i made a post a few weeks ago regarding my personality type, but i still feel kind of unsure for some reason, and leaving my personality type in the open makes me feel like there are leeches on feet and i can't move on, so thank u n____n

i literally wrote a novel on myself, but i realized that most of it was pretty incoherent and about things that had nothing to do with anything so i'm just going to fill out a questionnaire before i wrap this thread up in a big bow of inarticulate words. i'm also pretty sure i posted this in my previous post, but i have a weird tendency to sometimes lie when it comes to answering questions about me, but i'll try avoiding that?

1) What aspect of your personality made you unsure of your type?

i thought i was an infp, but then i realized that i didn't actually understand Se and different people utilize it, and i realized that there may be some part of me that uses Se. idk i'm really alert when it comes to noises and sometimes smells, but i'm terrible at noticing details and differences in my physical surrounding. anyway, i think i'm an ixfp. there's also a chance that i could use more Si than Ne or w/e and actually be an istj i really doubt it because i have literally nothing in common with all of the istjs i've met.

2) What do you yearn for in life? Why?

ah i don't know. in a way i do want to gain more knowledge on topics that actually interest me but more importantly i want to spread knowledge? there are a lot of things i want people to know, and maybe it's just a selfish gain because i don't want to feel terrible when i know people do things that they're unaware of and rather know that what people do can be dangerous to themselves and the welfare of others? idk for example i get really depressed when i read about the lack of sex education in some countries because of how taboo the situation can be in different cultures, and it just makes me want to throw condoms at everyone who needs one but can't get one? this paragraph wasn't very *clear* but idk???

3) Think about a time where you felt like you were at your finest. Tell us what made you feel that way.

i have a pretty hazy memory when it comes to remembering events that make me feel like i'm at my finest, and to be completely honest, i never really dwell on good memories because it makes me feel kind of uncomfortable ahah

4) What makes you feel inferior?

aaaaahhhh i feel inferior when i can't put my words into understandable sentences when talking to people. like i can just feel the pity/judgement in their eyes sink into me and it makes me feel so embarrassed. i feel inferior when i'm singled out and the sole receiver of criticism

5) What tends to weigh on your decisions? (Do you think about people, pro-cons, how you feel about it, etc.)

i usually make a pro-cons list when i'm trying to decide something but i don't ever think i seriously consult my list so i usually just go with the choice that sounds better? i don't know, i don't usually consult other people about my choices, and actually hate regarding the opinions of others sometimes.

6) When working on a project what is normally your emphasis? Do you like to have control of the outcome?

depending on who i work with, i kind of just go with the flow of things and do what other people tell me to do.

7) Describe us a time where you had a lot of fun. How is your memory of it?

omfg this question actually makes me feel uncomfortable?? like when do i really have fun?? i like reading psychological manga and books that make me go oOo___oOOOOO but do i have fun doing it? fun is fleeting and i hate fun fun makes me feel sad when i seek it, and i can't find it. sometimes it's more fun to idealize fun in my head than actually try to go out and *do something*

8) When you want to learn something new, what feels more natural for you? (Are you more prone to be hands on, to theorize, to memorize, etc)

regarding school, i kind of just watch my teachers or just read from my textbook, and i usually *learn* it all right, i guess. if it's about something i'm actually interested in, i'll spend a lot of my time trying to find out more about it and try to get every single detail right and in my head.

9) How organized do you to think of yourself as?

ahAHhaHAahah i'm one of the most disorganized people i know, mixed in with being sort of absent-minded makes me seem kind of disgusting if i forget about something i meant to throw away beforehand

10) How do you judge new ideas? You try to understand the principles behind it to see if they make sense or do you look for information that supports it?

i never really pay attention to things like this, but i guess i think about the new idea first. i think about how i feel about it, how much is makes sense to me, how stupid/interesting i think it is, and then afterwards i think i might go on the internet to see how people feel about it, as well. it's interesting to see how different people think, i guess.

11) You find harmony by making sure everyone is doing fine and belonging to a given group or by making sure that you follow what you believe and being yourself?

i really couldn't care less about how people are feeling but i feel kind of self-conscious when i have to sit alone, but at the same time i just don't want to look lonely rather than actually be lonely.

12) Are you the kind that thinks before speaking or do you speak before thinking? Do you prefer one-on-one communication or group discussions?

with my sister or my parents, i don't really *think* much before i talk, but around anyone else, no matter how close, i mentally prepare everything i say beforehand. i prefer having a conversation with two other people, mostly because if i just feel like i can't talk anymore or have nothing to talk about, someone else can jump and talk about something else.

13) Do you jump into action right away or do you like to know where are you jumping before leaping? Does action speaks more than words?

i usually think before i act, i think!! there are times where i might overthink the situation and lose my *chance* to act.

14) It's Saturday. You're at home, and your favorite show is about to start. Your friends call you for a night out. What will you do?

it depends on where they invite me, my mood, and whether people i don't know are going i guess. anyway, i haven't actually watched tv on tv in really long time, so that doesn't really matter to me, but since that wasn't the point, it really would depend on how i felt at that moment and how interesting the activity sounded.

15) How do you act when you're stressed out?

i dwell on the past, and why i didn't do something back then to fix my situation my now. i think about all the things i could've done differently, and also visualize my suicide seventy thousand times a day. i act pretty normally around those near me, but idk i feel kind of disillusioned and sometimes try to distract myself with normal events and try to avoid my overwhelming stress.

16) What makes you dislike the personalities of some people?

i feel nauseous when i'm around clingy people, and extremely arrogant people make me feel kind of uncomfortable as well. i have an estj friend that constantly goes "i don't understand how so and so did this when i can't" and i want to tell her otherwise, but i realized that it's probably useless because she seems sort of indifferent about her own flaws.

17) Is there anything you really like talking about with other people?

i like talking about social justice issues and feminism and things that personally make me think, i guess. i'm bad with mundane conversation, so i kind of fill my conversations with "what ifs" about normal things to make things interesting for me to see how some people reply.

18) What kind of things do pay the least attention to in your life?

sometimes i have a hard time paying attention to how people feel. i don't really pay attention to all the little details around me either.

19) How do your friends perceive you? What is wrong about their perception? ? What would your friends never say about your personality ?

my friends constantly tell me that i'm unemotional, but they couldn't be more wrong lmao i cry at a lot of little things in books and movies and whenever i see insufficient old people or sad homeless people.

20) You got a whole day to do whatever you like. What kind of activities do you feel like doing?

i think it'd be nice spending the entire day at the library. i could sit and read undisturbed and the library is basically a giant cesspit of information that also gives off this nice vibe of softness. ;_____;