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  1. #1
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    Default Help me find my type, with questionnaire

    Hello everyone,
    I became interested in personality theories when I was in a very unhealthy state of mind and since then I'm re-evaluating my type every now and then to gain more knowledge about myself.
    I'd be very happy with some help!
    Mainly looking for Enneagram type, but other input would be nice, too.

    The Questions

    1. What drives you in life? What do you look for?

    Short-term: upcoming events that I'm excited about drive me. Right now I'm super excited about a party on saturday and I just want it to be saturday. I'm looking for nice ways to pass time (meeting friends, filling out this questionnaire, listening to music, thinking about myself and life, ...).
    Long-term: idealized versions of reality. Kind of my own reality that I want to achieve in this reality. This might seem a little unrealistic, but I think it's nice and quite possible if I'm lucky. It makes me happy and fullfilled to think about my dream-reality and it drives me to work towards that goal. Currently not really working at all is helping me to reach my goal, so it's not about success in the common sense though. Not sure if I want to reveal my dream in detail, but it's about freedom, feeling unity with many people and living a passion.

    I'm looking for fun/happiness, some kind of mystery/spirituality to life, enough time to recharge my batteries and a bunch of awesome friends. Kinda hippie-like.

    2. What do you hope to accomplish in your life?
    Hmm, I just want to feel happy and free. That's all. I don't want to accomplish anything in particular.

    3. What do you hope to avoid doing or being? What values are important to you?
    I want to avoid long-term pain, because I experienced enough of that when I was younger. I also hate emptiness and meaninglessness. I want to be able to do what I need to do to be happy, but I'm not sure what exactly that is yet. I just know what it is for the moment.
    Live and let live, tolerance, harmony, peace, love (more of a general love, not love to one person), meaning... those things are very important to me. Experiencing new things, health, many friends (I'm pretty introverted, so that is an issue sometimes)... also important! I don't want to be happy alone or with just one person. I want to be happy with a group of people. A partner would be nice, but I don't focus on that.

    4. What are your biggest fears (not including phobias)? Why?

    Feeling like an outsider or as if something is wrong with me hurts a lot. Feeling as if I don't belong to a group. Being alone, without meaning, bored, depressed, without any drive to go on in life. Feeling the way I felt as a teenager is what I fear. I have a hard time going in detail here, I don't really want to think about it too much. I just want happiness, freedom and harmony. Everything that goes against that is what I fear, but most of my fears are about social stuff.

    5. How do you want others to see you? How do you see yourself?
    I don't know, they should just see me how they want to see me. I'm not trying to impress, I'm just being myself. Well, I guess being seen as nice and easy-going is important to me though. Just a general good impression. I'm always trying to be likeable, but it's unconscious.
    I see myself as a nice, easy-going guy. I'm pretty introverted and it's hard for me to get out of my shell, but at the same time friends call me open and social. It's a pretty weird mix. One part of me is pushing me outside to experience new things, meet new people and do crazy shit and another part wants to keep me in myself and at home. Well, now that I'm older I kinda know how to balance things out. So it's fine.

    6. What makes you feel your best? What makes you feel your worst?
    Parties make me feel best. Not because of the talking, but because of the unity I feel with people. Dancing on the dancefloor and feeling in harmony with everyone. Not sure if everyone knows those psytrance parties (it's called "goa" here), but it's pretty much psychedelic music with open, hippie-like people dancing to those sounds and talking to each other sometimes. It's a very free, open, spiritual, united environment and I never felt better. I also feel pretty good when hanging out with friends or flirting. Sometimes thinking about deep stuff also makes me happy or listening to music. Well, I could go on, but those are the most important things.

    I feel worst when I'm isolated and bored. Whenever I can't escape a situation (no introvert-time, pushy people, ...) it makes me feel horrible, too. Also losing control of a situation makes me sick. Today a friend locked me into her apartment by accident and I wanted to go home. I couldn't. I punshed some walls and stole a joghurt from her to compensate and then it was fine again, but I need some time to process changes like that.
    Sometimes I value harmony too much and I don't tell people what bothers me. That causes a kind of internal rage and it's pretty painful, but it comes and goes quickly.

    7. Describe how you experience each of: a) anger; b) shame; c) anxiety.
    a) 95% of the time internal rage. If I let it out I 1) talk about rationally or 2) explode. It feels like a volcano explosion, but in reality it's just some wall-punshing or 5 seconds of very loud talking though.

    b) Very rare. When I embarass myself soically I feel shame. One time my teacher did a weird project where we were supposed to tell every student what we like and dislike about them. I told one student that I disliked something about him and oh god, the shame... I still feel shame about it. Pointless and mean.

    c) I usually feel anxiety about social situations all the time. I just want to do everything right so that people like me. It's just a constant feeling of tension. Sometimes higher, sometimes lower... nothing special though. I'm used to it.

    8. Describe how you respond to each of: a) stress; b) unexpected change; c) conflict

    a) Hmm, not sure... I'll just be like typically stressed a bit? I don't know. Depends on the situation. I just get more quiet and serious and more tension.
    b) Ohh, I hate that. I'll get very angry or very anxious for a bit, but it'll be fine after I thought about it a little. I'll try to not let it show though.
    c) I don't create conflict often. If someone keeps going against what I feel/want, I'll tell the person and see if we can work something out. People also rarely confront me with anything. If so it stresses me out a lot, but I'll try to find a nice solution for both parties.

    9. Describe your orientation to: a) authority; b) power. How do you respond to these?

    a) Depends on the authority. If I don't like the authority I'll smile and be nice, but secretly work against them. That's how it was in school at least.
    b) Not sure, sorry. Probably the same?

    10. What is your overall outlook on life and humanity?
    I'm very optimistic and I think life just gets better and better. Things evolve, technology advances. More and more people think about the environment, about animals, about food. The internet offers an awesome place to read about various topics. There's also a lot of shit happening, but I think we will be able to learn from those mistakes. I think there has to be bad in order for good things to happen afterwards. That's something I learned recently and I believe in it.

    Extra Questions

    11. Discuss an event that has impacted your life significantly; more importantly, how you responded to it.

    After a recent mushroom-trip I experienced a state of "enlightenment". I was one with the universe and myself, it was very beautiful. It made me very, very happy and I'm able to feel feelings like that more often since then.
    Another thing that impacted my life are my years as a teenager. I was very depressed, lonely and sad. I escaped into a world of mental disorders to have an identity and to be at least something. I wanted to get very sick just so that I wouldn't have to face my inner emptiness and nothingness. It took me many years to realize that I just build up a whole wall of fake disorders.
    I also got bullied as a kid. I just kept smiling and nodding. I ignored everything. I didn't feel a lot, just some anxiety every now and then. I was empty. I acted as if nothing happened. After some years I exploded though and what I described above began.

    12. What were you like as a kid?

    I was shy, but still happy and social! I was very imaginative and I loved imagining different realities. I also were very good at being annoying at times. Just a typical kid, but more imaginative and shy than others.

    13. What do you see or notice in others that most people don't?
    I tend to read their inner world more easily than other people. Sometimes I talk to friends about some other friend (like fears and worries) and they will react like "Oh, really? Hmm.. yea, now that you say it I see it, too!". I guess I tend to see behing their mask a little. In some people I just see emptiness and masks over masks though, not sure if that's too judgemental or the truth. I tend to dislike being around those people then even though they might be in my circle of friends.

    14. What's something you are: a) thankful you have; b) wish you could have? Why?

    b) I wish I would have more friends who I feel comfortable with. It's not like I don't have any... but the feeling of being completely comfortable with someone is just so nice. And also more money, because money is always nice!
    I also wish I would be better at saying and doing what I want. Sometimes I value harmony a little too much.

    I'm very thankful for any response! It was already a nice journey for me to type this.

  2. #2
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    Well, I would say you are a type nine. It seems pretty obvious, but I wonder is this a natural setting for you? Are you naturally optimistic and so harmony seeking or is this something you are forcing yourself to do to keep the negativity of your past out of your mind? In other words, are you trying to be a type nine? You seem to be quite concerned over social relationships and making more friends, I wonder if it is not unity you seek but security from what you hope will be an ever growing number of friends, a sense of stability, something outside of yourself. Also the whole thing about being able to notice what is beneath the surface of people, a certain skepticism I suppose you could say. I wonder if you are actually a six or maybe a nine in the path of disintegration going to the six. take everything I say with a grain of salt, just some thoughts, good luck.

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