4w5 or 5w4?

[BlakeUndefined]

Hi,

I've been through a major depressive episode and i seem be struggling through an identity crisis. Help needed. Im not too keen on exposing myself but its necessary in this case. Ive taken the enneagram test more that once, i usually end up with either a 4w5 or a 5w4. How do i know which is my core type? MBTI tests, apparently i tend to fall under intj or infj. Ive narrowed down my type to these two possible types.

Due to my knowledge on the enneagram and Jungs tests, i highly doubt that taking another test will help. I feel as though i know too much.

i have a lot of suppressed memories and according to my housemates, as a kid, i was quiet. withdrawn, imaginative. I would say i was more 4ish. I felt a lot, but never expressed it. It was constantly suppressed. As i grew into my teenage years i seemed very 5ish. I used my head a lot more, i gathered as much knowledge as i could about things i find to be beautiful. I was never an A student but i can be if i want to, there just isn't any beauty in studies. My teenage years was full of ups and downs, basically i seemed very sevenish except for the part on thinking ahead. I never liked thinking ahead. Then there were months of isolation. where i did literally nothing more than thinking. I would say I'm conceptual but i have a hard time dealing with emotions. I was a scartist as a kid. A mix breed. i loved science and art fascinated me. i do not know which came first though. My sense of self is really unstable. Im prone to depressive episodes. I seem to be disconnected and detached at times.

Right now i feel like an artist without the ability to express myself. I am unable to express strong feelings. I use my head a lot. i fit into the type 4s except for the fact that I'm not so focused on success (not a 3 wing at all) and i don't really seem to hate myself. Ive questioned my existence, asking myself on how my existence mattered if i couldn't be seen for who i was. I often feel that people can't seem to understand me, they just don't.. i have inner worlds that i do not wish to speak of simply because its personal. I do long, yearn. not much for a rescurer bit for someone to see me for who i am and to be there with me. I tend to be on the lookout for someone that doesn't seem to exist. It is rather depressing. Im more of a loner, but i can be sociable. I just don't like to. So based on the above, could someone please explain my core type to me? I hope its clear enough.

 

[Alomoes]

You sound like an INFP. INFPs often type as all four of the IN types depending on mood, most often first typing as INFJ. Looking for things that don't exist is what I do. So yeah. Good enough for me. Tons more I could say. As for enneagram, I'd need to see what you value. It could be that you are a 5w6, like me. I don't know.

5w6 is permanently uncertain about everything. Yet to compensate, they learn everything. Knowledge is key to happiness, but there is always uncertainty, thus it is quite near impossible to be completely happy.

Might sound depressing, but I think the point of the enneagram is to decide what your impossible goal is in life. Be it security, perfection, knowledge, a good self image, so on and so forth. My final answer is the question you started with. What things do you value the most? And not material things. What do you value in people? In yourself?

 

[BlakeUndefined]

Thank you for replying.

Im keeping an open mind on my type though, i just want to subdue the pain of the identity crisis.

Honestly i value knowledge and authenticity. I really love to see people being themselves and being proud of it. I feel that without knowledge i won't be able to get out there and do a thing, but without a touch of authenticity, knowledge itself seems very.. superficial. Knowledge gives me the ability to create myself and emotions make me feel more human, not implying that with knowledge alone I'm not human. I have problems regulating emotions and i think that somehow defines me. I love it whenever people come up with an idea or a concept that is usually unheard of. I like different. I personally spend a lot of time with ideas and a little emotional touch makes it more.. appealing to me. I spend a lot of time n my head. Idea after idea or sometimes just a concept. I use my head to amplify my emotions based on the current concept, though i get lost in those worlds. it sort of keeps me sane. I do not really doubt much. I just have a fear of judgement. i want to be sure of who i am. i want to embrace it. I accept people for who they are believing that everyone is different. Though it'd be nice if everyone thought that way. I also value creativity. I feel as though creativity is my life, even though there are periods when I'm not creative. I do not really envy others much in terms of materialism. i envy their emotions though. I feel that i have to find something before i join the world. I value confidence, to act and for knowing who you are. I am a bit, very paradoxical and i do worry at time on how others perceive me. It affects my self esteem. Sorry if i went a bit of course.. there.

 

[Alomoes]

You are a 5w4. I'm a 5w6. I've never confirmed 5w4 before, but good enough for me. As for INFPness, my judgement still stands.

 

[BlakeUndefined]

Alright, Thank you very much.

 

[21%]

Try really studying the functions. That will definitely help you determine your type!

I'm no enneagram expert, but I think if you're a 4 you'll know it. Violent emotions, dark thoughts, things that are totally wrong but that you totally relish

 

[pinkgraffiti]

The fastest way to understand your type if to read through Naranjo's type descriptions, which will focus directly and without mercy on your type's shortcomings and psychosis. Here, compare between the neurosis of type 5 and type 4. They are so different it shouldn't be that difficult. Mostly, you have to see that the impulse of type 4 is that of emotions (like 2 and 3), whilst type 5 is ultimately a mental type (like 6 and 7).

[Enneagram Type 4] Envy and Depressive Masochistic Character, Fours by Naranjo

[Enneagram Type 5] Naranjo's 'Character & Neurosis': Ennea-Type V

 

[Alomoes]

Try really studying the functions. That will definitely help you determine your type!

I'm no enneagram expert, but I think if you're a 4 you'll know it. Violent emotions, dark thoughts, things that are totally wrong but that you totally relish

Unless you are me. I thought I was INFJ too, but no. That was wrong, as I met an INFJ, much much more coherent then I was. And I thought everyone had violent thoughts and emotions. I know I do, but I'm a 5w6. Pretty sure that isn't related to Enneagram. I have an idea of why... I'll let you figure it out on your own.