Typing your Ideal Partner?

[SilkRoad]

Yours is tough because I'm having a hard time linking all that to MBTI...

But I kind of relate to your description, so you may be looking for a healthy ESTJ

EDIT: Maybe ESTP, if not ESTJ.

Possibly. They'd have to be a VERY healthy ESTJ or ESTP. But then again, my ideal guy would obviously be "healthy" and pretty balanced in whatever type he was.

I've heard of enough difficulty-fraught INFJ/ESTJ relationships both IRL and here to feel a bit wary. But I dunno, I don't really subscribe to looking for someone based on type anyway...

 

[EJCC]

Possibly. They'd have to be a VERY healthy ESTJ or ESTP. But then again, my ideal guy would obviously be "healthy" and pretty balanced in whatever type he was.

I've heard of enough difficulty-fraught INFJ/ESTJ relationships both IRL and here to feel a bit wary. But I dunno, I don't really subscribe to looking for someone based on type anyway...

Yeah... I tend to forget that not all ESTJs are as introspective as I am. But imo, that probably has to do with emotional maturity. And pretty much everyone I've talked to on this forum who's been in a less-than-ideal relationship with an ESTJ, has been in a relationship with one who wasn't very emotionally mature.

I think your ideal guy is out there somewhere. Of course, I've been reading most of these descriptions thinking "Hey, this isn't a terribly farfetched description; seems like a real person!"

 

[shoshana]

haha this thread is pretty entertaining!

-he is opinionated (to the point where he might seem almost resolute in every word that comes out of his mouth, however, is always open to new ideas and thoughts). respects a logical argument, regardless if it conflicts with his own.
-thoughtful and literate
-taller than me is a must (as i'm about 5'3) however being 6+ inches taller would be sweeeet
-knows what they want and how to get it
-likes spicy food. wont cry when i mix saracha or chili oil into the food i make
-is affectionate but isn't clingy. respects that i need my own space and they are more than okay to be on their own doing their own thing
-hardly ever jealous (if ever)
- being on time to a commitment (personal or work related) is important to him
- knows how to shut me up (it's a hard thing to do)
- someone i could learn from indefinitely and vice versa
-he has a deep, soothing voice (but not crazy like tom waits)
-could spend a day hiking or goofing off around the house
-he looks good in a suit but would laugh at the thought of wearing one unless the ocasion required one
-he could add to a conversation about music history, or industry (i'm a daughter of a musician and composer).
-appreciates live music
-likes to travel and digs museums (even if in moderation)
i could probably go on and on with this... but i'm sure this is more than enough info to type him?

 

[violet_crown]

I did think there was a possibility this guy simply doesn't exist. We are talking "ideal." I thought some kind of ExxJ was the most likely, honestly.

I honestly have serious doubts as to how I'd do with an xxxP.

You know what they say, "Once you've had P, you can't let it be."

...nm.

Seriously though, an ExTJ could fit with a lot of the things you described. I just got a twinge you were looking for someone relatively more spontaneous, or who could at least bring out the spontaneity in you. The EXXJ guy may not be that person.

 

[SilkRoad]

You know what they say, "Once you've had P, you can't let it be."

...nm.

Seriously though, an ExTJ could fit with a lot of the things you described. I just got a twinge you were looking for someone relatively more spontaneous, or who could at least bring out the spontaneity in you. The EXXJ guy may not be that person.

Yeah, I know what you mean. I think basically I'm looking for a (relatively) spontaneous and fun-loving ExxJ, or a (relatively) grounded and serious xxTP.

And actually, if there are some fairly balanced guys out there, those might not be impossible to find.

 

[EJCC]

Seriously though, an ExTJ could fit with a lot of the things you described. I just got a twinge you were looking for someone relatively more spontaneous, or who could at least bring out the spontaneity in you. The EXXJ guy may not be that person.

VERY good point. Especially since the ideal partner I posted about was the type of person to bring out the spontaneity in ME. So maybe a well-balanced, J-ish ESTP.

haha this thread is pretty entertaining!

-he is opinionated (to the point where he might seem almost resolute in every word that comes out of his mouth, however, is always open to new ideas and thoughts). respects a logical argument, regardless if it conflicts with his own.
-thoughtful and literate
-taller than me is a must (as i'm about 5'3) however being 6+ inches taller would be sweeeet
-knows what they want and how to get it
-likes spicy food. wont cry when i mix saracha or chili oil into the food i make
-is affectionate but isn't clingy. respects that i need my own space and they are more than okay to be on their own doing their own thing
-hardly ever jealous (if ever)
- being on time to a commitment (personal or work related) is important to him
- knows how to shut me up (it's a hard thing to do)
- someone i could learn from indefinitely and vice versa
-he has a deep, soothing voice (but not crazy like tom waits)
-could spend a day hiking or goofing off around the house
-he looks good in a suit but would laugh at the thought of wearing one unless the ocasion required one
-he could add to a conversation about music history, or industry (i'm a daughter of a musician and composer).
-appreciates live music
-likes to travel and digs museums (even if in moderation)
i could probably go on and on with this... but i'm sure this is more than enough info to type him?

Definitely ExTx. I almost think you're looking for another ExTJ.

 

[gromit]

Yeah, I know what you mean. I think basically I'm looking for a (relatively) spontaneous and fun-loving ExxJ, or a (relatively) grounded and serious xxTP.

And actually, if there are some fairly balanced guys out there, those might not be impossible to find.

Yeah I posted mine and then realized pretty much any type could be that as long as the person is mature, somewhat introspective, and balanced.

 

[shoshana]

Definitely ExTx. I almost think you're looking for another ExTJ.

awh... sorta been down that road and it ended up being rather unpleasent lmao

 

[SilkRoad]

Yeah I posted mine and then realized pretty much any type could be that as long as the person is mature, somewhat introspective, and balanced.

Yes, exactly.

I actually think my greatest concern could be over the F/T balance. On one hand, I'd like (even need) the guy to be reasonably emotionally aware and certainly to view my feelings as valid and important, and to put forth great effort to understand me. I'm not high-maintenance at all as long as you treat me nice and try to understand.

On the other hand, no emo crybabies who are consumed with their own feelings, please. So that's where I'd probably want him to be most balanced. And quite honestly, it often seems very difficult to find that balance.

I do think that some T guys can do quite well in that regard if they put forth the effort to be understanding. They may not fully empathize with a lot of deep and difficult feelings, but they can be good at "If I do a+b, my woman will be happy and feel loved and cared for. If I do c+d, on the other hand, she is unhappy and feels neglected and unloved. So, because a+b is reasonable and makes her happy, I'd better do that as much as possible." I could live with that.

I know that I'm extremely devoted in a relationship so I would really just need someone who would treat me well, and help me to communicate instead of clamming up and feeling resentful (that's when I can get nasty), and then make an effort to understand what I am communicating.

 

[uncommonentity]

I'm sorry, what?

It's just an opinion based on personal experience and the following:

May be unaware or uncaring of how they come across to others.
May deliberately bully people into behaving a certain way (with the justification that they're enforcing a principle.)
May quickly dismiss input from others without really considering it.
May have difficulty communicating their thoughts and feelings to others.
Maybe have difficulty understanding the importance of considering people's feelings, and trying to meet their emotional needs.
May hold grudges, and have difficulty forgiving people.
May have an intense and quick temper.
May be highly controlling towards others.
May be unable to place value on individual life.
May be unable to see the long-term impact of their behavior.

 

[ChocolateMoose123]

I get what you are saying but my SO is an ESTJ and this is how I see it:

It's just an opinion based on personal experience and the following:

May be unaware or uncaring of how they come across to others. Yes. The flip side of this that I've seen is they have the ability to stand up for others against a ton of pressure. They can be very unselfish and downright brave fighting for a cause or an underdog.
May deliberately bully people into behaving a certain way (with the justification that they're enforcing a principle.)Eh. I haven't experienced ESTJ's as bullys yet I can see how a less assertive person would feel this way. If you say your peace and stand your ground you'll gain respect by them.
May quickly dismiss input from others without really considering it. True.
May have difficulty communicating their thoughts and feelings to others. I knew one ESTJ who had this issue and my current SO absolutely the opposite.
Maybe have difficulty understanding the importance of considering people's feelings, and trying to meet their emotional needs. True. However, most thinkers share this trait.
May hold grudges, and have difficulty forgiving people. I don't see them holding grudges but once you've crossed them they don't give you another chance.
May have an intense and quick temper. They get annoyed very easily but they are more like a steam engine than an explosion.
May be highly controlling towards others. I've found the roots of ESTJ's "controlling behavior" is more a vigilance with your safety and well-being, although it can be overwhelming at times it is not an abusive, possessive control. However, any unhealthy person could show abusive characteristics and it's important to keep an eye out for possessiveness and jealousy in any relationship.
May be unable to place value on individual life. I don't understand this one.
May be unable to see the long-term impact of their behavior. Sure. Many sensors share this trait.

On the topic of this thread. Any good quality is tempered by seemingly weak one depending upon the view. A confident man may be stubborn. A beautiful, well put together woman may be materialistic. It's almost impossible to have perfectly balanced strong qualities and if they are...run....those people are sociopaths.

 

[EJCC]

It's just an opinion based on personal experience and the following:

May be unaware or uncaring of how they come across to others.
May deliberately bully people into behaving a certain way (with the justification that they're enforcing a principle.)
May quickly dismiss input from others without really considering it.
May have difficulty communicating their thoughts and feelings to others.
Maybe have difficulty understanding the importance of considering people's feelings, and trying to meet their emotional needs.
May hold grudges, and have difficulty forgiving people.
May have an intense and quick temper.
May be highly controlling towards others.
May be unable to place value on individual life.
May be unable to see the long-term impact of their behavior.

Some of this is true. Some of it is almost never true. Some of it is not type-related at all. And some of it is only true with unhealthy ESTJs. Regardless, none of that behavior makes someone "not human". I would say that
1) All of that behavior is human, as history shows;
2) If all your experience with ESTJs shows that they don't value human life, then your experience must be very limited indeed because that trait is not, nor will it ever be, type related; and
3) Your word choice was offensive, and more than a bit hypocritical, since I have seen the bolded in almost every INTJ I know. Would you consider yourself "not human enough", too? Or do you consider yourself more warm-hearted than ESTJs?

 

[King sns]

Theoretically, he's just plain masculine.
Realistically, he's probably rather sensitive and caring, but not as heavy on the "taking care of things" side.

 

[wolfy]

My ideal partner is exactly like me... but female. The last thing I want to do is 'meet in the middle' or 'compromise' and other nonsense. I want it my way... I mean our way...

 

[Glycerine]

[MENTION=4515]wolfy[/MENTION]: ISFP 9 or in like a twilight zone-ish way, ESFJ.

 

[Hazashin]

Some of this is true. Some of it is almost never true. Some of it is not type-related at all. And some of it is only true with unhealthy ESTJs. Regardless, none of that behavior makes someone "not human". I would say that
1) All of that behavior is human, as history shows;
2) If all your experience with ESTJs shows that they don't value human life, then your experience must be very limited indeed because that trait is not, nor will it ever be, type related; and
3) Your word choice was offensive, and more than a bit hypocritical, since I have seen the bolded in almost every INTJ I know. Would you consider yourself "not human enough", too? Or do you consider yourself more warm-hearted than ESTJs?

Well, can you agree that ESTJs are defensive?

 

[gromit]

Someone type mine!

Here is what I posted in other threads:

1. Be fun and interesting and sexy
2. Let me be myself
3. Respect and support me
4. Understand the value of my other relationships
5. Similar spirituality/belief in God
6. Loyalty

I’d prefer to be with somebody who would support me, not hinder me in positive changes I’m trying to implement in my life, also make me examine things I may have assumed incorrectly. I would also like it if they call me out on shit, like if I'm being ridiculous or something. I'd hopefully do the same!

I wouldn't mind someone to push me athletically/physically - like if we are hiking or working out or something. I actually love that playful sort of competition, pushing each other to do more, longer, faster, whatever...

Also, thoughtful and reflective.

 

[Thalassa]

Someone type mine!

Hmmm...an ENFJ with well developed Se that they geared toward athletic competition or an ESFJ with well-developed Ne so they might be more reflective about looking at things from different angles.

I think both would be loyal, supportive, call you out on your bullshit, push you to do your best, and understand the need to have other friends/family.

Although similar spirituality/belief in God has nothing to do with type and like someone already mentioned these could easily be the traits of many types who are healthy...what about an ESTP with strong Fe values?

 

[EJCC]

Well, can you agree that ESTJs are defensive?

Well, right now I am, but I'm in a bad mood, and I've had it up to here with the sort of stereotyping that I was reacting to. Maybe it's because there's been more of that stereotyping on the forum than usual. Maybe it's because there hasn't been as much activity on my ESTJ thread recently. Maybe it's just that I need more sleep. But I swear to god. How hard is it for people to learn that there is only so much that the MBTI predicts with any accuracy??

I try so hard to be helpful. I have maintained my advice thread for two straight years now. It has more pages than some novels do. And I've kept it all going because I genuinely care about people and want to help them. So forgive me if I can't tolerate someone calling me "not human enough" -- and essentially calling me heartless, saying that I don't care if people live or die, let alone if they live happily. I find that presumptuous, hurtful and insulting.

 

[EJCC]

Someone type mine!

Hmmm...an ENFJ with well developed Se that they geared toward athletic competition or an ESFJ with well-developed Ne so they might be more reflective about looking at things from different angles.

I think both would be loyal, supportive, call you out on your bullshit, push you to do your best, and understand the need to have other friends/family.

^ This. Maybe even a nice, open-minded STJ?