who am I?

[Jack]

Intro thread: http://www.typologycentral.com/forums/showthread.php?t=37980&p=1419736#post1419736

Things I do know about my 'type':
- Enneagram: 8 makes the most sense, especially in terms of regression and progression. I perhaps am in an odd sort of regression / introspective state right now, trying to comprehend things

- MBTI: In terms of I/E and N/T, I've consistently tested in variation - the earliest tests I can remember from when I was in primary school (I'm now in graduate school), I actually scored dead even on both of those dichotomies. I've "typed" (actually taken the MB test) as ISTP, INTJ, ESTJ, and ENTJ. I would lean towards rational, but I'm not sure. I'm heavily T>F.


I feel like one of my biggest questions right now is that I don't actually know what own social persona is. I have been both over the top gregarious and extremely reserved. Nowadays, I find some of my choices as far as what i want to do and how I want to live life being less mainstream, so that is another influence. I'd like to, in the process of my interactions here, 'learn more about myself', particularly my natural self. I'm conflicted in the sense that I feel I understand many different ways of being and interacting, but I don't know who I am, or if I have one that I really prefer, or what. It's sort of like having two dominant hands, or multiple sets of psychological functioning, and not being sure which to apply, or which will ultimately result in my happiness.


I imagine that from my writing here I sound "more NT", but, I don't particularly know if that's the case.

 

[Kasper]

Functions is a good place to look imo. Working out your dominant one would be telling, for ETJs it's Te for INTJs it's Ni and ISTPs it's Ti. You can read up on them here and there would be a bunch of poxy internet tests in the tests forum.

Another thing you could do is try to figure your inferior function which is often seen under stress: ETJ, INJ, ITP.

G'luck!

 

[Jack]

Wow, that's great. I've never seen those profiles before. I suppose it's pretty clear then what I am - EXTJ.

One of the manifestations of any inferior function is diminished effectiveness in the use of the developed dominant function. For Extraverted Thinking types, there may be a loss of ability to think logically and take effective action, or an inability to recognize the relevance of logic in a situation. One ESTJ said, �I bounce from task to task with no results. I have internal arguments with myself, but I can�t come to any conclusion.� And an ENTJ observed, �The feeling that I am unappreciated becomes the central thing, and I can�t consider anything else.� An ENTJ said that she �becomes disorganized and loses things. I�m late to meetings and miss deadlines, and I focus on non-priority activities and tasks. I procrastinate and do only what is due immediately.� Others report being unable to think, having tunnel vision, and being easily fatigued at work. What they normally do very easily requires great effort. An ESTJ described being unable to organize the structure for a work assignment. An ENTJ felt powerless to influence future events significantly. Another reported that, when under great stress, he would lose the capacity for verbal expression and would have difficulty getting his words out. In general, there is an uncharacteristic reduction in productive work accompanied by a feeling of failure.

It's weird because for me part of the 'oddness' about my state is that I "forget who I am". But in terms of this profile, it's like "I forget what it is that will make me feel a sense of production. I don't know if it's particularly ENTJ related, but the feeling of "failure" sort of resonates a lot.

But overall it's this weird sort of vagueness, about who I am and what I'm doing. I told a close friend the other day: I feel like I need to become a captain of something. I realize that 12 months ago I was heavily involved in a lot of things, and various leadership positions - but now not so much. And it feels deeply uncomfortable for me. Similar, I was thinking last night after writing this, how in that time period I had consistent objectives and 'proof' of accomplishment, which I realize is very important to me.

It seems I'm not someone who can mosey along aimlessly - but rather I'm someone who wants to see results, and to make them come about.

 

[Jack]

This paragraph, too, is very accurate (and after reading the whole post, everything fits)

Another ENTJ described �feeling like a victim�persecuted, unappreciated, and used. I don�t see things clearly and I can�t seem to think. I take things personally and am hypersensitive. I will say something without thinking, then become defensive and feel threatened.�
An ESTJ made this observation: �I find myself taking a martyr role, alone and unloved, totally unappreciated. Then I shut down.� An ENTJ described being �particularly sensitive to any signs of being excluded from important roles. When that happens, I feel that my contributions are not being valued.� And another ENTJ described �feeling isolated or excluded and having a sense that people don�t respect me, especially people I respect.�

 

[Jack]

I have some ideas about SJ vs NT, but if there are good links that might help.
I'll continue to look around the forum.

 

[rav3n]

Take a serious look at the differences between cognitive processes/functions Si and Se, Ni and Ne. This will help you decide whether you're an ENTJ or an ESTJ.

 

[Jack]

Where can I find out more about those?

According to MBTI, I would use Te and Ni and Se and Fi if I were ENTJ ; Te-Si-Ne-Fi if ESTJ, right?


As far as SJ vs NT goes, I don't relate to finding fulfillment in SJ behaviors. I like a sense of belonging, yes, but that doesn't motivate me; I relate a lot more to:

"The classic temperament of an ENTJ is Promethean, or Phlegmatic, for whom a basic driving force is the search for competence or excellence. "
than to
"The classic temperament of an ESTJ is Epimethean, or Melancholic, for whom a basic driving force is duty, service and belonging. "

But I feel like my intuition is rather bad at times. Or maybe I don't understand what Ni is supposed to be. I'll continue looking.

 

[rav3n]

Functions is a good place to look imo. Working out your dominant one would be telling, for ETJs it's Te for INTJs it's Ni and ISTPs it's Ti. You can read up on them here and there would be a bunch of poxy internet tests in the tests forum.

Another thing you could do is try to figure your inferior function which is often seen under stress: ETJ, INJ, ITP.

G'luck!

Kasper has provided you a link in his post so I've bolded it for you for easy reference. Start with Si and Se. They're dramatically different and easy to peg. Si is the aux function for ESTJs and Se is the tert function for ENTJs.

Ni and Ne are more difficult to peg. Take your time trying to understand these two processes.

 

[Jack]

Oh I see it now. Thanks.