Am I an INFJ or an INTJ?!?!

[Grace]

Ok, so I posted a thread wondering what type I am a long while ago. I wasn't sure between INFJ, INTJ, ISFJ or INFP, I think? I can't remember now. Anyway, now that I know more about typing I feel pretty secure in saying that I am INXJ. For the past year I was convinced that I was INFJ. But... I don't know. Lately I have been second guessing that. Here are some basic things about myself and please let me know any opinions on the subject!

I have been a server for the last five years. At work I usually keep to myself because it seems as though work goes smoother the less ties to coworkers that I have. As a result, people at work typically see me as the quiet, shy, nice girl. It makes sense to me to act passive at work so that I can avoid confrontation and extra obligations (workers who are viewed as aggressive and take charge usually end up taking the most difficult tables and are the ones who are called on by the managers to do something that nobody else wants to do). When someone says a dirty joke, they apologize to me as though they shouldn't have said something like that in front of my delicate ears. I guess I give off the naive, innocent vibe. So to me this would seem like I give off an F vibe, yeah? But this is only at work.

With my family, my mother says I am definitely a green (for those of you familiar with the true colors test). She says that I always think I am right and display impatience when others do not follow my train of thought. I am stubborn in my views and value intelligence in myself and others above all else. I am not a very sensitive person. My family never sees me cry and I become uncomfortable when others show extreme emotion.

In social settings I am not an approachable person. My boyfriend says that I can be intimidating to others who I do not know well. If someone tries to fuck with me in the slightest I catch on and put a stop to it. I do not care much in meeting new people because I usually cannot find a purpose for getting to know somebody new. I already have a wonderful family, boyfriend, and a group of girlfriends who I have known since high school and before. Therefore, meeting new people seems pointless. I do not, however, like confrontation or try to be off putting toward people. I do my best to be nice while also trying to hold back a bit so that people do not become too friendly.

Are there any areas I should touch on to give more insight into my personality? Even if I didn't give enough information on what type I am, I would appreciate any tips on differentiating between an INTJ and an INFJ. Thanks a lot in advance!

 

[Elfboy]

Ok, so I posted a thread wondering what type I am a long while ago. I wasn't sure between INFJ, INTJ, ISFJ or INFP, I think? I can't remember now. Anyway, now that I know more about typing I feel pretty secure in saying that I am INXJ. For the past year I was convinced that I was INFJ. But... I don't know. Lately I have been second guessing that. Here are some basic things about myself and please let me know any opinions on the subject!

I have been a server for the last five years. At work I usually keep to myself because it seems as though work goes smoother the less ties to coworkers that I have. As a result, people at work typically see me as the quiet, shy, nice girl. It makes sense to me to act passive at work so that I can avoid confrontation and extra obligations (workers who are viewed as aggressive and take charge usually end up taking the most difficult tables and are the ones who are called on by the managers to do something that nobody else wants to do). When someone says a dirty joke, they apologize to me as though they shouldn't have said something like that in front of my delicate ears. I guess I give off the naive, innocent vibe. So to me this would seem like I give off an F vibe, yeah? But this is only at work.

With my family, my mother says I am definitely a green (for those of you familiar with the true colors test). She says that I always think I am right and display impatience when others do not follow my train of thought. I am stubborn in my views and value intelligence in myself and others above all else. I am not a very sensitive person. My family never sees me cry and I become uncomfortable when others show extreme emotion.

In social settings I am not an approachable person. My boyfriend says that I can be intimidating to others who I do not know well. If someone tries to fuck with me in the slightest I catch on and put a stop to it. I do not care much in meeting new people because I usually cannot find a purpose for getting to know somebody new. I already have a wonderful family, boyfriend, and a group of girlfriends who I have known since high school and before. Therefore, meeting new people seems pointless. I do not, however, like confrontation or try to be off putting toward people. I do my best to be nice while also trying to hold back a bit so that people do not become too friendly.

Are there any areas I should touch on to give more insight into my personality? Even if I didn't give enough information on what type I am, I would appreciate any tips on differentiating between an INTJ and an INFJ. Thanks a lot in advance!

perhaps some example would help

INTJs
Ayn Rand
Hilary Clinton
Chevy Chase
CS Lewis
Alan Greenspan


Fictional INTJs
Light Yagami (Death Note)
Lelouch (Code Gease)
Hannibal Lechter (Silence of the Lambs)
Yuri Orlof (Lord of War)

INFJs
Mohandes Ghandi
Jimmy Carter
Nelson Mandella
Mother Teresa

Fictional INFJs
Kenshin (Rurouni Kenshin)
Ashley Wilkes (Gone with The Wind)
Tsukasa (.hack//sign)

 

[cascadeco]

imo you don't sound un-INFJ; I can relate to a lot of what you say, as well as how you approach relationships - i.e. the 'what's the point' leaning of thought. And, it sounds like since you DO give off this nice/innocent vibe in many settings, that you may be more Fe in presentation (i.e. you do care about how you come across to people - although this isn't to say there aren't INTJ's who aren't this way as well).

Re. being more un-approachable in social settings and more protective of your relationships/space, imo this is more of a sign of introversion. Also, do you know what your enneagram instinctual stacking is? Could be dom-sp too. Not necessarily an F/T thing. Also, re. being deemed more unapproachable - I often think approachability is tied to talkativeness. For example, my INTJ boyfriend when out in a public/social setting is much more talkative, and therefore I'd say 'engaging', than I am. I am quieter, and therefore I might come across to some as more unapproachable as a result, just because I'm harder to read and might come across as more intimidating just because I don't give much 'data', so to speak. I really don't know.

Re. your family - well, I think family tends to see all sides of who we are. Impatience and stubborness do not = T, nor does valuing intelligence. Also, while I think internally I'm rather sensitive sometimes, I don't consider myself an overly sensitive person in general I really don't have that many extreme emotional reactions to things, and even if I'm feeling something, it mostly stays inside until I figure out what exactly is going on. I am not easily offended, nor do I tend to show my negative emotions to others, nor do I cry in front of others, really. I try to process all of that internally, to the best of my ability.

I am an enneagram 5 sp, though, which makes my 'flavor' of INFJ different from a few other INFJ's that I know. One of my INFJ friends is a 9, and comes across rather differently in presentation (although our inner world is really identical - 'inner world' = how we think and the paths our mind/thoughts go down when processing and interpreting things ), and my other INFJ friend is ... I dunno, haha!! Maybe a 2? Anyway, she's much more externally emotional than I am, and much more talkative, but again, our inner worlds are virtually the same.

 

[Coriolis]

I have been a server for the last five years. At work I usually keep to myself because it seems as though work goes smoother the less ties to coworkers that I have. As a result, people at work typically see me as the quiet, shy, nice girl. It makes sense to me to act passive at work so that I can avoid confrontation and extra obligations (workers who are viewed as aggressive and take charge usually end up taking the most difficult tables and are the ones who are called on by the managers to do something that nobody else wants to do). When someone says a dirty joke, they apologize to me as though they shouldn't have said something like that in front of my delicate ears. I guess I give off the naive, innocent vibe. So to me this would seem like I give off an F vibe, yeah? But this is only at work.

I won't venture a guess, but I will make one observation. The highlighted seems to me like a deliberate strategy intended to make your daily work experience more to your liking. This is the sort of thing an INTJ would do. Why are you in this particular job? Do you see yourself doing the same work for 5 more years? What would be your first choice or ideal job/career? You don't have to answer here, but considering this might give you more insight into the motivations behind your workplace demeanor. One cannot always identify type by behavior alone. It is often necessary to consider the subject's motivations, reasoning, and internal perspective.

 

[Engineer]

We are similar types, but in my experience, INFJs tend to let their emotions take more of a front seat. Do you find yourself wishing you hadn't rushed into something or had mulled over it a bit more? Do you relate well or empathize to people? You may be an INFJ.
INTJs tend to overthink and overanalyze situations quite a bit. Have you ever thought to yourself after making a decision "Well, that was a lot easier than I was expecting... I wonder why I complicated it so much?" Have you ever taken a person's words and dissected them, looking for a conclusion to draw? You may be an INTJ.

 

[Grace]

Thank you for the responses! In regards to some of Engineer's questions, I am a horrible decision maker. I never just jump right in but take FOREVER. I believe, however, that the reason it takes me so long to come to a decision is because I am a commitaphobe and not because I over analyze things. I just hate committing myself to a decision because once I decide on something I hate to change my mind. I don't know if that is something that is specific to any type or just a personal thing of mine. Also, I do find it easy to empathize with people. My ENTP boyfriend, for example, will often get mad at me for taking pity on a particular friend who is constantly screwing me over. For instance, she just recently stole money from me, which did make me feel disgusted, I guess is the best word, but at the same time I felt bad for her. I know she is having money problems so I can empathize with her and her need to attain money but her inability to ask for help. It's frustrating and I am still upset about it but I understand. My boyfriend thinks I just need to cut ties with her.

I think I am probably an INFJ but my mom's comments about me being a green kind of sent me through a loop. True colors to her is what Myers Briggs is to me. She knows it pretty well and as far as I go, I believe she knows me better than probably anybody. Since green is moreso associated with NT, this got me to thinking that maybe that is what I was. In regards to the true colors test, I do associate more with green than blue. I started thinking that maybe I just saw myself as an INFJ because that is what I wanted to see. I don't know. I just always like to have second opinions.

 

[Engineer]

Thank you for the responses! In regards to some of Engineer's questions, I am a horrible decision maker. I never just jump right in but take FOREVER. I believe, however, that the reason it takes me so long to come to a decision is because I am a commitaphobe and not because I over analyze things. I just hate committing myself to a decision because once I decide on something I hate to change my mind. I don't know if that is something that is specific to any type or just a personal thing of mine. Also, I do find it easy to empathize with people. My ENTP boyfriend, for example, will often get mad at me for taking pity on a particular friend who is constantly screwing me over. For instance, she just recently stole money from me, which did make me feel disgusted, I guess is the best word, but at the same time I felt bad for her. I know she is having money problems so I can empathize with her and her need to attain money but her inability to ask for help. It's frustrating and I am still upset about it but I understand. My boyfriend thinks I just need to cut ties with her.

I think I am probably an INFJ but my mom's comments about me being a green kind of sent me through a loop. True colors to her is what Myers Briggs is to me. She knows it pretty well and as far as I go, I believe she knows me better than probably anybody. Since green is moreso associated with NT, this got me to thinking that maybe that is what I was. In regards to the true colors test, I do associate more with green than blue. I started thinking that maybe I just saw myself as an INFJ because that is what I wanted to see. I don't know. I just always like to have second opinions.

That trait you mentioned at the beginning absolutely screams "P" to me... Not wanting to have things nailed down, wanting more possibilities? That's definitely a Perceiving lifestyle. Judgers pick something rather quickly, and stick with it. Though, sometimes it's hard to tell... Are you certain you're a "J"?

As for the pity thing, it seems that you are pretty "F" dominant. I can feel bad for someone, sure, maybe even mildly empathize with them, but if they're constantly screwing me over, I won't stand for it. My INFJ buddy has the tendency to let a few people walk all over him, and while he means well, this drives me nuts. And yes, a "T" would suggest cutting ties in that situation. That's very much a solution I have taken in the past.

As for Green, and the compatibility... Meyers Briggs is Meyers Briggs. The color test is the color test. They don't really correlate, to be honest. Sure, there may be a few notable trends or generalizations, but they don't match up exactly. For example, I'm a 6w5 flavor INTJ, which is quite uncommon, and I actually tested as a Guardian (that's SJ) on the Keirsey scale. But I read several descriptions of the INTJ type and just knew that was my type. It described me, and what I do.

Addressing the topic of NTs and Greens... INFJs can be very thoughtful and planning individuals as well, it's just that they rely upon their feelings more than we INTJs do. That's what the T/F difference is. Your primary mode.

I'm thinking you're an INFP or an INFJ. But that's just me. Perhaps looking at a personality profile might help?

There's links for you here (INFP) and here (INFJ). Why not read those over if you get a moment, and see which one sounds most like you?

 

[Grace]

Argh, I don't know. I've considered that I might be an INFP. I grew up in a definite J household. My mom is an ISTJ, my dad is an ENFJ and my older sister is an ENTJ. That's made me wonder if some of the things I consider J about myself are just habits that I do from living with a bunch of J's for so long but aren't really my personality, if that makes sense. I do like lists and I am not very good with spontaneity or change. That could be a result of living in a very structured household though. When I take functions tests I usually do score most high on Fi... People often describe me as laid back which I would consider more of a P thing. I can get quite bossy in school settings though. I like to be in charge when it comes to schoolwork and what not which seems more J, yeah? Well, I realize that I am the only person who can really determine which one fits me best but I appreciate all your insights! I sort of don't want to be an INFP though because that means that my boyfriend is dating his mom (she's an INFP)! lol. I guess that's pretty common to date someone similar to your opposite sex parent and his mom is really nice so I should be open to the possibility that we are the same type. It's just a little Oedipal.

 

[Engineer]

Argh, I don't know. I've considered that I might be an INFP. I grew up in a definite J household. My mom is an ISTJ, my dad is an ENFJ and my older sister is an ENTJ. That's made me wonder if some of the things I consider J about myself are just habits that I do from living with a bunch of J's for so long but aren't really my personality, if that makes sense. I do like lists and I am not very good with spontaneity or change. That could be a result of living in a very structured household though. When I take functions tests I usually do score most high on Fi... People often describe me as laid back which I would consider more of a P thing. I can get quite bossy in school settings though. I like to be in charge when it comes to schoolwork and what not which seems more J, yeah? Well, I realize that I am the only person who can really determine which one fits me best but I appreciate all your insights! I sort of don't want to be an INFP though because that means that my boyfriend is dating his mom (she's an INFP)! lol. I guess that's pretty common to date someone similar to your opposite sex parent and his mom is really nice so I should be open to the possibility that we are the same type. It's just a little Oedipal.

Haha, calm down there! Just because you and his mom may be alike does NOT mean you ARE his mom. My best friend (who is a woman) and my mother also share the same personality type, and they are nothing alike whatsoever, though they do tend to worry about similar things. Also, just because you were raised in a family of J's doesn't necessarily mean that you are a J... You could very well be a P. Not all family members are the same. When I was growing up, my family consisted of two xxxPs (sisters) and two xxxJs (myself and my mother). Your personality is your personality, and though you may have been raised a certain way, you likely will retain some aspects of your basic type.

Towards bossiness, I'm actually pretty laid back (unless I've had a few shots in me, then my latent bossy nature comes out strong), and I've actually seen several xNFPs who were quite take-charge, do-what-I-say types. The P/J difference is mostly about how you make decisions, from what I've seen... If you keep them open and consider options, you're probably a P. If you make snap choices and want quick closure, you're probably a J.

One question for you. Do you see patterns in social interactions and try to adjust your responses according to them? This is something I've found INxJs do a lot.

Have you looked over those descriptions?

 

[Nicodemus]

Haha, calm down there! Just because you and his mom may be alike does NOT mean you ARE his mom.

Fluster up again! It means exactly that. Your children will be his sons and daughters, but also his brothers and sisters, typologically speaking. Among guinea pigs, however, that is not uncommon.

 

[cascadeco]

We are similar types, but in my experience, INFJs tend to let their emotions take more of a front seat. Do you find yourself wishing you hadn't rushed into something or had mulled over it a bit more? Do you relate well or empathize to people? You may be an INFJ.
INTJs tend to overthink and overanalyze situations quite a bit. Have you ever thought to yourself after making a decision "Well, that was a lot easier than I was expecting... I wonder why I complicated it so much?" Have you ever taken a person's words and dissected them, looking for a conclusion to draw? You may be an INTJ.

I just want to clarify a few things. I think you may have an inaccurate conception of INFJ's, if you think that INFJ's don't mull over things, don't overanalyze, and don't really think before leaping. I can't think of any INFJ, honestly, who rushes into things. We tend to be very deliberate creatures. This sort of thing comes up quite often in various INFJ threads on this site. Also, I would be careful to tie emotions with the 'F'. Now what INFJ's DO do, as opposed to INTJ's, is perhaps factor in the people-and-relationship-data into their decision-making process, and consider that very relevant/important to their decision, just as INTJ will be focusing more purely on Te / with Te goals in mind. However, this has little to do with emotion in and of itself.

Also, Ni+Fe+Ti is all about taking a persons' words and behaviors and dissecting/analyzing them!!!

Especially with Ti factored in, INFJ's can be incredibly over-analytical to the point where it can lead to suspension of action for a time. So the opposite of rushing into things!!

(Rushing into things is perhaps more of an E and/or P trait? (i.e. E = tendency to speak/act before processing, and P = tendency to keep things more open-ended and various options open, thus not perhaps 'caring' about a particular route.. i.e. exploring is a means of discovering/processing?) Not really sure which it would tie more directly to.

 

[Fidelia]

Yeah, I'd say that INFJs are anything but impulsive! Our problem is overanalysis. It's more directed towards the area of interpersonal interaction though than anything else. While emotions are definitely a part of our makeup, I think if anything we tend to give more credence to other people's emotions over our own at times or have our own sneak up on us if we aren't careful. Most INFJs have to spend some time developing strong boundaries or else they are inundated by people who will suck them dry or who overstep. The issue is not that INFJs don't notice this happening, but rather than they feel that they need credible evidence to back up or validate what they feel. They also want to do whatever is within their own power to improve a situation before expecting others to do so. This can make for some bad relationship dynamics at times.

 

[Engineer]

My bad! What I wrote was unfortunately a poorly-worded explanation of what I was actually trying to say, which would have been something along the lines of what you posted, cascadeco (though I still maintain that you guys have more emphasis on the emotional than INTJs...), if I had an easier time of expressing my thoughts.
Since I am not an INFJ, I cannot explain that type as well as I can my own, so please, do not consider my descriptions even attempting to be expert.

To the OP: listen to these nice folks and see if any of what they are saying sounds true of yourself.

 

[Grace]

One question for you. Do you see patterns in social interactions and try to adjust your responses according to them? This is something I've found INxJs do a lot.

Have you looked over those descriptions?

Engineer, to your first question I am not certain. I don't typically try to adjust myself in order to accommodate those who I don't know well.... At least not consciously I don't think.

And yes, I have looked over the descriptions about a million times over the last couple of years. I think the issue is that I just don't fit one perfectly (which I am sure is the case with a lot of people).

Thanks for all of the input Engineer!

 

[Grace]

While emotions are definitely a part of our makeup, I think if anything we tend to give more credence to other people's emotions over our own at times or have our own sneak up on us if we aren't careful. Most INFJs have to spend some time developing strong boundaries or else they are inundated by people who will suck them dry or who overstep. The issue is not that INFJs don't notice this happening, but rather than they feel that they need credible evidence to back up or validate what they feel. They also want to do whatever is within their own power to improve a situation before expecting others to do so. This can make for some bad relationship dynamics at times.

If by this you mean that sometimes we can be walked on a bit then that is definitely me. I am always wondering if someone is trying to take advantage of me but I won't know for certain so I can't say anything just in case they aren't. If that makes sense.

 

[Elfboy]

this is just a general correlation, but INFJs tend to be quite neurotic while INTJs are possibly the least neurotic of all the types