Reborn Relic
Damn American Cowboy
- Joined
- Dec 31, 2015
- Messages
- 555
- MBTI Type
- INTP
0. What's making you unsure of your type? What research have you already done to determine type?
Well, I typed as 6 for a long time, but pretty much 90% of my encounters with 6s just showed me how unlike them I was. I don't have "trust issues" like they're supposed to, I just feel the need to attach myself to certain things. And at this point, I'm starting to wonder if that's most enneagram types and if that need is rooted deeply enough in me to make it count.
1. Establish a "baseline mood"--when you're at home with nothing to do, where are you at mentally and emotionally? What do you notice in yourself? (Note, this is not a mood you inhabit "frequently", but your psychological baseline).
Neutral, blank slate, etc. Maybe a little on the higher-than-normal side after a while as my brain kicks into gear, but then I'm doing something, so I don't think that counts.
2. Describe yourself--
a. What's it like to be you?
Uh...
Hard to say, really. I guess it's like the world is picking at me bit by bit and filling me with sludge sometimes, but not all the time. I thought of a tardigrade too recently. Sort of waiting for the next real stimulation.
b. What have others said about you?
My parents think I'm inconsiderate and stubborn. Also to some degree that I'm not living up to potential. Other people think I'm actually a pretty nice guy. Generally everyone I've met thinks I'm intelligent though. That seems to cut across boundaries, because I try to make sure it does. Creativity is similar to intelligence there.
c. What do you think of yourself?
Kind of want to post a song, but nah. I'm kind of feeding into the issue I claim to want to stop too much as is. I guess (wasn't my first thought, but I'm waxing pretentious so what the hell) I'm between the falling angel and the rising ape. Or like a really old mountain. Or a less fucked up junkie. Basically I'm just sort of struggling against distractions while trying to have fun in my life still at the same time.
That's a pretty recent read though. More lifelong is high ambitions and low execution, hah.
3. What are the issues you've dealt with in life? List some recurrent themes, and tell us a little about each one.
I mean, should I include the ones I've moved past?
I guess...
a. Fear of Rejection/Temper after Rejection. When I was younger the very idea of being rejected by someone I romantically liked would terrify me and hit my self image hard enough to drive me to anger.
b. Wishful Thinking/Attachment: First one's fairly simple, the other a little less simple but still simple. I liked certain ideas about what was true and I would hold to those a little too long. That said, I don't know if I've really gotten better or just to a different type of neutral/bad. Maybe it's sort of a perverse middle stage where I stop supporting things but can't really let go of them either and am stuck in apathy.
c. Sloth. Just sloth. Sloth in general.
4. You're not good at everything--
a. What personality traits and/or ways of being are impossible for you to adopt?
--I don't think I feel emotions quite the same way as people, sometimes. I think I'm at the point where I can maybe start to do this now, but even when I was more romantically inclined than I am now, if someone I was interested in were to leave without rejecting me in some way, I wouldn't really miss them. I don't miss people in general honestly. I probably can't be fully and easily empathetic either.
--I can't separate my rationality from my emotions in some ways. I mean, I can think about things in a detached manner, but it's harder for me to feel about things in an illogical manner. If I can't convince myself that something is wrong about what happened to me, my anger will eventually dissipate, perhaps faster than other peoples'.
--I don't get depressed, like strongly sad, very much. I've done it before but I just sort of push that feeling away from me because I hate it. Maybe what it is, is I can't find joy in being just sad? (Angry I can enjoy. That's different)
b. What are qualities you'd like to have, but can't seem to develop?
--Authentic difference. I can develop this to some degree, but I can't ever seem to develop enough lately. It always slips from my grasp after a while.
--A work ethic. 'nuff said.
5. Why have you left friends and other relationships in the past and/or why have they left you?
I've left:
--Because I've felt they wronged me or someone I cared about.
--Because I felt like they didn't like me.
--Because they just wouldn't let a certain thing slide so I could have inner peace.
They've left:
--Because I did something that made them disgusted or uncomfortable.
--Because I couldn't perform sexually
6. Which types do you identify with most? It depends on the interpretations being used. I identify with the Maitri's 6, the whole acedia idea of the 9, and the striving to be unique of the 4. I kinda identify with the idea of the "Prussian" 6, but I don't really follow external rules. Always. Could say that I've been withdrawn like 5 recently and ambitious like 3 in the past, though.
a. How do you relate to these types? See above.
b. How do you NOT relate to them? Some of it's above, but I don't identify with 6 because I'm not super freaking anxious and I separate from groups more on principle than what CP 6 is supposed to (also I don't always rush headlong towards my fears. I do often, but it's calculated, not instinctively preferred), I don't experience the same kind of love-need 4s are supposed to have (I want breadth, not depth...till I do want depth but it's not a constant gnawing thing), I don't work hard like 3 and I don't seek knowledge primarily like the 5, and I'm not quite so conflict-avoidant and ambition-less as the 9.
7. Which types are least like you? Uh...maybe 8, or 7. 1 I guess. I'm not that much unlike any of the types
a. Why specifically do you not relate to these types? My wants don't change like 7's, though they used to to an extent, and I'm not as ballsy as an 8 (though I've been pretty ballsy, so maybe I'm inheriting PerC's bullshit "UR NOT A REEL 8!!!!" bias). 8s also have some of that work ethic I was talking about with 3. 1s, it's work ethic and need to enforce social standards. Though I have enforced personal standards before.
b. What points (if any) DO you relate to? See above.
8. They claim enneagram type is a hidden love need. What are your attitudes toward finding love? Well, I'm in a relationship now, but my attitude's greatly changed since I was younger. In the past, I scoped out one particular person and tried to "win" them with...basically no strategy and complaining. I did also try to impress them a little bit with knowledge and creativity though.
Nowadays, since every attempt to seek love has gone badly for me, I've mostly just waited to fall into it (#slightantifeministrants I mean what?). I've fallen into...something. I like it well enough.
9. What is the message your superego tells you?
Consider a time when you felt poorly about yourself--this means your ego (i.e. YOU) is receiving negative feedback from your superego. Write a conversation between the two of them--what is your superego telling you about how to be? (Note: this obviously is very personal and may be better done privately. Report your findings).
Are these the same question? I'm on a time crunch, so I will say yes.
Superego: "If you were really interested in X, why didn't you do Y?"
Ego: I don't want to do Y.
Superego: "Pussy. I'm gonna take away your enthusiasm for a bit, 'kay?"
Ego: "What? No!!!"
Is the gist. I've been doing that less (or less consciously) lately.
For the following, rank the issues in the order they apply and give a brief description of why and how you relate.
10. Determine your ego ideal--the way you strive to be and want others to perceive you. (Note, you may be consciously aware of failing at this, and you will be hard on yourself if you do. If someone else tells you you're NOT this way, it may make you feel hurt, violated, or angry.)
Which of the following ideals resonate with you the most, and why? Rank them.
You could quibble over the arrangement of these though. Loveable could be higher.
11. Determine your "felt sense" of life. To do this it may help to look at how you perceive events. Another way to do this is to look back at your childhood and think of all the things your parents did to you. How did you/do you feel about these events?
Here are some common "felt senses" of life:
12. Core fears. You may have been aware of these fears even as a very small child, before anyone did anything to influence it. You'd be mortified to be in this position or have others perceive you this way.
Discuss which fears have played the greatest role in your life:
Alright! Gimme a type, all!
Well, I typed as 6 for a long time, but pretty much 90% of my encounters with 6s just showed me how unlike them I was. I don't have "trust issues" like they're supposed to, I just feel the need to attach myself to certain things. And at this point, I'm starting to wonder if that's most enneagram types and if that need is rooted deeply enough in me to make it count.
1. Establish a "baseline mood"--when you're at home with nothing to do, where are you at mentally and emotionally? What do you notice in yourself? (Note, this is not a mood you inhabit "frequently", but your psychological baseline).
Neutral, blank slate, etc. Maybe a little on the higher-than-normal side after a while as my brain kicks into gear, but then I'm doing something, so I don't think that counts.
2. Describe yourself--
a. What's it like to be you?
Uh...
Hard to say, really. I guess it's like the world is picking at me bit by bit and filling me with sludge sometimes, but not all the time. I thought of a tardigrade too recently. Sort of waiting for the next real stimulation.
b. What have others said about you?
My parents think I'm inconsiderate and stubborn. Also to some degree that I'm not living up to potential. Other people think I'm actually a pretty nice guy. Generally everyone I've met thinks I'm intelligent though. That seems to cut across boundaries, because I try to make sure it does. Creativity is similar to intelligence there.
c. What do you think of yourself?
Kind of want to post a song, but nah. I'm kind of feeding into the issue I claim to want to stop too much as is. I guess (wasn't my first thought, but I'm waxing pretentious so what the hell) I'm between the falling angel and the rising ape. Or like a really old mountain. Or a less fucked up junkie. Basically I'm just sort of struggling against distractions while trying to have fun in my life still at the same time.
That's a pretty recent read though. More lifelong is high ambitions and low execution, hah.
3. What are the issues you've dealt with in life? List some recurrent themes, and tell us a little about each one.
I mean, should I include the ones I've moved past?
I guess...
a. Fear of Rejection/Temper after Rejection. When I was younger the very idea of being rejected by someone I romantically liked would terrify me and hit my self image hard enough to drive me to anger.
b. Wishful Thinking/Attachment: First one's fairly simple, the other a little less simple but still simple. I liked certain ideas about what was true and I would hold to those a little too long. That said, I don't know if I've really gotten better or just to a different type of neutral/bad. Maybe it's sort of a perverse middle stage where I stop supporting things but can't really let go of them either and am stuck in apathy.
c. Sloth. Just sloth. Sloth in general.
4. You're not good at everything--
a. What personality traits and/or ways of being are impossible for you to adopt?
--I don't think I feel emotions quite the same way as people, sometimes. I think I'm at the point where I can maybe start to do this now, but even when I was more romantically inclined than I am now, if someone I was interested in were to leave without rejecting me in some way, I wouldn't really miss them. I don't miss people in general honestly. I probably can't be fully and easily empathetic either.
--I can't separate my rationality from my emotions in some ways. I mean, I can think about things in a detached manner, but it's harder for me to feel about things in an illogical manner. If I can't convince myself that something is wrong about what happened to me, my anger will eventually dissipate, perhaps faster than other peoples'.
--I don't get depressed, like strongly sad, very much. I've done it before but I just sort of push that feeling away from me because I hate it. Maybe what it is, is I can't find joy in being just sad? (Angry I can enjoy. That's different)
b. What are qualities you'd like to have, but can't seem to develop?
--Authentic difference. I can develop this to some degree, but I can't ever seem to develop enough lately. It always slips from my grasp after a while.
--A work ethic. 'nuff said.
5. Why have you left friends and other relationships in the past and/or why have they left you?
I've left:
--Because I've felt they wronged me or someone I cared about.
--Because I felt like they didn't like me.
--Because they just wouldn't let a certain thing slide so I could have inner peace.
They've left:
--Because I did something that made them disgusted or uncomfortable.
--Because I couldn't perform sexually
6. Which types do you identify with most? It depends on the interpretations being used. I identify with the Maitri's 6, the whole acedia idea of the 9, and the striving to be unique of the 4. I kinda identify with the idea of the "Prussian" 6, but I don't really follow external rules. Always. Could say that I've been withdrawn like 5 recently and ambitious like 3 in the past, though.
a. How do you relate to these types? See above.
b. How do you NOT relate to them? Some of it's above, but I don't identify with 6 because I'm not super freaking anxious and I separate from groups more on principle than what CP 6 is supposed to (also I don't always rush headlong towards my fears. I do often, but it's calculated, not instinctively preferred), I don't experience the same kind of love-need 4s are supposed to have (I want breadth, not depth...till I do want depth but it's not a constant gnawing thing), I don't work hard like 3 and I don't seek knowledge primarily like the 5, and I'm not quite so conflict-avoidant and ambition-less as the 9.
7. Which types are least like you? Uh...maybe 8, or 7. 1 I guess. I'm not that much unlike any of the types
a. Why specifically do you not relate to these types? My wants don't change like 7's, though they used to to an extent, and I'm not as ballsy as an 8 (though I've been pretty ballsy, so maybe I'm inheriting PerC's bullshit "UR NOT A REEL 8!!!!" bias). 8s also have some of that work ethic I was talking about with 3.
1s, it's work ethic and need to enforce social standards. Though I have enforced personal standards before. b. What points (if any) DO you relate to? See above.
8. They claim enneagram type is a hidden love need. What are your attitudes toward finding love? Well, I'm in a relationship now, but my attitude's greatly changed since I was younger. In the past, I scoped out one particular person and tried to "win" them with...basically no strategy and complaining. I did also try to impress them a little bit with knowledge and creativity though.
Nowadays, since every attempt to seek love has gone badly for me, I've mostly just waited to fall into it (#slightantifeministrants I mean what?). I've fallen into...something. I like it well enough.
9. What is the message your superego tells you?
Consider a time when you felt poorly about yourself--this means your ego (i.e. YOU) is receiving negative feedback from your superego. Write a conversation between the two of them--what is your superego telling you about how to be? (Note: this obviously is very personal and may be better done privately. Report your findings).
Are these the same question? I'm on a time crunch, so I will say yes.
Superego: "If you were really interested in X, why didn't you do Y?"
Ego: I don't want to do Y.
Superego: "Pussy. I'm gonna take away your enthusiasm for a bit, 'kay?"
Ego: "What? No!!!"
Is the gist. I've been doing that less (or less consciously) lately.
For the following, rank the issues in the order they apply and give a brief description of why and how you relate.
10. Determine your ego ideal--the way you strive to be and want others to perceive you. (Note, you may be consciously aware of failing at this, and you will be hard on yourself if you do. If someone else tells you you're NOT this way, it may make you feel hurt, violated, or angry.)
Which of the following ideals resonate with you the most, and why? Rank them.
You could quibble over the arrangement of these though. Loveable could be higher.
11. Determine your "felt sense" of life. To do this it may help to look at how you perceive events. Another way to do this is to look back at your childhood and think of all the things your parents did to you. How did you/do you feel about these events?
Here are some common "felt senses" of life:
12. Core fears. You may have been aware of these fears even as a very small child, before anyone did anything to influence it. You'd be mortified to be in this position or have others perceive you this way.
Discuss which fears have played the greatest role in your life:
Alright! Gimme a type, all!
