lumenluminis
New member
- Joined
- Sep 16, 2015
- Messages
- 8
Im an 18 year old girl and Im into ennearams (and MBTI) for 4 years now, no I know a lot about it all, but I just cant really tell which enneagram type I am, since my life changed so much in the last years, and in fact I changed too.
Maybe its relevant, maybe it isnt, but referring my background, I grew up with parents, who were both really emotionally unstable. They divorced when I was 2. My mother was depressed at times, or in different relationships (when she was in a relationship it got better, but she still didnt have time for me). My father seemed to bury his relationsshipproblems onto me. Like he saw his 10 year old daughter as a shoulder to cry on.
I broke off the contact to him when I was 12 completely, because he did many things which really broke me, everytime I had to visit him I came come crying, so I had to leave it all, the years after that were hard but leaving was the better decision.
So I was always the one caring for my parents more than they could care about me, I had to grow responsible at the age of 7 or sth, caring and reminding her about my doctors appointments, waking her up for work and things a like.
I fell into depression myself when I was 14, I had an eating disorder, and much more. The point is, I was really anxious, hideous, it was so bad that I hardly talked to anybody about it. I didnt have much friends, stayed in my comfort zone..
It all got much better when I was 17/18, I left my emotionally abusive boyfriend (we were together for 2 years) and now I started to get more healthy. So I thought Id give typing me correctly a try.
Im the one who laughs the hardest, shines the brightest, Im there for anybody, even if I dont know then that well. I seem pretty open and well somehow I am, but getting to really know me is somehow always nearly impossible. I more or less have trust issues, I observe and test people to see if I could trust them and it often goes for months or years. But If I decide to trust or love someone, I do, and I do it hardly and 100%
I am pretty straightforward, and people callen me unempathetic for it. (Im coming to empathy later on) But it just rips me apart when you feel things in relationships or groups changing, and all you can do is just sit there and say nothing. So I typically adress problems when I feel that they arise.
I grew very sensitive to group dynamics, I somehow just know very quicly who likes whom, who plays which role in the group and things a like.
I somehow know exactly which problems will arise in the future and I somehow always try to take steps to stop a particular development.. I just have the feeling that most people dont see that, and think that I am dumb when I adress things like that.
And with empathy, I feel everything so deeply it hurts. If people around me are sad, I feel sad too or even start crying. Its like I would soak up emotions and atmospheres. Maybe thats the reason I wnat everyone around me to be happy.
Im a group person, although I prefer small groups just for the fun of socialising. superficially I think I can get along with almost everyone, but I prefer to keep such relationships shallow, because, well, Id prefer very deep, emotionally connected relationships, but they also scare me. Like I said, I need a lot of time to trust someone and to let someone really know me.
I feel better if people arent that fixated on me, so I prefer groups over one on one conversations.
I think that I am pretty smart, not in the booksmart kind of way, but I kind of analyze evrything, knowing how things and people work, if you give me a problem I will try to solve it my way.
I get why people do things they to, and I know that everything happens for a reason, law of attraction...
If Im not emotionally involved in something; i am able to alter myself to get the reactions I want.
I have a hard time with negative emotions, I have such a blockade of expressing them. At the same time, if I do feel bad I need to vent as soon as possible.
Dont know what to add, to sum it all up, Im feely, I show emotiony easily but Im detached at the same time, if sth goes too deep. (Im somehow always controlling what I let others see, or at least I try) Im intelligent, an analyzer, Im dreamy , out of touch with reality sometimes, sometimes unattentive, adressing problems directly and head on, very very honest, feeling guilty easily, people pleasing
Thanks for taking your time reading this, Id appreciate any insight! Feel free to ask questions
Maybe its relevant, maybe it isnt, but referring my background, I grew up with parents, who were both really emotionally unstable. They divorced when I was 2. My mother was depressed at times, or in different relationships (when she was in a relationship it got better, but she still didnt have time for me). My father seemed to bury his relationsshipproblems onto me. Like he saw his 10 year old daughter as a shoulder to cry on.
I broke off the contact to him when I was 12 completely, because he did many things which really broke me, everytime I had to visit him I came come crying, so I had to leave it all, the years after that were hard but leaving was the better decision.
So I was always the one caring for my parents more than they could care about me, I had to grow responsible at the age of 7 or sth, caring and reminding her about my doctors appointments, waking her up for work and things a like.
I fell into depression myself when I was 14, I had an eating disorder, and much more. The point is, I was really anxious, hideous, it was so bad that I hardly talked to anybody about it. I didnt have much friends, stayed in my comfort zone..
It all got much better when I was 17/18, I left my emotionally abusive boyfriend (we were together for 2 years) and now I started to get more healthy. So I thought Id give typing me correctly a try.
Im the one who laughs the hardest, shines the brightest, Im there for anybody, even if I dont know then that well. I seem pretty open and well somehow I am, but getting to really know me is somehow always nearly impossible. I more or less have trust issues, I observe and test people to see if I could trust them and it often goes for months or years. But If I decide to trust or love someone, I do, and I do it hardly and 100%
I am pretty straightforward, and people callen me unempathetic for it. (Im coming to empathy later on) But it just rips me apart when you feel things in relationships or groups changing, and all you can do is just sit there and say nothing. So I typically adress problems when I feel that they arise.
I grew very sensitive to group dynamics, I somehow just know very quicly who likes whom, who plays which role in the group and things a like.
I somehow know exactly which problems will arise in the future and I somehow always try to take steps to stop a particular development.. I just have the feeling that most people dont see that, and think that I am dumb when I adress things like that.
And with empathy, I feel everything so deeply it hurts. If people around me are sad, I feel sad too or even start crying. Its like I would soak up emotions and atmospheres. Maybe thats the reason I wnat everyone around me to be happy.
Im a group person, although I prefer small groups just for the fun of socialising. superficially I think I can get along with almost everyone, but I prefer to keep such relationships shallow, because, well, Id prefer very deep, emotionally connected relationships, but they also scare me. Like I said, I need a lot of time to trust someone and to let someone really know me.
I feel better if people arent that fixated on me, so I prefer groups over one on one conversations.
I think that I am pretty smart, not in the booksmart kind of way, but I kind of analyze evrything, knowing how things and people work, if you give me a problem I will try to solve it my way.
I get why people do things they to, and I know that everything happens for a reason, law of attraction...
If Im not emotionally involved in something; i am able to alter myself to get the reactions I want.
I have a hard time with negative emotions, I have such a blockade of expressing them. At the same time, if I do feel bad I need to vent as soon as possible.
Dont know what to add, to sum it all up, Im feely, I show emotiony easily but Im detached at the same time, if sth goes too deep. (Im somehow always controlling what I let others see, or at least I try) Im intelligent, an analyzer, Im dreamy , out of touch with reality sometimes, sometimes unattentive, adressing problems directly and head on, very very honest, feeling guilty easily, people pleasing
Thanks for taking your time reading this, Id appreciate any insight! Feel free to ask questions
