The Mighty F3tus

[fetus]

I'm really just airing out my recent thoughts and I want to bounce some of them off some of y'all!

It's been a while since I've seriously discussed my type with the forum (at least a couple months) and I've done a lot of soul-searching this past year. I thought for sure I was a 2w3 but I'm seriously considering 3w2.

The more I'm honest with myself, the more I realize that a lot of the "inspirational, loving" things I've done have been, admittedly, for my own recognition. I used to pass out lollipops with inspirational messages on them and relish the attention of everyone flocking to me. There's The Lollipop Girl! Everyone's talking about her! I delivered an inspirational speech on failure and imperfection because the lights and the sound of the applause invigorated me. Even thinking about it makes me feel energized.

My free thoughts are often spent daydreaming about myself being famous. I fantasize about going on TV and talking about my life, going on Ellen, publishing a book and having my photo everywhere, etc. In my day-to-day life I imagine myself rising to the top and being the leader, having that power, feeling the rush of being the face of a group. On a regular basis I go outside and listen to music while planning conversations/writing speeches in my head that will never come to reality. I can do this for hours.

I have an identity that I've created among my friends, family, and social circle, and I become extremely upset if somebody starts encroaching on it. (I recognize that it's irrational, at least.) I'm going to a college, and when I heard that my younger sister was considering going there, I got very disturbed and even afraid. Of course it's irrational to claim an entire university for one's own identity, but I was afraid that she would attend, and my individuality would be soiled. I hate being "lumped in" with others. It's like I always need to stand out.

When I was a child I also had a lot of image issues--obsessing over whether or not I was popular or not (I didn't get "popular" until late high school), needing everyone to see me as beautiful/smart/funny, grabbing myself a boyfriend or doing this or that just to keep up with everyone else my age. I didn't want to fall behind, and in a way, I still don't.

I think one of my issues finding a type is that I see all of these as costumes that I can try on for fun. I love molding my identity into all kinds of boxes and labels--which is kind of why I'm so interested in all of this. The only problem is that when I start to mold or "embody" one, I find myself relating to some elements of that type and thus misidentifying myself as one. And if I find something that fits, my behavior will start to align with that. It often feels like I make my identity into play-dough.

Some elements of 3 I don't really relate to--like the concealing of emotion. I'm quite honest about my feelings and I don't mind being extremely transparent with people. I also really know how to relax and can be lazy at times, unlike your prototypical 3. Then again, I wonder if my emotional honesty is part of the whole image.

Could the fact that I'm very Fe-heavy mellow out the 3 a bit? I think people equate 3 with the ENTJ personality, but it might be different for an ESFJ. I also know I have 6w7 and 9w1 in my tritype, so if I was 369, that would be a clusterfuck of integration and disintegration.

 

[Dreamer]

I'm really just airing out my recent thoughts and I want to bounce some of them off some of y'all!

It's been a while since I've seriously discussed my type with the forum (at least a couple months) and I've done a lot of soul-searching this past year. I thought for sure I was a 2w3 but I'm seriously considering 3w2.

The more I'm honest with myself, the more I realize that a lot of the "inspirational, loving" things I've done have been, admittedly, for my own recognition. I used to pass out lollipops with inspirational messages on them and relish the attention of everyone flocking to me. There's The Lollipop Girl! Everyone's talking about her! I delivered an inspirational speech on failure and imperfection because the lights and the sound of the applause invigorated me. Even thinking about it makes me feel energized.

My free thoughts are often spent daydreaming about myself being famous. I fantasize about going on TV and talking about my life, going on Ellen, publishing a book and having my photo everywhere, etc. In my day-to-day life I imagine myself rising to the top and being the leader, having that power, feeling the rush of being the face of a group. On a regular basis I go outside and listen to music while planning conversations/writing speeches in my head that will never come to reality. I can do this for hours.

I have an identity that I've created among my friends, family, and social circle, and I become extremely upset if somebody starts encroaching on it. (I recognize that it's irrational, at least.) I'm going to a college, and when I heard that my younger sister was considering going there, I got very disturbed and even afraid. Of course it's irrational to claim an entire university for one's own identity, but I was afraid that she would attend, and my individuality would be soiled. I hate being "lumped in" with others. It's like I always need to stand out.

When I was a child I also had a lot of image issues--obsessing over whether or not I was popular or not (I didn't get "popular" until late high school), needing everyone to see me as beautiful/smart/funny, grabbing myself a boyfriend or doing this or that just to keep up with everyone else my age. I didn't want to fall behind, and in a way, I still don't.

I think one of my issues finding a type is that I see all of these as costumes that I can try on for fun. I love molding my identity into all kinds of boxes and labels--which is kind of why I'm so interested in all of this. The only problem is that when I start to mold or "embody" one, I find myself relating to some elements of that type and thus misidentifying myself as one. And if I find something that fits, my behavior will start to align with that. It often feels like I make my identity into play-dough.

Some elements of 3 I don't really relate to--like the concealing of emotion. I'm quite honest about my feelings and I don't mind being extremely transparent with people. I also really know how to relax and can be lazy at times, unlike your prototypical 3. Then again, I wonder if my emotional honesty is part of the whole image.

Could the fact that I'm very Fe-heavy mellow out the 3 a bit? I think people equate 3 with the ENTJ personality, but it might be different for an ESFJ. I also know I have 6w7 and 9w1 in my tritype, so if I was 369, that would be a clusterfuck of integration and disintegration.

F!!! I hit 2w3 by accident, like on impulse since you used to type that way, but I meant to press 3w2. To me, your 3 has always been fairly obvious.

 

[Lord Lavender]

Based on what Ive seen 3w2 fits far better than 2w3. You seem more goal focused than relationship focused. You seek both to be loved and accomplished but I think you seek accomplishment more. I've had this 2w3 vs 3w2 debate and I settled on 3w2 sInce I asked myself which is more scary being a failure or unloved.

 

[EJCC]

3w2 would explain why you often vibe like a much younger version of [MENTION=19948]Showbread[/MENTION], who IIRC also mistyped as a 2 for a while.

 

[Starry]

I would just need to account for what seems like positive outlook dominance if you were 3w2. I mean, I would almost need you to have a strong 7 fix to present with so much PO but I can't tell if you are extroverted enough...I don't think you are but you are young still to me...

How much of your personality early on was due to youth and being new to a forum so you try to *act super positive* you know?

 

[HongDou]

I def get more of a 2 vibe. The impression of 3s I have is that their self-image maintenance is a lot more distant - regardless of whether it's showboating, professionalism, or social expertise. 2s are a lot warmer and relationship-focused to affirm their lovableness, which is how I've always seen you. I think Reba McEntire is a common example of an ESFJ 3w2 and you can see that even though she's really engaging and affable it's in a way where you can't poke weak spots in the presentation. I think the ideal for 2s is to be loved for their flaws and all.

And yeah I agree with [MENTION=10082]Starry[/MENTION], you're much more positive outlook > competency. Even if you're young, you don't see competency or withdrawn types spinning positivity to rationalize their behavior as much. I think the fact that your perspective is so vibrant and rosey is what made your presence on this forum refreshing.

 

[Starry]

We done went old skool in this thread I'm so happy

 

[HongDou]

We done went old skool in this thread I'm so happy

Right? I missed this kinda posting, once I secure a means of steady income and establish a new post-grad routine maybe I'll start posting here on the reg again

 

[Starry]

Right? I missed this kinda posting, once I secure a means of steady income and establish a new post-grad routine maybe I'll start posting here on the reg again

Something needs to be done...

 

[Masokissed]

Well when I think back to the emotional writing you have posted in blogs and such, it is very 2w3. So my answer is 2. You are at the age where your wing should be getting very strong anyways.

 

[EJCC]

Well when I think back to the emotional writing you have posted in blogs and such, it is very 2w3. So my answer is 2. You are at the age where your wing should be getting very strong anyways.

I guess this is where I'm stuck...
[MENTION=24479]themightyfetus[/MENTION] Does that style of emotional writing feel more authentic to you? You said you like wearing different personality costumes - if you're leaning more towards 3, was that more overtly emotional style more "you" than any other? Because now that I think about it, my Showbread comparison doesn't really work with that style of posting at all. You're much, much more effusive and romantic than her.

 

[fetus]

I guess this is where I'm stuck...

[MENTION=24479]themightyfetus[/MENTION] Does that style of emotional writing feel more authentic to you? You said you like wearing different personality costumes - if you're leaning more towards 3, was that more overtly emotional style more "you" than any other? Because now that I think about it, my Showbread comparison doesn't really work with that style of posting at all. You're much, much more effusive and romantic than her.

It depends on which kind of emotional writing you're talking about. In my earlier forum days with the "romantic" writings, then no, those were absolutely a costume that I consciously faked and then tried to convince myself of. I have a soft heart and I feel so carefree; why can't we all just get along? I love looking outside and noticing all the romance and beauty all around me. Everything is so magical. <---- All that is is definite crap that I faked.

However, if you're talking about the candid kind of confessional rambling in my private blog, then certainly, that is me.

 

[Smilephantomhive]

I am the same way when my sisters want to do the same thing as me, it might just be how siblings are, but I do have a 3 fix, so it could be that. Could be both. I guess you said you wanted the stand out, and be an individual. Yeah I want to be different at least in some way, so being the same as everyone else makes you replaceable and not really worth anything. I'm not sure how type related that is, it could be, it may also not be. I guess you should see if it is woven into the 2 or 3 problems, or maybe even neither.

 

[HongDou]

I'm gonna be honest and say I ENFP-glossed over your OP and didn't even notice the spoiler. Personally, I definitely have dreamt about fame and recognition before...although my reasons were more so that I could get a platform to share everything that I valued and found engaging with the rest of the world (like I would aggressively defend Mariah Carey's good name to the press like Stevie Nicks does for some reason). I also can relate to the "trying on" of different personas, because for me it's fun to experiment with different sides of my personality and to discover what I may not have known about myself before, but I think 2s and 3s in particular can experiment with their personalities a lot because it's a matter of strategy and maximizing feedback. I'm glad you've made progress on your journey to self-discovery though!

I think it all comes down to motivation. Those habits you listed could fit 2 or 3 or even non-image types with different motivations. Does all this desire for attention, social prestige, and applause come from an insecurity that something about you is inherently unlovable? Or does it come from a fear of having no inherent worth?

 

[Forever]

For me, 3w2 is what you're vibing to me based on our previous interactions.

 

[fetus]

Does all this desire for attention, social prestige, and applause come from an insecurity that something about you is inherently unlovable? Or does it come from a fear of having no inherent worth?

I would say that it comes from a fear of never making something of my life or never proving that I'm special. Like I died and never did anything except water a lawn next a white picket fence like every other Jane Doe.

It has a lot to do with proving myself. To others: you said I was a despicable piece of shit, and now I published a bestseller. I rose above it, now where are you? or on the flipside, you always saw something unique about me, like there was something in me that would make me change the world, and here I am. It has to do with proving myself to myself: I beat all the odds and became great. I never thought I'd get anywhere, but now I'm everywhere.

A very relevant thing to add is that for most of the time I've been on the forum, my best friends weren't great people towards me. They were quite unhealthy and never gave me the most basic validation that all friendships should contain. Thus, my whole focus on "being loved" almost always had to do with those specific people. Now I've found best friends who act like real friends, and I'm no longer obsessed with searching for basic love needs anymore. So I'm wondering if that has/had any influence on my type identity?

Also thank you everyone for your time replying to this! This is very informative!

 

[HongDou]

A very relevant thing to add is that for most of the time I've been on the forum, my best friends weren't great people towards me. They were quite unhealthy and never gave me the most basic validation that all friendships should contain. Thus, my whole focus on "being loved" almost always had to do with those specific people. Now I've found best friends who act like real friends, and I'm no longer obsessed with searching for basic love needs anymore. So I'm wondering if that has/had any influence on my type identity?

I think that definitely does. The first year of college I made friends with people who were always negligent of me, purposefully left me out of plans, etc and I got really anxious about not being included even though we were all allegedly "friends". At the time it got me wondering maybe if I was a 2 or a 6, but really everyone needs a sense of friendship and belonging in their lives. Concerning yourself with the traditional priorities of a certain Enneatype doesn't mean you are that type. Every need in the Enneagram is valuable and we need them all to some degree. If no one but 8s had the desire to assert themselves and dominate their environment then everyone who wasn't an 8 would be a doormat.

I'm noticing that you're being a lot more frank about parts of yourself that you might have considered in the past to open you up for judgment. I like how real you've gotten while I've been gone Fetus For me I don't wanna conclude anything just based on anything here, but I can definitely see how some would say 3w2. Maybe making an updated video now that you've discovered yourself a little bit more could help.

 

[thoughtlost]

I've read your blog a while back. The only thing I was sure of was that you were an image type, but I was leaning towards 3 for you. I still am, but either 2 or 3 is fine for you.

 

[stardusted]

i'm not too far similar with enneagram (sorry!) but wanted to say 1) 👋🏼 👋🏼 👋🏼 & 2) i can totally relate to the trying things on for size & stuff. it can be fun; it can be helpful in certain situations; & it can be frustrating at the same time.
wish i could vote but i just don't know enough!