Help me type my boyfriend?

[Galaxy Gazer]

Hello people of TypologyCentral. I really need some help typing my boyfriend of 8 months, especially since he refuses to take the test himself. It would make things much easier since I have a tendency to analyze everything I possibly can and knowing his type would probably answer some important questions. I will never get him to fill out one of those type surveys either so this is solely based on my observation. I am pretty sure that he is either ISFP, ISTP, or ISTJ if that helps at all.

-He really likes to fix/build things. He reassembled my old computer to get it running again, built his own computer with parts he ordered online, and works on his car every chance he gets. Most of his jobs have been in factories. I think he eventually wants to do cyber security or something like that.

-He doesn't let things slide, even if they're small mistakes. If he orders something online and an unimportant piece is left out, he makes it known and does not relent until the mistake is corrected. If a business is unfair to him, he almost always reports them.

-He is prone to subtle manipulation, especially when it comes to money. Before we started dating he was scammed by this girl on the internet. He was scammed once into not only renting a ridiculously expensive car but letting the guy pocket extra. Of course, he reported them the next day and everything worked out, but still. I hate being the stereotypical "pragmatic female" when he wants to splurge, but I know manipulation and scamming when I see it and he sometimes doesn't until it's too late.

-He has very strong opinions and never hesitates to call someone out for being malicious or unfair. He is very confident about his debating ability and can read people well.

-He told me that he was an a-hole in middle school and high school and that he made fun of people a lot for the sake of entertainment. He is much nicer now, but he doesn't like censoring his thoughts when he sees someone that he thinks looks/acts weird. He makes occasional comments like "what a f***ing weirdo" and "omg that guy is huge."

-He was also apparently very emotional and sensitive in his teenage years. He showed me some of his old pics and videos and it's clear that he used to be a hopeless romantic. After having his heart broken twice, he is now very cynical and dislikes anything romantic/sappy.

-Another major change in his character: he was once very outgoing and semi-popular, but is now extremely introverted. He only ever talks to me and his cousin that he grew up with. He told me he doesn't like having friends.

-He really hates being told what to do or pressured/rushed. It stresses him out to the point of not being able to get anything done. This is definitely not a criticism (I'm the exact same way) but just a fact.

-On the somewhat rare occasion that we fight, it's about cleaning and organization. He is very organized and I'm sort of scatterbrained in this regard. I forget to do things like clean up and it really bothers him. This is why I think he might be a J.

 

[SearchingforPeace]

Hmmm,

If he was once a feeler he still is. He just repressed it.

He could well be a ISTP by his hobbies & jobs, or he could be in the grip hardcore of his inferior.

In teenage years through young adulthood, our inferior rises up and challenges our dominant function according to some theorists. Then the dom can reassert control and integrate the inferior.

But for feelers, they often get hurt in childhood and young adulthood, and so they build up armor about themselves to avoid such pain again. This isn't necessarily conscious.

In my case, I had a crappy childhood with emotionally neglectful parents and an extremely abusive older brother. So, at some point, I decided I would become a cold thinker, looking only at the concrete and logically. I went to college and took the MBTI several times and got ISTP.

I even worked in STP type jobs at times, like construction, auto mechanics, metal working, and logistics. But I was never a ISTP by my lifestyle or my goals or how I interacted with people.

There was a huge disconnect between how I lived and acted and how I thought I lived and acted. Only 8 months ago, as part of my midlife crisis, did I wake up and start understanding myself. I was in the grip of inferior Ti for decades.

Now, overall, I go with ISFP in the grip of inferior Te. It is impossible to push him to do anything, right? Critical of others, right?

If this is so, he needs to feel safe enough to let his Fi come out. It takes a lot of patience and love and avoiding pushing him to do anything, but helping him to let go of his armor.

See if this works: can you see a value or idea behind all the choices he makes, rather than a logic? Fi doms have a very strong sense of judgment, but they struggle to explain it and it comes from internal values.

Does he have a dog? If not, could you get one? It might help him access his Fi.

If he is a ISFP, he loves others through his Se. Affection, sex, touching in general, etc. may help as well, along with long walks, outdoors activity in general, etc.

Best of luck.

 

[Galaxy Gazer]

Hmmm,

If he was once a feeler he still is. He just repressed it.

He could well be a ISTP by his hobbies & jobs, or he could be in the grip hardcore of his inferior.

In teenage years through young adulthood, our inferior rises up and challenges our dominant function according to some theorists. Then the dom can reassert control and integrate the inferior.

But for feelers, they often get hurt in childhood and young adulthood, and so they build up armor about themselves to avoid such pain again. This isn't necessarily conscious.

In my case, I had a crappy childhood with emotionally neglectful parents and an extremely abusive older brother. So, at some point, I decided I would become a cold thinker, looking only at the concrete and logically. I went to college and took the MBTI several times and got ISTP.

I even worked in STP type jobs at times, like construction, auto mechanics, metal working, and logistics. But I was never a ISTP by my lifestyle or my goals or how I interacted with people.

There was a huge disconnect between how I lived and acted and how I thought I lived and acted. Only 8 months ago, as part of my midlife crisis, did I wake up and start understanding myself. I was in the grip of inferior Ti for decades.

Now, overall, I go with ISFP in the grip of inferior Te. It is impossible to push him to do anything, right? Critical of others, right?

If this is so, he needs to feel safe enough to let his Fi come out. It takes a lot of patience and love and avoiding pushing him to do anything, but helping him to let go of his armor.

See if this works: can you see a value or idea behind all the choices he makes, rather than a logic? Fi doms have a very strong sense of judgment, but they struggle to explain it and it comes from internal values.

Does he have a dog? If not, could you get one? It might help him access his Fi.

If he is a ISFP, he loves others through his Se. Affection, sex, touching in general, etc. may help as well, along with long walks, outdoors activity in general, etc.

Best of luck.

He did have a really difficult childhood so that could have something to do with it. I think he is an ISFP. Lately he's been talking about trying to get back in touch with his "emotional side" and his "obnoxious self" and I think I can see his Fi coming back. He does this thing where he tries to act like he is cold-hearted and doesn't care about anyone. I think it's a defense mechanism but I really don't know.

It's a little hard for me to understand because literally the opposite happened to me. I am an INTP, but my difficult childhood brought my feeling side out. Pretty much all through school (besides the first few years) I had a desperate need for approval/recognition. It was like... broken Fe. Like I wanted to fit in and be accepted, but still didn't know how because Fe is my inferior xD I guess that's kind of like his Te, which really exhibits anger and apathy more than logic/efficiency. ISFP then. Is there a name for that? Like inferior loop or something?

 

[SearchingforPeace]

He did have a really difficult childhood so that could have something to do with it. I think he is an ISFP. Lately he's been talking about trying to get back in touch with his "emotional side" and his "obnoxious self" and I think I can see his Fi coming back. He does this thing where he tries to act like he is cold-hearted and doesn't care about anyone. I think it's a defense mechanism but I really don't know.

It's a little hard for me to understand because literally the opposite happened to me. I am an INTP, but my difficult childhood brought my feeling side out. Pretty much all through school (besides the first few years) I had a desperate need for approval/recognition. It was like... broken Fe. Like I wanted to fit in and be accepted, but still didn't know how because Fe is my inferior xD I guess that's kind of like his Te, which really exhibits anger and apathy more than logic/efficiency. ISFP then. Is there a name for that? Like inferior loop or something?

recognizing-inferior-function-ifps.html

This is an excerpt of was that really me by Naomi Quenk. She wrote for the official MBTI people for many years and has some great patterns and data. Read over that to see how it fits for your BF.

Typically we would call it a SeTe loop. Quenk notes that ISFPs have much harder times coming out of a prolonged loop because they lack Ne like INFPs, so they are locked into their grip and can't see their way out.

I was locked into the grip of inferior Ti for decades....It isn't pretty and has been very painful process, complicated by my wife and her issues. I needed a series of life shattering things to wake me up and start me on the process to healing.

 

[Jaq]

Sounds like ISTJ or ISTP. Though take what I say with a grain of salt.