So What Is My Type? (Enneagram Edition)

[Cloud of Thunder]

For some reason, there is no "What Type Am I?" subforum within the Enneagram forum, so this will have to do.

Anyway, I've been posting here for a while now but I haven't formally introduced myself. I am a 24-year old young man who (unfortunately) is an unhealthy INFJ. I've been an emotional mess for years, but only in secret. If you met me in real life, you'd probably admire me for my equanimity and my sense of industriousness.

Growing up, I have never been very comfortable around people but lately it seems that I'm only growing more estranged from them. Part of it is because people really don't make sense; they're messy, chaotic, and it seems that many of them have a tolerance of human frailty that I don't really have. In INFJ-speak, I am a perfectionist, in my work and in my personal life. I think my perfectionism is a factor in my isolation. I remember during my college years (especially my freshman year) how I felt so self-righteous and good for not going out and getting myself drunk and exposing myself to sexual situations (I'm still a virgin, for what it's worth). As much as I don't like to admit it, part of me still feels "cleaner" than the people who did that. But one thing they apparently have that I don't is that sense of facility with people and the ability to just say "Fuck it" and do what they want.

But I wonder if that facility and that ability are worth me giving up my perfectionism. Is it worth me losing control of myself, even if it's temporary? I still cling to this sense of purity despite not being happy with my life, because I feel that if I give that up, then there's no point in me living. What would it all be for anyway? And all the seemingly well-intentioned suggestions for me to lighten up are hard for me to take because it would require me to accept messiness, which I loathe. I like simplicity and structure, and the fact that I don't really have it now frustrates me to no end.

So anyway, after that rant, what type/wing/subtype do you all think I might be? I've typed as a 1, 4, and a 5 in the past (those are almost always the top 3).

 

[VagrantFarce]

A few questions:

Why do you feel a need to be "pure"?

What's so impure about getting drunk and having sex?

In fact, what would "pure" be for you?

Be honest.

 

[Cloud of Thunder]

A few questions:

Why do you feel a need to be "pure"?

What's so impure about getting drunk and having sex?

In fact, what would "pure" be for you?

Be honest.

1. I feel the need because I feel like I'm surrounded by filth and stupid people. It's a way of distancing myself from the rabble.

2. I think with activities like those, there's always a slippery slope. There's always the possibility that one can be addicted to things like that and I'm not willing to take that risk. What makes this especially inconvenient is that I get horny constantly throughout the day.

3. Pure = good. If one spends too much time making an ass of himself/herself, then he or she runs the risk of not being good anymore. They are merely "complicated" and complicated equals messy, and as I've said in the OP, I don't like mess.

 

[Silveresque]

1. I feel the need because I feel like I'm surrounded by filth and stupid people. It's a way of distancing myself from the rabble.

2. I think with activities like those, there's always a slippery slope. There's always the possibility that one can be addicted to things like that and I'm not willing to take that risk. What makes this especially inconvenient is that I get horny constantly throughout the day.

3. Pure = good. If one spends too much time making an ass of himself/herself, then he or she runs the risk of not being good anymore. They are merely "complicated" and complicated equals messy, and as I've said in the OP, I don't like mess.

I would say you seem like a 1. I don't know if isolation is typical of 1's, but your reason for it definitely sounds 1-ish to me. You distance yourself from other people because you want to preserve your purity and be good, which sounds like 1's basic desire. Perfectionism and self-righteousness also point to 1.

 

[Cloud of Thunder]

If I'm a 1, I definitely relate to the 1 going to 4 under stress.

 

[Asterion]

I don't know 4 well enough to rule it out, but you certainly sound most like a 1.

Do people ever call you emotionless?
How far does this perfectionism go?
Do you have a strong sense of right and wrong? Of responsibility?

 

[VagrantFarce]

Well you're certainly inhibited, it's just a case of figuring out why.

For a 5, the issue would simply be one of fear and competency - in other words, you would probably complain that you wouldn't "know" what to do in those situations, and consequently be afraid of entering into those situations because you might end up making a fool of yourself accidently. You'd probably end up feeling removed and separate from the whole thing, and thus not all that interested.

For a 1, the issue is overcoming one's own rigid and self-imposed inhibitions that have been adopted in order to become a "good" person - in other words, entering into those situations would be perceived as somehow undermining to who you are.

I guess 1 is the easy answer here, since it seems your problem is one of not wanting to partake in "bad" behaviour, rather than a real sense of fear or not "knowing" what to do.

 

[Idealatious]

Well you're certainly inhibited, it's just a case of figuring out why.

For a 5, the issue would simply be one of fear and competency - in other words, you would probably complain that you wouldn't "know" what to do in those situations, and consequently be afraid of entering into those situations because you might end up making a fool of yourself accidently. You'd probably end up feeling removed and separate from the whole thing, and thus not all that interested.

For a 1, the issue is overcoming one's own rigid and self-imposed inhibitions that have been adopted in order to become a "good" person - in other words, entering into those situations would be perceived as somehow undermining to who you are.

I guess 1 is the easy answer here, since it seems your problem is one of not wanting to partake in "bad" behaviour, rather than a real sense of fear or not "knowing" what to do.

Hmm. Do you know what the main issue would be for a 4, for comparison? Even if his main type isn't a 4, it could be somewhere in his tritype...

Also because I think I'm a 4 and I relate to some of what he's said in the first post. (Not in the second one though!)

 

[mujigay]

This whole thing comes off as pretty 1-ish to me, albeit 1 in a kind of unhealthy way.

I can see 4 somewhere in the tritype, but definitely not the dominant type.

Perhaps a 1w9? This doesn't sound very 1w2.

 

[Cloud of Thunder]

I don't know 4 well enough to rule it out, but you certainly sound most like a 1.

Do people ever call you emotionless?
How far does this perfectionism go?
Do you have a strong sense of right and wrong? Of responsibility?

1. No one has ever called me that, per se, but I definitely sense the difference between my demeanor and those of other people I know, like my family and my coworkers. They're more demonstrative and effusive than I am, and it often annoys me.

2. For me, when I do something, it has to be just right. If I'm cleaning something, it must be spotless. If I'm calculating, it must come out exactly right. I'm a stickler for organization. Otherwise, I feel off-kilter.

3. I consider myself pretty industrious, but sometimes it takes some time to get going. In other words, I procrastinate a lot. I do have a sense of right and wrong, and I'm often drawn to (and in some cases, repulsed by) ways in which good people do bad things and how bad people do good things. A great example of this would be the character Dexter Morgan from the TV series Dexter.

 

[Cloud of Thunder]

Well you're certainly inhibited, it's just a case of figuring out why.

For a 5, the issue would simply be one of fear and competency - in other words, you would probably complain that you wouldn't "know" what to do in those situations, and consequently be afraid of entering into those situations because you might end up making a fool of yourself accidently. You'd probably end up feeling removed and separate from the whole thing, and thus not all that interested.

For a 1, the issue is overcoming one's own rigid and self-imposed inhibitions that have been adopted in order to become a "good" person - in other words, entering into those situations would be perceived as somehow undermining to who you are.

I guess 1 is the easy answer here, since it seems your problem is one of not wanting to partake in "bad" behaviour, rather than a real sense of fear or not "knowing" what to do.

Right, I have no issues at all in admitting I don't know something or I don't know what to do in a situation. What concerns me more is getting through life with my sense of idealism intact. My fear is that it won't be.

 

[skylights]

hey cloud.

you sound very much 1w9.

i do also understand the sense of purity. i had it in terms of my own virginity for a long time too. i don't think we share the same enneatype, but i have a strong desire for the major facets of my life to play out in an clean, aesthetic way - it upsets me when things are quick and dirty. 6 (me) and 1 share a certain need to feel in control

speaking of - i don't think you necessarily have to give up your perfectionism and control to be happy. maybe it's too much info, but when i finally lost my virginity, it was beyond the right time for me, and with someone i love. in some people's eyes i'm sure it would be ridiculous i waited so long but to me it was totally worth it, because i have absolutely no regrets about it. i was more than ready. i was like that with relationships, too. it's taken me far longer than many others to get in a serious relationship. but my relationship quality is leaps and bounds over many others'. in that way i think the perfectionism can work for you... it's just that maybe you'll have to figure out the point in each domain at which you can finally let go of it... or "cash in" on it, if that makes sense... like reap the benefits of it before it becomes too much -- when you've reached the point where to keep on restricting would be more harmful than helpful.

and figuring out how you can maintain purity while still enjoying yourself. like i still feel fairly "pure" sexually despite not being a virgin anymore because i've only ever been with the one person i'm completely in love with and in a committed relationship with. i suppose there's some facet of me that misses being a virgin, but the circumstances i lost it under were almost entirely under my own control. so i guess... learning how to control when you lose control? like scheduling free time into your day. it's free time, so it's fun, but it's scheduled in, so you know you're not endangering other facets of your life. i feel like maybe you could try to manage perfectionism in a similar way. and then experiencing that loss of control could help you better connect with and understand others. to me others sometimes seem yucky from far away but once you get up close and get to know them, you begin to understand why they are the way they are and why they do what they do... up close they become less messy and more human. more like you.

it also helps me to remember that chaos is part of the universal pattern - nothing is really random, or messy. there's always order in chaos, just as there's always chaos in order.

 

[animenagai]

Hey, skylights found her enneatype (paranoid woman)!

 

[Cloud of Thunder]

hey cloud.

you sound very much 1w9.

i do also understand the sense of purity. i had it in terms of my own virginity for a long time too. i don't think we share the same enneatype, but i have a strong desire for the major facets of my life to play out in an clean, aesthetic way - it upsets me when things are quick and dirty. 6 (me) and 1 share a certain need to feel in control

speaking of - i don't think you necessarily have to give up your perfectionism and control to be happy. maybe it's too much info, but when i finally lost my virginity, it was beyond the right time for me, and with someone i love. in some people's eyes i'm sure it would be ridiculous i waited so long but to me it was totally worth it, because i have absolutely no regrets about it. i was more than ready. i was like that with relationships, too. it's taken me far longer than many others to get in a serious relationship. but my relationship quality is leaps and bounds over many others'. in that way i think the perfectionism can work for you... it's just that maybe you'll have to figure out the point in each domain at which you can finally let go of it... or "cash in" on it, if that makes sense... like reap the benefits of it before it becomes too much -- when you've reached the point where to keep on restricting would be more harmful than helpful.

and figuring out how you can maintain purity while still enjoying yourself. like i still feel fairly "pure" sexually despite not being a virgin anymore because i've only ever been with the one person i'm completely in love with and in a committed relationship with. i suppose there's some facet of me that misses being a virgin, but the circumstances i lost it under were almost entirely under my own control. so i guess... learning how to control when you lose control? like scheduling free time into your day. it's free time, so it's fun, but it's scheduled in, so you know you're not endangering other facets of your life. i feel like maybe you could try to manage perfectionism in a similar way. and then experiencing that loss of control could help you better connect with and understand others. to me others sometimes seem yucky from far away but once you get up close and get to know them, you begin to understand why they are the way they are and why they do what they do... up close they become less messy and more human. more like you.

it also helps me to remember that chaos is part of the universal pattern - nothing is really random, or messy. there's always order in chaos, just as there's always chaos in order.

Thank you; this is very reassuring.

 

[Moiety]

You do sound like 1w9 or 9w1.

Your a Gut person. For what it's worth, I'm not an INFJ, I'm not a 1 (more 8 inclined) and your story resonates with me. So don't feel your weird, you are very normal

And your apparent weaknesses are also your biggest strengths. Cut yourself some slack, ignore the naysayers and enjoy life. You'll only start being and feeling perfect, when you give up trying to be perfect...as cheesy as that sounds.

 

[Cloud of Thunder]

So yeah, I'm really feeling 1w9 at this point. As far as stacking goes, sx/sp makes the most sense to me.

 

[Cloud of Thunder]

One thing that people sometimes say about me is that I seem angry or irritated much of the time, whether by appearance or what I say and how I say it. It's almost always unintentional, but it has the ironic effect of making me irritated and I want to tell them to fuck off. But I don't because I'm aware of the consequences.

 

[Cloud of Thunder]

Just to reiterate, I'm more or less settled on being a 1, as un-glamorous and uncool as it may be. (hint hint)

Now, I just need to figure out my wing.

 

[Meaning]

The Enneagram Institute has a series of type descriptions that also list health levels. You could look at the type one description to gauge your current health level, and what its like at a "higher" level.

http://www.enneagraminstitute.com/TypeOne.asp

 

[Cloud of Thunder]

So, as an update, I'm still favoring 1 over 4 because I've been paying extra attention to my behavior and demeanor in real life, and it's very formal and reserved. But secretly, I'm still an emotional mess.

One part of the 1 that I don't relate to is the "Childhood Pattern", which is that Ones form a sense of internal structure to compensate for an absent protective figure. I was a fastidious drama queen growing up and nowhere near the Boy Scout that 1's are often painted as.