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Hello there from Willow

Willow Tree

New member
Joined
May 29, 2016
Messages
24
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
4w5
Instinctual Variant
so/sp
Hello there! It turns out that I've been butting in and acting like I'm knowledgeable in various threads but have not introduced myself :) My name is not Willow, but I like the idea of willow and hence use it for a lot of things. Some other aliases include Nellie Scarborough. My real name starts in a J.

I'm actually a teenager (is that considered young here?) and take the IB curriculum. I live with my dog and my family. I got interested in typology last year when I was 14, more than a year ago, as though I always have been in an existential crisis it was especially bad in the past few years and I probably looped and gripped and went into shadow form a lot.

I typed this previously to clarify if I'm an INFJ or an INFP, but I've decided on INFP now. (I just disliked the INFP stereotype for I'm quite a reasonable person at times and don't seem to be as subjective... But then I realized that healthy INFPs are like me...) I'll still post it for reference though. It focuses on me as a child because I thought it'd be easier to type me from there, when I was au naturale and not influenced as much by latter issues.

P.S. Just skip to the end if it's too loopy and annoying. I know it's really long.
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As a young child I was emotionally conscious. I definitely, constantly evaluating my own emotions. I would notice patterns and address the mechanisms of sentiments, then recognize the exact mechanism working in other people. The only emotional disawarenesses that I had were that I was blunt and rude at times (I was a child though), and tend to not notice when I’m speaking too much and annoying people. I seemed to have some slightly autistic tendencies in that sense, but it was not prevalent of me. I’m an intuitive. I don’t greatly recognize or am guided by it all the time, but it’s subconsciously all of me and I know how it blinds me without me realizing it myself. I tend to remember my moments of Ni, however, more than moments of Ne. I was aware of non-universal symbols, things reminded me of other things that others wouldn’t even think of and to add to my perceiving dominant-ness (so as to show why I don’t think I’m really an Fi-dom in many cases): 1) I was quite objective and flexible-minded when it came to things and ideas, and very suggestible; 2) I had a bit more of a critical mind and evaluative abilities than the generic Fi description, almost to an extent of Ti. I had a knack for creating fictional characters and melodramas and was idiosyncratic to a fault.
I would classify my childhood moments into moments of Ni and Fi…
Fi-moments:
- Whenever I got yelled at. There was this time when I bumped into a teacher in the kindergarten corridor. She reacted like a woman being bumped in the butt by the head of a clumsy four year old, and half-pissed-ly asked me to apologize. I ended up crying, continuously looking back and eventually running away. (That was a stupid move out of impulse? Slightly Se-ish. I do have Se or sx moments.) When my mom who’s very concerned every time I’m scolded asks me to re-enact the scene / reiterate to her what happened in the evening, I did so obediently but was certainly reluctant to relive the experience.

- A supreme Fi-Ne moment was when I was being naughty, and my grandmother went like, ‘Oh, you’re so noisy. Get out!’ So I ran out towards the door, a little kid, and I was out there when I dramatically turned back and wailed, ‘You think I’m the ugly duckling! I’m not the ugly duckling, but you’re telling me to go away like I’m the ugly duckling!’ Seriously…

Ni-moments:
- This isn’t a moment, but a quirk. I was overtly concerned with things that ‘didn’t last’. I preferred toys that were ‘perpetual’ and wouldn’t be used up. If it’s a toy watch that’s battery can’t be replaced, then I’m not going to make emotional attachments to it. I didn’t use my pretty erasers, unlike my friend who enjoys them right away, but instead kept them and tried to make them into ‘perpetual’ items.

- I recognized human elements everywhere. The light/shadows of lamps would be like faces looking down at me, and they were usually sombre-motherly figures or mysterious men with vendetta faces.

- I was greatly drawn to the mysterious. Conspiracies, sacred religions. That kind of thing.

- I was anxious and am still a highly anxious person. I actually have a bit of actual OCD (not very serious and undiagnosed, happens occasionally though) and it has manifested in some different forms, such as a fear of germs, of cancer, of high fevers. That’s like bad Ni in usage. At this current age now (I’m in my late teens) my OCD tendencies are in the metaphysics. I still do not know what’s real and what’s not. I tend towards magical thinking, and always have.

- There was this time when I was playing with a bottle of face wash in the shower. I squirted a strange rune like symbol on my hand. IT was completely random but looked like a rune anyway. I was going to wash it away when I freaked out and called my mom to look at it. I pretended that I was showing off my creation to hide my embarrassment, but secretly I wanted her to check if it’s some kind of scary rune that’ll cause bad things to happen. Let’s just say that I was a superstitious child, without any significant religion in my family.

Things that I can’t classify:
- For every show that I watch, I must have a role-model character for me to really get attached to it. That character is everything to me, and I would only watch that show for the character. AS a less critical child I might’ve copied everything that the character did. I wanted to BE her, and my obsessions are obvious to some close friends, much to my embarrassment.

- I was less personally opinionated than an Fi-dom might be. I was very intrigued by and accepting of what adults teach me of social norms and graces, and models of logic. Sometimes I can get insensitive like a thinker. Like my father, I enjoyed and still enjoy dissing on others’ logical inconsistencies though I’m a feeler. My feeling generally manifests in a way of self-consciousness and extreme sympathy/people pleaser attitude. I do genuinely care about others, but I lack Fe in the sense that I’m not the best empath until it’s a feeling that I’ve experienced or fear.

- I was actually obsessed with details and logical inconsistencies. My pet game console had this part where I’d click in and it’d show my pet watching the sunset. I was dissatisfied that it shows the sunset no matter what time of the day it was, so I tried to believe that it’s a rock (the setting sun). I felt obliged to convince everyone I knew that it’s a rock. Basically, the fictional aspects in any work of fiction must be real. I pretend that they have existed/happened/still exist, so I’m particularly drawn to the trivia of fictional characters. I’m meticulous when it comes to height and all those nit-picky details, and only accept official explanations. I have a general obsession with things being official and having brand-names and I liked things looking commercial, so I would dislike personal homemade items or flawed products. But that was me when I was young. Now I tend to convince myself that it’s because it’s mine and mine’s special for me etc., or that everyone has flaws.

- My Ne manifests in the way that I’m quite entrepreneurial. Anything that I watch and like – I’d want to make one myself and do whatever I want with it. I do not like alternate universes, even if I like the character interactions. As I have said, to me it’s reality and it’d better be, so any fanfiction that I take seriously would be out of the storyline (e.g. after the ending) or just from another POV, same events. Then I’d very Ni nit-pick the best fitting one and it’s the ‘truth’ of what happened. I liked creating brand-names and sticker lines and ...

(I stopped typing from there because apparently it was midnight and I had a biology exam the following day)

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So anyways! Thanks for reading if it's been long.

Some other things about me are that I like anime, YA novels and Celtic music. I play the Sims. I also quite like the sciences though it's never been the majority of my identity. I like drawing pretty girls like the one in my avatar, who's supposed to be Juliet on her balcony.

I'm also an advocate of a pediatric brain cancer called DIPG and have to try not to shove it in others' face when discussing issues. It's a complete disaster and tragedy, though considered rare. The child's equivalent to ALS.

Yours. Thanks for reading and hope you find me good company!
 
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