Come on, this is my first 'Type Me' thread. Need Data.

[BeyondTheGrey]

Hello.
So recently Ive been rather stressed by life etc
Ive stopped doing school work, even though exams are coming up.
My long term goals don't make sense anymore.
Basically, I live life everyday, searching for answers and reading up on theories that are irrelevant to my entry into the real world.
I have trouble identifying my feelings, I used to push them aside a lot.
So I can't really find a way to overcome my current state since I can't get to the core of the issue. Ive become so nihilistic. I hate the terms right and wrong. Im insensitive to others.
Im extremely detached, so cut off from my own feelings, not that its a problem.
Im just amazed how I struggle to feel.
I used to love art, but it was purposeless for me.
I had no logical reason to create art.
Why am I mentioning it? read on.

I don't wish to get professional help, maybe Ill just live life, unhealthily until I eventually retreat into nothingness.
Im not depressed, i think. Besides, I don't quite trust anyone with my emotions. I end up feeling vulnerable when exposing them.
I used to want to be a master at something, I did it, but
It was useless, wasn't something that allowed me to progress along with the world, it would usually lead to me struggling in life.
Haven't experienced it, but I can see it. I feel insane. Im impulsive.

I am harsh, critical towards everyone.
Its normal for me to ignore my feelings, but now I seem to be purposely ignoring everyone else's feelings.
If they feel bad talking to me, honestly, Its their feelings, its their problem.
I just mentioned something theyre uncomfortable with.
I can't stand people who get their personal values and feelings involved in every conversation.
Now, I feel like talking and associating with people is just a waste of my time.
Yes, Im separating myself from the world, thinking of myself as superior in the sense of being rational and hard working.
Ironic huh.
Im taking a lot of unnecessary risks.
Somehow, I am attracted to danger.

I just hate people in general.
I hate them because they're all so self centred.
i never used to be this judgemental, but meh.
Hermit mode is back i think, Im just going to retreat into my head again.
Ive become more aggressive nowadays and seem to have multiple views, rational views, that make sense.
I got into a fight with multiple artists by questioning them etc. Most of them reacted emotionally and were so caught up with the details.
I need the big picture.
I question social constructs, I have views that people are not comfortable with, clearly.
I destroy definitions in my own self centred world.
Its almost as If i just want to destroy the world and let it rot.
I just keep antagonising others and pick fights with them, verbal arguments, where I insult them for having no control over their emotions etc

My father told me that Its more important to stand by a value, which is to prevent others from feeling bad, or worse, when they approach you.
To me, thats bullshit.
Like I said, Their feelings are within their control.
Where they are in life is because of their irrational choices.

Im becoming less open minded and more judgemental.
I really don't know much about my functions now that Im just looping theory and creating multiple theories about them and so on.
Feeling paranoid about some things and more importantly,
I just want to be alone, forever.
Its a choice I'm making, something I want to do.
I just completed a book. Crime and punishment by dostoevsky.
I really can relate to Raskolnikov. I don't think ill be able to describe myself as well as Dostoevsky did in this book.

In terms of enneagram, Im pretty sure I'm a 5. but share your opinions.
Ill be as nice as I possibly can for now.

Im stating all this in a detached manner, a third person view on myself and doing up a questionnaire wont do me any good.
Ultimately, my goal is to collect as much data as I can, organise it and then check out the descriptions for the most voted type.
Then, ill look at it in a different perspective and see if It really fits.

 

[BeyondTheGrey]

Respond, pls.

 

[Pionart]

ISTP, cos of the disregarding of emotions, disregarding of goals, closed mindedness, fighting and danger, hermit mode, strong focus on and skepticism regarding the meaning of words.

*edit: also a general feeling that the adrenaline seeking behaviours are a result of the detached questioning process, not the other way around, indicating Ti being stronger than Se here*

 

[CitizenErased]

ISTP, cos of the disregarding of emotions, disregarding of goals, closed mindedness, fighting and danger, hermit mode, strong focus on and skepticism regarding the meaning of words.

*edit: also a general feeling that the adrenaline seeking behaviours are a result of the detached questioning process, not the other way around, indicating Ti being stronger than Se here*

I agree here. Well, IxTP, actually. Except for the seeking danger part, you described me when I was in a depression black hole. I mean, I was reckless as in not thinking the consequences of anything, but I didn't actively seek for dangerous things.

I'm not there anymore, even though I have chronic depression, and I actually feel *happy* being alone, doing research, reading books, perfecting my ideas, my principles, my projects (that I may never accomplish), and that can lead to being judgemental: being too much time with oneself until you start to only trust and like yourself is way more dangerous than being harmed by any other person.

You also mentioned you wanted to master some activity, which is one of my struggles: I want to be good or bad at something but not average. Feeling mediocre is the worst. Feeling useless or not competent is a nightmare.

I really identify with what you wrote, only that I could have never put it in that "minimalist" style. my feelings are all snarled and I believe they are all part of the same thread, a ball made of a material that can't be untangled.

 

[Pionart]

Yeah I related to a fair bit of it too. I only made my typing based on buzzwords/stereotypes really tbh. I don't quite believe too much in the whole typing thing any more, so it's like whatever.

I often engage in longwinding nihilistic styled questioning, sometimes leading to a bit of wreckless behaviour, though not to the extent that you've gone thus far.

The main point you kept bringing up that is so not me, is the disregarding of others' feeling. Unless I am in a dissociated/psychotic state and am quite literally blocking out feedback reality, I am very concerned with how others feel, though admittedly out of touch with my own feelings as though I have become quite numb.

 

[entropie]

sounds like you want to be entp one day. Got to find your peace with 'purpose'

 

[BeyondTheGrey]

sounds like you want to be entp one day. Got to find your peace with 'purpose'

Thats a first. Why entp?

 

[entropie]

Thats a first. Why entp?

I reconcile the desperation. Tho this could be normal for age around 16. I dont know. Personality in the end is always your decision. If you dont make it your decision, you'll be fucked up in every hole !

 

[Galaxy Gazer]

INTP. You remind me a lot of myself, and I'm going to use an annoying analogy here.

You're Elsa. From Frozen.

You have skills and talents that other people don't, but you've probably had ExFJ ideals like "there is nothing worse than being self-centered" and "you have to be positive and see the best in people" bashed into your skull so much that you think you're terribly flawed when you're not.

Yes, you are arguably unhealthy, but the unhealthy behavior you display is crippling self-doubt, not selfishness or extreme pragmatism.

It's actually really ironic that your biggest flaw is believing that you're flawed. I know this probably just sounds obnoxious and cliché, but you need to accept yourself. There's nothing wrong with being critical or seeing people for what they really are.

It might be beneficial to look into some other communities; maybe the facebook MBTI community. Feelings and sensitivity are ridiculed there, and people like you are generally loved and celebrated. It all depends on your perspective. If you're surrounded by extroverts and feelers who think it's wrong to criticize/dislike others, you're eventually going to feel the same way, and dislike yourself for doing these things.

I guess what I'm saying is that you need people in your life who are supportive of who you are. Even if it's not real life, you can find people here, or wherever. I think we should talk, but it's up to you.