how can u tell that an INTJ hates you or he is just preferring his cocoon

[al1234]

I'm an ENFP and i had this INTJ friend who really gets under my nerves coz i cant understand what can possibly be going on in his brain... I hate the way he jumps into conclusion and what they think is the only right thing even if I tried hard to explain that it isn't... it all started when i adviced to have his job done on time and he thought I'm being superior on him so he attacked and i got pissed like hell so we kept yelling and now he refuses to speak again I have no Idea if he hates me now or he is just cocooning... My GOD i was just trying to help or atleast be me an ENFP.... This is so weird we got our good and funny times together i really thought we got along very well together...

 

[PocketFullOf]

I've noticed INTJs behave this way with my ExFx friends sometimes. It could be a bit of both.

 

[teothebest]

this rings me as quite obvious. your suggestion may have sounded to him like an accuse of being lazy and inconclusive in disguise, and therefore he reacted.
in my experience, INTJs tend to suspect other people's reason, and may be lead to believe there is a second meaning behind the most obvious one.
if I were you, I'd tell him that you trust he will get the job done and that you weren't meant to put any pressure on him. if he refuses meeting you, well then tell him that by message.

 

[BlackDog]

this rings me as quite obvious. your suggestion may have sounded to him like an accuse of being lazy and inconclusive in disguise, and therefore he reacted.
in my experience, INTJs tend to suspect other people's reason, and may be lead to believe there is a second meaning behind the most obvious one.
if I were you, I'd tell him that you trust he will get the job done and that you weren't meant to put any pressure on him. if he refuses meeting you, well then tell him that by message.

Aren't INTJs many INTJs hypersensitized to anything that might be perceived as a power game?

 

[teothebest]

indeed. although I would just call it meddling. the main point may even not be the perceived superiority you infered with your statement, rather the mere fact that you meddled with his affairs.

 

[ceecee]

You needed two threads to answer the same question?

 

[BadOctopus]

I suspect he didn't appreciate your advice because he'd already made up his mind to do things a certain way. More stubborn INTJs don't like being told what to do, because they see unwarranted advice as an attack on their competence. If you want to resolve the issue, approach him in a calm, rational manner.

Let me emphasize the "rational" part. Do not get yourself worked up. There are few things that annoy INTJs more than an emotion-fueled argument.

 

[Praefator]

I suspect he didn't appreciate your advice because he'd already made up his mind to do things a certain way. More stubborn INTJs don't like being told what to do, because they see unwarranted advice as an attack on their competence. If you want to resolve the issue, approach him in a calm, rational manner.

Let me emphasize the "rational" part. Do not get yourself worked up. There are few things that annoy INTJs more than an emotion-fueled argument.

As an INTJ with an ENFJ mother, (with whom I have had extensive 'discussions' with) I concur on the rational part.

• Respect the INTJ's PoV; leave room for his input
• Approach him/her in a calm, reserved manner
• Avoid logical fallacies as much as possible
• Stick to the facts; avoid adding emotion to the equation