergencies?
Well, occasionally.
9. Are you concerned about health? Safety? Comfort? Home? Hearth?
Health. Well, yes. Nutrition + Exercise = Somewhat. Safety? I have a grab kit in case of an earthquake. Home? Home is the best place because it's nice and quiet. What is even Hearth?
10. Are you worried about what may go wrong? Tend to imagine worse case scenarios?
I used to a lot. But years of meditation has made me . . . more relaxed. Once I was anxious enough that I seriously questioned reality, questioned the accuracy of every memory I had and the limited nature of how humanity lacked the knowledge to survive.
But I also got really anxious about lots of more . . . "Ordinary things." Grades. Odd obsessive fears about health. The future. What others thought. There was barely any minute I wasn't tense.
I kept doing it because it was fascinating. My curiosity for the analysis was the only way I could seem to do anything against the intense anxiety and emptiness I had — but it was what made me driven deeper into all this pain.
11. Do you like things spelled out? Details? Exact information? Guarantees?
Yep. But sometimes figuring out is interesting.
12. In relationships do you take care of others financially?
I don't have those kinds of relationships.
Social (Need for Social Validation) - Can show up with strong focus on groups, organizations, family, world, friends, your surroundings, your social image.
1. Do you need or really like social validation?
I used to need it. Now I just really like it. I used to be one big sucker for people admiring my educational success. Heh.
2. Is social image important to you?
For someone who spends a lot of time alone, I like to ponder my social image a lot. It's less something I get anxious about then something I just enjoh analyzing.
3. Do you have desires/fantasies of being rewarded in a social or public arena?
Sometimes. It used to be all the time I wanted some big ass success when I grew up — better than everyone in about every way. You can imagine how frustrating trying to get something impossible would be. But my daydreams I still contribute successes — but not everyone admires me anymore. They. . . don't need to. This I mean I'm fine with people being neutral, or disliking me but with acceptance or respect for me. Some people who outright hate me here and there— sure. Outright ostracization? Hahahahaha.
Let's not think about that.
4. Do you think about your affect on others, groups, organizations, and the world?
I've been around different forums being some kind of expert in a few interests. My experience with getting through depression has made me reach somewhat of a wise sage level in those types of forums. Sometimes I type notes in my interests and I've been considering posting these notes in public forums. Maybe I'll post my Systems thinking notes — the study of problem solving interconnected, self sustaining and evolving problems.
And usually at school, I tend to either stay by myself or hang around big groups. Big groups consume more of my energy to hang around people faster — but for some reason, I keep doing it.
5. Is it very important to you to look good in public, groups, work, and the world? Is name recognition important, either yours or others?
Sometimes I worry about being left out someday — don't know how, but somehow. This depresses me so I move on to thinking about other things. A lot of times when I was depressed, the greatest feelings of stress were some irrational fears of not being accepted. Full of wildly emotional assumptions and jumping to some insane conclusions. Usually I can set it aside these days. When I do, it's nowhere near the intensity it used to be.
6. Are you upset if you don't get enough validation, reward for the hard and creative work you do in a social context or for a social cause?
Sometimes I think about how much knowledge I'm contributing and have hidden insecurities about not knowing enough to share. Affirmation helps with this though it's calming down like everything else in my life.
7. Are you involved in groups, organizations and team oriented activities?
Yep. Though most of the time I collect the knowledge through long periods alone and then share it somewhere. This, rather than discussing with others a lot.
8. Is belonging to special groups or being a leader of a group important to you?
I can get really attached to certain groups, sure.
9. Are you strongly upset if you feel not included or rejected by a group or family or not invited to a social event?
Eh it's okay. I like spending time alone.
10. Do you make your money through your association with groups affecting a large number of people?
I'm a student. But I think about that option a lot when I'd get in a career. I'd probably put the money to funds in education — knowledge and wisdom is better shared. I've recently emailed some big name politician to fund education more — complete with researched arguments. Heh.
11. Do you get really upset if you make a social faux pas? Do you think about and plan out how you will be or present yourself in public?
I used to obsessly get anxious about it, but I'm more chill these days. For some reason when I'mu stuck doing nothing, my mind tends to drift on analyzing other conversations this way. Did I make what I shared accurate and precise? check. Double check. Double check. Double check. Did I offend anybody? Double check. Did I make it easy to understand? Double check. Next thing I know I'm staring at the whiteboard in class wondering how I can turn it off. It's so entertaining.
12. Are you the social instigator and connector in your family?
Haha. No. My family doesn't have the same interests as I do with certain groups. Many times they don't even know I'm in those groups.
Relationship (Need for 1 to 1 or Relationship Closeness)
1. Do you define yourself through a romantic or close partnership? Is closeness with another person of paramount importance?
No.
2. Do you like intense energy, particularly in relating to people? Are you energized when you have a revealing conversation or engagement with another, particularly a special other?
Nope. I occasionally get the need to speak revealingly to a person so I have a link to a site with volunteer listeners to talk to them. I don't feel the need to get close to who I talk to — they'd be strangers and I'd be satisfied.
3. Do you tend to focus more attention on close relationships than money?
No.
4. Does money relate to how a partner will see you more than security for yourself?
No.
5. Are money and resources less for self and more to please an intimate other?
No.
6. Does your attention go more to how well you relate to a partner or potential partner than to other concerns?
No.
7. Would others describe you as dramatic? Do you like to go deep with things?
No. I've gone deep into physics though. Mmmm . . .
8. Do you tend to be in the moment and not think as much about the future or your future security?
Only when I need to, but it didn't come naturally. Back then, I worried about the future all the time.
9. Do you have an urge to merge? Do you "lose yourself" with an important other at times?
No.
10. Do you like risk taking? New experiences? Tend to get bored without enough stimulation particularly in the area of relationships?
I like new experiences, not in relationships though.
11. Are you focused more on connection with another and forget your own priorities?
No.
12. Do you focus a lot on sexuality, romantic fantasies or mystical spiritual experiences?
I feel slightly sexually attracted to someone once in every 3 months. Mystical spiritual experiences? Many advanced stages of meditation have given me a sense of awe that I've never had before though.
I remember being told to view each meditation anew even if it's repetitive. I focused on the slightest changes of the rise and fall of each breath I had in every moment. Its speed. Its expansion. Its contraction. It gave me an extraordinary openmindedness in life — a belief that no matter how repetitive something is, there's always something new to find and wonder at. Because if like the breath, the world is changing. Then so is the truth. Ask a question a hundred times and there'd still be more answers. — isn't it?
Some of my meditations can take 20 minutes but it literally feels like eternity passed by. And I watched as each day passed, a day would feel like a week. A day would then feel like a month. A day would then feel like a year until a single day felt like more years than I've ever lived. To live longer is to not to just increase your moments lived but the fullness of each moment.
Maybe that's what I like most about meditation. It's clarity and truth and damn wisdom.
Hello! This is a questionnaire that attempts to discern one's type by analyzing one's focus in everyday situations.
1. During your youth (7'ish to 18), What did you focus on the most? What activities did you like and why? What aspect of life was lax in attention?
I was always that kid sitting in the library reading a book and I haven't changed much in that area as I grow older. I read about every type of genre from the library but especially science, philosophy, and fiction.
I liked to prank people and joke around a lot. I remember barging into the teacher's faculty and on microphone, greeted them by rapping. Haha. The farther back you go, the more of a dick I was. Many times my name spread throughout the school campus early on as a pretty weird kid and later as a more likable person.. Sometimes they complained why someone like me didn't spend a lot of time with others — I seemed fun. But no — alone time + books = best.
In the middle of that — ages 11 to 15, I had a depression and anxiety that reached dangerous levels and I spent time gaining an incredible mastery of multiple therapies and happiness philosophies in response. Mostly from lots and lots of hours researching it alone.
2. You're in you senior year of high school (or whatever equivalent) and you are looking back over the last couple of years. What was your favorite aspect of the schooling experience and why? Favorite subject and why?
Haha. I'm getting pretty near a stage like this.
Well, for one I'd miss the library there considering this country lacks libraries. Sigh. So. Many. Free. Books. Gone.
Second, while many people say I'm easily bored and that's true — whenever summer vacation comes, I oddly start to miss the scheduled life and the same areas of school. Sure I like doing new things — but in the same old places. .
Third, I'd probably miss the community there — I wouldn't admit it to myself for most of my life — even more so admitting to others, but I really did like being accepted and welcomed by the community there. I'd miss the loud friendliness, the affectionate teasing and the immature jokes culture of these idiots.
3. A couple of friends call and invite you out to a restaurant. While there, you all are pleasantly conversing and one of your friends makes a comment that irked you. What are you're thoughts and how do you respond?
Someone irked me? Wow — that must be something. I'm pretty laid back. I only seek to change other's minds when they're open to it — otherwise we'd just end up fighting over and over. Conflict like that gives me weird uncomfortable feelings. Unless I'm defending my solitary research time — I'd prefer if they'd back away. I'm not really fond of it (I dislike anger for some reason) but the more alone time I need, the more moody I get.
Maybe analyze and double check their reasoning to see if I missed something myself. Ask questions. If I can't make them learn from me — at least I can learn from them. Even if most of it is wrong, they might have a point somewhere in there. And with enough ingenuity, you can get inspired by bad ideas and modify it to something better.
4. Your schooling is done and it's time to strike out into the world!! What sort of career do you want to go into and why?
I'm thinking something in programming — Its allow for some flexibility in that you can mix together another interest or two with this field. Think of how people mix programming with health, education, entertainment or more. I've found something strangely calming with the rigidity of logic — an ironic feeling of freedom in its structure. It's pretty solitary too.
I used to learn only for myself (I always felt like I didn't have enough time to learn enough for myself)—I used to want to be admired somehow for my knowledge but after my depression, something changed in me. I wanted to solve problems and think for someone other than myself for once.
Oh well. Let's see where this goes.
5. A friend is getting married and they put you in charge of the cake. You narrowed it down to two places to make an order. The first is a bakery with whom you got a good relationship with. The other is a well-known cake maker to whom everyone goes to (your friend hints to it as well). Which one do you choose and why?
I'll go to the second. Bud — happiness for the greatest number for people in the wedding. The other bakery is just one friend. Though if I had a good relationship with the first one, I might get a discount or get it for free. It depends on how much money the couple is willing to spend — for lower amounts, get first. For higher amounts — get second.
6. You get into an argument with a friend/family member/co-worker. They criticize one of your personality traits. What would most likely be the focus of their critique?
It might be overthinking. Whether I'm actually overthinking or simply being at a slower pace, I tend to think through a decision. If I don't stay deeply in my head for a certain period of time — I feel really meaningless or anxious.
A few people I know say I spend too much time alone. Not that I dislike people — I honestly like a lot of them but I just like alone time a lot more. My emotions of curiosity, wonder and fascination has always felt stronger to me than the feeling of love in relationships.
7. It's New Years! You and your friends are out and about after a party. Being drunk, one of your friends suggests to do something....'questionable' (Nothing serious. I.e, drugs, escort, etc.). What are your thoughts and how do you respond?
Well. . . I have no idea. Maybe if I'd think their sober self would like to do it, sure. I don't want to trespass on other's decisions. If they'd hate it, I'd try to distract them with my quirky humor. Flash that genuine big goofy smile everyone seems to like and lead them into something . . . more interesting. Haha. Whatever my brainstorming skills can whip up this time.
I probably won't spend that much time in the party — I get easily exhausted from crowds, constant conversations and noise so I'd probably leave my drunk friend with another friend later on. That, or I'm going to get cranky.
8. A new art gallery opens up and your friend wants to go to the grand opening. Both of you analyze all the paintings and sculptures. What about these works warrants the most attention from you? Why?
Eh — when they talk about looking at paintings like this, they always talk about noticing the emotions you feel towards a painting. But I don't feel much. Eh. I've gotten into art before considering the sheer amount of hobbies I've tried and more for novel ideas than emotional expression.
Maybe if I can get a background on the painting — I can treat this art like I treat history books. Maybe I can treat this as some amateur psychologist thing, bring a book on body language and see how other people react. Maybe ask my friend about how he/she sees the artworks here. Maybe do some background research on this before going.
9. You have been saving up and decide to buy a new car. At the dealership, you peruse the lots. What are the criteria and factors that influence your choice? Which one would initially be your main focus?
Haha. I don't know much about cars. How would I know? Err. . . Function. Don't care about aesthetics. As long as I get to my destination. It should last long and I wouldn't need to get it repaired that much.
Nothing too expensive — Think of the endless amounts of money I can use for books. I grew up with my dad being a fairly successful businessman, but even with all that money, I rarely asked him to buy anything expensive. "Would you like that (expensive gadget)?" he'd ask. "No, save for books." "Oh, I'd buy some for you." "No, I'm not finished with the books this month yet."
10. Yep, you now have a kid (sex of your choosing)! Years pass and they are now 15 years old. You notice their personality traits are the complete opposite of how you were when at their age. Describe how they are. Describe the possible conflicts that would arise between both of you due to differing temperaments.
She has a deep awareness of her emotions. Too impulsive at times. Believes love and compassion is the most important thing in life to irrational levels — probably dreaming of a perfect life with a perfect Prince Charming. This in contrast to my 15 year old self emphasizing truth and objectivity to similarly naive levels.
My kid would give no fucks about being admired and no "change the world" ambitions — gratitude for a simple life is what she values. She loves the outside, especially nature, and goes hiking a lot. Yet even with all that inside inside her, she has a more serious and unlikable presence outside to most people.
We might conflict on how quickly decisions should be Probably have different ways of dealing with conflict outside the two of us. We might conflict on our different types of humor. ("Those jokes are offensive/immature!" she'd say.) I imagine she'd get louder and angrier in an argument while I get more quiet and distant. Man, how fun.
Self-Preservation (Need to protect and preserve)
1. Do you tend to save money and are cautious about spending it?
Yes.
2. Are you security oriented? Ready to protect yourself, those close to you and your resources?
No.
3. Are you fairly consistent? Like things known and regular? No big changes?
I'm a weird mix of someone who likes change sometimes and hates it in other times, I guess. Though, I lean more with trying new hobbies and interests more (Counted more than 40 interests tried.) — but a big change all at once would make me feel lost.
4. Do you dislike taking big risks unless it's a "sure" thing?
It used to be like that all the time. But I've relaxed — enough that sometimes for a few hours I breathe so deeply, it's about 2-4 times per minute.
5. Are you fairly private? Not revealing too much to strangers?
I guess I'm just average in this area. Strangers who meet me don't really see me as reserved — not until later where they realize even with the easygoing friendly persona I still spend a huge time alone.
6. Do you tend to be introverted?
Haha. Yes. But my socializing is less socializing a bit here and here while spending some more time alone. It's more often like really lively and enthusiastic socializing with an even much much much longer time spent alone to cope with the feeling of meaningless and anxiety I mentioned earlier. (I need to be in my head). But I prefer it this way. If I have reason to talk to someone in my Rest stage, I just tend to come off as softspoken, calm and incredibly relaxed. Unless, I've just started my rest stage — then that would piss me off.
7. Do you understand money? Securities? Investments?
Yes. Somewhat. This is why I have a book list ordered by priority in my files somewhere.
8. Do you tend to plan for the future? Ready for emergencies?
Well, occasionally.
9. Are you concerned about health? Safety? Comfort? Home? Hearth?
Health. Well, yes. Nutrition + Exercise = Somewhat. Safety? I have a grab kit in case of an earthquake. Home? Home is the best place because it's nice and quiet. What is even Hearth?
10. Are you worried about what may go wrong? Tend to imagine worse case scenarios?
I used to a lot. But years of meditation has made me . . . more relaxed. Once I was anxious enough that I seriously questioned reality, questioned the accuracy of every memory I had and the limited nature of how humanity lacked the knowledge to survive.
But I also got really anxious about lots of more . . . "Ordinary things." Grades. Odd obsessive fears about health. The future. What others thought. There was barely any minute I wasn't tense.
I kept doing it because it was fascinating. My curiosity for the analysis was the only way I could seem to do anything against the intense anxiety and emptiness I had — but it was what made me driven deeper into all this pain.
11. Do you like things spelled out? Details? Exact information? Guarantees?
Yep. But sometimes figuring out is interesting.
12. In relationships do you take care of others financially?
I don't have those kinds of relationships.
Social (Need for Social Validation) - Can show up with strong focus on groups, organizations, family, world, friends, your surroundings, your social image.
1. Do you need or really like social validation?
I used to need it. Now I just really like it. I used to be one big sucker for people admiring my educational success. Heh.
2. Is social image important to you?
For someone who spends a lot of time alone, I like to ponder my social image a lot. It's less something I get anxious about then something I just enjoh analyzing.
3. Do you have desires/fantasies of being rewarded in a social or public arena?
Sometimes. It used to be all the time I wanted some big ass success when I grew up — better than everyone in about every way. You can imagine how frustrating trying to get something impossible would be. But my daydreams I still contribute successes — but not everyone admires me anymore. They. . . don't need to. This I mean I'm fine with people being neutral, or disliking me but with acceptance or respect for me. Some people who outright hate me here and there— sure. Outright ostracization? Hahahahaha.
Let's not think about that.
4. Do you think about your affect on others, groups, organizations, and the world?
I've been around different forums being some kind of expert in a few interests. My experience with getting through depression has made me reach somewhat of a wise sage level in those types of forums. Sometimes I type notes in my interests and I've been considering posting these notes in public forums. Maybe I'll post my Systems thinking notes — the study of problem solving interconnected, self sustaining and evolving problems.
And usually at school, I tend to either stay by myself or hang around big groups. Big groups consume more of my energy to hang around people faster — but for some reason, I keep doing it.
5. Is it very important to you to look good in public, groups, work, and the world? Is name recognition important, either yours or others?
Sometimes I worry about being left out someday — don't know how, but somehow. This depresses me so I move on to thinking about other things. A lot of times when I was depressed, the greatest feelings of stress were some irrational fears of not being accepted. Full of wildly emotional assumptions and jumping to some insane conclusions. Usually I can set it aside these days. When I do, it's nowhere near the intensity it used to be.
6. Are you upset if you don't get enough validation, reward for the hard and creative work you do in a social context or for a social cause?
Sometimes I think about how much knowledge I'm contributing and have hidden insecurities about not knowing enough to share. Affirmation helps with this though it's calming down like everything else in my life.
7. Are you involved in groups, organizations and team oriented activities?
Yep. Though most of the time I collect the knowledge through long periods alone and then share it somewhere. This, rather than discussing with others a lot.
8. Is belonging to special groups or being a leader of a group important to you?
I can get really attached to certain groups, sure.
9. Are you strongly upset if you feel not included or rejected by a group or family or not invited to a social event?
Eh it's okay. I like spending time alone.
10. Do you make your money through your association with groups affecting a large number of people?
I'm a student. But I think about that option a lot when I'd get in a career. I'd probably put the money to funds in education — knowledge and wisdom is better shared. I've recently emailed some big name politician to fund education more — complete with researched arguments. Heh.
11. Do you get really upset if you make a social faux pas? Do you think about and plan out how you will be or present yourself in public?
I used to obsessly get anxious about it, but I'm more chill these days. For some reason when I'mu stuck doing nothing, my mind tends to drift on analyzing other conversations this way. Did I make what I shared accurate and precise? check. Double check. Double check. Double check. Did I offend anybody? Double check. Did I make it easy to understand? Double check. Next thing I know I'm staring at the whiteboard in class wondering how I can turn it off. It's so entertaining.
12. Are you the social instigator and connector in your family?
Haha. No. My family doesn't have the same interests as I do with certain groups. Many times they don't even know I'm in those groups.
Relationship (Need for 1 to 1 or Relationship Closeness)
1. Do you define yourself through a romantic or close partnership? Is closeness with another person of paramount importance?
No.
2. Do you like intense energy, particularly in relating to people? Are you energized when you have a revealing conversation or engagement with another, particularly a special other?
Nope. I occasionally get the need to speak revealingly to a person so I have a link to a site with volunteer listeners to talk to them. I don't feel the need to get close to who I talk to — they'd be strangers and I'd be satisfied.
3. Do you tend to focus more attention on close relationships than money?
No.
4. Does money relate to how a partner will see you more than security for yourself?
No.
5. Are money and resources less for self and more to please an intimate other?
No.
6. Does your attention go more to how well you relate to a partner or potential partner than to other concerns?
No.
7. Would others describe you as dramatic? Do you like to go deep with things?
No. I've gone deep into physics though. Mmmm . . .
8. Do you tend to be in the moment and not think as much about the future or your future security?
Only when I need to, but it didn't come naturally. Back then, I worried about the future all the time.
9. Do you have an urge to merge? Do you "lose yourself" with an important other at times?
No.
10. Do you like risk taking? New experiences? Tend to get bored without enough stimulation particularly in the area of relationships?
I like new experiences, not in relationships though.
11. Are you focused more on connection with another and forget your own priorities?
No.
12. Do you focus a lot on sexuality, romantic fantasies or mystical spiritual experiences?
I feel slightly sexually attracted to someone once in every 3 months. Mystical spiritual experiences? Many advanced stages of meditation have given me a sense of awe that I've never had before though.
I remember being told to view each meditation anew even if it's repetitive. I focused on the slightest changes of the rise and fall of each breath I had in every moment. Its speed. Its expansion. Its contraction. It gave me an extraordinary openmindedness in life — a belief that no matter how repetitive something is, there's always something new to find and wonder at. Because if like the breath, the world is changing. Then so is the truth. Ask a question a hundred times and there'd still be more answers. — isn't it?
Some of my meditations can take 20 minutes but it literally feels like eternity passed by. And I watched as each day passed, a day would feel like a week. A day would then feel like a month. A day would then feel like a year until a single day felt like more years than I've ever lived. To live longer is to not to just increase your moments lived but the fullness of each moment.
Maybe that's what I like most about meditation. It's clarity and truth and damn wisdom.
Last edited:
But, let's take that aside for now.
