0. Is there anything that may affect the way you answer the questions? For example, a stressful time, mental illness, medications, special life circumstances? Other useful information includes sex, age, and current state of mind.
No. I’m in PhD school and don’t much care for the work load, but other than that I’m fine.
31, male.
1.Look at the random photo for about 30 seconds. Copy and paste it here, and write about your impression of it.
It’s a picture of a train charging through the countryside. Huge plume of smoke or steam –not sure what comes out of these trains—coming up. It’s probably early in the morning because the sun is low and it’s not hazy. Really pretty picture. I would hang it in an office/workspace. I would also much prefer to be there than here in the city in the winter. Makes me nostalgic for growing up in the country.
http://www.flickr.com/photos/robinan...ore-2013-01-12
2. You are with a group of people in a car, heading to a different town to see your favourite band/artist/musician. Suddenly, the car breaks down for an unknown reason in the middle of nowhere. What are your initial thoughts? What are your outward reactions?
I am probably less bummed than most people. Even though it's my favorite band, I'm not a big concert/crowd guy. Outwardly I'm a little bummed, but I'm also glad we're on an adventure. Since I can't fix a car I will try to figure out who can in the group. If they are all people who think that I, as a guy, should know about car engines, I probably won't tell them the embarrassing truth unless I have to. Other than that, I'll just enjoy hanging out with them and being stranded. I'll probably think that this will make a good memory. If they are people I know and like then I will actually enjoy hanging out with them.
Something comparable has happened to me before. I go on medical mission trips as an assistant to rural places in Central America. The roads are very rough. The buses are old and we have broken down and had flat tires. I am always somewhat happy that this happens. I have been going on the trips for years so know many of the people quite well and am good friends with them. When the bus broke down I was kind of glad just to be on an adventure with them and hang out.
3. You somehow make it to the concert. The driver wants to go to the afterparty that was announced (and assure you they won't drink so they can drive back later). How do you feel about this party? What do you do?
I do not want to go to this party. I won't have fun there. I do not care about socializing with people for a short period of time then npt seeing them again. I have a certain degree of shyness/social anxiety. If I know I will see people over and over again and can eventually make friends with them, it’s worth it to socialize. Otherwise, count me out. Now that I’m married, I’m even less inclined. I would rather be at home with my wife. When I was single I might have seen it as a chance to meet someone.
4. On the drive back, your friends are talking. A friend makes a claim that clashes with your current beliefs. What is your inward reaction? What do you outwardly say?
I disagree quite easily. I argue quite easily. When I hear something untrue or that I disagree with I want to set the record/person straight. I don’t enjoy arguing for the sake of arguing, but it’s just hard for me to let something I disagree with stand. Even if I don’t make a full-fledged argument. I will at least make a comment that lets them know I disagree. Even though I value their feelings/our relationship/ good vibes I just can’t seem to help myself. Even though I know the potential is there for the other person and me to get upset, I will have a hard time not asserting my opinion.
5. What would you do if you actually saw/experienced something that clashes with your previous beliefs, experiences, and habits?
It would upset me. I would have to reevaluate what I thought I knew. I am actually going through something like that right now with my faith. As I research and learn about the scriptures, certain things bother me. For instance, Science says that a plain reading of Genesis is wrong. However, it strains the text to try to make it fit with what we know about the age and development of the Universe. I have had to alter my understanding of the Bible itself as something written by God. I never thought that would happen. For much of my life I accepted the Bible as true and lived my life accordingly. Lately, however, I am rethinking this. Perhaps the scriptures I grew up with are not infallible. Perhaps they are people’s flawed responses to God. That would explain prophecies and expectations that the authors have that just seem wrong. I cannot keep trying to contort the Bible to match every criticism. At some point I have to believe that he book is wrong. Even though I still believe its general testimony about Jesus and the gospel, I never thought I would come to a point where I doubted the truth of the entire book.
My reaction to this has been a little painful. I love the gospel, the story, and the people of God who I know who Love him and have been transformed through their faith. It is hard for me to admit to myself that there are chinks in the paradigm that I always believed. At the same time, it’s freeing to not have to believe that God killed someone for accidentally touching the Ark of the Covenant in order to steady it, etc. Overall, though, it’s sad because I don’t want to tell friends and family that I disagree with some of their beliefs now. (This may be the one exception to where I might not argue a point that I disagree with. Even though I will want to .)
6. What are some of your most important values? How did you come about determining them? How can they change?
I believe we are supposed to Love God with all of our heart and our neighbor as ourself. And everyone is our neighbor. I therefore think people from the developed world have a duty to address global poverty which seems to be the place the world is hurting most. I think we are supposed to live unselfishly and lovingly towards others. By and large I believe in the laws of the land. I do have a huge problem with abortion and immigration laws. I find them selfish and morally repugnant to people who are weaker and poorer.
I am not sure how I determined them. They just offend my sensibility of right and wrong.
7. a) What about your personality most distinguishes you from everyone else? b) If you could change one thing about you personality, what would it be? Why?
I'm pretty smart- valedictorian in HS and PhD school. I dislike details and small talk. I think a good many people are nice, but also boring and don't have much to say to them. I am absent minded. I have an offbeat sense of humor and make jokes that are random and off the wall when I'm comfortable. I can be pretty funny around some groups of people. But not most and certainly not strangers. I have good grammar but enjoy not using it. I procastinate like heck and need deadlines to get anything productive done. I like playing sports related video games where I use statistics to assemble and coach a team. I enjoy seeing beauty on a large scale. National Parks and the like excite me. I enjoy being carefree and just hanging out. I think I’d be happy in European countries where materialism isn’t as high and time is more leisurely/relationship focused. I do go on the wild wiki tangents where I can get sucked into a subject like music or movies or books (for instance JRR Tolkien or the Beatles or the best songs of all time or the abolition movement) for several hours.
Change: I would be more outgoing and not uneasy in social situations. I would be harder working and more focused. I guess the worst is that I’m hyper-aware of what others are or may be thinking about me. I think I could behave happier and freer if I could learn the art of self-forgetfulness. I included more about this in my answer to number 10.
8. How do you treat hunches or gut feelings? In what situations are they most often triggered?
Don't have them often. When I do, for instance, with an upcoming sports event, I might get a premonition but they were usually triggered by experience. I am not a go with my gut type. I prefer the hard data. I am good at doing mental math in my head. Very good. I can do math problems in my head faster than anyone I know and used to dominate on academic team. But I always knew how I got the answer. I could see the numbers in my head. The answers didn’t just come to me.
9. a) What activities energize you most? b) What activities drain you most? Why?
I am not sure about this drain/energize dichotomy that a lot of the typing relies on. I can be drained in social situations I guess. But I also feel like I can be energized by them. I guess I would say that I am energized by relaxing with close family and friends. I don't mind spending time alone but do not feel energized or drained by that.
10. What do you repress about your outward behavior or internal thought process when around others? Why?
I honestly don’t repress much myself, social contexts do that for me automatically. If I am comfortable I can be kind of a loose cannon.
Relatedly, I feel the most nervous when I am being judged or imagine that I’m being judged. This usually occurs when with people I don't know that well and feel like are sizing me up. (Although I don’t think I am paranoid in this respect. I think I have a pretty accurate idea about when people are sizing me up and when they are not.) In such cases I don't repress anything consciously, but the situation naturally stifles me. I won't do anything but be polite and try too be social and think of interesting things. Unfortunately, the interesting/funny part of me kind of shuts down.
This happens in degrees depending on how much I feel like I am the center of attention:
When I was single I was always much more comfortable when I had a crush on someone than when I felt like a girl was attracted to me. If I feel like people are sizing me up or examining me closely I get really nervous. If I could tell a girl –or worse—a group of girls thought I was attractive I would totally freeze up. This has shown itself throughout my life. For instance, as a kid when my dad would watch me drive a tractor or operate a piece of equipment on the farm I was always so nervous. I knew my actions/ how I was handling myself were being scrutinized and I hated it. Similarly, in sports, one reason I do not excel –I am not a great athlete anyway—is because I perform much worse under watching eyes. It’s irritating to be like that and I’d change it in a heartbeat if I could. Public speaking, as you can imagine, is a pretty big anxiety creator. I am pursuing a PhD and have been doing some teaching. At first it was just like what I just described and awful. I didn’t do a very good job. I have gotten better, but I still don’t particularly enjoy being in front of a group of students.
As you can imagine, however, when I perform well in front of others, it’s pretty exciting, and I get a bit of a rush out of knowing it. I wish I were not so hyper-aware of what people were thinking of me. If I could change anything about myself it would be that.
