Abjection
New member
- Joined
- Jul 12, 2016
- Messages
- 17
- MBTI Type
- INTJ
- Enneagram
- 5w4
- Instinctual Variant
- sx/sp
Hi, I'm new here, but I do know about the MBTI and Enneagram systems. The problem are the tests, they're too.. I can see right through them, directly to the cognitive function they're reflecting.
My goal ultimately, is to transcend myself. The only way I can go about doing that, is by treating myself as a test subject. Gathering as much self-knowledge as possible by fitting into a box, and then breaking out of that. The process may seem self-defeating, but it isn't. The reason I'm trying to fit myself into a box is because to me, these systems give out subjective advice, in an objective manner; and to bypass the subjectivity, I would have to take it in as honestly as possible. I'll have to find myself through knowledge and move on from there. I seek the truth, even if there may not be one. By doing tests, I have been labeled: INTJ, INFP, INTP, ISTP
I am going to keep an open mind, and that would mean releasing my current viewpoint back into the void.
Questions:
Answers:
1) Stereotypes and based of the tests results, my preferences seem to be in a state of flux. The inconsistency there and not knowing why the gap there remains, is where the confusion is coming from. I do have identity issues, but they're not as important as I place knowledge, self-knowledge above it. Other than those, just stress.
2) I have yet to work on that. As a child, I planned my future, most of it, until I was told it was impractical. From then on, by attitude towards everything else changed. Deep down, I yearn for knowledge. I want to know more, but I feel as if there's not enough time to learn whatever I want to; and because of that, I lack the confidence to go out there and apply myself. With no practical goal in mind, I don't know where to start. Other than that I also secretly, yearn, for a deep, meaningful connection of some sort. I feel a bit uncomfortable talking about that on here, so any questions, PM me please.
3) Honestly, being competent, yet understanding. I am unsure of my exact feelings there and then, but there is this confidence, of being in control, that surrounds me when I'm good at something, however, that's the case for most people. You become the best at what you do.
4) People, my emotions, and not knowing enough. I question how they can be happy most of the time. Its a state of mind, but one that makes little sense to me. I do not know what I'm supposed to do with my emotions. I acknowledge them, I accept them, but I try to shape them up into an ideal of sorts on the inside and surround that perfect 'form' with facts. SO yes, I am misunderstood most of the time, but instead of feeling bad about it, I label them as incapable of understanding others(its a bad habit). Not knowing enough literally kills me, there's so much stress towards learning, carefully morphing my thoughts into a singularity and using all my knowledge to work on it in reality.
5) In terms of decisions, I look at the Pro's and Con's more than my own feeling about it. I understand that others may feel otherwise, so I try to be sympathetic to their concerns and gentle with how I put it, but I generally would go ahead with it. When I was younger though, I used to be rude and quite harsh. I also tend to look at statistics when making decisions.
6) For projects, If I have an end goal, I would wish to be in control of it. I prefer working alone, but If i have to, I would look at each person and figure out what they're good at and how we can use each other. Other than that I just do up the plans, and check on the progress.
7) SKIP.
8) Learning occurs when I'm alone, undisturbed and free to experiment around with my thoughts. Asking questions and getting answers do help too, but generally isolation would 'feel' best.
9) I am organised when I'm focused, when Im learning or working towards a certain ultimatum I'm passionate about. Other than that, physically my surrounds are just stacked randomly. I feel the need to clean my table, but when I'm not using it, I don't bother with it much. I don't see how its an issue.
10) Idea judgement, I look for INFO that supports it. My father is all about the underlying principle and values etc. I look for more info, gather as much as I can on that idea, and then sort it out and decide if its worth my time.
11) I don't necessarily care about both.. Generally, I don't feel the need to be true to myself 24/7 nor do I feel the need to care about others; but those who belong in a group are competent and its easier to talk to them, less frustration, less rejection.
12) I prefer one to one interaction, however i tend to speak while I think. I reach my conclusions out loud. I have to, I just won't be able to look through my words while they're in my head.
13) Actions speak more than words to me. Words are essentially tools, manipulation etc. I like to know here i'm jumping before leaping. I have to know, I have to plan it all out perfectly. I can't just 'do it'
14) I will look at who called me. If its someone I'm close too, I wouldn't mind hanging out with them, but it is kinda last minute. Other than that I'd probably tell them I'm busy or smth and carry on with my plans.
15) I start moving fast. learning more, more anxiety, more fear, more thoughts, close to zero food and water, prioritise my goals above everything else, but struggle with my feelings so I won't be able to wok on my goals. Get depressed, think, then I go out. Reach home feeling better and re evaluate everything else.
16) SKIP
17) Philosophy, I like talking about them. Figuring them out, deconstructing them. I love talking about the future, but most of the time they come to me with their problems. I try to give them objective information and view their issues from multiple perspectives, but I generally hate that since most of them seem to be looking for sympathy instead of solutions.
18) My health, my physical body, my surroundings, the present. Other than those, I'm fine.
19) Their perception of me fluctuates. they have their moods and they have experienced both sides of me, a caring side and a ruthless one. It is their perception after all and I don't necessarily care about that. However I believe they don't want to get to know me, just like everyone else.
20) 2 hours of gaming. 1 hour of drawing. 6 hours of learning. 1 hour of exercise. and another 4 hours of sorting my thoughts and reading up on something interesting. I have no serious long term goals yet, I'm in a rut.
Questions:
1. Establish a "baseline mood"--when you're at home with nothing to do, where are you at mentally and emotionally? What do you notice in yourself? (Note, this is not a mood you inhabit "frequently", but your psychological baseline).
mentally, I'm trying to understand something I've been thinking about for quite some time. Trying to get it to make sense.
emotionally, I'm not sure, but a tad bit of sadness?
2. Describe yourself--
a. What's it like to be you?
Tiring. Too much self-inflicted pressure to get something done, to learn and create something beautiful yet, insightful.
b. What have others said about you?
I've been labeled lazy, irresponsible, self-centred, worthless etc, but they don't know me very well, they're all so caught up in their impression of me, instead of the real me.
c. What do you think of yourself?
It fluctuates, I keep incompetent deep down, so I try to learn as much as I can about what interests me and work towards a goal in that sector, an objective one. I tend to suppress my feelings till Im alone, and plan everything out in my castle. I have self- esteem issues so there is a part of me rejecting relationships and at the same time, longing for one.
3. What are the issues you've dealt with in life? List some recurrent themes, and tell us a little about each one.
DISCONNECTION. Abuse, Failing, Relationships. I've had to deal with emotional and physical abuse by myself, that kind of explains my detached nature. I was never given enough space to do my own thing. Due to that, I gave up on my goals and failed school. My father's a 1w2, so there was a lot of pressure there and anger. My mother was emotionally reactive so I had to deal with those issues when young. they shaped my world view and I saw relationships as something that would prohibit freedom, but in reality its just me.
4. You're not good at everything--
a. What personality traits and/or ways of being are impossible for you to adopt?
I am unsure, I have yet to figure myself out.
b. What are qualities you'd like to have, but can't seem to develop?
Being able to produce things instead of simply thinking them out. Being able to understand myself and my emotions. Being able to connect.
5. Why have you left friends and other relationships in the past and/or why have they left you?
I left them because they were too pushy and inconsiderate. selfish. They gave me no space and I had nothing in common with them. they didn't appreciate my thoughts and feelings. They left me because i was unwilling to hang out and do what they deem to be 'fun'.
6. Which types do you identify with most?
INTx. Type 5.
a. How do you relate to these types?
descriptions, coping mechanisms, reactions etc.
b. How do you NOT relate to them?
The slight fluctuation of emotion and clouded judgement tend to produce a bit of self doubt in that area.
7. Which types are least like you?
Type 2. xSFx
a. Why specifically do you not relate to these types?
Its just alien to me.
8. They claim enneagram type is a hidden love need. What are your attitudes toward finding love?
Something I would long for. The ultimate connection and understanding. free to be open and closed. Freedom of space and beauty.
9. What is the message your superego tells you?
I don't know enough. Need more.
Consider a time when you felt poorly about yourself--this means your ego (i.e. YOU) is receiving negative feedback from your superego. Write a conversation between the two of them--what is your superego telling you about how to be? (Note: this obviously is very personal and may be better done privately. Report your findings).
I find that my superego is pushing me to overcome my issues by learning about them while my ego is drowing in it.
For the following, rank the issues in the order they apply and give a brief description of why and how you relate.
10. Determine your ego ideal--the way you strive to be and want others to perceive you. (Note, you may be consciously aware of failing at this, and you will be hard on yourself if you do. If someone else tells you you're NOT this way, it may make you feel hurt, violated, or angry.)
SKIP
Which of the following ideals resonate with you the most, and why? Rank them.
4) to be "okay", having it together
9) to be devoted and loyal to a person or cause
2) to be sensitive, original, unique, and creative
1) to be knowledgeable
3) to be powerful, strong, unassailable.
5) to be accomplished and successful
7) to strive to become/behave like a good person
8) to be a loveable person
6) to be loving and benevolent
11. Determine your "felt sense" of life. To do this it may help to look at how you perceive events. Another way to do this is to look back at your childhood and think of all the things your parents did to you. How did you/do you feel about these events?
I felt unwanted, rejected yet cared for. I felt as If i wasn't entitled to any boundaries and alone time and that I had an obligation to please them. I'll just rathe the below.
Here are some common "felt senses" of life:
5) I must do everything to maintain my world
4) I have a sense of being unimportant, insignificant, and underving of attention
7) I feel imperfect, not (good) enough
6) I have been abandoned and I am inherently flawed
2) I'm outside the natural unfoldment of things
8) People have wronged and messed with me
1) I feel isolated, cut off, and ultimately separate
9) I have felt weak and/or vulnerable to attack
3) I've had a sense of being rejectible
12. Core fears. You may have been aware of these fears even as a very small child, before anyone did anything to influence it. You'd be mortified to be in this position or have others perceive you this way.
Discuss which fears have played the greatest role in your life:
- Creating conflict by making myself or my needs too obvious
- Weak and not being on top of things
- Entanglements and losing what I have
- A lot--everything and everyone to one degree or another. It's very generalised.
My goal ultimately, is to transcend myself. The only way I can go about doing that, is by treating myself as a test subject. Gathering as much self-knowledge as possible by fitting into a box, and then breaking out of that. The process may seem self-defeating, but it isn't. The reason I'm trying to fit myself into a box is because to me, these systems give out subjective advice, in an objective manner; and to bypass the subjectivity, I would have to take it in as honestly as possible. I'll have to find myself through knowledge and move on from there. I seek the truth, even if there may not be one. By doing tests, I have been labeled: INTJ, INFP, INTP, ISTP
I am going to keep an open mind, and that would mean releasing my current viewpoint back into the void.
Questions:
Answers:
1) Stereotypes and based of the tests results, my preferences seem to be in a state of flux. The inconsistency there and not knowing why the gap there remains, is where the confusion is coming from. I do have identity issues, but they're not as important as I place knowledge, self-knowledge above it. Other than those, just stress.
2) I have yet to work on that. As a child, I planned my future, most of it, until I was told it was impractical. From then on, by attitude towards everything else changed. Deep down, I yearn for knowledge. I want to know more, but I feel as if there's not enough time to learn whatever I want to; and because of that, I lack the confidence to go out there and apply myself. With no practical goal in mind, I don't know where to start. Other than that I also secretly, yearn, for a deep, meaningful connection of some sort. I feel a bit uncomfortable talking about that on here, so any questions, PM me please.
3) Honestly, being competent, yet understanding. I am unsure of my exact feelings there and then, but there is this confidence, of being in control, that surrounds me when I'm good at something, however, that's the case for most people. You become the best at what you do.
4) People, my emotions, and not knowing enough. I question how they can be happy most of the time. Its a state of mind, but one that makes little sense to me. I do not know what I'm supposed to do with my emotions. I acknowledge them, I accept them, but I try to shape them up into an ideal of sorts on the inside and surround that perfect 'form' with facts. SO yes, I am misunderstood most of the time, but instead of feeling bad about it, I label them as incapable of understanding others(its a bad habit). Not knowing enough literally kills me, there's so much stress towards learning, carefully morphing my thoughts into a singularity and using all my knowledge to work on it in reality.
5) In terms of decisions, I look at the Pro's and Con's more than my own feeling about it. I understand that others may feel otherwise, so I try to be sympathetic to their concerns and gentle with how I put it, but I generally would go ahead with it. When I was younger though, I used to be rude and quite harsh. I also tend to look at statistics when making decisions.
6) For projects, If I have an end goal, I would wish to be in control of it. I prefer working alone, but If i have to, I would look at each person and figure out what they're good at and how we can use each other. Other than that I just do up the plans, and check on the progress.
7) SKIP.
8) Learning occurs when I'm alone, undisturbed and free to experiment around with my thoughts. Asking questions and getting answers do help too, but generally isolation would 'feel' best.
9) I am organised when I'm focused, when Im learning or working towards a certain ultimatum I'm passionate about. Other than that, physically my surrounds are just stacked randomly. I feel the need to clean my table, but when I'm not using it, I don't bother with it much. I don't see how its an issue.
10) Idea judgement, I look for INFO that supports it. My father is all about the underlying principle and values etc. I look for more info, gather as much as I can on that idea, and then sort it out and decide if its worth my time.
11) I don't necessarily care about both.. Generally, I don't feel the need to be true to myself 24/7 nor do I feel the need to care about others; but those who belong in a group are competent and its easier to talk to them, less frustration, less rejection.
12) I prefer one to one interaction, however i tend to speak while I think. I reach my conclusions out loud. I have to, I just won't be able to look through my words while they're in my head.
13) Actions speak more than words to me. Words are essentially tools, manipulation etc. I like to know here i'm jumping before leaping. I have to know, I have to plan it all out perfectly. I can't just 'do it'
14) I will look at who called me. If its someone I'm close too, I wouldn't mind hanging out with them, but it is kinda last minute. Other than that I'd probably tell them I'm busy or smth and carry on with my plans.
15) I start moving fast. learning more, more anxiety, more fear, more thoughts, close to zero food and water, prioritise my goals above everything else, but struggle with my feelings so I won't be able to wok on my goals. Get depressed, think, then I go out. Reach home feeling better and re evaluate everything else.
16) SKIP
17) Philosophy, I like talking about them. Figuring them out, deconstructing them. I love talking about the future, but most of the time they come to me with their problems. I try to give them objective information and view their issues from multiple perspectives, but I generally hate that since most of them seem to be looking for sympathy instead of solutions.
18) My health, my physical body, my surroundings, the present. Other than those, I'm fine.
19) Their perception of me fluctuates. they have their moods and they have experienced both sides of me, a caring side and a ruthless one. It is their perception after all and I don't necessarily care about that. However I believe they don't want to get to know me, just like everyone else.
20) 2 hours of gaming. 1 hour of drawing. 6 hours of learning. 1 hour of exercise. and another 4 hours of sorting my thoughts and reading up on something interesting. I have no serious long term goals yet, I'm in a rut.
Questions:
1. Establish a "baseline mood"--when you're at home with nothing to do, where are you at mentally and emotionally? What do you notice in yourself? (Note, this is not a mood you inhabit "frequently", but your psychological baseline).
mentally, I'm trying to understand something I've been thinking about for quite some time. Trying to get it to make sense.
emotionally, I'm not sure, but a tad bit of sadness?
2. Describe yourself--
a. What's it like to be you?
Tiring. Too much self-inflicted pressure to get something done, to learn and create something beautiful yet, insightful.
b. What have others said about you?
I've been labeled lazy, irresponsible, self-centred, worthless etc, but they don't know me very well, they're all so caught up in their impression of me, instead of the real me.
c. What do you think of yourself?
It fluctuates, I keep incompetent deep down, so I try to learn as much as I can about what interests me and work towards a goal in that sector, an objective one. I tend to suppress my feelings till Im alone, and plan everything out in my castle. I have self- esteem issues so there is a part of me rejecting relationships and at the same time, longing for one.
3. What are the issues you've dealt with in life? List some recurrent themes, and tell us a little about each one.
DISCONNECTION. Abuse, Failing, Relationships. I've had to deal with emotional and physical abuse by myself, that kind of explains my detached nature. I was never given enough space to do my own thing. Due to that, I gave up on my goals and failed school. My father's a 1w2, so there was a lot of pressure there and anger. My mother was emotionally reactive so I had to deal with those issues when young. they shaped my world view and I saw relationships as something that would prohibit freedom, but in reality its just me.
4. You're not good at everything--
a. What personality traits and/or ways of being are impossible for you to adopt?
I am unsure, I have yet to figure myself out.
b. What are qualities you'd like to have, but can't seem to develop?
Being able to produce things instead of simply thinking them out. Being able to understand myself and my emotions. Being able to connect.
5. Why have you left friends and other relationships in the past and/or why have they left you?
I left them because they were too pushy and inconsiderate. selfish. They gave me no space and I had nothing in common with them. they didn't appreciate my thoughts and feelings. They left me because i was unwilling to hang out and do what they deem to be 'fun'.
6. Which types do you identify with most?
INTx. Type 5.
a. How do you relate to these types?
descriptions, coping mechanisms, reactions etc.
b. How do you NOT relate to them?
The slight fluctuation of emotion and clouded judgement tend to produce a bit of self doubt in that area.
7. Which types are least like you?
Type 2. xSFx
a. Why specifically do you not relate to these types?
Its just alien to me.
8. They claim enneagram type is a hidden love need. What are your attitudes toward finding love?
Something I would long for. The ultimate connection and understanding. free to be open and closed. Freedom of space and beauty.
9. What is the message your superego tells you?
I don't know enough. Need more.
Consider a time when you felt poorly about yourself--this means your ego (i.e. YOU) is receiving negative feedback from your superego. Write a conversation between the two of them--what is your superego telling you about how to be? (Note: this obviously is very personal and may be better done privately. Report your findings).
I find that my superego is pushing me to overcome my issues by learning about them while my ego is drowing in it.
For the following, rank the issues in the order they apply and give a brief description of why and how you relate.
10. Determine your ego ideal--the way you strive to be and want others to perceive you. (Note, you may be consciously aware of failing at this, and you will be hard on yourself if you do. If someone else tells you you're NOT this way, it may make you feel hurt, violated, or angry.)
SKIP
Which of the following ideals resonate with you the most, and why? Rank them.
4) to be "okay", having it together
9) to be devoted and loyal to a person or cause
2) to be sensitive, original, unique, and creative
1) to be knowledgeable
3) to be powerful, strong, unassailable.
5) to be accomplished and successful
7) to strive to become/behave like a good person
8) to be a loveable person
6) to be loving and benevolent
11. Determine your "felt sense" of life. To do this it may help to look at how you perceive events. Another way to do this is to look back at your childhood and think of all the things your parents did to you. How did you/do you feel about these events?
I felt unwanted, rejected yet cared for. I felt as If i wasn't entitled to any boundaries and alone time and that I had an obligation to please them. I'll just rathe the below.
Here are some common "felt senses" of life:
5) I must do everything to maintain my world
4) I have a sense of being unimportant, insignificant, and underving of attention
7) I feel imperfect, not (good) enough
6) I have been abandoned and I am inherently flawed
2) I'm outside the natural unfoldment of things
8) People have wronged and messed with me
1) I feel isolated, cut off, and ultimately separate
9) I have felt weak and/or vulnerable to attack
3) I've had a sense of being rejectible
12. Core fears. You may have been aware of these fears even as a very small child, before anyone did anything to influence it. You'd be mortified to be in this position or have others perceive you this way.
Discuss which fears have played the greatest role in your life:
- Creating conflict by making myself or my needs too obvious
- Weak and not being on top of things
- Entanglements and losing what I have
- A lot--everything and everyone to one degree or another. It's very generalised.
