Help would be highly appreciated

[PinkisBlack]

Hello everyone. I'm a new user in this forum, and my main reason as to why I joined this forum is to seek help and knowledge.

I have taken the free tests a lot of times and have been typed differently. It was because I am confused about my own self or you could probably say I have low self awareness.

So first, let me talk about some background

[INFO DELETED]

I took a test that my friend told me about, and during that time, I just got out of a very depressing and emotionally abusive situation. I tested INFP, Then, the more I recovered from depression, the more I thought that INFP doesn't really sound like me. It sounded like someone that I'll probably be annoyed of. Then I took the tests again and got ENTP. I was pretty convinced except for the part that says ENTPs are quick at coming up with new random ideas. That didn't sound like something I could do. Maybe I can be random at times when I want to just have fun, but most of the time I would rather want to stay on the topic being discussed.

Then now, I currently test different. I am not gonna tell you what it is so you can think about my information without referring it to a possible bias.

I know about the cognitive functions and how they work, but the problem is, I don't know which me was the real me. I am looking for current explanations as to why I would be changing the way I view things. Could it be something that was affected by my own experiences? I am a fairly kind and generous person. Since I was a kid, I have ALWAYS tried to be nice, when the truth is I didn't really care. But I thought that if I want people to treat me nicely, then I should do the same. I tried to do that all the time. I didn't want to be seen as a bad person, because then everyone would hate me, and I would feel humiliated knowing no ones on my side. But now, I am more honest and I admit it when I don't really care about something, but still wish them best.

These are some points about me:
-I am very image conscious (thus, why I was so shy)
-I procrastinate a lot, but I like to have things decided, so I'll know what will happen.
-Things I do has to have a purpose. I'd feel stupid if I did things without any reason. Except when I considered or decided that I'm gonna be random or say "I just wanted to"
-I have bad body coordination but I like physical stuffs
-I can be forgetful and misplace things
-I am usually daydreaming when I have nothing to do
-I am sympathetic when it comes to emotional issues, because I know how it feels like to be in a really dark mindset. But I am not good at being emotionally supportive or comforting. I tend to become uncomfortable. However, I can talk better in text messages.
-I believe that too much freedom can be dangerous because things will get too chaotic
-I hate it when people are late. And I never understood why punctuality and deadlines are not important for some people
-I have a hard time remembering facts. Sometimes I end up just putting in my own view or explanation (of course I have to tell everyone that I am not speaking in behalf of facts)
-As a kid, I always play with the boys I was never girly, and I have been called tomboy. It didn't bother me that much. But when more and more people started asking me, I become somewhat offended (being called a tomboy in that country was considered a bad thing for a girl). This has become my weakness as well (being called a tomboy)
-I hate repetitions and people that always do the same thing over and over again, thinking that they are great and smart for believing that what has worked before will work again. The world doesn't always stay the same..
-I like rules and traditions ONLY if they actually make sense.
-I get motivated a lot when I do something right and beat someone like in a competition.
-I hate being seen as a loser, or someone who is down at the bottom. It is WORST to be seen this way.
-I believe everyone has different values and I should respect the fact that they have other values that may not be the same as mine. But that doesn't mean I agree and respect what their value is specifically about.
-I HATE being nostalgic. It is something that hurts me and mentally paralyze me. It also gives me a "boring" feeling.
-Even though I thought I was an introvert, I'm pretty sure now that I'm an extrovert.
-I'm a pretty nice person. But sometimes, I just can't "care" about something that doesn't seem to be worthy of respect.
-I believe emotions are essential part of our lives as humans, but only if it is relevant to what is happening or there is a valid reason to feel the certain emotion.
-I am really bad at art and math. I prefer classes that make me do presentation and let me talk about my opinion. Math looks too troublesome and detailed for me and I tend to get bored and confused because I really don't care much about it. But it is interesting. I'm bad at art and sometimes don't understand how other people understand it, but I enjoy music. I especially like talented people who are good at singing, dancing, and drawing simply because they look cool and I can't do what they're doing.

One extra thing about me:
I have been too emotional for a specific period of time, and emotionally expressive to someone, someone that I love and trust the most. That person doesn't know that tho. But now, when I try to remember everything I did and said, I cringe... I'm embarrassed. I regret everything that I've said. I wish I could go back and erase it, but I obviously can't do that lol
Because of this, I think I'm confused between thinking and feeling as well.

 

[bradly00]

I have read your info and have decided that you are an ESTP. ESTPs are good at taking risks and they are great at other things like sales or promoting.

 

[Pionart]

So much of that sounds like Te to me, and you're quite certain of not being strong in Si, thus ENTJ is my guess.

 

[wolfnara]

I think Te as well (because of your focus on outcome, productivity, efficiency). Perhaps some Se as well actually. TJ/FP is my guess.

 

[PinkisBlack]

Interesting that some people have also typed me differently, saying that I don't have Te nor do I prefer intuition over sensing..

 

[Pionart]

Interesting that some people have also typed me differently, saying that I don't have Te nor do I prefer intuition over sensing..

The thing is it is hard with descriptions. Usually you're not going to get an in depth reading where the person is really syncing with your thought processes to determine what is leading to what you are writing, so what you get is a more superficial glance at the specifics of what you are saying.

It would take someone dedicated to the process to know what type you are. Don't worry too much about what type you are anyway, like it's interesting, seeing how you compare to others, might indicate some tips for how to best manage and develop yourself etc. but it's not worth too much stress (unless you reallllly wanna delve into the process... which is about more than just "what type am I?").

 

[PinkisBlack]

The thing is it is hard with descriptions. Usually you're not going to get an in depth reading where the person is really syncing with your thought processes to determine what is leading to what you are writing, so what you get is a more superficial glance at the specifics of what you are saying.

It would take someone dedicated to the process to know what type you are. Don't worry too much about what type you are anyway, like it's interesting, seeing how you compare to others, might indicate some tips for how to best manage and develop yourself etc. but it's not worth too much stress (unless you reallllly wanna delve into the process... which is about more than just "what type am I?").

I actually have a reason that is more than just "what type am I?" It's just that I can't really talk about it elaborately.

I just wanna know first if I'm in a healthy or unhealthy mental state. I want to find some explanations as to why I am the way I am. And what I've been doing superficially. E.g. trying to act kind when I really thought I didn't care. But for some reason, I do acts of kindness. This made me think it's probably an inferior Fi trying to unconsciously control me based on negative emotional experiences.

 

[geedoenfj]

I was confused whether you are an ESTJ or ENTJ until reading this

-I hate repetitions and people that always do the same thing over and over again, thinking that they are great and smart for believing that what has worked before will work again. The world doesn't always stay the same..
-I like rules and traditions ONLY if they actually make sense.
-I get motivated a lot when I do something right and beat someone like in a competition.
-I hate being seen as a loser, or someone who is down at the bottom. It is WORST to be seen this way.

This is not exactly an ESTJ mentality, you're more likely an ENTJ

 

[Dyslexxie]

You sound very ENTJ to me as well from this.

 

[Forever]

I'm going to go aside from all the others and say you're INFJ. Serious.

The thing I do now in typing is that I eliminate some of what you say intuitively as false as it seems very inconsistent with the rest. That's why some people don't always see as what I type to be true. Not that I don't believe you, it's just I see sometimes we try to put an image when we're actually are the ones to blamed of as well.

 

[PinkisBlack]

I've read some more information about Ni, Fe and Fi that somehow made sense to me

So Ni and Si are somewhat similar in a way that they kind of tap into the past, but the Si deals more with the physical details. For example, the color of a car your friend rode on last time.
While Ni deals with you insights or impression. For example, some things happened in the past, and now something related to that past happened and you somehow understood what that past event meant even more and you're connecting the idea that you understood for that past event to have a grasp of what is really going on right now, behind what you see. Unlike Ne who relates it to something unrelated and somehow makes some sense out of it.

Fi is about making morals/values based on the analysis of emotions, while Fe is about dealing with the feelings of the moment. They are the actual participant.

If these descriptions are correct, then I can say that I was using both Ni and Fi when I was in a depressive situation (understanding and making morals/values or just a rule that I should follow).
But when I'm happy, I seem to be using Fe and Se when I'm trying to enjoy the moment. For example, while talking to a friend, I just say and do whatever to get a reaction from a friend. I become totally random. And Se is also like my stress reliever. I usually go outside and just walk while listening to music. This way, I'm able to release anything that was bottling up inside me. Basically I just want to experience things, but not to an extreme like doing extreme sports. I want to experience physical things just to relax.

When I'm on my best, I always wonder "why"
What I mean by this is that, when someone does something, I always ask for the purpose or just ask them why did they do it. I do the same thing to myself too. I just try to make sure first that I have a valid purpose or reason to why I'm gonna do something. Not doing so makes me feel lost or aimless.

With this, I can at least remove the SJs and NPs when figuring out my type.

Also, another thing that I noticed when I'm enjoying or having fun in the moment is that I don't seem to be using any Introverted functions at all...

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Not that I don't believe you, it's just I see sometimes we try to put an image when we're actually are the ones to blamed of as well.

I can't explain why but I seem to understand how you came to this conclusion. And I do agree with what you're saying there. I have the same thought.