tsumatachi_san
New member
- Joined
- Oct 12, 2009
- Messages
- 91
- MBTI Type
- ISTJ
- Enneagram
- 4w5
- Instinctual Variant
- sp/so
So, I've been having some thoughts about my enneagram core type (between 4w5, 5w4/5w6, 6w5). Any feedback would be much appreciated!
1. What do you think your life is about? What drives you in life? This can be something like a goal or a purpose, or anything else that comes to mind.
I don't think my life is about one particular thing. I think it's probably about a lot of little things forming together to create a whole. Things which drive me are my 'passion' for things like writing and creating (I prefer the world in my head to the external world the vast majority of the time, so writing is therapeutic for me). I'm not always creating, but I'm always thinking of things which could be created - almost all of them being stories, usually based in science fiction or fantasy settings. I find it very difficult to write contemporary fiction.
I think aside form that, necessity drives me. I have to do things like get a job for money, but I'm working towards altering that so I can work in an area I find interesting (like publishing), but really I'm not very well-suited to a lot of careers. Anyway, I would do the work because I had to, then spend my free time working on things I find worthwhile.
2. What were you like as a kid?
Very lost in my own world. I wandered around not really being focused on anything beyond my thoughts (imaginary games were a very big part of that time). I didn't really pick up on things like the other children developing a sense of how you were 'supposed to dress/act' etc. I also had a tendency to wander off on my own as long as I was in a familiar area. Apparently I was sensitive to peoples' words, but I don't remember much about that.
3. Describe your relationship with your parents. Does anything stand out about the way you interacted?
When I was young? I got on very well with both of them. I was apparently a very well-behaved child and just occupied myself quietly most of the time. Although occasionally I would get very disturbed by certain things in TV shows or films (i.e. the bit at the start of Chicken Run with the lady cutting the chicken's head off). My parents tried to always give a reason for things to me, so I never really felt too hard-done by, even if I was disappointed at the outcome. One thing which stood out when I was younger was a moment when my mum was saying something about money or taxes (because me and my sister wanted to know what she was doing) and I had a moment of clarity where I realised I wouldn't be able to understand that until I was older, so I just said okay and walked off - I guess I knew my own limits of understanding which meant I didn't ask tons of questions.
4. What values are important to you? What do you hope to avoid doing or being?
I don't want to cause others harm, really. That's something which developed over a long period of time through experience - I was bullied a lot and it affected me very badly for a number of years, so I wouldn't want to put anyone else through that. I also want to keep an open mind about things and try not to block out new information just because I don't like it or find it difficult to understand. And then I want to be there for the people I care for.
I don't know if that answers the second part too...
5. Aside from phobias, are there any fears that characterized your childhood? Have they continued into the present day, or not, and if not, how have you dealt with them?
Losing the people I care for. Never being able to create something interesting and good.
6. a.) How do you see yourself?
I don't know. I guess through a sort of haze. I don't really notice 'myself' so much as my ideas and the internal feeling of those ideas. My mind is very colourful, but I think outwardly I come across as kind of... not normal, because I don't think I talk or dress or act in a 'standard way' for someone of my age/gender, but neither do I act in an outstandingly abnormal way (I really don't like being the centre of attention or anywhere off the edge of the spectrum of attention). Maybe just kind of awkward in the physical world?
b.) How do you want others to see you?
I don't really mind. I mean, they're free to develop their own sense of who I am, but it would be nice if those close to me would see me as 'me' and not their image of me, but that's impossible because the self is internal.
c.) What do you dislike the most in other people?
Close-mindedness and wilful ignorance, also things like treating people/animals badly. Other peoples' potential for harmfulness, I suppose.
7. Which habit do you most automatically act on? Rank the following habits from most to least automatic, on a scale of 1 (most) to 3 (least).
a.) Work for personal gain with more concern for self than for others. 2? (I want to work for myself, but I don't want to not be concerned for others...)
b.) Strive for a sense of tranquility in yourself and the world around you 1
c.) Decide what is right for the betterment of something or someone else. 3? (I believe in always trying to improve things like ideas, but I wouldn't want to decide what was best for someone...)
8. Where does the wandering mind take you? What provokes this?
Other places. Usually to sort of 'scenes' for stories which I might work on, or ones I just like the idea of and would never take further. Sometimes to areas of anxiety - I tend to dwell of things that make me uncomfortable. Stress provokes the second one, the first is more just being relaxed and/or listening to music.
9.What makes you feel your best? What makes you feel your worst?
Interesting thoughts make me feel good - being able to explore them freely without someone interrupting. Certain discussions about interesting topics with very certain people. Writing. Reading really good books/comics, watching really good films/series, listening to really good music. Being with people I love (including my cat, who is like a lozenge of the mind).
Things that make me feel my worst are being completely dead inside - uninspired, just filled with things I 'have to do' which don't allow time for me to write or the energy to think of things. Being around a lot of people or places with a lot of stimulation (I feel hungover afterwards). Many things going on at once and me having to keep track of all of them. Being rushed or pressured.
10. Let's talk about emotions. Explain what might make you feel the following, how they feel to you or how you react to the emotion:
a.) anger - I used to repress my anger a lot because it would mean I had to weigh up confronting someone with social anxiety or the fear of hurting them over something which I might be wrong with (I guess not feeling like my anger was valid). Nowadays I just try to explain why I'm angry - it's fine to feel that way, but people can't always understand it and so I make sure to try to explain as well as I can (even if I have to go away for a while first).
b.) shame - I'm not sure with shame. I used to be very ashamed just of existing, because of very low self-esteem/self-confidence, so it felt like I was a horrible, wrong creature who should just stay away from everyone else because I would only be laughed at or thought of in a very negative way. Now I just feel that I'm quite awkward.
c.) anxiety - I had agoraphobia and social anxiety for quite a few years, and used to be a very anxious person. But aside from those, I tend to be very worried about things I don't know much about i.e. I'm starting a new job next week and I don't feel I know enough of the skills to be competent in it, which might mean I do badly or get told off etc. I like to be prepared for things like that, as much as I can at least.
11. Describe how you respond to the following:
a.) stress - I get physical symptoms like stomach aches, headaches, feeling sick and dizzy etc. with chronic stress. Otherwise, I get tired and want to just be on my own - it's too much of an effort to be with people if I'm already balancing a lot in my mind.
b.) negative unexpected change - Strong feelings of dread and a sort of sickness, like a kind of 'doom' feeling if it's bad enough. Other times I try to just get back up and keep going - make the best of it, because that's all I can do.
c.) conflict - Tiredness. I find most conflict is over really little things I just don't care enough about. If it's something big, then I will explain where I'm coming from and try to make everything about the subject clear to the other person.
12. a.) What kind of role are you naturally inclined to take in a group? Why?
I don't know about roles... I tend to stick with just one other person and discuss things with them. If it's with friends, I listen a lot and only share what I want to (people can't pressure me into doing things I don't want to i.e. going to clubs - this has led to me sometimes being called a 'stick in the mud', but hey). I just feel more comfortable not having too much going on and being able to take everything in in my own time/way.
In group projects at university, somehow I always ended up at the leader - I didn't want to be, but no one else would do it. That ended usually with me being extremely stressed but making sure all the work was done even if I had to chase people and compile everything on my own. I just wanted the work done and done well.
b.) If put in power, how do you behave? Why?
Uncomfortably. I don't like organising anyone beyond myself, so having to make sure everything's sorted out is extremely tiring. I also find it difficult to tell group member to 'just do the work'. This is because I know sometimes it's hard to do things like that, or they might have problems going on, but then I think they should say so and not let the project down...
c.) Do you tend to struggle with others who have authority over you? Why?
As long as they know what they're doing, I don't mind. However, for example, there was a teacher in university who just had no idea what he was doing with a lecture and messed around, which made me pretty annoyed because he wasn't taking the fact he was the one providing us with information very seriously (it looked like he'd just made the powerpoint the day before and was improvising - he was a guest lecturer). I kind of expect people in authority to take it as a serious responsibility.
13. What do you see or notice in others that most people don't?
Usually what they're feeling and why. A lot of the time when I was younger I would be able to explain to friends or family why other friends/family members were acting the way they were - and usually I was right. I also tend not to get so angry with others because I can see the reason behind their actions, even if those actions aren't so great.
14. Comment on your relationship with trust.
I want to trust but I don't feel comfortable doing so. I tend to give little snippets of myself out to very certain individuals, but never very much - it is all truthful though. I never pretend to be something I'm not. I feel that others trusting me is a big responsibility and I make sure to respect that and never betray them.
15. Briefly: What religious and/or political beliefs do you have? Do you think they influenced your responses in this questionnaire?
Nothing, really. I think all religions/beliefs are valid to the person believing them, even if I don't believe them. If they cause harm, then they should be modified to avoid that. Belief is personal and shouldn't be pushed onto others, although asking for understanding or acceptance is fair enough.
I don't think they really affected my responses.
1. What do you think your life is about? What drives you in life? This can be something like a goal or a purpose, or anything else that comes to mind.
I don't think my life is about one particular thing. I think it's probably about a lot of little things forming together to create a whole. Things which drive me are my 'passion' for things like writing and creating (I prefer the world in my head to the external world the vast majority of the time, so writing is therapeutic for me). I'm not always creating, but I'm always thinking of things which could be created - almost all of them being stories, usually based in science fiction or fantasy settings. I find it very difficult to write contemporary fiction.
I think aside form that, necessity drives me. I have to do things like get a job for money, but I'm working towards altering that so I can work in an area I find interesting (like publishing), but really I'm not very well-suited to a lot of careers. Anyway, I would do the work because I had to, then spend my free time working on things I find worthwhile.
2. What were you like as a kid?
Very lost in my own world. I wandered around not really being focused on anything beyond my thoughts (imaginary games were a very big part of that time). I didn't really pick up on things like the other children developing a sense of how you were 'supposed to dress/act' etc. I also had a tendency to wander off on my own as long as I was in a familiar area. Apparently I was sensitive to peoples' words, but I don't remember much about that.
3. Describe your relationship with your parents. Does anything stand out about the way you interacted?
When I was young? I got on very well with both of them. I was apparently a very well-behaved child and just occupied myself quietly most of the time. Although occasionally I would get very disturbed by certain things in TV shows or films (i.e. the bit at the start of Chicken Run with the lady cutting the chicken's head off). My parents tried to always give a reason for things to me, so I never really felt too hard-done by, even if I was disappointed at the outcome. One thing which stood out when I was younger was a moment when my mum was saying something about money or taxes (because me and my sister wanted to know what she was doing) and I had a moment of clarity where I realised I wouldn't be able to understand that until I was older, so I just said okay and walked off - I guess I knew my own limits of understanding which meant I didn't ask tons of questions.
4. What values are important to you? What do you hope to avoid doing or being?
I don't want to cause others harm, really. That's something which developed over a long period of time through experience - I was bullied a lot and it affected me very badly for a number of years, so I wouldn't want to put anyone else through that. I also want to keep an open mind about things and try not to block out new information just because I don't like it or find it difficult to understand. And then I want to be there for the people I care for.
I don't know if that answers the second part too...
5. Aside from phobias, are there any fears that characterized your childhood? Have they continued into the present day, or not, and if not, how have you dealt with them?
Losing the people I care for. Never being able to create something interesting and good.
6. a.) How do you see yourself?
I don't know. I guess through a sort of haze. I don't really notice 'myself' so much as my ideas and the internal feeling of those ideas. My mind is very colourful, but I think outwardly I come across as kind of... not normal, because I don't think I talk or dress or act in a 'standard way' for someone of my age/gender, but neither do I act in an outstandingly abnormal way (I really don't like being the centre of attention or anywhere off the edge of the spectrum of attention). Maybe just kind of awkward in the physical world?
b.) How do you want others to see you?
I don't really mind. I mean, they're free to develop their own sense of who I am, but it would be nice if those close to me would see me as 'me' and not their image of me, but that's impossible because the self is internal.
c.) What do you dislike the most in other people?
Close-mindedness and wilful ignorance, also things like treating people/animals badly. Other peoples' potential for harmfulness, I suppose.
7. Which habit do you most automatically act on? Rank the following habits from most to least automatic, on a scale of 1 (most) to 3 (least).
a.) Work for personal gain with more concern for self than for others. 2? (I want to work for myself, but I don't want to not be concerned for others...)
b.) Strive for a sense of tranquility in yourself and the world around you 1
c.) Decide what is right for the betterment of something or someone else. 3? (I believe in always trying to improve things like ideas, but I wouldn't want to decide what was best for someone...)
8. Where does the wandering mind take you? What provokes this?
Other places. Usually to sort of 'scenes' for stories which I might work on, or ones I just like the idea of and would never take further. Sometimes to areas of anxiety - I tend to dwell of things that make me uncomfortable. Stress provokes the second one, the first is more just being relaxed and/or listening to music.
9.What makes you feel your best? What makes you feel your worst?
Interesting thoughts make me feel good - being able to explore them freely without someone interrupting. Certain discussions about interesting topics with very certain people. Writing. Reading really good books/comics, watching really good films/series, listening to really good music. Being with people I love (including my cat, who is like a lozenge of the mind).
Things that make me feel my worst are being completely dead inside - uninspired, just filled with things I 'have to do' which don't allow time for me to write or the energy to think of things. Being around a lot of people or places with a lot of stimulation (I feel hungover afterwards). Many things going on at once and me having to keep track of all of them. Being rushed or pressured.
10. Let's talk about emotions. Explain what might make you feel the following, how they feel to you or how you react to the emotion:
a.) anger - I used to repress my anger a lot because it would mean I had to weigh up confronting someone with social anxiety or the fear of hurting them over something which I might be wrong with (I guess not feeling like my anger was valid). Nowadays I just try to explain why I'm angry - it's fine to feel that way, but people can't always understand it and so I make sure to try to explain as well as I can (even if I have to go away for a while first).
b.) shame - I'm not sure with shame. I used to be very ashamed just of existing, because of very low self-esteem/self-confidence, so it felt like I was a horrible, wrong creature who should just stay away from everyone else because I would only be laughed at or thought of in a very negative way. Now I just feel that I'm quite awkward.
c.) anxiety - I had agoraphobia and social anxiety for quite a few years, and used to be a very anxious person. But aside from those, I tend to be very worried about things I don't know much about i.e. I'm starting a new job next week and I don't feel I know enough of the skills to be competent in it, which might mean I do badly or get told off etc. I like to be prepared for things like that, as much as I can at least.
11. Describe how you respond to the following:
a.) stress - I get physical symptoms like stomach aches, headaches, feeling sick and dizzy etc. with chronic stress. Otherwise, I get tired and want to just be on my own - it's too much of an effort to be with people if I'm already balancing a lot in my mind.
b.) negative unexpected change - Strong feelings of dread and a sort of sickness, like a kind of 'doom' feeling if it's bad enough. Other times I try to just get back up and keep going - make the best of it, because that's all I can do.
c.) conflict - Tiredness. I find most conflict is over really little things I just don't care enough about. If it's something big, then I will explain where I'm coming from and try to make everything about the subject clear to the other person.
12. a.) What kind of role are you naturally inclined to take in a group? Why?
I don't know about roles... I tend to stick with just one other person and discuss things with them. If it's with friends, I listen a lot and only share what I want to (people can't pressure me into doing things I don't want to i.e. going to clubs - this has led to me sometimes being called a 'stick in the mud', but hey). I just feel more comfortable not having too much going on and being able to take everything in in my own time/way.
In group projects at university, somehow I always ended up at the leader - I didn't want to be, but no one else would do it. That ended usually with me being extremely stressed but making sure all the work was done even if I had to chase people and compile everything on my own. I just wanted the work done and done well.
b.) If put in power, how do you behave? Why?
Uncomfortably. I don't like organising anyone beyond myself, so having to make sure everything's sorted out is extremely tiring. I also find it difficult to tell group member to 'just do the work'. This is because I know sometimes it's hard to do things like that, or they might have problems going on, but then I think they should say so and not let the project down...
c.) Do you tend to struggle with others who have authority over you? Why?
As long as they know what they're doing, I don't mind. However, for example, there was a teacher in university who just had no idea what he was doing with a lecture and messed around, which made me pretty annoyed because he wasn't taking the fact he was the one providing us with information very seriously (it looked like he'd just made the powerpoint the day before and was improvising - he was a guest lecturer). I kind of expect people in authority to take it as a serious responsibility.
13. What do you see or notice in others that most people don't?
Usually what they're feeling and why. A lot of the time when I was younger I would be able to explain to friends or family why other friends/family members were acting the way they were - and usually I was right. I also tend not to get so angry with others because I can see the reason behind their actions, even if those actions aren't so great.
14. Comment on your relationship with trust.
I want to trust but I don't feel comfortable doing so. I tend to give little snippets of myself out to very certain individuals, but never very much - it is all truthful though. I never pretend to be something I'm not. I feel that others trusting me is a big responsibility and I make sure to respect that and never betray them.
15. Briefly: What religious and/or political beliefs do you have? Do you think they influenced your responses in this questionnaire?
Nothing, really. I think all religions/beliefs are valid to the person believing them, even if I don't believe them. If they cause harm, then they should be modified to avoid that. Belief is personal and shouldn't be pushed onto others, although asking for understanding or acceptance is fair enough.
I don't think they really affected my responses.
