ISTP or ESTJ? Help me determine my bf's type, pwease

[Arctic Hysteria]

Hi peeps.

I'm often quite good at determining types of people whom I'm close to or have interacted with a number of times, but I'm pretty stuck with my boyfriend's case.

When we first met, on the second date I made him do the test and he got ISTP, with pretty borderline I-E and J-P.
Later when I had got to know him more, I took several tests on his behalf and I kept getting ESTJ.
I'm only positive that he is an ST

Some descriptions of each type that fit his personality are:

ISTP:
- Gets an incredible buzz from difficult situations (but NOT when already stressed out with work)
- Can be passive bystander until something grabs his interest
- Tends to break things down to constituent parts and does not like anything he sees as irrational
- Closed to emotional issues
- Thrill seeker and quite an adrenaline junkie (loves motorcycle, free diving, sky diving, parasailing, jet skiing, bungee jumping, etc.)
- Quite economic with words and a little terse in his communications (this aspect has improved since he's been with this INFP )
- Could be bored with too many routines and plans with too little room for changes.
- Enjoys DYI projects
- Gets bored and ignores data that hold little practical values (philosophical/deep/love/life discussions make him yawn)
- Adaptable and quite flexible
- Has a bit of a hard time being vocal about what he really thinks / wants.

ESTJ:
- Outspoken and organised
- Takes charge, brings order, structure and focus to situations.
- Dominant and quite controlling (at work, with making holiday plans with friends and me, and in his relationship with me)
- Everything has to be translated into facts and data and presented in a logical way, even "emotions"
- Has a hard time saying "No" when someone asks for help
- A bit conservative and traditional in male - female or husband - wife roles / masculinity - femininity
- Reliable, quite patient and more hard-working than most
- Needs to know exactly where he stands and what is expected of him!
- Prefers the known and rely on his previous experience

Also, he did Enneagram and got type 3.

I hope somebody could list some specific questions and analyse my answers to help me out.

 

[Doctor Cringelord]

Why not ISTJ?

 

[Poki]

Why not ISTJ?

Second that. ISTP and ESTJ are WAY different. ISTJ the happy medium...lol

 

[Doctor Cringelord]

Second that. ISTP and ESTJ are WAY different. ISTJ the happy medium...lol

Agreed. A lot of those traits she mentioned in both columns seemed like they could fit ISTJ

 

[Poki]

Agreed. A lot of those traits she mentioned in both columns seemed like they could fit ISTJ

Yeah, I had a long drawn out explanation, but decided not to post. It's the ISTP descriptions above that make me feel more eSTP then "typical" ISTP. I only match half the description. Half the time because I don't fit above. I am to open minded, playful, laid back, and functional for above ISTP points.

ISTJ are practical
ISTP are functional

 

[Arctic Hysteria]

He spends 6.5 out of 7 nights of the week doing something with people, either spending time with me, or having drinks with folks, playing pool/darts/golf with folks. I didn't think being very outgoing and social is an ISTJ thing?

He also speaks very very quickly, thinks very very quickly and always seems to be thinking/planning something.
He's a competitive freak - something I don't see in the steadfast ISTJ.

Enneagram Type 3 also doesn't really fit ISTJ, I think?

 

[Poki]

He spends 6.5 out of 7 nights of the week doing something with people, either spending time with me, or having drinks with folks, playing pool/darts/golf with folks. I didn't think being very outgoing and social is an ISTJ thing?

Outgoing ISTJ is gonna look ESTJ. Outgoing side of ISTP is more like an ESTP. STJ in sports are the serious ones, STP are the ones who just have fun and Jack around. Both are really good. STJ are more perfection, STP is more smooth

 

[Doctor Cringelord]

He spends 6.5 out of 7 nights of the week doing something with people, either spending time with me, or having drinks with folks, playing pool/darts/golf with folks. I didn't think being very outgoing and social is an ISTJ thing?

He also speaks very very quickly, thinks very very quickly and always seems to be thinking/planning something.
He's a competitive freak - something I don't see in the steadfast ISTJ.

Enneagram Type 3 also doesn't really fit ISTJ, I think?

Is he in his 20s? It's reasonable to assume sensing introverts might have lively social lives in their younger adult years.

 

[Arctic Hysteria]

He's just turned 31 [MENTION=19700]Starcrash[/MENTION]

 

[Lunar Light]

He spends 6.5 out of 7 nights of the week doing something with people, either spending time with me, or having drinks with folks, playing pool/darts/golf with folks. I didn't think being very outgoing and social is an ISTJ thing?

You gotta learn to differentiate between cognitive intro/extraversion and social intro/extraversion. Very different things, and depending on what you are looking for, may change what type you come to for him.

I can definitely be socially extroverted, but in most of my life, I certainly wouldn't say it's a defining characteristic. However, if we look at the attitudes of my approach toward the world/self, it quickly becomes apparent that I've always been much more focused on tracking what's happening in the world. Exploring and absorbing more than analyzing and judging/refining what I see of the world into my personal values, though that has become what I need and want in my life for direction. I'm very clearly Pe/Ji, receptive toward the outer world and aggressive toward the inner world. Specifically Ne/Fi.

He also speaks very very quickly, thinks very very quickly and always seems to be thinking/planning something.

Can't be sure what this indicates. I wouldn't say it necessarily points toward ISTJ but I think you seem to be too quickly shutting down the possibility of ISTJ. Personally, when it comes to typing, I think you have to let go of what you think might be true, otherwise you're not going to be able to explore other possibilities that you didn't realize could fit the bill. This is coming from a Pe-dom, so yeah, there's my "bias" or perspective, but even with the "open" nature I have, I never considered type 6 in enneagram for myself. Didn't cross it out, but didn't consider it, and so it wasn't until much later that I realized I was not indeed 4w3 but 6w7 and had mistaken some similar external patterns of the types and realized the internal focus came from a place of insecurity with my identity and not necessarily identity itself.

I didn't really get a strong impression of him based on what you've written, so yeah. Will come back later to ask some questions.

He's a competitive freak - something I don't see in the steadfast ISTJ.

Then perhaps what you see as "ISTJ" or "competitive freak" or both is too narrow. Depends on what you might mean though, because I don't find it difficult to see ISTJs being competitive. My ISTJ mother and an ISTJ friend I have are both pretty competitive and enjoy striving to be the best, have fun with it. Maybe that doesn't quite fit "competitive freak" but the ISTJ my ENFJ friend is dating seems like he might. He's extremely serious about winning (as is she).

Enneagram Type 3 also doesn't really fit ISTJ, I think?

I think it's a pretty common image fix for ISTJs actually. Again, depends on what you see as "type 3." The thing is, ennea and JCF/MBTI don't exactly correspond. Being a type 3 would modify ISTJ and being an ISTJ would modify type 3.

Still not saying that he is or that it's more likely or something. Just something to bear in mind

 

[fetus]

What about ESTP?

 

[Riva]

Right now I am thinking ISTP>>>>>>>>>ESTJ.

I was going to suggest enneagram 8 for him, but you already gave him the test and he got e3, so I guess that's a no.

Cute of you to make him do a personality test on the second date.

 

[rmrf]

The main point of distinction between ISTP and *STJ is that ISTPs tend to have a pragmatic 'common sense' and 'live and let live' value system. They are usually quite 'blokey', casual and non-intense. STJs are typically very conservative, at least insofar as they have a preset way of doing things and reject any deviation from that. They typically hold rules, tradition and values of 'right' and 'wrong' far more so than the ISTP; far more 'serious' and less 'fun loving'. ESTJs are more fiesty with expressing and pushing their views than the ISTJ. ISTJs are more quiet and focus more on applying their standards to themselves than the ESTJ. With Te > Ti, STJs are far more organised, self deciplined and structure embracing than ISTPs

Look at descriptions of the functions Si, Te, and Se. ISTPs have secondary Se, primary Ti (but neither Si nor Te is not one of the first 4 functions). ESTJs have primary Te, secondary Si (but neither Se nor Ti are one of their first 4). Functions would be the best way to gauge.

When someone's intrapersonal cognition is underdeveloped, they can find it hard to accurately judge themselves in questionares. Consequently, some people are prone to getting very dubious results on tests. My dad, for example, whose quite a socially awkard INFP, consistantly got ENFJ on tests, despite ENFJ being at complete odds with his personality. So take online tests with a grain of salt.

 

[chubber]

He spends 6.5 out of 7 nights of the week doing something with people, either spending time with me, or having drinks with folks, playing pool/darts/golf with folks. I didn't think being very outgoing and social is an ISTJ thing?

He also speaks very very quickly, thinks very very quickly and always seems to be thinking/planning something.
He's a competitive freak - something I don't see in the steadfast ISTJ.

Enneagram Type 3 also doesn't really fit ISTJ, I think?

ESTP 3w2?

 

[Jet Stream]

I'll bet he's something other than an ST and this OP is mistaking his traditionally masculine ways for it. If we measured every loudmouthed sports watching boy scout's type the same way even the most starry eyed NF among them would get the base, brutish sensing thinker label.

 

[Poki]

you mean ESTJ?

ESTJ would attract and INFP would repel which is along the lines of your response that no way in hell would you date one

 

[jixmixfix]

ESTJ would attract and INFP would repel which is along the lines of your response that no way in hell would you date one

Except I'm not either of those types

 

[Poki]

Except I'm not either of those types

NM

 

[Arctic Hysteria]

I'll bet he's something other than an ST and this OP is mistaking his traditionally masculine ways for it. If we measured every loudmouthed sports watching boy scout's type the same way even the most starry eyed NF among them would get the base, brutish sensing thinker label.

Er... He's not loudmouthed sports watching boy scout's type.


I'm welcoming questions to help you peeps gain more perspective. I'm asking for help after all.

 

[BadOctopus]

In your OP, you could have been describing my ISTJ brother. The similarities are almost uncanny. (Except he doesn't go out with his friends as much. He did a lot when he was younger, though.)