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Help me, please! Confused NF...

Your opinion:

  • INFJ

    Votes: 6 100.0%
  • INFP

    Votes: 0 0.0%
  • ENFJ

    Votes: 0 0.0%
  • ENFP

    Votes: 0 0.0%

  • Total voters
    6

SilentNight

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Hi, there... I've been studying typology for several years, studied (almost) everything, read the entire Carl Jung's book, and I still can't find out my own type although I'm really accurate typing people! Ironic, isn't it?

So, I'll try to organize some points of my personality, and ask for some help, because it's being really hard for me. Tests keep "saying" I'm all kinds of idealist... And I think that my functions are pretty balanced, what may confuse the view of my whole personality.

- I had a very introspective childhood, and normally appeared more mature compared for people of my age (it still remains);
- People normally see me as an introvert, but unlike most introverts, I'm not shy;
- I have a considerable self-confidence;
- People normally describe me as a temperamental person, with a very strong personality;
- I'm very stubborn, sometimes it's unbearable;
- I love helping people in many ways as I can. People see me as a counsellor since I was relatively young;
- I have a strange sense of humour, people normally like it, but I see that people with N preferences enjoy it better;
- I adopt more of a directing interaction style;
- Several times people put me in a leadership role, although I don't really seek it, they say I'm good being a leader (who knows?);
- I'm good in debates, and normally adopt a lawyer-like speech, but I find it easier when I have strong opinions about the topic I'm discussing;
- I'm strong opinionated;
- People consider me very righteous;
- I'm not the most organized person... but I'm more organized than, for example, my ENFJ boyfriend;
- I love to acquire knowledge about different cultures of the world... I wish I could travel to see everything I can "live";
- I never was the troublemaker kind of person... and I always held very good relations with my family (mostly SJ's) and would never disappoint them;
- I love studying theories, mostly about psychology/ humanities. I love to understand better the human nature. This way I can help people more effectively;
- I'm studying Literature in college.
- My hobbies include reading, writing, music, psychology, history, mythology and I have a fascination about Jung, symbology, religion/ spirituality, and whatever I find mysterious or intriguing;
- I'm terrible at physical activities, and suffer from a lack of coordination (I would love to dance but I just can't);
- I'm very romantic;

And as an additional detail, I would like to show the types of people I know and get along well:

- Family: ALL SJ's ISFJ, ESFJ mostly.
- Boyfriend and friends: bf: ENFJ (very look a like, but he's a lot more sociable) /friends: ENFP (very wild and crazy some years ago, now maturing, calls me her "conciousness"), INTP, INFP, ENFJ...

So this is it, any hint would be helpful! Questions are welcome to clarify anything.

Thank you, guys!
 

Southern Kross

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You sound very much like a INFJ
 
S

SingSmileShine

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Yes, agreed. You're very value-oriented, it seems.
 

SilentNight

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Thank you all for the help!

I can see... I read some INFJ profiles around the forum and the internet as well, and I analyzed the way it fits me better than the other types.
I've seen this before. The problem is that I was confused about the Ni/Ne, Fe/Fi thing: what I really used as primary/ secondary, how the Ni and Fe works in my psyche. I saw that many people that also struggled between the two types. Maybe because Ni can be very tricky to understand (and for its users, we are kind of accustomed to Ni "inner working", and its not obviously observable, just works in mysterious ways) and Fe combined with this function sometimes can sound like Fi compared to the way SFJ's uses this (Fe).

And, I don't know if it's a characteristic of Ni-doms/auxs exclusively but knowing something that you have never seen before (some theory, fact, subject), and really knowing kind of out of nowhere what is something, or how something happened or works is a Ni thing, isn't it? It happens to me and everybody thinks it's strange. (I hope it's not confusing!)
 

Southern Kross

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Thank you all for the help!

I can see... I read some INFJ profiles around the forum and the internet as well, and I analyzed the way it fits me better than the other types.
I've seen this before. The problem is that I was confused about the Ni/Ne, Fe/Fi thing: what I really used as primary/ secondary, how the Ni and Fe works in my psyche. I saw that many people that also struggled between the two types. Maybe because Ni can be very tricky to understand (and for its users, we are kind of accustomed to Ni "inner working", and its not obviously observable, just works in mysterious ways) and Fe combined with this function sometimes can sound like Fi compared to the way SFJ's uses this (Fe).

And, I don't know if it's a characteristic of Ni-doms/auxs exclusively but knowing something that you have never seen before (some theory, fact, subject), and really knowing kind of out of nowhere what is something, or how something happened or works is a Ni thing, isn't it? It happens to me and everybody thinks it's strange. (I hope it's not confusing!)
Yes, this is something INFJs seem to experience; that strong instinctual perception of things.

Ni is difficult to explain, as is Fi, so confusion is natural. One way of think about the differences in general terms is breadth (Ne, Fe) vs. depth (Ni, Fi). I'll make an attempt to define these:

- Ne is like a tree growing upward from the trunk into many branches, with many more branches and twigs extending out from each of them. It's about divergence, patterns, connections, and possibilities that form many truths.
- Ni is like many small streams coming together from different directions and sources to form a single, distinct river. It's about convergence, clarifying, enlightening, uncovering a single truth.

- Fe is interested in establishing (and preserving) stability and consistency within themselves and those around them. It seeks social cohesion, to affirm common values and to use expedient shorthand methods to communicate and connect with others.
- Fi is interested in establishing (and preserving) a subjective, internal stability and consistency, separate from external forces. It seeks authenticity, to act in congruence with personal values, and to respect and appreciate the individual essence of others.
 

SilentNight

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Yes, this is something INFJs seem to experience; that strong instinctual perception of things.

Ni is difficult to explain, as is Fi, so confusion is natural. One way of think about the differences in general terms is breadth (Ne, Fe) vs. depth (Ni, Fi). I'll make an attempt to define these:

- Ne is like a tree growing upward from the trunk into many branches, with many more branches and twigs extending out from each of them. It's about divergence, patterns, connections, and possibilities that form many truths.
- Ni is like many small streams coming together from different directions and sources to form a single, distinct river. It's about convergence, clarifying, enlightening, uncovering a single truth.

- Fe is interested in establishing (and preserving) stability and consistency within themselves and those around them. It seeks social cohesion, to affirm common values and to use expedient shorthand methods to communicate and connect with others.
- Fi is interested in establishing (and preserving) a subjective, internal stability and consistency, separate from external forces. It seeks authenticity, to act in congruence with personal values, and to respect and appreciate the individual essence of others.

Interesting... By your information, I identify entirely with Ni and Fe.

Ni: added to the information I showed in the previous post, this kind of thinking exposed is exactly the way I deal with ideas, theories etc... I like tho know many ways of thinking and then to converge them to one single idea that is kind of a "fundamental concept", that can be universally applied.

Fe: that's it. I couldn't be comfortable having values that conflict with the ones my family hold [EDIT: because it wouldn't be me: this connection with their values come as naturally as I breath, I don't force it or anything]. And I connect to people using points in common between us to create a sense of closeness and identification when I first meet them.

Despite this, I have some characteristics that match with Fi, like appreciating the individual essence of others (what can be also Ni+Fe related, and work differently). And I'm very authentic, but not about my values (that are, inside and outside, the ones I learned, mainly), but more about my way of seeing things...
 
Last edited:

Hazashin

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I couldn't be comfortable having values that conflict with the ones my family hold. And I connect to people using points in common between us to create a sense of closeness and identification.

Why? Everybody's different in some way or another. That doesn't mean you can't be close to your family if you have different values. Accepting people for who they are (as long as they aren't harmful or destructive/self-destructive; in which case, it's good to try to help them) is one of the best things you could do. Even if your family is disappointed in you for having different beliefs, just continue to love them just as much and understand where they're coming from. Eventually, they'll (most likely) accept you. That's what I did with my family (my family, with the exception of my 15 year-old sister, is conservative and very religious-value oriented, whereas I am a bleeding heart liberal atheist).
 

SilentNight

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Why? Everybody's different in some way or another. That doesn't mean you can't be close to your family if you have different values. Accepting people for who they are (as long as they aren't harmful or destructive/self-destructive; in which case, it's good to try to help them) is one of the best things you could do. Even if your family is disappointed in you for having different beliefs, just continue to love them just as much and understand where they're coming from. Eventually, they'll (most likely) accept you. That's what I did with my family (my family, with the exception of my 15 year-old sister, is conservative and very religious-value oriented, whereas I am a bleeding heart liberal atheist).

I think you misunderstood me at some point.
It's not like I wouldn't feel close to them if I wasn't like them. I don't obligate myself to think or force anything to do it. The main thing is that the values of my family just match, naturally, with mine. That's what I internalized.
As well, it doesn't mean that I do not accept people who are different from me. Contrariwise, I'm fairly tolerant, my friends are not like me, in values, characteristics etc. And I really don't like closed-minded people. I'm really accepting of the values of others, but it won't change mine. And I won't push my values on others too. And I use it the help people a lot. To find a way of themselves. This way I have good relations with people that are totally different from me.
You sounded like you thought that I was a intolerant person just because I have this characteristic. What is totally different from reality.
 

Hazashin

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I think you misunderstood me at some point.
It's not like I wouldn't feel close to them if I wasn't like them. I don't obligate myself to think or force anything to do it. The main thing is that the values of my family just match, naturally, with mine. That's what I internalized.
As well, it doesn't mean that I do not accept people who are different from me. Contrariwise, I'm fairly tolerant, my friends are not like me, in values, characteristics etc. And I really don't like closed-minded people. I'm really accepting of the values of others, but it won't change mine. And I won't push my values on others too. And I use it the help people a lot. To find a way of themselves. This way I have good relations with people that are totally different from me.
You sounded like you thought that I was a intolerant person just because I have this characteristic. What is totally different from reality. :)

I think you misunderstood me a bit, as well. I wasn't saying you weren't tolerant or any of that, I was merely saying that so that you could see why I said that disagreeing with your family's values isn't bad. The reason why I thought you had adopted your parents'/family's values in the first place was because, from how I interpreted what you said, I thought you didn't want to go against what they stood for so as to "keep the peace". I guess this isn't the case.
 

SilentNight

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I think you misunderstood me a bit, as well. I wasn't saying you weren't tolerant or any of that, I was merely saying that so that you could see why I said that disagreeing with your family's values isn't bad. The reason why I thought you had adopted your parents'/family's values in the first place was because, from how I interpreted what you said, I thought you didn't want to go against what they stood for so as to "keep the peace". I guess this isn't the case.

Yes, it really isn't the case... It was just a thing that happened naturally. So much so that when I disagree with them I'm really not afraid to express myself, even if it will create some conflict/ discussion. :yes:

I'm not a lamb, or anything, hehe. Not that!
 

Hazashin

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Yes, it really isn't the case... It was just a thing that happened naturally. So much so that when I disagree with them I'm really not afraid to express myself, even if it will create some conflict/ discussion. :yes:

I'm not a lamb, or anything, hehe. Not that!

I don't know, I guess it just seems contradictory to this statement:

I couldn't be comfortable having values that conflict with the ones my family hold.
 

SilentNight

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I don't know, I guess it just seems contradictory to this statement:
I couldn't be comfortable having values that conflict with the ones my family hold.

No, it's not, maybe I didn't expressed myself well, but it wasn't the idea.
What I wanted to say is that it would seem unnatural to me if I was a completely odd to them, it wouldn't be myself. I naturally fit with them. Just it.

(And all this discussion is becoming a bit off topic.)
 

Hazashin

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No, it's not, maybe I didn't expressed myself well, but it wasn't the idea.
What I wanted to say is that it would seem unnatural to me if I was a completely odd to them, it wouldn't be myself. I naturally fit with them. Just it.

(And all this discussion is becoming a bit off topic.)

Why do you feel that way though? Do you think it's because they're your family, and you regard their opinion more than most everybody else's? Or do you think you just happen to have the same values as them?
 

SilentNight

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Why do you feel that way though? Do you think it's because they're your family, and you regard their opinion more than most everybody else's? Or do you think you just happen to have the same values as them?

I just happen to have the same values as them. I was pretty clear when I said it was natural before...
 

Southern Kross

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Fe: that's it. I couldn't be comfortable having values that conflict with the ones my family hold. And I connect to people using points in common between us to create a sense of closeness and identification.

Despite this, I have some characteristics that match with Fi, like appreciating the individual essence of others (what can be also Ni+Fe related, and work differently). And I'm very authentic, but not about my values (that are, inside and outside, the ones I learned, mainly), but more about my way of seeing things...
Yep, sounds like you're a XNFJ if you identify so much with Ni and Fe; not to mention you're already misunderstanding Fi :laugh: ;)

People make the mistake of thinking Fi means giving the finger to society and doing whatever the hell you want. Fi doms are some of the most caring and empathic people there are; they just relate to people in a different way than Fe-users. Instead of looking outward to learn how to treat others, they look inward. They think, "how would I want to be treated?" or "how would I feel if I were in that situation?", and they then apply that in their behaviour towards others. The use of the word "authenticity" is very significant among xxFPs. To them it's not merely about being genuine (because, of course, Fe-users can certainly be this also), it's about not letting yourself be corrupted by outside forces and preserving a strong sense of individuality.
 

SilentNight

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Yep, sounds like you're a XNFJ if you identify so much with Ni and Fe; not to mention you're already misunderstanding Fi :laugh: ;)

People make the mistake of thinking Fi means giving the finger to society and doing whatever the hell you want. Fi doms are some of the most caring and empathic people there are; they just relate to people in a different way than Fe-users. Instead of looking outward to learn how to treat others, they look inward. They think, "how would I want to be treated?" or "how would I feel if I were in that situation?", and they then apply that in their behaviour towards others. The use of the word "authenticity" is very significant among xxFPs. To them it's not merely about being genuine (because, of course, Fe-users can certainly be this also), it's about not letting yourself be corrupted by outside forces and preserving a strong sense of individuality.

Hahahahaha, I see...
But I have to say that the part of not letting myself be corrupted by outside forces and preserving a strong sense of individuality is a blatant characteristic about me too... Oh my God, I stick to what I believe so strongly that it's difficult to convince me to follow another path, or to be another way! People call several times "incorruptible". Can it be also a characteristic of introversion?
 
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