Help me figure out my type please?

[citrusfizz]

If somebody is sure that Ni and Se are their auxiliary and tertiary functions, respectfully, but don't feel like an extrovert - what does that mean? Could somebody be a particularly introverted ENTJ with a 3w4 or 4w3 enneagram, to explain the lack of aggression? Is it even possible? I don't feel like an extrovert as I need my alone time and prefer socialising with one or two people rather than a large group of people. I can definitely socialise with a large group of people, assert myself in front of crowds and speak confidently to an audience, but I get drained rather quickly. I don't normally seek out conflict, but I will create it if I have to and if somebody starts conflict with me then I will fight aggressively. I also suffer from borderline personality disorder which may affect things.

I hope me answering these questions will help you typers figure out, or at least narrow down what type I could be.

What is your biggest fear? My biggest fear is being lonely and insignificant. I have nightmares of dying without achieving my dreams and I get paranoia that my family will die, or that all my friends will leave me and everybody will hate me. I want to be loved, and I want to be important. I would love to be a travel, makeup, and fashion blogger with a big following and lots of friends. I want to be somebody people see as talented (even prodigious), successful, inspirational, and to be envious of my life.

What grinds your gears, what are some of your pet peeves? Drivers who don't use their indicators, women's clothing with fake pockets, slow Wi-Fi, not understanding something, getting an average or bad score on a test/exam, friends doing things without me, slow walkers who take up the sidewalk, people telling me what to do, people who attempt to patronise me or don't trust that my assertions are true, arrogance, pedantic people, and closed-mindedness.

Describe your closest friend/family member, especially why you like them My closest family member is undoubtedly my Mum, who is an ISFJ. I can type other people, but I can't reach a definite conclusion on what type I am. Anyway, my Mum is somebody who listens to me, supports me in whatever I choose to do, loves me unconditionally, trusts my opinions, knows I'm always right when I assert myself to be so, is hilarious, and shares A LOT of the same opinions as me. She's kind of like an older version of me. We both hate being told what to do, and we're both very assertive and stubborn in what we want. She's more extroverted, outgoing, and loud than me though. She's also quite OCD with cleaning/tidiness, has her motherly side, and doesn't really "get" technology aside from using a TV and the telephone. She's also a lot more expressive with her feelings than I am, and commonly cries at "heartfelt performances" such as singing whilst I wouldn't bat an eyelid. I get annoyed with her sometimes but it's her positives HEAVILY outweigh her negatives. She's the person I love the most in the entire world and our bond is unbreakable.

Have you ever been in a huge conflict with anyone? if so, what happened? I've been in a number of huge conflicts; I don't normally seek them out, but I will create one if I have to and if somebody starts conflict with me then I will fight aggressively. They are normally quite emotionally charged (which is somewhat unlike me) and I get highly frustrated, but also try to seek a resolution. I particularly hate it when people stop replying or need time to reflect on their feelings (aka ignoring me) as I'm somebody who wants to sort things out as soon as possible. I am able to apologise when needed, but I hate admitting I'm wrong. Luckily, I'm rarely wrong so it's not really an issue.

If you could change three things in yourself, what would they be? I would have more confidence in myself, be more organised, and not care as much what people think. I worry a lot about other people's perception of me, but rarely let it show. I also inwardly scold myself a lot for not matching up to my perfect perception of myself, for procrastinating, for not working hard enough etc.

How much do you experience nostalgia or feel embarrassed/guilty for past mistakes? Quite often; sometimes I feel regretful for things I did or didn't do in the past (e.g. not taking a year out before going to university) and I can be quite nostalgic at times such as wishing to go back to happy/fun times in the past, or longing for the freedom of childhood but at the end of day, I know I can't change the past and am fixated on creating a better future for myself. I use my past mistakes as fuel to drive myself to not make those same mistakes again.

When you’re interested in someone, how do you approach them or do you at all? I'm rarely interested in people in "that" way as I have quite high standards, despite secretly craving the love and affection a happy, stable relationship offers. However, I try to become closer to that person without giving away the fact I like them. In fact, sometimes I can be more aloof than usual in order to hide the fact I like them and can be seen as somebody who plays "hard to get" - I unconsciously see feelings as a sign of weakness and fear rejection so I normally try to scope out how they feel before making any moves. It's usually the other person who makes the first move after a lot of prompting, lol.
When are you at your most relaxed and comfortable? When I'm at home, with my Mum and the dogs on my laptop without any worries, deadlines, or things to do so I'm free to fill up my schedule with things I enjoy e.g. studying languages, watching Netflix, researching MBTI etc.

I know that I definitely use Ni and Se. I also think I'm probably a thinker. I feel like ISTP would fit me perfectly if Ni and Se switched places, and ISTP's placed more focus on aesthetics and beauty as I'm very into fashion.

 

[Mal12345]

I don't understand why you say your mum is an ISFJ when she is more extroverted than you. I believe your ENTJ call is correct for yourself. Some of your responses indicate that you have a problem with emotional repression, especially this: "I also inwardly scold myself a lot for not matching up to my perfect perception of myself, for procrastinating, for not working hard enough etc." This doesn't say that you don't have emotions, only that you would rather be annoyed with yourself than to, for example, feel weak.

 

[citrusfizz]

I don't understand why you say your mum is an ISFJ when she is more extroverted than you. I believe your ENTJ call is correct for yourself. Some of your responses indicate that you have a problem with emotional repression, especially this: "I also inwardly scold myself a lot for not matching up to my perfect perception of myself, for procrastinating, for not working hard enough etc." This doesn't say that you don't have emotions, only that you would rather be annoyed with yourself than to, for example, feel weak.

It took me quite a while to discern whether my Mum is an ISFJ or ESFJ as her behaviour comes off very ESFJ-ish but she's very much a homebody who needs her alone time and would much rather sit at home watching TV than go out to a party. After asking her a bunch of questions to figure out how she thinks, I decided ISFJ fits her better and that she's more Si than Fe. ISFJ's are also one of the more extroverted introverts.

Thanks for your response.

 

[Mal12345]

It took me quite a while to discern whether my Mum is an ISFJ or ESFJ as her behaviour comes off very ESFJ-ish but she's very much a homebody who needs her alone time and would much rather sit at home watching TV than go out to a party. After asking her a bunch of questions to figure out how she thinks, I decided ISFJ fits her better and that she's more Si than Fe. ISFJ's are also one of the more extroverted introverts.

Thanks for your response.

Then the question is, how is your introverted mum more extroverted than you?

 

[citrusfizz]

Then the question is, how is your introverted mum more extroverted than you?

I'm not sure. My post is asking if it's possible for me to be an introverted ENTJ, taking into account a possible 4w3 (or more likely, 3w4) enneagram and suffering from BPD. Or would you be more inclined to go with INTJ, or even a different type, taking into account my above answers?

She's very outwardly open with her emotions (Fe), and Fi generally withholds emotional expression.

By more extroverted, I mean she's more outgoing and has a tendency to be loud - to make herself known in the room. She wants to be seen as the life of the party, and uses Fe to establish that. Oh, maybe she is ESFJ after all...I'm not going to lie, figuring out whether she's I or E is very difficult.

 

[Mal12345]

I'm not sure. My post is asking if it's possible for me to be an introverted ENTJ, taking into account a possible 4w3 (or more likely, 3w4) enneagram and suffering from BPD. Or would you be more inclined to go with INTJ, or even a different type, taking into account my above answers?

She's very outwardly open with her emotions (Fe), and Fi generally withholds emotional expression.

By more extroverted, I mean she's more outgoing and has a tendency to be loud - to make herself known in the room. She wants to be seen as the life of the party, and uses Fe to establish that. Oh, maybe she is ESFJ after all...I'm not going to lie, figuring out whether she's I or E is very difficult.

Fe and Te result in very different types of extroverts. Particularly, Fe humanizes things and animals, while Te objectifies humans. Te makes no room for the subjective element in life unless it is forced to. Fe subjectifies everything in order to always make room for the human element, and considers objectification to be inhuman.

Fe types move toward helping others, although the down side is that this can be self-defeating. Te types move away from helping others and resist being helped by others; the down side is that they neglect their emotional side. Te types move toward acquiring things, as Fe types move toward acquiring people. A Te type, for example (and this isn't necessarily all of them), may own a small plot of land but consciously or unconsciously consider his neighbors' land to be part of it. They are both expansive and extensive types, moving their influence into the external world, but one in terms of things and the other in terms of people.

 

[citrusfizz]

Fe and Te result in very different types of extroverts. Particularly, Fe humanizes things and animals, while Te objectifies humans. Te makes no room for the subjective element in life unless it is forced to. Fe subjectifies everything in order to always make room for the human element, and considers objectification to be inhuman.

Fe types move toward helping others, although the down side is that this can be self-defeating. Te types move away from helping others and resist being helped by others; the down side is that they neglect their emotional side. Te types move toward acquiring things, as Fe types move toward acquiring people. A Te type, for example (and this isn't necessarily all of them), may own a small plot of land but consciously or unconsciously consider his neighbors' land to be part of it. They are both expansive and extensive types, moving their influence into the external world, but one in terms of things and the other in terms of people.

You didn't answer my question. I understand the difference between Fe and Te, and I relate to Te way more than Fe.

 

[Mal12345]

You didn't answer my question. I understand the difference between Fe and Te, and I relate to Te way more than Fe.

You didn't ask a question.

 

[citrusfizz]

You didn't ask a question.

I'm not sure. My post is asking if it's possible for me to be an introverted ENTJ, taking into account a possible 4w3 (or more likely, 3w4) enneagram and suffering from BPD. Or would you be more inclined to go with INTJ, or even a different type, taking into account my above answers?

Above answers in reference to my OP.

 

[Mal12345]

Above answers in reference to my OP.

Hold on a second while I switch to my high-powered binocular glasses so I can see the tiny font on this forum ( [MENTION=8936]highlander[/MENTION]).

Yes you did ask a question. No I did not see the question because [MENTION=8936]highlander[/MENTION] made everything look like ants.

I wouldn't be inclined to go against ENTJ at this time given everything I've read so far. I was questioning ISFJ. I would have to know if you think she is Si or Fe dominant.

 

[citrusfizz]

Hold on a second while I switch to my high-powered binocular glasses so I can see the tiny font on this forum ( [MENTION=8936]highlander[/MENTION]).

Yes you did ask a question. No I did not see the question because [MENTION=8936]highlander[/MENTION] made everything look like ants.

I wouldn't be inclined to go against ENTJ at this time given everything I've read so far. I was questioning ISFJ. I would have to know if you think she is Si or Fe dominant.

No problem

Yes, I'm 100% sure she's xSFJ but it's difficult to figure out whether she's I or E. I went with ISFJ, but she could just as well be an ESFJ. Thanks for your input, I think it's pretty likely I'm ENTJ as I suspected.

 

[Mal12345]

No problem

Yes, I'm 100% sure she's xSFJ but it's difficult to figure out whether she's I or E. I went with ISFJ, but she could just as well be an ESFJ. Thanks for your input, I think it's pretty likely I'm ENTJ as I suspected.

Your mum is probably an ambiverted type. The MBTI doesn't deal very well with ambiverts. I am assuming that there is a type known as the ambivert, just as I am an introvert and you are an extrovert. Ambiverts just don't fit well in the MBTI.

However, there is a typology by Karen Horney that allows for the existence of ambiverted types. It's not a very complicated typology compared to the ones we use here. It consists merely of 3 types: the Aggressive, the Compliant, and the Withdrawn (or detached). Aggressive conforms well with the Extroverted type, Withdrawn conforms well with the Introverted type. But the MBTI does not have a Compliant type.

Compliant types move toward people, Aggressive types move against people, and Withdrawn types move away from people.

Don Riso says that the Compliant type conforms with his e-types 1, 2, and 6.

 

[Mal12345]

According to this MBTI-Enneagram correlations chart:

The ISFJ type correlates with e-types 2 and 6, which are both correlated with KH's Compliant type. The ESFJ correlates strongly with the e-type 2, and secondly with the e-type 6.

The ISFJ doesn't correlate well with the Aggressive (3, 7, and 8) types in the chart. But the ESFJ correlates somewhat with the Aggressive type 3.

 

[Mal12345]

From the 16 Personalities site:
"ISFJs are true altruists, meeting kindness with kindness-in-excess and engaging the work and people they believe in with enthusiasm and generosity." That describes a "moving toward people" Ambivert or Compliant type.

"At their hearts, ESFJ personalities are social creatures, and thrive on staying up to date with what their friends are doing."

Again, that is an Ambiverted or Compliant type. Not that KH ever refers to them as Ambiverts, I'm just trying to put this in the context of a type that is lacking in the MBTI and JCF. And in itself, the term Ambivert does not do justice to KH's Compliant type descriptions.