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What type am I?

Type_Zeta

New member
Joined
Dec 31, 2014
Messages
4
I test as INTJ regularly, INTP on occasion.

Since I think my type may have been messed up somewhere down the line of my pre-adulthood, I'll start from childhood in order to give a clearer view.

When I was a lot younger I was more of an enneagram type 8. I started talking late, my parents got worried and took me to a professional who said everything was fine and that I was apparently choosing not to talk. Despite that I was very bossy. I always wanted to be the leader and in control, loved playing with toys, creating scenarios that inevitably resulted in action and continued the stories the next day. Looking back I always viewed people as objects but viewed myself differently. I know this sounds quite self-centered. I cried quite easily, but normally through sulking about not getting my way rather than through emotion.

In school (from about age 4-10), I was a bit of a trouble maker, hiding under tables and getting into fights easily. I've always felt misunderstood. From about age 11-12, I became much more introverted. The cause of this is something I'm not sure about, although I do remember getting in an accident which sent me to the hospital vomiting for 2 days all because the class was playing tag and I was joking with a chubby friend of mine who ended up pushing me over, fair play to him. That's one thing about me, if I deserve something and had it coming then I won't hold any grudge against the person who committed it against me, but if I didn't I'll despise that person and ignore their existence until the end of time. Another trigger for my sudden introversion may have been discovering that I look physically different. I didn't actually even notice this until I was around this age. Anyway, whatever the cause of my sudden introversion, I noticed that this was around the time I started becoming very interested in games like chess and sudoku. I also became skeptical of being christian which is something my parents were forcing on me and my siblings.

During my teen years I became even more introverted. I was often times verbally bullied which led to me often wanting my existence to go unnoticed most of the time. I started conforming and trying to blend in but it rarely worked since I stand out a bit physically. It was during this time that I really started to disgust people. The same bullies that said what they did about me would often hang around or even go out with people that have the same qualities they abused others about, and those people actually remained around them despite knowing this. It opened my eyes to the real nature of a lot of people. It took some time but I finally stood up to my two main bullies (one of them twice). I noticed what was often the trigger was when the bullies started to get in my personal space, I snapped and ended up in their face, although one time I lost it and almost pushed one of them on a table and punched their face in, but I regained my sanity and stopped the fight. That bully in particular never bothered me again and I ignored their existence even harder from then on. During this time of my life I also got into anime, manga, mecha and gaming. It was also during my teen years that I discovered MBTI. I first typed as INTJ, although I often wonder if I had typed as any other introverted type, whether I would believe that to be my type instead.

My brother tested as an ESFP and is an engineer which may seem odd but he has absolutely no tolerance for ideas unless he can see their direct practical use. When I'm telling him about something theoretical he'll obligatorily cut in and want me to get to the part where it's practical. In fact, everyone in my immediate family is a sensor (and most are extroverted) which may explain why I identify a lot with Fi and tested as an enneagram 5w4.

Nowadays, I am quite depressed and rarely find my life worth living. I have chronic problems that aren't going to go away and will surely get worse in the future. I have no long-term goal, no vision and certainly no affinity towards people, although after a lot of time alone (in the order of weeks) I find myself wanting to be around people to observe their interactions. To summarize, if I were offered the chance to be removed completely from the minds of everyone who knew me and completely cease to exist, I would take that offer in a heartbeat.

In terms of how my mind works and the cognetive functions;

Fi - I strongly think this is in my top 4 functions. I highly resonate with being individualistic, but I do wonder if it's due to being bullied and looking different rather than it just being the way I really am.

Te - I've tested the highest in this function for a while. I'm the type of person where if you show me 1+1=2, then 1+1=2, period. I can be very stubborn at times and a bit closed-minded. In a debate, I can stick to a piece of evidence like glue, only dumping it if it's proven to have lost its validity, but like a true hypocrite I will find myself proposing a theory or strategy and refusing to dump it in the face of evidence.

Ti - I use this a lot though I'm not sure if it's natural or developed since my Fi is also quite high and I'm a math graduate. I've looked into ISTP and INTP descriptions and ISTP actually fits better than INTP.

Fe - One of my worst functions. The most I've noticed myself using Fe is laughing when others laugh and sometimes wanting harmony with others. I'm
generally quite an argumentative person online, but in person I'm a lot more meek and paranoid of what others think of me, possibly due to being
bullied. On very rare occasions I can be quite sympathetic and even bought to tears by a deeply emotional fate befalling a character.

Si - I use this function when I notice that an object resembles something I've seen before, or noticing that someone's face looks familiar. I find myself doing this involuntarily, although I rarely remember the details of what the object resembles. I find it very frustrating when I want to remember something that happened in detail but can't because my mind has muddled up the details.

Ne - I test quite well in this function which makes things a bit confusing. I can look at something and see the possibilities, possibly the reason why
I find it so difficult to type myself. I'm also a bit of a dreamer, I remember thinking of how boring life is and how there's no real adventure. Despite this, I don't entertain impractical ideas and possibilities that much.

Ni - I don't resonate with the "mystical" and "prophetic" descriptions of it. I do relate to the descriptions which include converging information to form a conclusion. In fact, forming conclusions is something I've been always been good at. Still, a lot of the magical descriptions of Ni don't resonate with me all that well. Although when I was younger I remember not actually "thinking" like I do now. When I became more introverted, I would actually observe my mind at work. At first I thought I may have been more of a visual thinker, but I remember listening to a podcast by personalityhacker.com about INFJs, and they described Ni as being like an observer to your own mind as it works out connections and forms conclusions. This is a description of Ni that I relate to highly.

Se - I can miss details about something very easily. At the same time, I'm very aware of my surroundings and I find it incredibly difficult to work when people are talking in close proximity to me, and I'm pretty sure a lot of annoying people at my workplace have caught on and started doing this on purpose. On the other hand, I don't mind if someone is talking in the distance and sometimes I prefer it, similar to listening to music. I can be spontaneous in that I tend to live day by day although I ironically can't live in the moment and stop myself from thinking about how my problems will ruin my future.

Additional information: I relate a lot to the socionics INTP description found here. When I first read it I thought it was actually the MBTI INTP.

So if you managed to read most of that, I'd be really interested in hearing your take on what my type is.

Thanks for reading.
 

Mal12345

Permabanned
Joined
Apr 19, 2011
Messages
14,532
MBTI Type
IxTP
Enneagram
5w4
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
Well, I just think that even though you are behaviorally an introvert, maybe, that you could still be an ENTJ per function order.
 

Type_Zeta

New member
Joined
Dec 31, 2014
Messages
4
I found this thread on PersonalityCafe and some of it really hit home to me. ENTJ per function order is something I am beginning to have second thoughts about because I don't believe Fi is my inferior function.
 
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