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Help type my mother and brother!

ChrisC99

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Joined
Jul 31, 2011
Messages
56
MBTI Type
ADHD
Hi everyone - and happy early holidays! :)

I wondered if you could all help me decide what type my mother and brother might be?

My mother is outgoing, loud, opinionated, and - doesn't have a 'filter'! Genuinely cares about everyone she meets yet gets tired of or irritated with people too, a natural leader who tends to take command of every situation until people's unkind behavior starts to bother her, then pulls away from it. Sensitive and gets offended easily, a goofball who loves to laugh and make people laugh, isn't afraid to be silly, doesn't care about conventions and marches to the beat of her own drum, whatever's best for the person. I'm thinking either ENFP or ESFP; she's a creative thinker who likes coming up with her own unique ideas and solutions for everything, which makes me think intuitor. But then, she's also all about memories of people and how they influence her views going forward, and REALLY obsessive about arranging things around the house, the way her surroundings look and the way people around her act make her 'feel'; for example, she'll actually move if she doesn't like her neighbors lol. I'm pretty much an ENFP without a shadow of a doubt, and I couldn't care less about what my surroundings look like or who lives next to me - so I feel like that might be more sensor territory? She also isn't really able to 'detach' at times in the way that I tend to, which I know is more an Ne-dom characteristic. I always was bad at telling sensors and intuitors apart.

Now, I know for a fact that the bro on the other hand is an introvert and a feeler - no real question there. But on the other two, I don't know. He's the pretty classic OCD type, likes to know that doors are locked and shoes placed the way he likes and will freak out if they're not - likes routines, is early for EVERYTHING (of course keep in mind this is coming from the perspective of someone who hasn't been on time for anything in my life, haha!). Also a bit of a rule-thumper. That kind of penchant for schedules and structure makes me think judger. But he's quiet in public, doesn't like having a large circle or interacting with people outside the family when he doesn't have to, where I hear even introverted judgers are usually more outgoing and interactive. Around the family where he feels more comfortable he's also more loud and silly, which seems more perceiver-like. Still doesn't like unpredicted turns of events though. He's also sensitive, but unlike my mother will withdraw to be alone and hold quiet grudges when angry instead of talking about them. Now again, when it comes to sensors versus intuitors I'm still utterly terrible with that dichotomy - but he seems to focus on things in a more concrete way the way sensors do; for example, if you gave him instructions for a recipe he'd fuss over making sure every detail of the cook time and the measurements was accurate (and might check repeatedly to make sure and have a mini panic attack if they weren't actually!), where I've read that intuitors are more about the bottom line ('Who cares about the recipe if it still turns out the same?') He's also, like my mother but to an even greater extent, very attached to memories - he'll literally base entire aspects of his lifestyle on something that happened with or was said by one person, twenty years in the past; essentially he'll take individual experiences and use them to paint with a his expectations of everyone with a broad brush based on them, something else I've heard is very much a sensor tendency. But, he's also very much in his own head when it comes to ideas about the world, his views are entirely based on very personal and often creative beliefs and values, where I thought sensors were more grounded in that their views were always based in things around them rather than inside. Do I have that wrong?

Thanks y'all! This should be fun :D
 

Frosty

Poking the poodle
Joined
Apr 6, 2015
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sp
For your mom I am thinking eSFJ. I am less sure on enneagram, but thinking 2.

Your brother is more difficult. It is possible that he is an ISTJ, but INFP is also a possibility. What you explain about his set ideas of the world being entirely self derived sounds like a preference for introverted judging. It calls into question motivation for all that you had spoken of before, for really people can arrive at the same destination but take very different pathways to get there. Yet, the fact that you had stated that this had stood out to you that he consitantly reacted in a way that he had a tough time adapting externally, makes me think IXXJ. But there are alternative reasons for this, related to what Fi insists upon. Perfectionism coming into play, and what all goes with that. I am thinking Si and Fi, and probably either a withdrawn enneatype or influenced somehow by 1.
 

ChrisC99

New member
Joined
Jul 31, 2011
Messages
56
MBTI Type
ADHD
For your mom I am thinking eSFJ. I am less sure on enneagram, but thinking 2.

Your brother is more difficult. It is possible that he is an ISTJ, but INFP is also a possibility. What you explain about his set ideas of the world being entirely self derived sounds like a preference for introverted judging. It calls into question motivation for all that you had spoken of before, for really people can arrive at the same destination but take very different pathways to get there. Yet, the fact that you had stated that this had stood out to you that he consistantly reacted in a way that he had a tough time adapting externally, makes me think IXXJ. But there are alternative reasons for this, related to what Fi insists upon. Perfectionism coming into play, and what all goes with that. I am thinking Si and Fi, and probably either a withdrawn enneatype or influenced somehow by 1.


Wow, thanks! You read a lot of detail out of just what I've said, and very insightfully!

What would be the best way to tell an INFP from an ISTJ or ISFJ? I don't see him being a T at all, he's very sensitive and everything is driven by personal feelings. The perfectionism I think derives from a fear or making mistakes or letting mistakes happen, and I think that all boils down to a fear of other people's reactions and criticism. Of course, he keeps a lot inside so even after years of living with him it's hard to say for sure, but that's the impression I get from everything he's said and everything I've seen.

Haha, my mother certainly acts like two ESFJ friends I have in some ways! But aren't Js usually more structured? She despises rules, and is very on-the-fly and spontaneous. In fact, she's always made a point of saying 'Nah, be spontaneous!'
 

ChrisC99

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ADHD
No one else has any ideas? Aww :( I guess they are mysterious, haha!
 

geedoenfj

The more you know..
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Oct 6, 2015
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Your mom is ESFJ, your brother is INTJ..
 

geedoenfj

The more you know..
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Oct 6, 2015
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Thanks! What makes you think so? Especially the J for the motherly one and T for the bro? :)

Your mother is a natural leader of everyday tasks, she wants to be appreciated and cares so much about what people do to her and thier opinion of her and is very sensitive about it, she's doing her best to create a comfortable environment to her family..
As for your brother, INTJs tent to be extremely specific about things that they do, and take measurements very seriously, and if everything doesn't go the way they planned for they get anxious and creating thousand scenarios about how terrible this might turn into, are extremely sensitive to criticism, and believe people are naturally bad and cruel depending on their experiences, and they have their own analyzing system based only on their own experience and that they trust its solidity over any other opinion unless it supports what they concluded, and sometimes it provides them with a fake feeling of security that they don't need to deal with what they think to be a difficult situations..
 

ChrisC99

New member
Joined
Jul 31, 2011
Messages
56
MBTI Type
ADHD
Your mother is a natural leader of everyday tasks, she wants to be appreciated and cares so much about what people do to her and thier opinion of her and is very sensitive about it, she's doing her best to create a comfortable environment to her family..
As for your brother, INTJs tent to be extremely specific about things that they do, and take measurements very seriously, and if everything doesn't go the way they planned for they get anxious and creating thousand scenarios about how terrible this might turn into, are extremely sensitive to criticism, and believe people are naturally bad and cruel depending on their experiences, and they have their own analyzing system based only on their own experience and that they trust its solidity over any other opinion unless it supports what they concluded, and sometimes it provides them with a fake feeling of security that they don't need to deal with what they think to be a difficult situations..

Thank you! That does sound an awful lot like both of them, haha! And my brother certainly does act a lot like Sheldon of Big Bang Theory fame, a fictional archetype of INTJ-dom ;)

But I thought ESFJs usually liked structure. My mother hates it - she'll actually playfully mess things up to say 'Don't be so organized!' And she makes things up on the fly then changes them all the time. I thought Js were more into...planning? xD

My brother seems to get hurt easily and hold grudges, and he does seem genuinely inwardly offended if people don't like him even though he likes people to think otherwise lol. He'll do little sweet things like thoughtful gifts to make people happy if they're down - he just doesn't want you to KNOW he's sentimental about it xD And everything he believes is very much driven by personal feelings about things. Doesn't that sound more like an F, if a guarded one?

What makes you think he's more N than S? Like I said, I always have trouble telling those apart...
 

geedoenfj

The more you know..
Joined
Oct 6, 2015
Messages
3,347
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6w7
Instinctual Variant
sx/so
Thank you! That does sound an awful lot like both of them, haha! And my brother certainly does act a lot like Sheldon of Big Bang Theory fame, a fictional archetype of INTJ-dom ;)

But I thought ESFJs usually liked structure. My mother hates it - she'll actually playfully mess things up to say 'Don't be so organized!' And she makes things up on the fly then changes them all the time. I thought Js were more into...planning? xD

My brother seems to get hurt easily and hold grudges, and he does seem genuinely inwardly offended if people don't like him even though he likes people to think otherwise lol. He'll do little sweet things like thoughtful gifts to make people happy if they're down - he just doesn't want you to KNOW he's sentimental about it xD And everything he believes is very much driven by personal feelings about things. Doesn't that sound more like an F, if a guarded one?

What makes you think he's more N than S? Like I said, I always have trouble telling those apart...

Well I think there's no specific template that people are fit into, I'm a J but let's say I'm not that organized[emoji28], and I know an ENTJ who have incredibly messy bedroom.. While I know many EXXP types with most organized environment and some of them are always on time..
As for your brother I was confused whether he's an S or N, because ST tend to control their surroundings and making sure every thing is under control, and NT using Te are also trying to take control over their environment and think people and things should be formed their way, but since you said he makes generalizations about people and cares so much about what others think of him, and since he's an introvert, I would go with N.
And being sensitive do not necessarily mean that they have a strong F.. I have a strong F but I'm not that sensitive and do not take offense over everything..
 
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