Please help enneagram me

[ctay]

Hello,

I am seeing a therapist who uses Enneagram, and am having trouble typing myself. Every week I go in and tell her I think I am a different type and I'm starting to get frustrated and feeling like she might think I am crazy. I bought Wisdom of the Enneagram and Personality Traits. I have also read Enneagram Institute website and done the RISO. I scored highest in 9, 5, 4, 7 (in that order). At first I thought I was a 9 because I am uncomfortable being assertive to very dominant types in some situations, but my husband, mom, and sister all read the descriptions and said there's no way I am 9 (I am very assertive and dominant with those I am closest to). My therapist thought I was a 4 after our first session (which was an hour), but I am completely oblivious to my emotions most of the time and don't see much of 4 in myself. I can be moody and temperamental if I feel like my freedom and autonomy is being encroached upon, or I feel controlled in any way, but that's about all I identify with. I identify with a few aspects of 5 - I can become obsessive about certain subjects and completely immerse myself in research and planning... until I get bored or frustrated or distracted and then will completely abandon). I also thought about 1 for awhile because I can be highly critical of myself and others (again, only those closest to me) when under stress and I become a perfectionist about my environment, food, etc. But, I have terrible self control and have been very impulsive throughout most of my life. I think the perfectionism may be an overcompensation for being aware of my own imperfection and lack of personal control.

Then I did some free tests online and got 7 on every one. I relate to a lot of 7 - impulsive, constantly changing plans / career paths, future oriented, optimistic, can be fun and spontaneous... but my therapist did not seem super convinced and she suggested I look at 6. I relate to some of 6 as well - I tend to be a bit contradictory about many things, I worry, at times can have irrational fears, self-doubt, indecision. I think I am having issues typing myself because 1) I was emotionally abused for 3 years (age 19-22 - developmental years) by an alcoholic / addict and during that time I abused alcohol as well and was a pretty heavy stoner. Through my childhood and up until this point I can see many aspects of 7 (w6) - I was very outgoing, didn't think much about consequences, with a rebellious streak, took a lot of chances and opportunistic, always looked on the bright side (but could still be temperamental), made friends easily but always remained independent, was the "life of the party", always out to entertain even to my detriment, felt everything would work out, didn't take much too seriously, with strong aversion to commitment but also prone to obsession. I also am still very creative and pick up many things easily, tend to see the "big picture" and am good at synthesizing many ideas. The emotional abuse hurt my confidence and now I am much more unsure of myself and have fear in being assertive to dominants (pretty sure my x was an 8). I became much more introspective (but feel stuck and my head and miss being more uninhibited) and tend to avoid social situations, although I am still very outgoing if I am in a social situation and get excited by new experiences, it just takes a little convincing to get me out. I have a hard time showing my whole self to others though. 2) I saw a man get shot several times during this same time period and since I have also developed (or became acutely aware of) anxiety and fear about potential threats (which I know is a 6 thing). Again, the anxiety and fear can at times keep me from getting out, but once I am out I am fine. Post both of these events I travelled solo through Europe and Morocco for several months and took (probably too many) risks and had a great time being independent, but also felt guilty for being irresponsible. 3) I had an unplanned pregnancy and have had some postpartum depression and anxiety. We are very happy with our baby, but stressed about finances and the future. I also lost my job during my pregnancy and am in the midst of trying to figure out a new path, and am dealing with a lot of indecision and commitment phobia in doing so. I have a million creative ideas, business ideas, project ideas all day but change my mind about pursuing any of them as soon as I tell anyone about them

Anyway, if anyone has any insight into what might help me pin down my type it would be greatly appreciated. I am trying (very hard) to keep my commitment to this counselor! It would especially help to understand if reactions to trauma are devolving within a core type, moving in path of disintegration, or if trauma can be something completely different and unrelated to enneagram. Thank you!

 

[tchudak]

If your therapist uses enneagram, she should be an specialist about it, thus should be the one helping you in the process of typing yourself - if anyone can help other person with typing. I believe that only oneself can type correctly, even though some outside advice may be of good help sometimes.
That being said, reading your post and also examining the way you express yourself, my guess would be a 6. Perhaps a 6w7. That was my first guess when I started reading your post and the fact that your therapist, who I hope have a large amount of knowledge in human behavior and had one-on-one real life interaction with you, also suggested the type, I advice you to consider it.
Your "outgoing life-of-the-party" phase may be just some sort of trauma due to your past abusive relationship, not the other way around, but it's hard to tell. Also, childhood is a phase where your preferences are not developed yet, so you shouldn't take your childhood behaviors much into account. Besides, our traumas and experiences during the course of our lives, liking it or not, shapes us to be who we are, so even an abusive relationship which is a clearly bad thing can end up molding some of your characteristics.

I also would like to know why she uses enneagram in treating her patients.

 

[ctay]

re trauma and enneagram

If your therapist uses enneagram, she should be an specialist about it, thus should be the one helping you in the process of typing yourself - if anyone can help other person with typing. I believe that only oneself can type correctly, even though some outside advice may be of good help sometimes.
That being said, reading your post and also examining the way you express yourself, my guess would be a 6. Perhaps a 6w7. That was my first guess when I started reading your post and the fact that your therapist, who I hope have a large amount of knowledge in human behavior and had one-on-one real life interaction with you, also suggested the type, I advice you to consider it.
Your "outgoing life-of-the-party" phase may be just some sort of trauma due to your past abusive relationship, not the other way around, but it's hard to tell. Also, childhood is a phase where your preferences are not developed yet, so you shouldn't take your childhood behaviors much into account. Besides, our traumas and experiences during the course of our lives, liking it or not, shapes us to be who we are, so even an abusive relationship which is a clearly bad thing can end up molding some of your characteristics.

I also would like to know why she uses enneagram in treating her patients.

Thank you for your input. I am not really sure why she uses Enneagram and am doubtful she is a specialist. I did not seek an Enneagram counselor and had never even heard of Enneagram until the end of our first session when she typed me. She has had a very hands off approach, which I can appreciate on some levels, but it's kind of more to take on than I'd bargained for. I can see how it can be beneficial as a self-discovery tool, but agree that if I want to continue using it in therapy I should probably find someone who specializes.

I do share some attributes with 6w7, but much of the core 6 I have difficulty relating to. My life of the party phase was pre abuse and I relate much more to the motivations of 7, however I am not convinced either way and will keep reading and consider 6. Your insight on childhood behaviors and development is very helpful. I have had other family related trauma in my youth as well (complicated, but essentially the entire paternal side of my family including my grandparents suddenly cut off contact with us for several years in my early teens due to a dispute, and both of my parents were severely depressed and unstable throughout my high school) that could also be contributing to my type confusion. It has been difficult to find much information about how trauma affects Enneagram typing, so thanks again! Hope this can help someone else as well having a similar issue.

 

[tchudak]

Thank you for your input. I am not really sure why she uses Enneagram and am doubtful she is a specialist. I did not seek an Enneagram counselor and had never even heard of Enneagram until the end of our first session when she typed me. She has had a very hands off approach, which I can appreciate on some levels, but it's kind of more to take on than I'd bargained for. I can see how it can be beneficial as a self-discovery tool, but agree that if I want to continue using it in therapy I should probably find someone who specializes.

I do share some attributes with 6w7, but much of the core 6 I have difficulty relating to. My life of the party phase was pre abuse and I relate much more to the motivations of 7, however I am not convinced either way and will keep reading and consider 6. Your insight on childhood behaviors and development is very helpful. I have had other family related trauma in my youth as well (complicated, but essentially the entire paternal side of my family including my grandparents suddenly cut off contact with us for several years in my early teens due to a dispute, and both of my parents were severely depressed and unstable throughout my high school) that could also be contributing to my type confusion. It has been difficult to find much information about how trauma affects Enneagram typing, so thanks again! Hope this can help someone else as well having a similar issue.

I, too, think that if she insists in using enneagram instead of other methods, you should seek another therapist. It seems quite narrow-minded to use one system to treat a patient and, all in all, enneagram is more a theory than anything else. Also, if you have some sort of trauma/mental illness due to your rough childhood, perhaps enneagram (or most of the type systems) may not work quite well for you. Recently I've done some research and what I found is that people with Bipolar/Borderline disorders often do not function in a way that can be classified with these type systems (enneagram, MBTI, socionics etc), of course, I don't know if that's your case. Anyway, self-knowledge is always a powerful tool in the process of own development so I think you have nothing to lose researching and trying to understand yourself better, unless it's making you feel worse and not helping at all, then I don't see much point in it.
try 6 and 7, 6w7 and 7w6. See what you can find, then discuss it with your therapist. I hope I helped.

 

[ctay]

I, too, think that if she insists in using enneagram instead of other methods, you should seek another therapist. It seems quite narrow-minded to use one system to treat a patient and, all in all, enneagram is more a theory than anything else. Also, if you have some sort of trauma/mental illness due to your rough childhood, perhaps enneagram (or most of the type systems) may not work quite well for you. Recently I've done some research and what I found is that people with Bipolar/Borderline disorders often do not function in a way that can be classified with these type systems (enneagram, MBTI, socionics etc), of course, I don't know if that's your case. Anyway, self-knowledge is always a powerful tool in the process of own development so I think you have nothing to lose researching and trying to understand yourself better, unless it's making you feel worse and not helping at all, then I don't see much point in it.
try 6 and 7, 6w7 and 7w6. See what you can find, then discuss it with your therapist. I hope I helped.

You have helped a lot. thank you.

 

[Quick]

You are a phobic 6. It's painfully obvious.

 

[Quick]

Prolly 639 or 631

 

[Quick]

I, too, think that if she insists in using enneagram instead of other methods, you should seek another therapist. It seems quite narrow-minded to use one system to treat a patient and, all in all, enneagram is more a theory than anything else. Also, if you have some sort of trauma/mental illness due to your rough childhood, perhaps enneagram (or most of the type systems) may not work quite well for you. Recently I've done some research and what I found is that people with Bipolar/Borderline disorders often do not function in a way that can be classified with these type systems (enneagram, MBTI, socionics etc), of course, I don't know if that's your case. Anyway, self-knowledge is always a powerful tool in the process of own development so I think you have nothing to lose researching and trying to understand yourself better, unless it's making you feel worse and not helping at all, then I don't see much point in it.
try 6 and 7, 6w7 and 7w6. See what you can find, then discuss it with your therapist. I hope I helped.

Absolutely correct that if your therapist doesn't use any other methods to help you besides Enneagram then they probably are not any good. Are they a licensed practitioner psychologist or is this like a new age thing?