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  1. #1
    Member hipsterpeterpan's Avatar
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    Question ENFP? INFP? Or something else entirely?!

    I thought I had a revelation a few weeks ago. I'd been considering myself an INFP for a long time, and then I started to question my introversion. I thought that I might actually be an extrovert, but that my long-time struggle with anxiety has kept me from being my True Self™. So, I deemed myself an ENFP.

    I'm no longer sure of this. I spent some time with two different friends of mine this past week, both of which I assume to be extroverts. I watched them initiate conversations with strangers, and found myself thinking, "Anxiety or not, I don't think I'm likely to do that."

    So, here I am. Questioning myself, yet again. I feel like I have an identity crisis just about every other week, at this point. I don't even know why I care so much about these four letters. I guess it's because I think that if I can get to understand how my brain works, and how others' brains work, I'll be better equipped for living, and be more empathetic. Something like that.

    Okay, about me? Is it that time? Here we go...

    These are some things I've observed about myself:
    • I love talking deep with people to an extent, but the second I feel like my beliefs are being challenged, or my idealist fantasies are being shot down, I tend to shut down, or suddenly lose the ability to formulate my ideas (stuttering, saying "um" a lot), because I feel like they're not being understood or valued. At that point, I just give up, say "never mind", and try to change the subject.
    • I value following the rules, but I think that's more because of a fear of getting in trouble than because I have any respect for the rules themselves. I'll follow rules I deem useless because I don't want to deal with any conflict/confrontation.
    • I am very organized and can't stand a messy house/workspace. I alphabetize all my collections. When the dishes in the sink pile up, I do them myself, even if they're someone else's. I keep reading that ENFPs are messy/disorganized, so... Yeah, that's definitely not me.
    • I don't just hate conflict, I hate hurting people (and being hurt). I just want everyone to be nice, to get along. It gets to the point where I start to think that the whole world would be better off being blown up than to continue existing as it is now, because there's so much pain and suffering and there's nothing I can really do about it on a large scale. (Don't worry, I have no plans to blow up the world. I wouldn't wanna hurt the innocent non-human animals that are living on it.)
    • I don't have a plan for my life. I have a vague idea of what I want it to look like, but only in terms of the lifestyle I want to live (and that changes from time to time). I think I've changed my mind on career options so many times since my childhood that I don't take myself seriously anymore when I think I might be interested in a certain kind of work. I don't trust my own judgement as far as careers are concerned.
    • I am a terrible decision maker. That's not to say I always make bad decisions, just that it takes me a while to decide on one. I hate feeling pressured to choose something, because I'm worried that I'll either choose something that will have a negative outcome, or that it won't be as good/enjoyable as something else.
    • I really, really hate being pressured by time. I used to cry during timed tests in school. I get panicky in the kitchen if I need to get all the ingredients to a dish together quickly. I quit my job in fast food because I had a huge breakdown after coming home from a particularly chaotic shift in which I was expected to work the register, clean the tables, take out the trash, and prepare food pretty much all on my own with no time to breathe. If I feel pressured to get something done, I'm more likely to start panicking and crying uncontrollably than to be motivated by it.
    • I am very, very sensitive. I hate to admit it, but I am. I don't feel like I cry a whole lot, but I am easily affected by people being stern with me. They don't even have to yell. If I sense that someone is even a teeny bit upset/disappointed/annoyed with me, I struggle to keep from crying. I think it's because I don't like letting people down, but it's also that I just want to be liked. I think one of my love languages is "words of affirmation". I can't stand being told to be quiet, or that I'm annoying, or even just being ignored.

    I don't know how much of my personality is affected by my anxiety. It's made it a real pain in the ass to type myself.
    Let me know if you need clarification, or have any other questions about me. Thanks in advance. (Note: Normally, this entire post would have an excessive use of smileys, because that's just my style. But I'm not in the mood, so the most I can do is a )

  2. #2
    Senior Member Lia_kat's Avatar
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    How do you feel in large crowds/parties? How do you interact? Do you prefer more private/intimate conversations? Do you need alone time to recharge? I'm leaning more towards INFP atm.
    "..But my dreaming self refuses to be consoled."- M.Atwood
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  3. #3
    Member hipsterpeterpan's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by florpoetis View Post
    How do you feel in large crowds/parties? How do you interact? Do you prefer more private/intimate conversations? Do you need alone time to recharge? I'm leaning more towards INFP atm.
    It's hard for me to tell, because of my anxiety. Like, I always thought I was introverted, because I usually get anxious around other people (esp. if there's too much going on around me, like at a party). I've had one or two close friends at a time ever since I can remember. But, a while ago, my friend took me to hang out with a group of her friends from her school, and it was like... I dunno, half a dozen of us? And I had a great time. I don't even think I was tired at the end of it, I was like... I should do this more often. But I don't know if that means I'm an extrovert.

    I do tend to like conversations with just one person. I like hanging out with people one-on-one. But, again, what if that's just my anxiety? Also, I seem to always be talked over, or I feel like I'm being annoying, or weird, or unintelligent, or whatever, and so in groups of three or more I'm always the third wheel. I just don't know how much of that points to introversion or if it just means I'm an extrovert with anxiety and low confidence.

  4. #4
    Member hipsterpeterpan's Avatar
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    Another thing I've noticed about myself is that I am very uncomfortable with silence. Especially if I'm hanging out with someone. My friend once set a timer and tried to get me to be quiet for two minutes. It was excruciating. If I'm not talking (to myself or someone else, or to a cat), I'm humming, singing along with music, or tapping my fingers against something to make some sort of noise. I hate the quiet.

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