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Help Me Type My Confusing Wife!

Mal12345

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This is a topic that has been on my mind on and off for years. So while I sit here with an ice pack balanced on my shoulder, and the TV typically blaring right behind me (the speakers are literally 2 feet away from my ear drums), but thankfully no loud teenage music going in the bathroom behind the wall 2 feet to the left of me, or screaming kids and barking dogs (my entire home life is so anti-INTP), I'd like to bring forth the topic of my wife's confusing MBTI type.

My wife seems introverted, but not as introverted as a true introvert. She seems extroverted, but not like a true extrovert. She is a true ambivert, someone who can move both ways. She's an aggressive driver, and she took my Jetta 2.5 to 130 mph which to me was never an option. I took it to 110 mph but, not in an effort to outdo me, but simply for the pure thrill of the activity, my wife topped out the governor just to see how fast the car would go, and because she loves to do things like that.

My wife is the mother of three children. She's not a strict mother per se, she has to get pissed off about something before she will try to solve it, and in my view she's too relaxed. And her parenting method is inconsistent. For example, she'll put a limit of a half-hour on phone use, but when it comes down to it, she's always willing to tack on an extra 15 minutes or more just to end the whining. At least she's consistently inconsistent.

In the positive sense, my wife has a very sweet, loving character, but she can use the sweetness to get her own way. I prefer that over those who try to use vinegar instead of honey to attract the "flies." My wife is negligent of the small things in the world around here, preferring to pursue her own pleasures, such as internet sites, TV shows (mostly food shows and other reality shows), vaping, and eating. At one time she told me her purpose was to "make it last as long as possible," and although the term "it" is rather ambiguous, I believe it means "the party." Because my wife is a party girl from way back, and this has never fundamentally changed.

My wife was a "tom boy" as a child, and still is in many ways. She loved to ride her 50 cc around and chase down lizards and stray cats. She has a sister who is like her exact opposite - the good girl of the family, while my wife was the bad girl and rebel. But her parents were both abusive alcoholics. As a result, her sister grew up to be an over-achiever, likely in an attempt to subconsciously avoid punishment. My wife is like a CP 6, constantly fighting against fears of punishment that she grew up with every day of her childhood.

My wife was married for 26 years before I came along. She said she married that guy because he was: buff, funny, and provided an escape from a bad home situation. She also stated that she didn't marry him out of love, although she said that it developed later on.

When I've observed my wife at a party, especially when there are mostly strangers around, she chooses a strategic location, and then goes into people-watching mode. Then she chooses one or two individuals in the crowd to focus attention on like a laser because she's searching for a person who matches some specific categories of her own making. In my case, I don't know if I matched any of her categories, but I apparently had a yellow aura (in her words) that she found tantalizing. If it wasn't for that, she never would have tried to get my attention.

Any thoughts?
 

five sounds

MyPeeSmellsLikeCoffee247
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First of all, lol at this thread title.

Secondly, I feel like I relate to your wife in a lot of ways (like I can see myself being that way in the future). Some kind of FP for sure. The people scanning and selecting is something I have thought of as related to Ne, but I don't know if it's just that.
 

Zarathustra

Let Go Of Your Team
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Messages
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My wife seems introverted, but not as introverted as a true introvert. She seems extroverted, but not like a true extrovert. She is a true ambivert, someone who can move both ways.

Ambiversion points to enneagram 6

consistently inconsistent.

This is the exact phrase I used to use to describe my ESFP 7w8.


What the fuck do you mean by "vaping"?

Are you talking about smoking weed out of a vaporizor?

If so, the signs are definitely pointing to ESFP.

At one time she told me her purpose was to "make it last as long as possible," and although the term "it" is rather ambiguous, I believe it means "the party." Because my wife is a party girl from way back, and this has never fundamentally changed.

All signs pointing to ESFP

My wife was a "tom boy" as a child, and still is in many ways. She loved to ride her 50 cc around and chase down lizards and stray cats. She has a sister who is like her exact opposite - the good girl of the family, while my wife was the bad girl and rebel. But her parents were both abusive alcoholics. As a result, her sister grew up to be an over-achiever, likely in an attempt to subconsciously avoid punishment. My wife is like a CP 6, constantly fighting against fears of punishment that she grew up with every day of her childhood.

My wife was married for 26 years before I came along. She said she married that guy because he was: buff, funny, and provided an escape from a bad home situation. She also stated that she didn't marry him out of love, although she said that it developed later on.

When I've observed my wife at a party, especially when there are mostly strangers around, she chooses a strategic location, and then goes into people-watching mode. Then she chooses one or two individuals in the crowd to focus attention on like a laser because she's searching for a person who matches some specific categories of her own making. In my case, I don't know if I matched any of her categories, but I apparently had a yellow aura (in her words) that she found tantalizing. If it wasn't for that, she never would have tried to get my attention.

Any thoughts?

Your wife is an SFP, possibly 6w7
 
L

LadyLazarus

Guest
I also relate to a shit-load of this, it's kind of scary actually. Especially these parts:

she has to get pissed off about something before she will try to solve it
My wife seems introverted, but not as introverted as a true introvert. She seems extroverted, but not like a true extrovert. She is a true ambivert, someone who can move both ways
My wife was a "tom boy" as a child, and still is in many ways. She loved to ride her 50 cc around and chase down lizards and stray cats. She has a sister who is like her exact opposite - the good girl of the family, while my wife was the bad girl and rebel.
^Lol her sister even sounds just like my ISTJ sister too.
My wife is like a CP 6, constantly fighting against fears of punishment that she grew up with every day of her childhood.



This sounds very SP to me:
At one time she told me her purpose was to "make it last as long as possible,"
She's an aggressive driver, and she took my Jetta 2.5 to 130 mph which to me was never an option. I took it to 110 mph but, not in an effort to outdo me, but simply for the pure thrill of the activity, my wife topped out the governor just to see how fast the car would go, and because she loves to do things like that.

So, I think either ISFP(also an ambiverted one) or eSFP.
 
G

Ginkgo

Guest
Yeah I'm thinking SFP, just based on what you've given us.
 
W

WALMART

Guest
Whence do her emotions manifest? I don't think I picked much up on that.

Fi types feel in depth, and such. She seems like a T type, presuming there is nothing concealed.
 

Doctor Cringelord

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Joined
Aug 27, 2013
Messages
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I
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Most definitely a Se dom. They're fun. She sounds like a real character.
 

Doctor Cringelord

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Possibly a Se dom. They're fun. She sounds like a real character.
 

Doctor Cringelord

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Possibly a Se dom. They're fun. She sounds like a real character.
 

BlackDog

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This is a topic that has been on my mind on and off for years. So while I sit here with an ice pack balanced on my shoulder, and the TV typically blaring right behind me (the speakers are literally 2 feet away from my ear drums), but thankfully no loud teenage music going in the bathroom behind the wall 2 feet to the left of me, or screaming kids and barking dogs (my entire home life is so anti-INTP), I'd like to bring forth the topic of my wife's confusing MBTI type.

My wife seems introverted, but not as introverted as a true introvert. She seems extroverted, but not like a true extrovert. She is a true ambivert, someone who can move both ways.

Define your functional use of ambivert. Maybe she's a people ambivert, but are you sure she isn't maybe an extrovert of objects and the external world who can take or leave people?

I suggest this because I know the kind of person you are talking about; this is the type or 'type group' I know most about from observation.


She's an aggressive driver, and she took my Jetta 2.5 to 130 mph which to me was never an option. I took it to 110 mph but, not in an effort to outdo me, but simply for the pure thrill of the activity, my wife topped out the governor just to see how fast the car would go, and because she loves to do things like that.

I know a female ESTP who did this while in her fifties and a mother of three. A relative of mine. Not that this is proof, but I think it's a possibility.

My wife is the mother of three children. She's not a strict mother per se, she has to get pissed off about something before she will try to solve it, and in my view she's too relaxed. And her parenting method is inconsistent. For example, she'll put a limit of a half-hour on phone use, but when it comes down to it, she's always willing to tack on an extra 15 minutes or more just to end the whining. At least she's consistently inconsistent.

Not to be impolite, but when her patience is exhausted is her style of being annoyed at the kids somewhat bombastic and 'big aura', but it passes pretty quickly? So, for example, she might get really mad, or look really mad, in the moment, but once it's over, it's over? Then she'll want to move on without having to probe motives, etc.?

That would fit with the ESTP parents I know of.

In the positive sense, my wife has a very sweet, loving character, but she can use the sweetness to get her own way. I prefer that over those who try to use vinegar instead of honey to attract the "flies." My wife is negligent of the small things in the world around here, preferring to pursue her own pleasures, such as internet sites, TV shows (mostly food shows and other reality shows), vaping, and eating. At one time she told me her purpose was to "make it last as long as possible," and although the term "it" is rather ambiguous, I believe it means "the party." Because my wife is a party girl from way back, and this has never fundamentally changed.

This sounds very SP. It might make ESTP less likely because the ones I know are very big, fill-the-room kind of people in a family setting. I wouldn't describe them as particularly sweet. I mean, if they are being sweet or loving, it will be in a big way.

Possibly ISTP? Because it doesn't sound much at all like the numerous ISFPs I know; they are SP, but they are serious, even melancholy (internally) people in my experience. Possibly ESFP? Only ISTP doesn't seem likely because this type in my limited experience is very introverted (though I know no female ISTPs).

My wife was a "tom boy" as a child, and still is in many ways. She loved to ride her 50 cc around and chase down lizards and stray cats. She has a sister who is like her exact opposite - the good girl of the family, while my wife was the bad girl and rebel. But her parents were both abusive alcoholics. As a result, her sister grew up to be an over-achiever, likely in an attempt to subconsciously avoid punishment. My wife is like a CP 6, constantly fighting against fears of punishment that she grew up with every day of her childhood.

Sounds the ESTPs I know in childhood. Except one. But this could just be an SP girl thing, not ESTP.

My wife was married for 26 years before I came along. She said she married that guy because he was: buff, funny, and provided an escape from a bad home situation. She also stated that she didn't marry him out of love, although she said that it developed later on.

Don't know exactly what that could mean. Doesn't conflict with SP.

When I've observed my wife at a party, especially when there are mostly strangers around, she chooses a strategic location, and then goes into people-watching mode. Then she chooses one or two individuals in the crowd to focus attention on like a laser because she's searching for a person who matches some specific categories of her own making. In my case, I don't know if I matched any of her categories, but I apparently had a yellow aura (in her words) that she found tantalizing. If it wasn't for that, she never would have tried to get my attention.

Any thoughts?

This is exactly what two ESTPs I know well do. And the ISTP I know. And maybe the ISFP as well. I think the ESFP I know tends to do a little more mixing, but I don't know that I have very good sample size here.

Just some thoughts . . . I am of the opinion she is some kind of SP. I don't think she sounds very ISFP at all. Any of the other three are plausible. To me . . .
 

Mal12345

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Define your functional use of ambivert. Maybe she's a people ambivert, but are you sure she isn't maybe an extrovert of objects and the external world who can take or leave people?

I suggest this because I know the kind of person you are talking about; this is the type or 'type group' I know most about from observation.

Ambiversion is not possible in JCF so it's more along the lines of MBTI. It is a score on the I/E scale which is close to 50/50. Can she take or leave people? It depends. She is extremely attached to her family, and says she will off herself if any of her kids, or me, die for some reason. That's some serious attachment issue. And she's still taking care of the needs of her 29 year old son, although he is out on his own, because she worries about him constantly.

As for strangers, she often considers them as being in the way, feels threatened by them, flips them off while driving, gets pissed off at them in the store sometimes, but is very nice to them otherwise. Her default mode is generally to be nice to strangers. On the other hand, she'll confide in me about some "bitch," "cunt," or "stupid old man" she encountered somewhere although she doesn't express these sentiments to the people directly.

I know a female ESTP who did this while in her fifties and a mother of three. A relative of mine. Not that this is proof, but I think it's a possibility.


Not to be impolite, but when her patience is exhausted is her style of being annoyed at the kids somewhat bombastic and 'big aura', but it passes pretty quickly? So, for example, she might get really mad, or look really mad, in the moment, but once it's over, it's over? Then she'll want to move on without having to probe motives, etc.?

She doesn't want to probe any motives, and anyway I'm sure she knows what they are from long experience. She just moves on, the best calming method would be the TV I think. It's hard to get her to talk about anything like that. When it's over, it's over. So she tries to ignore me, or brushes me off, and switches back to "TV mode" or whatever was interrupted at the time.


That would fit with the ESTP parents I know of.

This sounds very SP. It might make ESTP less likely because the ones I know are very big, fill-the-room kind of people in a family setting. I wouldn't describe them as particularly sweet. I mean, if they are being sweet or loving, it will be in a big way.

True, and ESTP isn't an option anyway.

Possibly ISTP? Because it doesn't sound much at all like the numerous ISFPs I know; they are SP, but they are serious, even melancholy (internally) people in my experience. Possibly ESFP? Only ISTP doesn't seem likely because this type in my limited experience is very introverted (though I know no female ISTPs).

You're beginning to grasp the source of my confusion.



Sounds the ESTPs I know in childhood. Except one. But this could just be an SP girl thing, not ESTP.

I don't know. It's a tomboy thing.


Don't know exactly what that could mean. Doesn't conflict with SP.

It means opportunism, which definitely fits in with SP.



This is exactly what two ESTPs I know well do. And the ISTP I know. And maybe the ISFP as well. I think the ESFP I know tends to do a little more mixing, but I don't know that I have very good sample size here.

Just some thoughts . . . I am of the opinion she is some kind of SP. I don't think she sounds very ISFP at all. Any of the other three are plausible. To me . . .

She doesn't seem very ISFP, although I-S-F-P makes sense in a way. The tertiary of ISFP doesn't fit. I haven't looked into the other tertiaries, or the inferior or shadow opposite.
 

BlackDog

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Ambiversion is not possible in JCF so it's more along the lines of MBTI. It is a score on the I/E scale which is close to 50/50. Can she take or leave people? It depends. She is extremely attached to her family, and says she will off herself if any of her kids, or me, die for some reason. That's some serious attachment issue. And she's still taking care of the needs of her 29 year old son, although he is out on his own, because she worries about him constantly.

As for strangers, she often considers them as being in the way, feels threatened by them, flips them off while driving, gets pissed off at them in the store sometimes, but is very nice to them otherwise. Her default mode is generally to be nice to strangers. On the other hand, she'll confide in me about some "bitch," "cunt," or "stupid old man" she encountered somewhere although she doesn't express these sentiments to the people directly.



She doesn't want to probe any motives, and anyway I'm sure she knows what they are from long experience. She just moves on, the best calming method would be the TV I think. It's hard to get her to talk about anything like that. When it's over, it's over. So she tries to ignore me, or brushes me off, and switches back to "TV mode" or whatever was interrupted at the time.




True, and ESTP isn't an option anyway.



You're beginning to grasp the source of my confusion.





I don't know. It's a tomboy thing.




It means opportunism, which definitely fits in with SP.





She doesn't seem very ISFP, although I-S-F-P makes sense in a way. The tertiary of ISFP doesn't fit. I haven't looked into the other tertiaries, or the inferior or shadow opposite.

Why doesn't ESTP count as an option? Given what you say about her not wanting to probe motives, etc, I think ESTP sounds most likely. They don't always look extroverted.

Taking into account what you said about her attitudes toward strangers, she doesn't sound ESFP. So I'd say ESTP unless you have a compelling reason to go against it.
 

Doctor Cringelord

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I'm terrible at enneatyping people but perhaps 7w8 or 8w7.

Why isn't ESTP an option? I could see that or ISTP.
 

TheCheeseBurgerKing

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Definitely SFP, probably I. ISFPs seem really I in a way, but in social gatherings they have to be the center of attention. Thats most SFPs for you.
 

Mal12345

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I'm terrible at enneatyping people but perhaps 7w8 or 8w7.

Why isn't ESTP an option? I could see that or ISTP.

Some of the ESTP description fits her, such as "The ESTP gets bored with classes in which they feel they gain no useful material which can be used to get things done." But for my wife, she's not thinking about school in terms of "useful material to get things done," she's thinking in terms of ditching class. Period.
 

Mal12345

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Definitely SFP, probably I. ISFPs seem really I in a way, but in social gatherings they have to be the center of attention. Thats most SFPs for you.

My wife likes to party but she doesn't need to be the center of attention. That's an ESFP quality. She's there to have fun, not to be an attention ho. She doesn't like attention ho's.
 

Mal12345

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Why doesn't ESTP count as an option? Given what you say about her not wanting to probe motives, etc, I think ESTP sounds most likely. They don't always look extroverted.

Taking into account what you said about her attitudes toward strangers, she doesn't sound ESFP. So I'd say ESTP unless you have a compelling reason to go against it.

See the post above.
 
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