INTJ and low self-esteem?

[Jonathan]

Hi everyone! First, sorry for my English. My native language is French.

So yeah, I always type as INTJ and the description quite fits, except for the part about how one of INTJ's important trait is their self-confidence and that they are are one of the most confident types. I was wandering if an INTJ could be greatly insecure? For my part, I am quite confident in my areas of expertise but that's it. I am really hard on myself, have a tendency to blame myself for everything. I am always convinced the people I care about are going to reject me or leave me because I'm too stiff, cold, detached, awkward. I'm hypersensitive to any signs of rejection, real or not, altough I never react to these signs. I don't do anything about them, don't confront the people who showed them, because I know this is totally irrational. And descriptions always say INTJ are really independent and don't care about what people think of them. This is again partially true. I'm really independent, I never ask for help, I always try to get things done by myself and I really don't care about what people I don't know or that I don't respect think of me, but I'm really sensitive to criticisms from the people I care about. Even though I know this is stupid to be so hurt by this. So, what's your thoughts?

 

[MiasmaResonance]

I don't think your emotional stability/inherent self confidence has much to do with your type. It is possible that an INTJ and an ENFP can be equally as self confident, regardless of the fact that they have different types. The realm of self confidence and other such issues are a separate matter from type, in my opinion. Confidence in one's self is can be greatly influenced by one's experiences and background, with the person's type as the filter for the self confidence. Perhaps a certain type will channel confidence into a certain part of themselves, whereas another type would apply it to a different area. Typology isn't black and white; there is a large grey area where people will fit into certain categories while people of the same type fit into another. Take a look at Enneagram, for example; it is another way of further categorizing people. There are so many factors to take into account that it is silly to assume one is not x or y just because of a few discrepancies. Humans are all different.

 

[FireShield98]

Yeah, I'm an INTJ and I am completely unconfident when it comes to socializing as you can see here:
http://www.typologycentral.com/forums/showthread.php?t=52408

 

[527468]

I don't always relate to short INTJ descriptions but relate to the long in depth ones where type is more under the surface and cognitive, and don't think self-esteem has anything to do with it. It's a stereotype association I've heard but don't give much attention to. I think you can gain high self-confidence if you truly find it important in your individual life, like anything.

 

[Meaning]

Hi everyone! First, sorry for my English. My native language is French.

So yeah, I always type as INTJ and the description quite fits, except for the part about how one of INTJ's important trait is their self-confidence and that they are are one of the most confident types. I was wandering if an INTJ could be greatly insecure? For my part, I am quite confident in my areas of expertise but that's it. I am really hard on myself, have a tendency to blame myself for everything. I am always convinced the people I care about are going to reject me or leave me because I'm too stiff, cold, detached, awkward. I'm hypersensitive to any signs of rejection, real or not, altough I never react to these signs. I don't do anything about them, don't confront the people who showed them, because I know this is totally irrational. And descriptions always say INTJ are really independent and don't care about what people think of them. This is again partially true. I'm really independent, I never ask for help, I always try to get things done by myself and I really don't care about what people I don't know or that I don't respect think of me, but I'm really sensitive to criticisms from the people I care about. Even though I know this is stupid to be so hurt by this. So, what's your thoughts?

Many people say that INTJs are confident, because they always seem to have it together and are strict- (almost snobbish-) looking. But that's just the perception. The INTJs I know are about as you've described yourself. Don't let the perception of others cause confusion within you as to who you really are.

Once an INTJ feels competent in an area they become a bit rigid/certain/pushy with their knowledge, and this comes across to others as either confidence or arrogance, depending on how bad things are.

 

[Jonathan]

Thanks for the answers guys

Many people say that INTJs are confident, because they always seem to have it together and are strict- (almost snobbish-) looking. But that's just the perception. The INTJs I know are about as you've described yourself. Don't let the perception of others cause confusion within you as to who you really are.

Once an INTJ feels competent in an area they become a bit rigid/certain/pushy with their knowledge, and this comes across to others as either confidence or arrogance, depending on how bad things are.

Yeah, that's pretty much how I am. Even though I don't have any self-confidence, I never show it and people often think I'm super cold and I don't have any emotions. But in reality, I care so much about the people I like and I'm so sensitive to rejection, even though I'm really ashamed of this and never take decision based on these feelings of rejection and never being good enough.

 

[Antimony]

I can think of multiple INTJs with terrible self esteems. Some of the worst I have ever met. Or at least, that I recognize.

 

[Coriolis]

@ the OP: How old are you? If you are under 25, or even if a bit older, you may just need to grow up. Please don't take this as an insult or criticism. It's just that the longer you live and keep developing and practicing your strengths, and coming to terms with your weaknesses, the more grounded in yourself you will be. You will understand your limits, and also understand that the sky won't fall if you err, or even look like an idiot from time to time. You will come to understand your reactions in various circumstances better, and know when to trust your intuitions, when to question them, how to interpret your feelings. The main thing is don't be afraid to take (calculated) risks, and see everything as a learning experience.