Chandler's Type!

[Lady_X]

Ahh I may have screwed up the lyrics.

But you know what I mean. Sx ness is intense firery passion filled desire. It feels way different.

 

[Starry]

I'd like to hear your thoughts. [MENTION=10082]Starry[/MENTION] especially because you talk about my e7 positivity so much and I don't want to be misrepresenting 7 since I can always feel the passion in your kind words.

I've heard it's nearly impossible to accomplish...A brilliant & sparkly e7 misrepresenting... e7.

korryn: mmm
korryn: while you are free floaty
korryn: you dont want to just be the friend who comes and goes to people
korryn: you wanna make lasting relationships
korryn: and be able to have a trustful relationship etc
korryn: you always want to help people to in their lives whether you just met them or not
Chandler: i see

^^while it is precisely what I would expect out of the various works on enneagram theory ...I think the above it a terrible/extremely misleading way to distinguish the e2 from the e7. In fact, I could make an argument which claims that the e7s relationships are more pure in the sense they are not dependent on anything other than a genuine affection for the other person as an autonomous being (that is not required to fulfill a certain preconceived response) separate from the e7s ego. /goin all Freud and stuff

All the Head types are independent and self-contained. This absolutely does not mean they don't wish for/strive for deep, emotionally-bonded, long-lasting relationships. Nor does it mean they don't want to give to others or be charitable. To the contrary, many e7s dedicate their lives to such things - myself included. The difference is found in the meaning placed on the *giving* itself. An e7 is most often enjoying the experience of giving - perhaps distracting themselves from their own emotional needs or unknowingly attempting to stay positive like 'yeah I'm doing good things!' who knows ...while the e2 (Heart types are not self-contained even when they appear to be) is looking for a particular positive response to satisfy their core fear. And it's not like the e7 won't hope for a positive response either... but the experience is enough if that makes sense. It's not filling a hole...it's more of doing something new (in excess) and positive.

e2 ENFPs really tend to offer a lot by way of advice rather than actually doing a lot of jobs or tasks like an ESFJ might. e7 ENFPs with their independent focus wouldn't dare do this for fear of coming off as 'preachy.'
I notice e7s do quite a bit of 'behind the scenes' stuff...that often goes unnoticed because they purposely try to take the focus off of whatever hardship is being experienced and make it seem like they are just randomly attempting to liven the mood, or create a cheerful environment, etc. Yet I know the work that goes into something like that. The ENFP e7 is far more likely to provide encouragement and inspiration than advice (unless asked of course.)

 

[HongDou]

I've heard it's nearly impossible to accomplish...A brilliant & sparkly e7 misrepresenting... e7.

^^while it is precisely what I would expect out of the various works on enneagram theory ...I think the above it a terrible/extremely misleading way to distinguish the e2 from the e7. In fact, I could make an argument which claims that the e7s relationships are more pure in the sense they are not dependent on anything other than a genuine affection for the other person as an autonomous being (that is not required to fulfill a certain preconceived response) separate from the e7s ego. /goin all Freud and stuff

Haha, I wouldn't get too critical of my friend. I just ramble on about various personality theories to her when I'm bored and she tries her best to understand them. I just took her advice to heart because she's my best friend and I value her advice. I admit the distinction she made between e2 and e7 was off since 7s (especially with the 6 wing) do value their relationships. I think any type values the relationships it forges - online descriptions just portray e7 as more of a lone wolf and independent spirit. It's just that, if your best friend is saying you're a 2 rather than a 7, then something must be up or at least worth addressing.

All the Head types are independent and self-contained. This absolutely does not mean they don't wish for/strive for deep, emotionally-bonded, long-lasting relationships. Nor does it mean they don't want to give to others or be charitable. To the contrary, many e7s dedicate their lives to such things - myself included. The difference is found in the meaning placed on the *giving* itself. An e7 is most often enjoying the experience of giving - perhaps distracting themselves from their own emotional needs or unknowingly attempting to stay positive like 'yeah I'm doing good things!' who knows ...while the e2 (Heart types are not self-contained even when they appear to be) is looking for a particular positive response to satisfy their core fear. And it's not like the e7 won't hope for a positive response either... but the experience is enough if that makes sense. It's not filling a hole...it's more of doing something new (in excess) and positive.

Hmm, the problem here is that I never really distract myself from my emotional needs. Well, I do sometimes. But I'm highly attuned to what I want out life and how my emotions can be satisfied so I chase after that. Problem is I can't get what I want as fast as my emotions demand it so I end up getting sad and lonely and depressed. And yes, all I want out of life is a relationship. The way I want to live my life is to have a fulfilling, meaningful, and eternal relationship with someone and everything else that comes with life is just stuff on the side that will contribute or take away from how much I enjoy life depending on what it is.

e2 ENFPs really tend to offer a lot by way of advice rather than actually doing a lot of jobs or tasks like an ESFJ might. e7 ENFPs with their independent focus wouldn't dare do this for fear of coming off as 'preachy.'
I notice e7s do quite a bit of 'behind the scenes' stuff...that often goes unnoticed because they purposely try to take the focus off of whatever hardship is being experienced and make it seem like they are just randomly attempting to liven the mood, or create a cheerful environment, etc. Yet I know the work that goes into something like that. The ENFP e7 is far more likely to provide encouragement and inspiration than advice (unless asked of course.)

Bold part definitely sounds like me. I think a lot of people confuse my encouragement with "advice." Maybe because they want my encouragement to be my advice, dunno. Do you know any e2 ENFPs? How would they compare to me, similarities and differences-wise? And how do I fare against other e7 ENFPs?

Right... I mean it in a completely dramtic way like
I need you like the desert needs the rain...Or I would walk 10000 miles just to be the man that walked 10000 miles just to be with you... I can't live without you I don't want to be without you

Haha okay that woulda worked better in person as I sang to you but it's really not on purposely dramatic but that sx feeling for me truly is.

I see what you mean. I want that kind of love as well. Maybe a more watered down version of it where we're both just living our lives happily together, but I still want that intense connection with someone. I probably just don't worry about how fiery the connection is as much as you?

It's not the 2ish you can count on me to help you when you're in a bind. I will do anything for you that I can. Just ask.

Yeah, I let people know that I'm there to be there friend, or for someone I like that I'll always be there for them. But that's only one part that I see about love. I don't see that representing the whole picture of what love is and I don't have any desire to have a relationship that's just mutually supporting each other.

 

[Lady_X]

I said that wrong I think. I would want for a friend to know they could count on me in a bind and I'd do anything for them I can. But that's not what I mean when I say I want to be needed.

It's just like one of those things you do for people you care about. Just like np whatcha need??

But it doesn't define the connection. That part of it doesn't matter much to me. I mean its not what it's about.

 

[Tigerlily]

When I read this I assumed the OP was asking what Chandler Bing's type was. I'm relieved to find out that's not the case.

 

[HongDou]

When I read this, I assumed the OP was asking what Chandler Bing's type was. I'm relieved.

[MENTION=10082]Starry[/MENTION] covered that somewhere in the beginning of this thread actually. The conclusion was ESFJ 6w7 so/sp.

Edit: Oh wait, wasn't that [MENTION=15392]AffirmitiveAnxiety[/MENTION]'s type at some point?

 

[Starry]

Haha, I wouldn't get too critical of my friend. I just ramble on about various personality theories to her when I'm bored and she tries her best to understand them. I just took her advice to heart because she's my best friend and I value her advice. I admit the distinction she made between e2 and e7 was off since 7s (especially with the 6 wing) do value their relationships. I think any type values the relationships it forges - online descriptions just portray e7 as more of a lone wolf and independent spirit. It's just that, if your best friend is saying you're a 2 rather than a 7, then something must be up or at least worth addressing.

I am going to come back to this when I'm not setting clothes on fire for Halloween haha... but I just wanted to quickly say I didn't think anything of your friend...other than she's clearly capable of reading and comprehension. She was saying...or you were saying and she was relaying back to you (however it all went down) exactly what the literature says. Or at the very least exactly what I would expect it to say. In other words your friend got it right. You have to be pretty knowledge of e7 before the problems with the definitions really start to jump out at you... your friend was not factored into my response.

 

[Starry]

[MENTION=10082]Starry[/MENTION] covered that somewhere in the beginning of this thread actually. The conclusion was ESFJ 6w7 so/sp.

Edit: Oh wait, wasn't that [MENTION=15392]AffirmitiveAnxiety[/MENTION]'s type at some point?

Nope that was me. Uff...spacey.

 

[HongDou]

I am going to come back to this when I'm not setting clothes on fire for Halloween haha...

 

[Elfboy]

I've heard it's nearly impossible to accomplish...A brilliant & sparkly e7 misrepresenting... e7.
^^while it is precisely what I would expect out of the various works on enneagram theory ...I think the above it a terrible/extremely misleading way to distinguish the e2 from the e7. In fact, I could make an argument which claims that the e7s relationships are more pure in the sense they are not dependent on anything other than a genuine affection for the other person as an autonomous being (that is not required to fulfill a certain preconceived response) separate from the e7s ego. /goin all Freud and stuff

I would definitely argue that. no strings attached relationships are always more authentic

All the Head types are independent and self-contained. This absolutely does not mean they don't wish for/strive for deep, emotionally-bonded, long-lasting relationships.

true

Nor does it mean they don't want to give to others or be charitable. To the contrary, many e7s dedicate their lives to such things - myself included. The difference is found in the meaning placed on the *giving* itself.

eh, the last part is mostly Social 7s, but you may be right (a close 7w8 Sp/Sx acquaintance of mine runs a charity for example).

An e7 is most often enjoying the experience of giving - perhaps distracting themselves from their own emotional needs or unknowingly attempting to stay positive like 'yeah I'm doing good things!' who knows

this is very true (7s are a paradoxical combination of selfish and generous).

...while the e2 (Heart types are not self-contained even when they appear to be) is looking for a particular positive response to satisfy their core fear. And it's not like the e7 won't hope for a positive response either... but the experience is enough if that makes sense. It's not filling a hole...it's more of doing something new (in excess) and positive.

I can get on board with this

e2 ENFPs really tend to offer a lot by way of advice rather than actually doing a lot of jobs or tasks like an ESFJ might. e7 ENFPs with their independent focus wouldn't dare do this for fear of coming off as 'preachy.'

this is a common misconception. it might apply to the 9 fixed 7w6, but lots of 7s are quite preachy due to their line to 1. this tendency is amplified if under stress, especially if the 7 is a 1 fixer (1 fixed 7 under stress = judgemental, narcissistic bitch. additionally, all the frustration types (1, 7 and 4) have a touch of self righteous idealism to them

I notice e7s do quite a bit of 'behind the scenes' stuff...that often goes unnoticed because they purposely try to take the focus off of whatever hardship is being experienced and make it seem like they are just randomly attempting to liven the mood, or create a cheerful environment, etc. Yet I know the work that goes into something like that. The ENFP e7 is far more likely to provide encouragement and inspiration than advise (unless asked of course.)

I've noticed 7s in general like to jump into the spot light every now and again, but don't want the responsibility that comes with staying there, so they opt for more "low maintenance" work.

in general though, I think you overemphasize the positive outlook aspects of 7. a 2, for instance, takes more pride in their "positive energy". it's something they actively seek to create and spread around to whomever they're trying to woo over. with 7s, the positive energy is simply there, primarily as a byproduct of their expertise in escapism and avoiding their less convenient emotions. "ignorance is bliss" if you will (particularly 7w6, which is the more naive 7. 7w8s are a little more "tainted"). unlike 2s however, their positivity isn't as much a part of their self image (in fact, some 7s would describe their personality as more "dark". Sx/Sp 7s can even come across as 4-ish) and they don't usually attempt to direct the energy of the group the way 2s do (this is why 2 is a power seeking type and not 7. 7 is more "whatever happens happens" and take a less deliberative approach to social interaction).

 

[HongDou]

I would definitely argue that. no strings attached relationships are always more authentic

I didn't realize what you quoted implied until you replied with this, but I personally disagree that no strings attached relationships are more authentic. For me anyways, because sex is something deeply emotional and binding for me. I couldn't have sex with someone without develop feelings for them, or getting thoughts in my head that what we had would go somewhere further. I also feel like if there's no love there and it's just sex then it's not worth my time. I don't want to waste my emotions on something that isn't going to be significant in the future. So you can take that as you will.

unlike 2s however, their positivity isn't as much a part of their self image (in fact, some 7s would describe their personality as more "dark". Sx/Sp 7s can even come across as 4-ish) and they don't usually attempt to direct the energy of the group the way 2s do (this is why 2 is a power seeking type and not 7. 7 is more "whatever happens happens" and take a less deliberative approach to social interaction).

I think I'm more 7 in this sense. I don't attempt to control or manipulate the energy of the group. Or maybe I'm taking it in a more conniving manner than you're trying to communicate. I like having my positive nature have positive effects on people. I like being uplifting to others. I love giving people a source of hope about life that they may not have otherwise. But I don't want to manipulate people's emotions in the group I'm with, I let them feel what they're feeling and then I'll do whatever I can to make their day a little brighter.

(I also do get a little preachy when debating someone - most of the arguments I start are primarily based on something that go against my morals)

 

[Elfboy]

I didn't realize what you quoted implied until you replied with this, but I personally disagree that no strings attached relationships are more authentic. For me anyways, because sex is something deeply emotional and binding for me. I couldn't have sex with someone without develop feelings for them, or getting thoughts in my head that what we had would go somewhere further. I also feel like if there's no love there and it's just sex then it's not worth my time. I don't want to waste my emotions on something that isn't going to be significant in the future. So you can take that as you will.

I may have spoken a little too soon. sexual relationships require at least a few strings, because you both have needs that only the other person can fulfill (for example, in a monogamous relationship, sex). personally, if there do need to be strings attached, I like to make them known so that both parties know exactly what they're getting into and what is expected of whom. 2s on the other hand operate based on subjective give and take, implicit expectations and "I scratch your back, you scratch mine" sort of thinking.

I think I'm more 7 in this sense. I don't attempt to control or manipulate the energy of the group. Or maybe I'm taking it in a more conniving manner than you're trying to communicate. I like having my positive nature have positive effects on people. I like being uplifting to others. I love giving people a source of hope about life that they may not have otherwise. But I don't want to manipulate people's emotions in the group I'm with, I let them feel what they're feeling and then I'll do whatever I can to make their day a little brighter.
(I also do get a little preachy when debating someone - most of the arguments I start are primarily based on something that go against my morals)

it did come off a little more conniving than I was intending (it's no secret I don't like 2s, but I tried to provide a comparison with minimal bias)

if my observations of you carry any weight, I've noticed that you make subtle attempts to steer the other person's emotions in a more "positive" direction, but ultimately don't force it on them (which could either be interpreted as 2-ish or 7-ish imo)

 

[HongDou]

I may have spoken a little too soon. sexual relationships require at least a few strings, because you both have needs that only the other person can fulfill (for example, in a monogamous relationship, sex). personally, if there do need to be strings attached, I like to make them known so that both parties know exactly what they're getting into and what is expected of whom. 2s on the other hand operate based on subjective give and take, implicit expectations and "I scratch your back, you scratch mine" sort of thinking.

I like letting the partner know what he's getting into and I usually like to know what I am as well but I don't push to ask too much so I don't seem clingy or hesitant, etc.

it did come off a little more conniving than I was intending (it's no secret I don't like 2s, but I tried to provide a comparison with minimal bias)

If I am a 2w3, you will start to like them.

if my observations of you carry any weight, I've noticed that you make subtle attempts to steer the other person's emotions in a more "positive" direction, but ultimately don't force it on them (which could either be interpreted as 2-ish or 7-ish imo)

WHY AM I SO BORDERLINE

 

[Elfboy]

I like letting the partner know what he's getting into and I usually like to know what I am as well but I don't push to ask too much so I don't seem clingy or hesitant, etc.
If I am a 2w3, you will start to like them.
WHY AM I SO BORDERLINE

also, I should have clarified, 2s are not like 8s. they're not going to strong arm you into liking them unless they are severely fucking unhealthy . average to healthy 2s are more about influence. they don't directly try to control people, but they will set up scenarios and manage certain dynamics which will suggest the behavior they're wishing to elicit. they're still hoping to sway you, they just want you to come to the decision yourself. on the other hand, 7s in this situation will typically be oblivious to all these social games. their minds are elsewhere

 

[HongDou]

also, I should have clarified, 2s are not like 8s. they're not going to strong arm you into liking them unless they are severely fucking unhealthy . average to healthy 2s are more about influence. they don't directly try to control people, but they will set up scenarios and manage certain dynamics which will suggest the behavior they're wishing to elicit. they're still hoping to sway you, they just want you to come to the decision yourself. on the other hand, 7s in this situation will typically be oblivious to all these social games. their minds are elsewhere

Yeah, I kinda figured since both my mom and ESFJ bestie are 2w3s. When I build relationships, though, I just act like myself and hope things go well. I don't want to sway anyone, although I hope that they will like me because I like when people appreciate me for who I am. Yeah, it does make me upset when people turn out to not have liked me but it's more like a rejection of myself and my genuine attempt to be friends with them. It's not like I try to do things to get people to like me, then our relationship wouldn't feel real because they would like me for something other than who I am. It's like what you said about sexual relationships, both parties should know what they're getting into.

 

[Lady_X]

i think 7's just assume you like them haha

 

[HongDou]

i think 7's just assume you like them haha

Really? Interesting. I'm good at reading whether someone likes me or not but I feel like even if someone likes me we both have to put in effort into building a connection with each other to actually become friends. Of course, I just have a pleasant conversation with someone once and then assume from there on that we're friends.

 

[Lady_X]

Really? Interesting. I'm good at reading whether someone likes me or not but I feel like even if someone likes me we both have to put in effort into building a connection with each other to actually become friends. Of course, I just have a pleasant conversation with someone once and then assume from there on that we're friends.

sure haha or neutral but neutral for me is usually to like ya until i don't. i think i assume it's like that for other people but truth is i don't really think about it.

 

[HongDou]

sure haha or neutral but neutral for me is usually to like ya until i don't. i think i assume it's like that for other people but truth is i don't really think about it.

Neutral for me is I have no positive or negative feelings about you and we haven't really connected on a meaningful level yet. Haha maybe this stuff could be like so-first vs. so-last? I love that you like people until they make you dislike them, though. That's so nice to hear that there are people like that whose default feeling about everyone in the room is liking. Gives me hope about the world.

 

[Lady_X]

Neutral for me is I have no positive or negative feelings about you and we haven't really connected on a meaningful level yet. Haha maybe this stuff could be like so-first vs. so-last? I love that you like people until they make you dislike them, though. That's so nice to hear that there are people like that whose default feeling about everyone in the room is liking. Gives me hope about the world.

haha aww that's sweet of ya. it's my over positive nature i suppose...i expect to have a good day when i leave the house and i expect to enjoy the company of those i meet. that's weird isn't it? haha