I'm back...and still don't know my type. Help!

[c-jade]

I'm pretty confident my ennegram is 6w5 (641 tritype) but as I'm pretty sure I've been unhealthy for a long time/have developed my functions in unhealthy environments, I am finding it so hard to type myself. I need unbiased, knowledgeable assistance. Let me know if you have any other questions/questionnaires you want answered. Thanks to anyone that takes the time!

0. Is there anything that may affect the way you answer the questions? For example, a stressful time, mental illness, medications, special life circumstances? Other useful information includes sex, age, and current state of mind.

I am currently suffering from major depression and general anxiety, which I have recently been medicated for. These two disorders have been a frequent, almost constant theme since middle school, and thus I am very familiar with their influence on my personality. I am a 23 year old female. I've spent a lot of time trying to look at myself from an outside perspective, to understand what is really my personality and what is my mental illness. Hopefully I'll answer these questions from a neutral standpoint.

1. Click on this link:*Flickr: Explore!*Look at the random photo for about 30 seconds. Copy and paste it here, and write about your impression of it.

It's a very pretty picture of a dark forest with the sun shining through the trees. It has a green glow to it, with a mossy floor that almost looks as though it's floating. I am immediately reminded of The Lord of the Rings, specifically the hobbits' journey through the dark forest in the Fellowship. It makes me think of a quiet morning with birds waking up and the soft sounds of the forest shifting back into life.

2. You are with a group of people in a car, heading to a different town to see your favourite band/artist/musician. Suddenly, the car breaks down for an unknown reason in the middle of nowhere. What are your initial thoughts? What are your outward reactions?

Thoughts:
"Are you serious? Why didn't [owner of the car] make sure that it was in good shape before we started this trip? If this takes too long...I'm going to just call myself a cab. I mean, they'd think I'm a horrible person for doing that, but it's not fair that I miss the concert just because their car broke down. Ugh, but I can't leave them. I can't believe this is happening."

Outward reactions:
"What can I do to help? Do you want me to look up any repair shops around here or something? ........ (IF I really trusted the people I was with and they seemed in the right mood, I'd eventually say): If we have to, we can always just leave it here, take a cab to the concert, and deal with the repairs afterward?"

3. You somehow make it to the concert. The driver wants to go to the afterparty that was announced (and assure you they won't drink so they can drive back later). How do you feel about this party? What do you do?

Thoughts:
"I really, really do not want to go to this party. I don't really drink, it makes me incredibly uncomfortable, and I hate meeting new people in an environment I'm not comfortable in. Ugh, this is exactly why I hate going places in other people's cars. You have no control."

Outward reactions:
"I have to be up really early tomorrow, so can we not stay too long, though?"

4. On the drive back, your friends are talking. A friend makes a claim that clashes with your current beliefs. What is your inward reaction? What do you outwardly say?

It really depends on what the belief is, and how comfortable I am with the person. If it's political, more than likely I'll just keep my mouth shut unless I think I can help them understand the other side's perspective. If it's religious, I'm more likely to say something. I will usually try to explain my beliefs as clearly and logically as possible, so it's more difficult to refute. I will usually not get angry or heated in my own head or out loud unless the person is being incredibly close-minded or not listening to me at all. For instance, with my father I am very defensive because he talks in circles that contradict other things he's said and he disregards the logic I'm using to explain my point, and it INFURIATES me. I don't talk to many people who are like that besides him, though, so in most conversations I will remain open-minded and enjoy listening to the other person's perspective as long as they're respectful and listening to mine. I can usually remain calm, if it's not my dad.

5. What would you do if you actually saw/experienced something that clashes with your previous beliefs, experiences, and habits?

I hate questions like this because I really need definitive examples. And what do you mean, my "previous" beliefs, etc.? So I'm seeing something that contradicts something I used to believe in? Why would I care, then? If it's contradicting something I currently believe in, which is what I think you mean, I would investigate to find out for myself where this is coming from and how it's may or may not affect my beliefs/experiences/habits, etc. If it is going to change my memory or belief of something, it will take me a long time to adjust to the change.

6. What are some of your most important values? How did you come about determining them? How can they change?

My most important values...I think my biggest value is honesty and truth. And this is what led to my other core value, which is my Christianity. I was desperate to find out the truth about my existence and my belief system, so I spent basically all of my teenage years researching and experiencing different religions. I was 18 when I was baptized, because I waited until I was 100% sure before committing to a belief system. My beliefs within it are still constantly changing, but the core value, that God is exists and my relationship with Him is important, remains the same. Honesty and truth, those values, came from living a life where I've been constantly deceived and lied to.

7. a) What about your personality most distinguishes you from everyone else? b) If you could change one thing about you personality, what would it be? Why?

a) Ha, I don't know. I don't think I'm distinguishable. I used to believe I was special because I was bold and spoke out when others wouldn't, but I don't really do that anymore. I used to believe my enthusiasm made me special, and I do still think that's a special spark about me. I get very excited about specific things and I can draw people in and get them excited too very easily. I am also honest to a fault, and I am proud of that.

b) Oh, I don't know. I think I'd like to be more decisive. I have such a hard time making my mind up about anything because I can see all the different ways something could go. I'd like to be able to just make a decision and stick to it, for my own sanity.

8. How do you treat hunches or gut feelings? In what situations are they most often triggered?

I usually try to stuff them down and ignore them, because they're never good. But they're also VERY rarely wrong. I have learned through therapy to stop making myself feel guilty and stop second guessing myself, but to just trust my gut instinct because it is trustworthy. It's triggered by...I don't know, behavior? I pick up nuances in people's behavior and without meaning to, I suddenly have a hunch about what they are doing/thinking/what is off about them. It's like I take in my surroundings quickly, wrack through my current information about the person, consider what I've seen in their behavior before, and come to a conclusion about what's going on all in one second. And like I said, I'm usually right.

9. a) What activities energize you most? b) What activities drain you most? Why?

a) Small social outings, like getting coffee with one friend. Being outside in nature. Using my imagination to come up with stories. Helping people, like tutoring or giving advice.

b) Large or loud social gatherings with too many people, because it's too many personalities/emotions for me to process and feel at the same time. Eating, because ugh it's so annoying I hate it. Conflict-heavy situations, because I hate not being able to make everyone happy.

10. What do you repress about your outward behavior or internal thought process when around others? Why?

So when I was in high school and middle school I used to not repress anything, really. Everyone knew how cooky I was, how silly I was, how mean I could be, how defensive I was. I didn't really hold back. Since becoming an adult, though, I've learned much more about everyone's expectations of me and I've put on the weight of those expectations to the point of it being unhealthy. So, I repress my depression, trying to be happy because it makes everyone uncomfortable when I'm not. Plus, when I'm honest about it most people don't know what to say or do and make light of it and it makes me feel like no one cares. I repress how mean I am, too. I don't want to hurt people's feelings or cause conflict so unless I'm with my family, most of my sarcastic or witty comments go unsaid. And my flat out mean, hurtful, and selfish thoughts are NEVER said because I am so ashamed of them that I don't want anyone to know what a "horrible person" I am. I don't know, I repress a lot right now because I don't trust hardly anyone in my life anymore.

 

[Betty Blue]

I'm getting a strong ISTJ leaning. Well everything up until q8 indicated so. Also possible ISFJ I suppose... so umm... ISXJ for now.

 

[c-jade]

Another questionnaire because I can:

1) What aspect of your personality made you unsure of your type?

I don't know, everything. I can see myself using all of the functions (maybe not Se as much) and I can't make a decision with confidence.

2) What do you yearn for in life? Why?

I yearn for freedom. I feel pinned down my everyone's expectations of me and society's expectations of what my life should look like, and I just want to be able to live, to feel alive, to exist outside of the lines while I have the chance. I used to have so many different dreams for myself, and now I feel like I'm stuck in a box where none of them can come true.

3) Think about a time where you felt like you were at your finest. Tell us what made you feel that way.

I felt like I'd finally taken control of my life and stood up for myself and my beliefs. I felt untouchable. I was constantly hanging out with my "core group", and I felt accepted and loved in a way I never had before. I didn't feel this obsessive need to do everything perfectly, but just was enjoying my life for what it was. I was doing what made me happy every day and didn't feel guilty for it.

4) What makes you feel inferior?

Being around people who have more knowledge/experience than me. I want to disappear into the cracks in the wall. I hate feeling like an imposter, and when I'm around people that are better at XYZ than I am, I feel like I don't belong and shouldn't be there.

5) What tends to weigh on your decisions? (Do you think about people, pro-cons, how you feel about it, etc.)

I think a lot about what other people would want me to do. I think about how it may affect me in the long run. I try to picture what life will look like in 1, 5, 10 years if I make this decision (assuming it's a big one). But in the end I usually just follow what my gut instinct was in the first place, so all my thinking and deciding and asking for advice ends up being for nothing. I basically get tired of the decision-making process, say screw it, and jump in.

6) When working on a project what is normally your emphasis? Do you like to have control of the outcome?

I don't really understand this question. My emphasis...I like to consider how the project will be perceived. I step into the shoes of whoever will be grading/analyzing the project and consider what will make the project as clear as possible, as efficient as possible, or as likable as possible. So yes, I guess that's the definition of wanting to control the outcome.

7) Describe a time where you had a lot of fun. How is your memory of it?

I'll go back to my favorite childhood, which was when my dad took my sisters and me to Disney World. It was my first trip there that I'm able to fully remember. I was 14. I have just a few distinct memories of certain things that happened, like when I dropped my phone in the water at It's A Small World and it was like destiny because I always hated that ride. Then when my phone lived I remember saying that it was the magic of Walt Disney (I'm a big Walt fan). I remember how cold it was when we were watching the fireworks together. But honestly, my memory is really just an overall feeling of joy. My parents were getting divorced and my dad is horrible at keeping his promises, so I never expected him to actually take us. When he did it was magical. It was like 3 days in a row where no one was fighting. I just remember feeling like Disney must really be a magical place because it made my family happy, and that meant the world to me.

8) When you want to learn something new, what feels more natural for you?

I have no idea what you're asking, it sounds like there should be options for this question. If I'm learning something that's hands-on I want to see it done once or twice by someone who knows what they're doing, then I want to do it myself. If it's more knowledge-based information, I want to read about it with examples to help me grasp the concepts.

9) How organized do you think of yourself as?

When I'm in a healthy place, I'm the person who organizes their closet by type of clothing and color, alphabetically. When I'm not healthy, I couldn't give less of a crap what things look like. But I prefer organization, if I have the energy to do it.

10) How do you judge new ideas? You try to understand the principles behind it to see if they make sense or do you look for information that supports it?

I definitely look for information that supports it. If I don't personally know of any evidence that does, or if I can't find evidence that supports the idea, I will then try to understand the principles behind it to see if it makes sense. By then I'm generally frustrated though.

11) You find harmony by making sure everyone is doing fine and belonging to a given group or by making sure that you follow what you believe and being yourself?

Ummmmmmmmm meh. This one is hard. I would like to make sure everyone is well-cared for and feels comfortable (I don't know about assigning them to groups and crap, that doesn't seem like my place or my job), but it's really draining for me. Haha maybe the problem is that I just don't understand the idea of harmony. If I want to feel at peace in a larger setting, I probably just need to worry about myself. Like, okay. So if I'm at someone else's party and I bring a friend, I'm gonna make sure that friend is looked after and doing fine, and as long as the two of us are good I'll have "harmony." But if I'm at my own party, I'm going to consider it my responsibility to make sure all of the guests are doing fine and that they have someone to talk to and such thing. Make sense? But that's why I don't throw parties really, haha.

12) Are you the kind that thinks before speaking or do you speak before thinking? Do you prefer one-on-one communication or group discussions?

Another tough one. I used to be known as the girl with no tact. I spoke without thinking like a bad habit. I have since learned the art of keeping my mouth shut. I make it a point to run over the thoughts in my head multiple times before deciding if they're worth saying. Sometimes I may get caught up in a debate/argument, but not that often anymore. I have become pretty methodical about my speech.

I enjoy both, but I find one-on-one conversation more stimulating because you're more likely to have closure in the discussion. Group discussions usually mean someone doesn't get heard and you leave without a real answer.

13) Do you jump into action right away or do you like to know where are you jumping before leaping? Does action speaks more than words?

I think I tend to jump into action right away, even though I'd describe myself as more cautious than risk-taking. I take a while to make up my mind, but once I do I want to get to the implementation phase right away. So maybe I'm in the middle, actually? I also think actions and words need to go together to mean anything at all.

14) It's Saturday. You're at home, and your favorite show is about to start. Your friends call you for a night out. What will you do?

I don't really do "nights out" to begin with. My friends would know that, so let's revise this to them asking me to come over to hang out or something. I'd probably say I want to watch my show and then I'll pop over, or I'd just ask for a rain check.

15) How do you act when you're stressed out?

I withdraw, big time. No cell contact, don't touch my computer. People often think I've died.

16) What makes you dislike the personalities of some people?

I hate arrogance, the kind of people that expect attention. And anyone that is happy all the time makes me want to punch them in the face, because that's just not realistic. But in normal personalities, I just hate small talk type of people. The kind of person that can't hold a conversation passed, "How's work? How's your SO? How's the weather? How's your cat? My work's good, this is my recent spat with my SO, I have these trips planned." Stop, please, for the love of all things good, and talk about something worthwhile for a change.

17) Is there anything you really like talking about with other people?

Honest I didn't see this question until after I answered the one above, haha. This sounds cheesy but I love talking about God to other people, because He's limitless so the conversation can go ANYWHERE. I just love getting excited about the different aspects of God or the things He's created or the mysteries that we don't know about Him. I love asking questions and coming up with answers that I know we'll never actually be sure about. I love talking about the future and possibilities, just the great unknown in general. I love talking about space, even though I know nothing about it. It's so intriguing to me and I want to be in it.

18) What kind of things do you pay the least attention to in your life?

Eating. Hate it. My weight/exercise (I'm a size 4 or 6 so I just don't feel like there's a need?).

19) How do your friends perceive you? What is wrong about their perception? ? What would your friends never say about your personality ?

My friends see me as kind, always there for them, funny...I dunno, I'm just generally known as a good person. A strong person, because everyone knows the things I've been through and are constantly commending me for how strong I am. People see me as emotional and caring and forgiving. I guess all of those things are true, or at least I could see how they would think they're true. My friends don't see how investigative I am, though, or how much I notice about how they treat me or others. I'm very in tune with people's underlying emotions and I don't tell them the things I see that they wouldn't want to hear. Hm, what would they never say... I don't think anyone would ever call me cruel? These are such generic answers, I'm sorry. And I could think of some friends that would call me cruel and selfish, so scratch that. I don't think my friends would ever call me...quiet? Strangers and new people have called me quiet and mousy, but I don't think my friends would ever say that about me. I've gotten quieter in my depression, but still.

20) You got a whole day to do whatever you like. What kind of activities do you feel like doing?

I want to go to a river and canoe or hike somewhere or if I'm in the mood, go outside and write while laying in the sun. I'd get coffee with my best friend and just talking about higher things. I'd stay up late on tumblr or watching tv.

 

[Pionart]

From the second questionnaire, I was seeing N and Fi. If your friends would describe you as caring etc. and not quiet, then that would suggest ExFx, and the desire for freedom sounded Fi, and also N-ish. ENFP.

So, now you have both ISTJ and ENFP as typings. Yay.

 

[Betty Blue]

From the second questionnaire, I was seeing N and Fi. If your friends would describe you as caring etc. and not quiet, then that would suggest ExFx, and the desire for freedom sounded Fi, and also N-ish. ENFP.

So, now you have both ISTJ and ENFP as typings. Yay.

Second one definately seemed more E than the first but where is the Ne? I couldn't find anything indicative of Ne.


I think the op should make a video for the type by video thread.

 

[c-jade]

From the second questionnaire, I was seeing N and Fi. If your friends would describe you as caring etc. and not quiet, then that would suggest ExFx, and the desire for freedom sounded Fi, and also N-ish. ENFP.

So, now you have both ISTJ and ENFP as typings. Yay.

Haha, ENFP and ISTJ. So, everyone is seeing Ne, Si, Fi, and Te? That's really funny to me, because I've never really considered either of those types. But I'm open to anything, honestly.

Also, my SO came home so I asked him what he thinks my friends could never call me. He said he has called me quiet before, but "it's more of a mood thing." He said no one could ever call me selfish, boring, indifferent (he was going for the opposite of passionate), or dumb, for what that's worth.

 

[c-jade]

Second one definately seemed more E than the first but where is the Ne? I couldn't find anything indicative of Ne.

I think the op should make a video for the type by video thread.

Can I ask what made you see Si, or whichever other perceiving functions stood out to you?

Also, I will probably work on posting a video for the type by video thread in the next couple days.

 

[Pionart]

Haha, ENFP and ISTJ. So, everyone is seeing Ne, Si, Fi, and Te? That's really funny to me, because I've never really considered either of those types. But I'm open to anything, honestly.

Also, my SO came home so I asked him what he thinks my friends could never call me. He said he has called me quiet before, but "it's more of a mood thing." He said no one could ever call me selfish, boring, indifferent (he was going for the opposite of passionate), or dumb, for what that's worth.

Well, my analysis wasn't necessarily any good haha, I basically just saw a few phrases in there that sounded type related so I just went with those. Probably I could have seen other types too if I had picked different phrases.

 

[PurpleDawn]

Read the whole thing, and quite frankly I can relate quite a bit to a lot of your answers. I get strong feelings of Fi and inferior Si in you, I'd go ENFP.

 

[c-jade]

Read the whole thing, and quite frankly I can relate quite a bit to a lot of your answers. I get strong feelings of Fi and inferior Si in you, I'd go ENFP.

Thank you for taking the time to read it all, PurpleDawn!

Because of my experiences with emotional abuse, I've thought for a long time that I was a strong Fe-user. It wasn't until recently that I realized what I saw as Fe might actually just be shame and guilt that I've been taught to feel when I'm not making others happy. Because of that I've just had such a hard time figuring out if I use Fi or Fe, I think also in part because I don't have a strong understanding of Fi. Anyway, all that to say that I appreciate your insight, because I'm not able to see those functions clearly for myself.

 

[Forever]

I'd say ENFP!

 

[c-jade]

[MENTION=9160]HelenOfTroy[/MENTION] I made a video for the type by video thread that you mentioned. Posting it here too, in case that's easier.

Also, I realize I'm being super needy about this and I apologize. I've been going in circles about my type for almost four years now and I'm finally getting to a place where I can see myself more clearly, so I just really want to know for certain what I am. Thanks to all who help with the process.

Anyway, here's the video.

 

[Betty Blue]

[MENTION=9160]HelenOfTroy[/MENTION] I made a video for the type by video thread that you mentioned. Posting it here too, in case that's easier.

Also, I realize I'm being super needy about this and I apologize. I've been going in circles about my type for almost four years now and I'm finally getting to a place where I can see myself more clearly, so I just really want to know for certain what I am. Thanks to all who help with the process.

Anyway, here's the video.

Hold the phone, I think we have ourselves another ENFP. Hilarious, the beginning of the vid I really didn't see it coming, you seem to have some sfj stuff going on... idk maybe it's who you think you are supposed to be being and tried to uphold that? But you relaxed more and showed a lot of what I consider to be Ne (not evident in the questionnaires) with also a shit ton of Fi.

I think depression can cause circular thinking... it also drives you to despair. I think i'm more of a despair person actually. I can flit between joy and despair.

Crazy, you sound a lot like me in my vid, did you see it?

Also I'm sorry about your marriage, it seems you feel like a prisoner. Only one way to deal with that huh.

 

[c-jade]

Hold the phone, I think we have ourselves another ENFP. Hilarious, the beginning of the vid I really didn't see it coming, you seem to have some sfj stuff going on... idk maybe it's who you think you are supposed to be being and tried to uphold that? But you relaxed more and showed a lot of what I consider to be Ne (not evident in the questionnaires) with also a shit ton of Fi.

I think depression can cause circular thinking... it also drives you to despair. I think i'm more of a despair person actually. I can flit between joy and despair.

Crazy, you sound a lot like me in my vid, did you see it?

Also I'm sorry about your marriage, it seems you feel like a prisoner. Only one way to deal with that huh.

You are surprisingly on point in your deductions. I changed a lot when I came to college and got into a world where I felt like I had to be a specific type of person (an SFJ) to be "good" or "right." I'm just now coming out of that place and I think that's why it takes a while for you to see the "real me" in the video.

I am really excited at the prospect of being an ENFP... But as I have a HORRIBLE understanding of Fi, can you tell me where you saw so much of it in the video? I think I am literally incapable of seeing it in myself and for a long time felt like I could be nothing but Fe.

Also, where can I find your video? I'd love to watch it. It does sound like we have some similarities.

My marriage, and my life in general, is sort of a mess. But it's okay, because there is time and room to grow and the possibilities are endless. (I am in joy mode today.)

 

[Mal12345]

My marriage, and my life in general, is sort of a mess. But it's okay, because there is time and room to grow and the possibilities are endless. (I am in joy mode today.)

Yup, ENFP.