Okay so, I have been into Enneagram for about a little longer than one and a half year and I think I figured my tritype out? 9w1 5w6 3w4 sp/so. I am going to explain one by one why I think I have said number/wing/variant so I apologize if this gets sort of long...
9 wing 1: While at first I thought that it was my secondary type in my tritype, when I dug deeper into enneagram, I found out that this is most likely my core type. I grew up in a family where I played the mediator as it is typical for a nine, as well as found myself countless times in a position to relate others. People always said that I gave them a calm and accepting vibe, even if also sort of awkward and well... silent? Also, when I first took the enneagram test, I felt connection to every type but 3 and 8 (I was in a really bad place in my life at the time I first took it so I was disintegrating to 6. 3 seemed farthest and 8 was just never really... something I related.) It took me a while to realize the pattern of being really attached to one person at a time and doing anything I could do to keep the friendship/bond intact- it was never a "lover" though. Mostly my mother or a really close bestfriend. I also had times where I idolized certain people and felt an insane connection to them before I started to feel the connection going off/cooling down. I also have the tendency to blame myself whenever I don't act according to what I deem is the "right" thing to do. If I actually let myself get really into anything, I get this insane perfectionist streak which made me feel really stressed out during my younger times- I never could just be satisfied with anything I made if I actually tried and if I got even a small mistake pointed out I felt immense shame and just wanted to hide and never show up again. (hello, inferior Fe.) I often tolerate things in people and act understanding to them when they do something I would harshly critize myself for. Always striving to be better, better, better, doing better, being better, better....which I will actually start to implementing rather than just berating myself about it, right after this video/right after X/right after Y....
I was always told that I was quite weird/different/clever (Being an INTP who has a good memory and had the chance to figure out the ways she learn a subject/grasp the subject best at a really young age as well as being a typical INTP Ti-dom who is unaware of just how different their thinking pattern seems from outside kinda ends with that, haha.) but I never really felt... that different? I was aware that something seemed to be off, something must be wrong but it never was in a 4 way. I simply retreated to online world and connected with people on fansites and connected emotionally to fictional characters (which INTPs seem prone to do as well?) At one point, I recall that I was really unhealthy and was hoping/expecting some fictional monster to appear/daydreaming about that as I walked and all smiley and giggly at the idea of how that would lead to meeting with my favourite characters at the time and befriending them and all.... It took a long while to get out of that zone.
5 wing 6: Being an INTP, this one is a bit more stereotypical than 9w1 (which is also pretty stereotypical, to be fair.). At the time I started learning about MBTI (about three years ago, I recall?) I was at a point in my life where I felt vulnerable about my lack of self knowledge and how it made me an easy target to manipulate (kind of personal thing but just enough context for typing: My ESFJ father used to always make our family sound so perfect and always had this everybody is jealous of our happiness attitude and I pretty much was used to taking care of his emotional needs and my supressing anger/sadnesss traits kind of came from due to him getting angry/sad at that. At that time however, I learned about just how much he really didn't care about me and my mother, and how all the things he said were most likely lies- he kind of put us in danger more than once.) so I simply delved deep into researching about psychology and typology. Whenever I feel unsafe, I find myself trying to figure a way to control the situation- I always try to figure out what exactly is happening and why- that way, if I need to, I can take necessary guards on to protect myself. I also have the unhealthy five nihilistic tendencies but my core 9ness makes me numb out to feeling despair after a certain point though, so I end up feeling more numb/somewhat hopeful in the end and just go on my way to do something that would narcotize me to it/sleep some to forget about that and carry on as always. Maybe it is more tied to being a Ti-dom, but despite 9 being so unsure with its' judgements, I still can't just take anyone's word on something until I search it on my own. Asking for confirmation on my tritype also sort of feels like defeat too, since I am mostly certain-ish by now and makes me question if I actually had 6 instead. But then again, I am not exactly doubtful of people? I don't want to be affected by them as a core 9 but I don't really lash out/act overly doubtful unless I am disintegrating. I still think if second and/or third type in tritype has wings though, it would most likely be 6 wing since I don't really... relate to four wing and the "arts" explanation?
I am doubtful of information I receive but I still trust my own mind best when things fall apart. I considered 7 too, but I am not as mentally active and I actually enjoy delving into "sad" things, "disturbing" things to a point. They really interest me and that sometimes surprise my friends since I tend to give a usual cheerful eternal child 9+xNxP vibe outside. I also relate to 5 sp descriptions a lot more than 7 sp or 6 sp descriptions, so there is also that, I suppose. (That is, in case I got my instincts down correctly.) I very much only believe things when I can see and test them for my own -ie I called Enneagram and MBTI bullshit until I started to observe the patterns of core fears/instinctual variants/cognitive functions and the way people acted. As they got confirmed or challenged with each observation, I found myself reading more, thinking more, discussing more and more and more... Down the rabbit hole I go.
I also get really anxious when my competency gets questioned. I am usually known as the girl who knows just about anything on the internet- from video games to anime to forums to 3D modelling to psychology to origami to... I feel anxiety whenever a topic which I am not as familar with but have a somewhat general knowledge of comes up as I wouldn't want to shatter my image of the know-it-all-harmless-alien-friend. (Which also ties to......)
3 wing 4: This one took me longest to figure out as I firstly typed my heart type as 4w5 due to again, being pretty younger at the time with a real down point in my life- as well as questioning my sense of self at the time due to afore-mentioned reasons. I was also feeling pretty depressed too, which made it a lot easier to mistype. It ultimately started to feel not as "right", "well-fitting" and I found myself considering 4w3, 2w1 and even 2w3 before ever thinking of 3. When I read a sp 3 description though, I felt something in my stomach sank and at first, I clinged even tighter to my image of having 4 since, yes, 4 sp doesn't show their suffering but they suffer a lot and I was pretty depressed too so it must be it--- Or maybe I developed a 2 due to having said father ah yes--- I pretty much despised type 3s at the time due to being close to a really toxic one (ESFJ, 3w2 father.) and I wanted to avoid anything that could be traced back to having a similarity with him and it wasn't until after he was for the most part, out of my life. Now, I am mostly certain of 3w4 since I like the image of being someone called unique but I also would despise the idea of consinously going out of my way to create that- I want to /be/ better, not just reflect the /image/ of it. I mostly compete with my own self than others, and I also secretly do wish to be seen as someone to be admired. It also confused me since people /did/ call me "weird" so I picked up joking about being an alien, being weird- I started to embody that image and double down on self improvement, my understanding of people in an attempt to "fix" my image- to better it. This was a lot more unconsinous/something I was even less aware of than other two until recently, until I realized how I talk about bad things that might have happened to me but it is not in a "pity me/show me affection for my suffering" way but more of "--and I found how to get over it and now I am wiser for it" way of building a better image from a maybe bad experience. I also have a hidden egoistical streak, which took an ENTP to jokingly call me out on it in a somewhat affectionate joking manner for me to actually question and realize it.
sp/soc: Okay so. I am asexual aromantic (aka I don't really get romantic feelings for people nor a real sexual desire for them) so sx-last was always pretty obvious. Due to being nine, I desire connection with people and sometimes it might be intense but it is not a natural state for me. Most of what I wrote up there has to do with self-preservation, I believe. Mistrusting/cutting of a parent for -while not in an immediate physical danger- endangering my future, trying to learn more about my place in the world/myself to figure my weakspots better to guard myself better in case I need it, or to ensure I would expect the thing due to knowing about it so I would be safe, pretty much being a hermit who likes her comfort food a lot, thinking that only thing I /truly/ own is my own self and body. For soc secondary, I kind of have a desire to do good for humanity- to leave something good to it despite not believing I am important/special/clever/hardworking enough to ever achieve that. It is not a soc-first level, but I do care about being a part of a group which I can feel connected to -though my sp first 9ness kind of also makes me have a push pull relationship with relating to said groups?- and I love talking with people who have similar interests. I can easily move to another friend though, once I lose the connection/desire to talk with one. This... kind of sounds like I am using them for entertainment but not exactly...
I also know a sx-first 9 INTP in real life in my small circle of friends at college, so I think it made it even clear for me that I really don't have that instinct to a high level? I can be pretty attached to people and be loyal to them, care about loyalty but I don't really... seek many of those. Ie my current "best friend" is an INFJ who I have been talking for about 3 years and I care a great deal about her but I could also cut off from my life too... I have a fast recover time from any gone-awry personal relationships if I felt the connection go of once. (Though, I still mourn and get depressed at first time...) I think my sx-last connection only happens when both sides has a common interest (INTPness poking head) and we talk a lot about the thing day and night until I unconsinously start to get attached to the person for both what they give to me and to their own self too, which often develops into learning more about them and being close friends and them opening up to me about really darker parts of their personality. I often feel no idea how to keep the connection, though, even if I do care about those rare few connections if there is no more common interests... I am actually kinda working on developing my sx-last instinct, if I stacked them right this time.
I think... that's it for now? I would like to hear comments/questions/arguments if anyone have one, or simply a confirmation. (I have been trying to type myself for a long time and I spent ages without asking much/a real big output so I am sorta nervous haha--- Sorry for making you all read such a long thing..........)
Edit: On a second thought, I actually get really anxious about losing said bestfriend whenever something slightly off happens despite both of us talking out our insecurities about trusting others to not leave us behind...I feel like I lied there that I wouldn't care, while I would most likely care a great deal but would be in denial about...
9 wing 1: While at first I thought that it was my secondary type in my tritype, when I dug deeper into enneagram, I found out that this is most likely my core type. I grew up in a family where I played the mediator as it is typical for a nine, as well as found myself countless times in a position to relate others. People always said that I gave them a calm and accepting vibe, even if also sort of awkward and well... silent? Also, when I first took the enneagram test, I felt connection to every type but 3 and 8 (I was in a really bad place in my life at the time I first took it so I was disintegrating to 6. 3 seemed farthest and 8 was just never really... something I related.) It took me a while to realize the pattern of being really attached to one person at a time and doing anything I could do to keep the friendship/bond intact- it was never a "lover" though. Mostly my mother or a really close bestfriend. I also had times where I idolized certain people and felt an insane connection to them before I started to feel the connection going off/cooling down. I also have the tendency to blame myself whenever I don't act according to what I deem is the "right" thing to do. If I actually let myself get really into anything, I get this insane perfectionist streak which made me feel really stressed out during my younger times- I never could just be satisfied with anything I made if I actually tried and if I got even a small mistake pointed out I felt immense shame and just wanted to hide and never show up again. (hello, inferior Fe.) I often tolerate things in people and act understanding to them when they do something I would harshly critize myself for. Always striving to be better, better, better, doing better, being better, better....which I will actually start to implementing rather than just berating myself about it, right after this video/right after X/right after Y....
I was always told that I was quite weird/different/clever (Being an INTP who has a good memory and had the chance to figure out the ways she learn a subject/grasp the subject best at a really young age as well as being a typical INTP Ti-dom who is unaware of just how different their thinking pattern seems from outside kinda ends with that, haha.) but I never really felt... that different? I was aware that something seemed to be off, something must be wrong but it never was in a 4 way. I simply retreated to online world and connected with people on fansites and connected emotionally to fictional characters (which INTPs seem prone to do as well?) At one point, I recall that I was really unhealthy and was hoping/expecting some fictional monster to appear/daydreaming about that as I walked and all smiley and giggly at the idea of how that would lead to meeting with my favourite characters at the time and befriending them and all.... It took a long while to get out of that zone.
5 wing 6: Being an INTP, this one is a bit more stereotypical than 9w1 (which is also pretty stereotypical, to be fair.). At the time I started learning about MBTI (about three years ago, I recall?) I was at a point in my life where I felt vulnerable about my lack of self knowledge and how it made me an easy target to manipulate (kind of personal thing but just enough context for typing: My ESFJ father used to always make our family sound so perfect and always had this everybody is jealous of our happiness attitude and I pretty much was used to taking care of his emotional needs and my supressing anger/sadnesss traits kind of came from due to him getting angry/sad at that. At that time however, I learned about just how much he really didn't care about me and my mother, and how all the things he said were most likely lies- he kind of put us in danger more than once.) so I simply delved deep into researching about psychology and typology. Whenever I feel unsafe, I find myself trying to figure a way to control the situation- I always try to figure out what exactly is happening and why- that way, if I need to, I can take necessary guards on to protect myself. I also have the unhealthy five nihilistic tendencies but my core 9ness makes me numb out to feeling despair after a certain point though, so I end up feeling more numb/somewhat hopeful in the end and just go on my way to do something that would narcotize me to it/sleep some to forget about that and carry on as always. Maybe it is more tied to being a Ti-dom, but despite 9 being so unsure with its' judgements, I still can't just take anyone's word on something until I search it on my own. Asking for confirmation on my tritype also sort of feels like defeat too, since I am mostly certain-ish by now and makes me question if I actually had 6 instead. But then again, I am not exactly doubtful of people? I don't want to be affected by them as a core 9 but I don't really lash out/act overly doubtful unless I am disintegrating. I still think if second and/or third type in tritype has wings though, it would most likely be 6 wing since I don't really... relate to four wing and the "arts" explanation?
I am doubtful of information I receive but I still trust my own mind best when things fall apart. I considered 7 too, but I am not as mentally active and I actually enjoy delving into "sad" things, "disturbing" things to a point. They really interest me and that sometimes surprise my friends since I tend to give a usual cheerful eternal child 9+xNxP vibe outside. I also relate to 5 sp descriptions a lot more than 7 sp or 6 sp descriptions, so there is also that, I suppose. (That is, in case I got my instincts down correctly.) I very much only believe things when I can see and test them for my own -ie I called Enneagram and MBTI bullshit until I started to observe the patterns of core fears/instinctual variants/cognitive functions and the way people acted. As they got confirmed or challenged with each observation, I found myself reading more, thinking more, discussing more and more and more... Down the rabbit hole I go.
I also get really anxious when my competency gets questioned. I am usually known as the girl who knows just about anything on the internet- from video games to anime to forums to 3D modelling to psychology to origami to... I feel anxiety whenever a topic which I am not as familar with but have a somewhat general knowledge of comes up as I wouldn't want to shatter my image of the know-it-all-harmless-alien-friend. (Which also ties to......)
3 wing 4: This one took me longest to figure out as I firstly typed my heart type as 4w5 due to again, being pretty younger at the time with a real down point in my life- as well as questioning my sense of self at the time due to afore-mentioned reasons. I was also feeling pretty depressed too, which made it a lot easier to mistype. It ultimately started to feel not as "right", "well-fitting" and I found myself considering 4w3, 2w1 and even 2w3 before ever thinking of 3. When I read a sp 3 description though, I felt something in my stomach sank and at first, I clinged even tighter to my image of having 4 since, yes, 4 sp doesn't show their suffering but they suffer a lot and I was pretty depressed too so it must be it--- Or maybe I developed a 2 due to having said father ah yes--- I pretty much despised type 3s at the time due to being close to a really toxic one (ESFJ, 3w2 father.) and I wanted to avoid anything that could be traced back to having a similarity with him and it wasn't until after he was for the most part, out of my life. Now, I am mostly certain of 3w4 since I like the image of being someone called unique but I also would despise the idea of consinously going out of my way to create that- I want to /be/ better, not just reflect the /image/ of it. I mostly compete with my own self than others, and I also secretly do wish to be seen as someone to be admired. It also confused me since people /did/ call me "weird" so I picked up joking about being an alien, being weird- I started to embody that image and double down on self improvement, my understanding of people in an attempt to "fix" my image- to better it. This was a lot more unconsinous/something I was even less aware of than other two until recently, until I realized how I talk about bad things that might have happened to me but it is not in a "pity me/show me affection for my suffering" way but more of "--and I found how to get over it and now I am wiser for it" way of building a better image from a maybe bad experience. I also have a hidden egoistical streak, which took an ENTP to jokingly call me out on it in a somewhat affectionate joking manner for me to actually question and realize it.
sp/soc: Okay so. I am asexual aromantic (aka I don't really get romantic feelings for people nor a real sexual desire for them) so sx-last was always pretty obvious. Due to being nine, I desire connection with people and sometimes it might be intense but it is not a natural state for me. Most of what I wrote up there has to do with self-preservation, I believe. Mistrusting/cutting of a parent for -while not in an immediate physical danger- endangering my future, trying to learn more about my place in the world/myself to figure my weakspots better to guard myself better in case I need it, or to ensure I would expect the thing due to knowing about it so I would be safe, pretty much being a hermit who likes her comfort food a lot, thinking that only thing I /truly/ own is my own self and body. For soc secondary, I kind of have a desire to do good for humanity- to leave something good to it despite not believing I am important/special/clever/hardworking enough to ever achieve that. It is not a soc-first level, but I do care about being a part of a group which I can feel connected to -though my sp first 9ness kind of also makes me have a push pull relationship with relating to said groups?- and I love talking with people who have similar interests. I can easily move to another friend though, once I lose the connection/desire to talk with one. This... kind of sounds like I am using them for entertainment but not exactly...
I also know a sx-first 9 INTP in real life in my small circle of friends at college, so I think it made it even clear for me that I really don't have that instinct to a high level? I can be pretty attached to people and be loyal to them, care about loyalty but I don't really... seek many of those. Ie my current "best friend" is an INFJ who I have been talking for about 3 years and I care a great deal about her but I could also cut off from my life too... I have a fast recover time from any gone-awry personal relationships if I felt the connection go of once. (Though, I still mourn and get depressed at first time...) I think my sx-last connection only happens when both sides has a common interest (INTPness poking head) and we talk a lot about the thing day and night until I unconsinously start to get attached to the person for both what they give to me and to their own self too, which often develops into learning more about them and being close friends and them opening up to me about really darker parts of their personality. I often feel no idea how to keep the connection, though, even if I do care about those rare few connections if there is no more common interests... I am actually kinda working on developing my sx-last instinct, if I stacked them right this time.
I think... that's it for now? I would like to hear comments/questions/arguments if anyone have one, or simply a confirmation. (I have been trying to type myself for a long time and I spent ages without asking much/a real big output so I am sorta nervous haha--- Sorry for making you all read such a long thing..........)
Edit: On a second thought, I actually get really anxious about losing said bestfriend whenever something slightly off happens despite both of us talking out our insecurities about trusting others to not leave us behind...I feel like I lied there that I wouldn't care, while I would most likely care a great deal but would be in denial about...
