Quote Originally Posted by PeaceBaby View Post
^ Oh I see you meant literal fighting. k - if she's attempting to forge a sort of value-based peace, getting mixed up in the conflict, that could be a possible Fi example too.

Let me re-read this in the morning, and share a bit more - am currently heading to bed. Perhaps there will be some more thoughts here too by then ... might be helpful.

It does sound like you're trying to change her against her nature, rather than try to help her work with her nature, do you know what I mean by the difference?
Fighting means fighting. What did you think it meant, standing around hugging? Thankfully it is usually just verbal. Not everybody was raised in a cushioned environment. Not everybody was raised in a neighborhood where all the lawns are neatly trimmed and every house looks like it came from the same cookie cutter.

I never really considered myself to be stupid enough to try changing someone's nature. Nor does anything I wrote above "sound" like I'm trying to change anybody's nature. As an Enneagrammer from way back, I have always seen this in terms of personality development. If anything, I'm too laid back about this sort of thing, not too controlling.

Again, this thread is not about me, although you would like to make it about me.

Quote Originally Posted by PeaceBaby View Post
And why is knowing she is Se-Fi "enough"? Are you that confident from this thread to make that conclusion? How do you conclude she needs Fe?
I'm willing to debate this point. I consider the solution to the extremes of selfishness to be an injection of unselfishness. That's why I helped you by offering a definition.

Quote Originally Posted by PeaceBaby View Post
If she is ESFP, she actually needs to work on developing Te through her twenties to give her enough focus to get past identifying and motivating only from the immediate payoff and apply more objective logic to situations - and by that phrase too, I mean - it has to resonate within her to do something, it does not need to be a "selfish" payoff ...

THEN comes inferior Ni for ESFP (fixed my post above after your quote) ... theory goes that development of the inferior doesn't occur 'til the thirties and beyond.

Perhaps you could invite shortnsweet and some of the other SFPs (such as wolfy) and see what their thoughts are too.
At least Fe retains the F she already has and injects some objectivity in the form of F values. Learning to value social conventions is of primary importance to a person who behaves in too many - unconventional - ways.