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4w3, or 3? Please I really need help!

EndlessNameless

New member
Joined
Jan 12, 2013
Messages
68
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
4w5
Instinctual Variant
sp
Please I really need help to figure out which one of these two types am I? My ennea journey in abbreviation: I used to be very sure about being 4w5, but then I realised how much wrong I was and decided I am definetly a 4w3. I read a lot about 4w3s and I can relate to much from the description, so I also decided to learn something more about 3s and I was so suprised when I read it, because most of the characteristics seem to match me extremly well. Please will anyone be so nice, read my description and help me to figure this out?
I think I might had typed me as 4, because of some inner prejudices against 3s. When I first read about them I could very much relate, but I thought about them as that selfish, snobbish part of me, that I am not sure if I really like, so I just reject to be a 3. But now I see that the part of me, that rejected the 3, was actually my snobbish, selfish part. My biggest life dream is to be famous and successful. But not like the other people, I feel like my life doesn't worth a shit if I am not famous. I feel like there is no life without being known by others, or at least somehow popular. I am very much an image orriented person, but I need my image to be original, match my personality and also current fashion, or trends. I hate to look like everyone else, I love to wear clothes, that attracted attention. I very much care about other's opinion and always try to please the expectations of others and also somehow my own. I extremly fear rejection. I need to feel accepted around others and kind of likeable. The problem is I have pretty bad experiences from my childhood, when I was a total outsider, bullied by classmates. That made me very shy and oversensitive. So even though I want attention, I fear it. I fear shame, I fear rejection, I fear I won't be good enough. I have low confidence, but always throw myself in wierd competitions like I compare myself with the girl that is stading next to me and think.. "oh she has a better style, than I do, but I am thinner, so I could be better, than her..." things like that, that I know are not matter, but my head is full of them. I always need to know if other noticed me, or saw me and what might be their reaction on myself...Even though I am very sensitive type, I never express my emotions. I feel like emotions are weakness. I try to stay a bit further from them, but after all I always throw myself into emotional situations and behavior. I usually express my feelings only privately throught poetry, art, or some hidden way. I am totally anti-relationship person.In relationship I have a problem to show my intimate and soft side. To objects of my interests I often behave sarcastically, ironically and somehow arrogant. I just need to proove myself I can live also without them and, that I am a free living being. I have a strong sense for inner pride. I wanna be successful, so I think relationships are barrier in my way. The problem is, even though I wanna be successful I have a terrible problem with self control, finishing projects, keeping my interest in things. I hate schedules, detailed work and I often do everything at the last minute. I am one lazy ass... I need tons of a freedom for my own self expression and I hate to feel tied up to one project, or person. I almost never finish anything I start, I have to be in the right mood to do something. That's why I sometimes feel very dissapointed with myself and even feel hate against my own being, that often leads me to self-pitty, or depressions. I have extremly high ideals, that I need to reach and always try to develope and be better.
 

CuriousFeeling

From the Undertow
Joined
Dec 18, 2009
Messages
2,937
MBTI Type
INfJ
Enneagram
4w5
Instinctual Variant
sp/sx
Sounds like 4w3 to me. Envy of others, self-pity, having a traumatic childhood experience, and wanting to be special, wanting to be unique. Those with a 3-wing will tend to want fame and stardom. 4w5's are more reserved and tend to have a "screw-it" approach when it comes to flowing with the rest of the crowd. 4w5's encounter envy as well, but we internalize it. The feelings tend to be bottled up and it's directed towards ourselves. 4w5's will become more withdrawn. 4w3's will ask for more attention.
 

Mal12345

Permabanned
Joined
Apr 19, 2011
Messages
14,532
MBTI Type
IxTP
Enneagram
5w4
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
[MENTION=17504]EndlessNameless[/MENTION]

To me, assuming either 4 or 3 are the choices, it depends on which is more prominent in your personality, narcissism or envy/depression. Apart from that, I thought your self-description was well done. But it's still hard to decide which is the main type and which is the wing.

Question: Do you generally feel conflicted within yourself, or let's say, at odds with yourself?
 

EndlessNameless

New member
Joined
Jan 12, 2013
Messages
68
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
4w5
Instinctual Variant
sp
[MENTION=17504]EndlessNameless[/MENTION]

To me, assuming either 4 or 3 are the choices, it depends on which is more prominent in your personality, narcissism or envy/depression. Apart from that, I thought your self-description was well done. But it's still hard to decide which is the main type and which is the wing.

Question: Do you generally feel conflicted within yourself, or let's say, at odds with yourself?

I feel much more in odds with myself... I am not narcistic, I have low self confidence and usually I am very critical, but I always try to be better and develop, the problem is I am never satisfied with who I am and I have high expectation from me and others. In general my behavior and emotional pattern are very much like 4, I can relate to almost all the decription of 4s, but my core need is not to be unique, my core need is to be popular, liked, seen, accepted by others and worst fear is to be rejected which are the problems of 3s not 4s, that's why I am not sure if I am 4, or 3.
 

Mal12345

Permabanned
Joined
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Messages
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I feel much more in odds with myself... I am not narcistic, I have low self confidence and usually I am very critical, but I always try to be better and develop, the problem is I am never satisfied with who I am and I have high expectation from me and others. In general my behavior and emotional pattern are very much like 4, I can relate to almost all the decription of 4s, but my core need is not to be unique, my core need is to be popular, liked, seen, accepted by others and worst fear is to be rejected which are the problems of 3s not 4s, that's why I am not sure if I am 4, or 3.

That makes perfect sense CONSIDERING the fact that 3 IS your core, just as my core is 6 although I am a 5w4.
 

acronach

New member
Joined
May 30, 2012
Messages
304
MBTI Type
INTP
Enneagram
5
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
Even though I am very sensitive type, I never express my emotions. I feel like emotions are weakness. I try to stay a bit further from them, but after all I always throw myself into emotional situations and behavior. I usually express my feelings only privately throught poetry, art, or some hidden way. I am totally anti-relationship person.In relationship I have a problem to show my intimate and soft side. To objects of my interests I often behave sarcastically, ironically and somehow arrogant. I just need to proove myself I can live also without them and, that I am a free living being. I have a strong sense for inner pride. I wanna be successful, so I think relationships are barrier in my way.

This screams out 4w5

The problem is, even though I wanna be successful I have a terrible problem with self control, finishing projects, keeping my interest in things. I hate schedules, detailed work and I often do everything at the last minute. I am one lazy ass... I need tons of a freedom for my own self expression and I hate to feel tied up to one project, or person. I almost never finish anything I start, I have to be in the right mood to do something.

That's just the "P" in your MBTI, don't feel ashamed of it, half the world feels exactly like this, including me
 

The Great One

New member
Joined
Apr 27, 2012
Messages
3,439
MBTI Type
ENTP
Enneagram
6w7
Please I really need help to figure out which one of these two types am I? My ennea journey in abbreviation: I used to be very sure about being 4w5, but then I realised how much wrong I was and decided I am definetly a 4w3. I read a lot about 4w3s and I can relate to much from the description, so I also decided to learn something more about 3s and I was so suprised when I read it, because most of the characteristics seem to match me extremly well. Please will anyone be so nice, read my description and help me to figure this out?
I think I might had typed me as 4, because of some inner prejudices against 3s. When I first read about them I could very much relate, but I thought about them as that selfish, snobbish part of me, that I am not sure if I really like, so I just reject to be a 3. But now I see that the part of me, that rejected the 3, was actually my snobbish, selfish part. My biggest life dream is to be famous and successful. But not like the other people, I feel like my life doesn't worth a shit if I am not famous. I feel like there is no life without being known by others, or at least somehow popular. I am very much an image orriented person, but I need my image to be original, match my personality and also current fashion, or trends. I hate to look like everyone else, I love to wear clothes, that attracted attention. I very much care about other's opinion and always try to please the expectations of others and also somehow my own. I extremly fear rejection. I need to feel accepted around others and kind of likeable. The problem is I have pretty bad experiences from my childhood, when I was a total outsider, bullied by classmates. That made me very shy and oversensitive. So even though I want attention, I fear it. I fear shame, I fear rejection, I fear I won't be good enough. I have low confidence, but always throw myself in wierd competitions like I compare myself with the girl that is stading next to me and think.. "oh she has a better style, than I do, but I am thinner, so I could be better, than her..." things like that, that I know are not matter, but my head is full of them. I always need to know if other noticed me, or saw me and what might be their reaction on myself...Even though I am very sensitive type, I never express my emotions. I feel like emotions are weakness. I try to stay a bit further from them, but after all I always throw myself into emotional situations and behavior. I usually express my feelings only privately throught poetry, art, or some hidden way. I am totally anti-relationship person.In relationship I have a problem to show my intimate and soft side. To objects of my interests I often behave sarcastically, ironically and somehow arrogant. I just need to proove myself I can live also without them and, that I am a free living being. I have a strong sense for inner pride. I wanna be successful, so I think relationships are barrier in my way. The problem is, even though I wanna be successful I have a terrible problem with self control, finishing projects, keeping my interest in things. I hate schedules, detailed work and I often do everything at the last minute. I am one lazy ass... I need tons of a freedom for my own self expression and I hate to feel tied up to one project, or person. I almost never finish anything I start, I have to be in the right mood to do something. That's why I sometimes feel very dissapointed with myself and even feel hate against my own being, that often leads me to self-pitty, or depressions. I have extremly high ideals, that I need to reach and always try to develope and be better.

Why are you a self-pres dom? You seem like a social dom because everything you say involves getting acceptance, and fame in your community. Also, I also have always wanted to be famous and also believe fame to be the greatest sign of success. I definitely can't see you as 4w5 because you have a pretty powerful 3 fix or wing in their. I would say that you're either 4w3 or 3w2(sw4w3). I can't see you as 3w4 though, because they generally don't need all the praise and admiration from others. They tend to be more focused on just getting to the top, after all. It's the 3w2 generally that has the mindset of wanting to be praised for their accomplishments and worshiped by others.
 

Elfboy

Certified Sausage Smoker
Joined
Nov 26, 2008
Messages
9,625
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
5w4
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
Please I really need help to figure out which one of these two types am I? My ennea journey in abbreviation: I used to be very sure about being 4w5, but then I realised how much wrong I was and decided I am definetly a 4w3. I read a lot about 4w3s and I can relate to much from the description, so I also decided to learn something more about 3s and I was so suprised when I read it, because most of the characteristics seem to match me extremly well. Please will anyone be so nice, read my description and help me to figure this out?
I think I might had typed me as 4, because of some inner prejudices against 3s. When I first read about them I could very much relate, but I thought about them as that selfish, snobbish part of me, that I am not sure if I really like, so I just reject to be a 3. But now I see that the part of me, that rejected the 3, was actually my snobbish, selfish part. My biggest life dream is to be famous and successful. But not like the other people, I feel like my life doesn't worth a shit if I am not famous. I feel like there is no life without being known by others, or at least somehow popular. I am very much an image orriented person, but I need my image to be original, match my personality and also current fashion, or trends. I hate to look like everyone else, I love to wear clothes, that attracted attention. I very much care about other's opinion and always try to please the expectations of others and also somehow my own. I extremly fear rejection. I need to feel accepted around others and kind of likeable. The problem is I have pretty bad experiences from my childhood, when I was a total outsider, bullied by classmates. That made me very shy and oversensitive. So even though I want attention, I fear it. I fear shame, I fear rejection, I fear I won't be good enough. I have low confidence, but always throw myself in wierd competitions like I compare myself with the girl that is stading next to me and think.. "oh she has a better style, than I do, but I am thinner, so I could be better, than her..." things like that, that I know are not matter, but my head is full of them. I always need to know if other noticed me, or saw me and what might be their reaction on myself...Even though I am very sensitive type, I never express my emotions. I feel like emotions are weakness. I try to stay a bit further from them, but after all I always throw myself into emotional situations and behavior. I usually express my feelings only privately throught poetry, art, or some hidden way. I am totally anti-relationship person.In relationship I have a problem to show my intimate and soft side. To objects of my interests I often behave sarcastically, ironically and somehow arrogant. I just need to proove myself I can live also without them and, that I am a free living being. I have a strong sense for inner pride. I wanna be successful, so I think relationships are barrier in my way. The problem is, even though I wanna be successful I have a terrible problem with self control, finishing projects, keeping my interest in things. I hate schedules, detailed work and I often do everything at the last minute. I am one lazy ass... I need tons of a freedom for my own self expression and I hate to feel tied up to one project, or person. I almost never finish anything I start, I have to be in the right mood to do something. That's why I sometimes feel very dissapointed with myself and even feel hate against my own being, that often leads me to self-pitty, or depressions. I have extremly high ideals, that I need to reach and always try to develope and be better.

based on this, I see 3w? So/Sx (your post displays both 2-ish and 4-ish traits)
you are NOT an Sp dom. not by any stretch of the imagination

some other possibilities I could see are
- 2w3
- 4w3
- Sx/So
 

Azure Flame

Permabanned
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Messages
2,317
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8w7
[MENTION=17504]EndlessNameless[/MENTION]

if you're a 4, you're probably going to identify with both wings to some extent. Some other questions to aid you:
-What integration-disintegration points do you identify with most?
-Are you scared of being worthless, or scared of being insignificant? There's a difference. One requires being recognized for their good deeds and accomplishments before others (E3), and one requires being recognized as special or different in comparison to others (E4).
 

The Great One

New member
Joined
Apr 27, 2012
Messages
3,439
MBTI Type
ENTP
Enneagram
6w7
based on this, I see 3w? So/Sx (your post displays both 2-ish and 4-ish traits)
you are NOT an Sp dom. not by any stretch of the imagination

some other possibilities I could see are
- 2w3
- 4w3
- Sx/So

That's what I was thinking. Personally, I'm seeing her as 3w2(sw4w3) so/sx right now. She also probably has a 7w6 fix.
 

Tomb1

Active member
Joined
Jun 15, 2011
Messages
994
3w4...she is too comfortable dwelling in the muck of her internal experience for a 3w2.
 

HongDou

navigating
Joined
Nov 23, 2012
Messages
5,191
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
6w7
Instinctual Variant
so/sx

ayoitsStepho

Twerking & Lurking
Joined
Sep 20, 2009
Messages
4,838
MBTI Type
ISFP
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4w3
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so/sx
You sound just like me! It actually kind of freaked me out how much alike you are to myself just a few years ago.
If that helps anything, I'm a 4w3 so/sx. ;)
 

EndlessNameless

New member
Joined
Jan 12, 2013
Messages
68
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
4w5
Instinctual Variant
sp
Thank you for your help :) . [MENTION=5684]Elfboy[/MENTION] I also very strongly relate to so dominant type, but I know, that sp 4s are driven by their needs, dreams the ideal reality, that they want so bad, that everything which is ordinary feels meaningless. As I read their worst fear is being ordinary, I don't know if there is anything I fear more. Ordinary life seems like the biggest course. They also have problems with anxiety like 6s, I deffinetly have these problems. I can be very insecure and do a lot to protect myself. But I can relate to so dominant also, I can't see myself much like sx. I think I can be sp/so, or so/sp. [MENTION=10984]DJ Arendee[/MENTION] I can relate to both, I can't say which one fits me more. I feel like I am different, even though I am not sure if I want to be different. But being like everybody else is the murder of your own individuality. But I also fear very much to be worthless. I'd hate to live my life like the lazyass sitting on a couch, I wanna do something meaningfull and great, that would make others notice me and that would last through time. I just wanna do something important, or at least something I know is meaningfull. I can relate to 3s needs to be successful, famous, noticed, appreciated. I am proud and individualistic. But I am not hard working. I am much more like...nevermind take it easy. I am also too influenced by my feelings, I can't work if I feel bad. I feel like my emotions are extremly strong, even though I try to pretend, they are not and I am "cool". I don't know if 3s can be so emotional and also so lazy as I am.
 

Azure Flame

Permabanned
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Messages
2,317
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ESTP
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8w7
Thank you for your help :) . [MENTION=5684]Elfboy[/MENTION] I also very strongly relate to so dominant type, but I know, that sp 4s are driven by their needs, dreams the ideal reality, that they want so bad, that everything which is ordinary feels meaningless. As I read their worst fear is being ordinary, I don't know if there is anything I fear more. Ordinary life seems like the biggest course. They also have problems with anxiety like 6s, I deffinetly have these problems. I can be very insecure and do a lot to protect myself. But I can relate to so dominant also, I can't see myself much like sx. I think I can be sp/so, or so/sp. [MENTION=10984]DJ Arendee[/MENTION] I can relate to both, I can't say which one fits me more. I feel like I am different, even though I am not sure if I want to be different. But being like everybody else is the murder of your own individuality. But I also fear very much to be worthless. I'd hate to live my life like the lazyass sitting on a couch, I wanna do something meaningfull and great, that would make others notice me and that would last through time. I just wanna do something important, or at least something I know is meaningfull. I can relate to 3s needs to be successful, famous, noticed, appreciated. I am proud and individualistic. But I am not hard working. I am much more like...nevermind take it easy. I am also too influenced by my feelings, I can't work if I feel bad. I feel like my emotions are extremly strong, even though I try to pretend, they are not and I am "cool". I don't know if 3s can be so emotional and also so lazy as I am.

Naranjo says this:

The difference between ennea-types III and IV lies mostly in the fact that the former
identifies with the image that it “sells,” while the latter is more in touch with the denigrated
self-image and is thus characterized by the experience of a vanity never fulfilled. As a result,
ennea-type III is cheerful, ennea-type IV depressive.
 
B

brainheart

Guest
My biggest life dream is to be famous and successful. But not like the other people, I feel like my life doesn't worth a shit if I am not famous. I feel like there is no life without being known by others, or at least somehow popular.

I can't imagine a 4w5 having this for a biggest life dream. Maybe a 4w3 would feel this way. That 3 wing always throws me for a loop. Some 4w3s seem really three-ish to me.

I would say you are definitely social instinct first, whatever your enneagram type.
 
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