Thanks again, Infinite Bubble! Here are my answers to the questionnaire. I will respond to you responses from the last post tomorrow.
0. Is there anything that may affect the way you answer the questions? For example, a stressful time, mental illness, medications, special life circumstances? Other useful information includes sex, age, and current state of mind.
0. I am female and 25 years old and confused about life.
1.
http://www.flickr.com/photos/tansyliverwort/9789385066/in/explore-2013-09-17
I chose this photo because I’ve always had a very strong connection with animals. Whenever I feel disconnected, they remind of what life and love is all about.
2. You are with a group of people in a car, heading to a different town to see your favourite band/artist/musician. Suddenly, the car breaks down for an unknown reason in the middle of nowhere. What are your initial thoughts? What are your outward reactions?
Well, my initial response would be frustration and concern that we wouldn’t make it in time. However, I might also find it ironically funny and/or meaningful. It depends. After stewing for a few minutes, I would then hopefully call AAA an try to diagnose the issue. If nothing worked and AAA couldn’t make it in time, I’d research bus routes or alternative ways to get there. In a similar situation, I hitchhiked, except it was a more extreme situation involving a blizzard and making it to the airport in time for my flight. I doubt I would even consider risking that for a concert.
You somehow make it to the concert. The driver wants to go to the afterparty that was announced (and assure you they won't drink so they can drive back later). How do you feel about this party? What do you do?
I would want to find out more about the afterparty including where it was, why we were invited and who was going to be there. If it seemed reasonably safe, I would agree to going. I’m not a big party fan, but I’m curious and like new adventures. If it was totally safe and everyone else wanted to go, I probably wouldn’t voice too many objections. After the concert ended, though, I’d bet you I would be too drained to enjoy it. Also, I would probably make sure to limit my drinking so that I could drive instead, if need be.
4. On the drive back, your friends are talking. A friend makes a claim that clashes with your current beliefs. What is your inward reaction? What do you outwardly say?
If I had something to drink at the party, I would definitely disagree and voice my opinion. But if I had kept it to a minimum, then I wouldn’t say anything. In most situations, I won’t create conflict over a mere opinion. If someone’s welfare is at stake or there is some action to be taken that results from an opinion, I will speak up and try to find a common ground or vehemently disagree depending on how strongly I feel about it. But, if it’s just a discussion, I won’t say anything.
Inwardly, I would feel really tense and angry more over the fact that I won’t say anything than the conflicting opinion itself. I will convince myself that it’s not that important. I might even invalidate my own opinion.
5. What would you do if you actually saw/experienced something that clashes with your previous beliefs, experiences, and habits?
I used to speak up about it or at least make sure that I could help in some way. Say, for example, a group of people had been actively excluding another person. I would go out of my way to be friends with that person and invite them to outings to make sure that they weren’t excluded. If it seriously clashed with my beliefs, I definitely wouldn’t hold back. Now, in more ambiguous situations, I would not say anything, especially in the above example. As I’ve gotten older, I realize that in most situations, I simply don’t have enough information to decide what actions someone else should have taken or if an individual is being wrongfully treated. In most interpersonal interactions, I need to admit ignorance.
6. What are some of your most important values? How did you come about determining them? How can they change?
This is hard for me, because I sometimes feel like I assume the values of my environment. However, I think the ones that have remained consistent are authenticity, self-actualization ( only to the extent that it benefits humanity), kindness/tenderness/empathy and Ingenuity (to the extent that it aids progress). Others I have picked up along the way: intellectual rigor, coherence, discipline and balance. I don’t know if the first set will ever change or could ever change. I know that my approach to them inevitably will. However, sometimes I think that especially when people are young (as I am), the words they use to describe their values are not quite accurate. They know what the values are, but they don’t have the right language to talk about them yet. I think that might be the case here, unless, of course, I become a nihilist.
7. a) What about your personality most distinguishes you from everyone else?
Maybe everyone is this way, but I’ve always had the impression that I was less able to express myself than other people. Or even less sure of what I would want to express to them. I don’t know if this is social anxiety, but when I am around others, my thoughts/opinions/values/interests—it all goes blank. I feel like a blank slate very often. Sometimes, I think too much of identity is one big story, though. Maybe this is one of those.
b) If you could change one thing about you personality, what would it be? Why?
See A. lol I would change it because I want to have a clear idea of who I am and know what I have to offer people. Along the same lines, I’d prefer to be a lot less sensitive to my environment and a lot less keyed in to what might be going on in other people’s heads. In sum, I’d like to become more assertive of my own needs, after defining what they are.
8. How do you treat hunches or gut feelings? In what situations are they most often triggered?
I rarely get hunches in the moment. It’s always after the fact. I’m innately suspicious of my hunches, because I don’t know where they’re coming from and can sometimes get confused with habitual modes of thought. So, I will go through any evidence there might be for pursuing it. This might mean reviewing memories of similar situations, researching associated subject matter, defining the guiding principle of the intuition and then valuing it based on what action it indicates. If no action is necessary, I will just review the experiential evidence to make sure that there is physical basis for the intuition and then restate the question in a more abstract way. If action is necessary, I will almost always ask someone else’s opinion at this point and relay the information I gathered.
9. a) What activities energize you most? b) What activities drain you most? Why?
Writing, research projects—any kind of introspective investigative work. I also love thinking about and analyzing other people. I like thinking about the potential in other people and how they can best express it. Any opportunity I have to creatively improve a situation, product, process, etc. is an energizing one. However, I prefer those that directly benefit others. One-on-one conversations with a trusted friend are also very energizing. Additionally, exercise, cooking, gardening are stress-relieving activities for me.
10. What do you repress about your outward behavior or internal thought process when around others? Why?
I try to repress just how internally-directed I am, the intensity of my feelings and opinions and how much I need other people and want them to like me. I especially repress my emotionality. I’ve had very few experiences where expressing how I really felt and what I thought was emotionally or even intellectually rewarding. In most situations these days, I act a great deal more frivolous and/or rational than I really am depending on the situation. Additionally, I feel like I repress pridefulness.
