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INTP or INFP female ?

INTJMom

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So I brought my son to a public video gaming/computer place yesterday, and I'm sitting at one of the computers minding my own business - getting caught up on MBTIc postings - when this woman comes and introduces herself to me. She is the mother of a boy who my son has been developing a new friendship with at this video place and they get along great together.

"Oh I'm so glad I get to meet you! My son talks about your son all the time!" She proceeds to pull up a chair and have a conversation with me! The more she talked, the more I realized I wasn't getting back to the internet.

In the course of the conversation, I found out that she's familiar enough with MBTI to think she's an INTP. It's just that she was so pleasant, smiling and friendly that she didn't seem very "T" to me- especially INTP since they have a rep for not caring about social niceties. Also, she teased my son a bit, the way my INFP sister teases. She's probably in her late 40's.

One thing different from my INFP sister is that my sister is always "put together"... never goes out without makeup. Her hair is always fixed nice. This lady had no makeup and her hair was long and a little unruly in an artsy sort of way.

Do you think she's really an INTP?
 
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Totenkindly

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In the course of the conversation, I found out that she's familiar enough with MBTI to think she's an INTP. It's just that she was so pleasant, smiling and friendly that she didn't seem very "T" to me- especially INTP since they have a rep for not caring about social niceties. Also, she teased my son a bit, the way my INFP sister teases. She's probably in her late 40's.

Well, we have already seen a lot of evidence of T's who do care about social niceties on this forum, at least. And while male INTPs tend to care less about social niceties, women INTPs still have a "relational bent" that means even the ones who don't much care can still play the game and potentially even enjoy it, depending on their specific personality and life experience.

Yes, INFPs would take to it easier, though.

One thing different from my INFP sister is that my sister is always "put together"... never goes out without makeup. Her hair is always fixed nice. This lady had no makeup and her hair was long and a little unruly in an artsy sort of way.

I have seen both. It really depends on the woman and her internal values. There's more chance for an INTx woman to ignore social mores regarding appearance, but some INFP women would "go natural" if their inner vision of the world demanded it, rather than looking "produced" in some way.

It's hard to tell what she is. She might lean INFP, but that's the most that could be said.
 

Jive A Turkey

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"Oh I'm so glad I get to meet you! My son talks about your son all the time!"

The exclamations and the following conversation make her seem pretty outgoing. Is she definitely an I? Sorry, if I'm missing the tone of the whole situation.
 

INTJMom

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The exclamations and the following conversation make her seem pretty outgoing. Is she definitely an I? Sorry, if I'm missing the tone of the whole situation.
No, I know what you're saying! I even questioned her on it! But she was quite sure she needed to be alone to re-energize.
 

Athenian200

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Do you think she's really an INTP?

No, definitely not if that's her normal behavior. She's obviously an ExFx, but I can't say much more than that.

If she is an INTP, then she must have been extremely stressed out about something. They can display enough emotion that I actually feel extremely invaded/nervous if they're under enough stress. I've learned over time that I'm much more afraid of an INTP who acts pleasantly, talks and smiles a lot than I am of one who's jaded and cynical about things. (But if they're silly/weird, that's fine too.)
 

INTJMom

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No, definitely not if that's her normal behavior. She's obviously an ExFx, but I can't say much more than that.

If she is an INTP, then she must have been extremely stressed out about something. They can display enough emotion that I actually feel extremely invaded/nervous if they're under enough stress. I've learned over time that I'm much more afraid of an INTP who acts pleasantly, talks and smiles a lot than I am of one who's jaded and cynical about things. (But if they're silly/weird, that's fine too.)
Well, she reminded me so much of my INFP sister that really I was just wondering if she was an F instead of a T.

I've only known one other INTP woman and not very well.

I'm pretty sure she was probably right about the INP part. Perhaps I didn't give a good enough description.

What do you think would be the major differences between mature female INFPs and INTPs?
 

Totenkindly

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What do you think would be the major differences between mature female INFPs and INTPs?

It probably is a matter of the personal versus the impersonal (and then, a matter of degrees).

INFP women exude a bit more warmth. They tend to emote more (still quietly) and they often get a little quirkier or splashier in their clothing. They will focus more on the personal in their conversation and about the specific happenings of individuals in discussion. They can have a sharp wit but are very careful to avoid hurting someone's feelings. Seem to demand more connection in the relationship.

INTP women are a little more sardonic or flat and can keep a little distance (detachment). They tend to be more sedate with their clothing, more pragmatic. They talk less about the specific tangibles of people and focus on broader abstractions. They are less interested in dealing with people with kid gloves on and might say some things that come off as abrupt or that could be taken wrong, except for the fact that you know they don't mean it that way. More detachment/space in the relationship.
 

Kiddo

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It is possible for people to develop the weaknesses in their personality type. My INTJ friend loves to dance. Of course, he had to expend a great deal of energy and time getting to the point where he was comfortable doing so, but now he is one of the best dancers I know. Perhaps I'm mistaken, but I don't think many INTJs like to dance.
 

INTJMom

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It probably is a matter of the personal versus the impersonal (and then, a matter of degrees).

INFP women exude a bit more warmth. They tend to emote more (still quietly) and they often get a little quirkier or splashier in their clothing. They will focus more on the personal in their conversation and about the specific happenings of individuals in discussion. They can have a sharp wit but are very careful to avoid hurting someone's feelings. Seem to demand more connection in the relationship.

INTP women are a little more sardonic or flat and can keep a little distance (detachment). They tend to be more sedate with their clothing, more pragmatic. They talk less about the specific tangibles of people and focus on broader abstractions. They are less interested in dealing with people with kid gloves on and might say some things that come off as abrupt or that could be taken wrong, except for the fact that you know they don't mean it that way. More detachment/space in the relationship.
Thanks, Luv.
I was gonna say that she talked about a couple of horrible experiences her son had with teachers. We talked about our sons mostly, not ourselves.

She seemed intelligent enough and well-informed enough to know her own type. She just seemed awfully friendly and pleasant to be an INTP, but that's only based on the things I've read here about INTPs not caring about manners or polite behavior.

Now that I think about it, she didn't have that "ethereal" quality my sister has - not really in touch with reality kind of thing.

I have a hard time with that "caring about people's feelings" stuff based on what I've learned here about F's when you've hit one of their hot buttons, pet peeves, or the like. Like my sister, I think they can be downright forceful and not really care whose feelings they hurt.

I guess I haven't known enough INTP women to know what they are like in person. She was definitely a positive example of an INTP if that's what she is.
 

Athenian200

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Not so obviously.

Then we aren't looking in the same place... sorry?? :huh:
INTJMom said:
I was gonna say that she talked about a couple of horrible experiences her son had with teachers. We talked about our sons mostly, not ourselves.

That still seems somewhat EF to me, in that she initiated the conversation, and spoke of an experience that conjured emotion.
She seemed intelligent enough and well-informed enough to know her own type. She just seemed awfully friendly and pleasant to be an INTP, but that's only based on the things I've read here about INTPs not caring about manners or polite behavior.

Exactly. That's far too much for an INTP, in my opinion. I mean, I could even believe it if they had initiated the conversation, but spoke of something more neutral, and kept it shorter... but all of that? No, I just can't see that.
Now that I think about it, she didn't have that "ethereal" quality my sister has - not really in touch with reality kind of thing.

Hmm... I suppose they could be a very socialized/artificial T, but there's definitely an E or an F in there somewhere, and I would venture to think both. (Although there seems to be an off-chance they might be an ENTP, but I'd never believe "I.")
I guess I haven't known enough INTP women to know what they are like in person. She was definitely a positive example of an INTP if that's what she is.

I seriously doubt she was, but I would agree that she's a positive example of whatever type she is, from how you describe her. :)

And finally, I'm going to say that the only way this person could be an INTP is if they were very stressed... it doesn't fit with my understanding of INTP behavior in the least.
 

INTJMom

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I guess I'll have to get to know her better. If I ever get that chance, I'll keep you guys updated.

I believe I have read on this site that using this foundational concept: that Is recharge by being alone and Es recharge by being with people is not a trustworthy measuring stick to use, but I am unaware of what standard IS universal.
 

INTJMom

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...
I'd never believe "I.")...
I know how you feel. As I said, I questioned her on that. She was quite aware that I types recharge by being alone and Es recharge by being with people. She was positive she was an I. I think she belongs to the Jung Society? (And she pronounced it in German - Yoo-ng.)

I have no way of knowing how much stress she was enduring.

She was definitely an N because I can't stand what S women talk about.

People are so complex. I'm not really the type to continue arguing with someone or disbelieving someone when they're so sure they're right. I can more easily believe that I don't know enough people and I don't understand the subject well enough to tell her she's wrong.

Are you taking into account the fact that she's nearly 50 years of age?

As I said before, the only reason I had the idea that INTPs are anti-social is because of a couple of outspoken anti-social INTPs I've interacted with on this site. But in all fairness, they were all men, I believe. Xander seems to be one of the few I can get along with. He's quite outgoing, I believe (and he drives a NICE car!) ;)

I don't really know what INTP women are like except for Jennifer and I LOVE her. I agree with practically everything she says as if I had said it myself. It's funny that the females hit me differently than the males, because I really am put off by most INTP males - to the point of becoming furious sometimes. They really irk me.

Anyhow, it's so difficult to "type" someone with a brief online description. As Carl Jung said, "Every individual is an exception to the rule."

Are there any female television characters who are "classic INTPs"?
(past or present)
 

Mempy

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That still seems somewhat EF to me, in that she initiated the conversation, and spoke of an experience that conjured emotion.
I think what Jennifer may mean is that you're looking at types much too one-dimensionally. You don't seem to think types can be dynamic. Types have many sides. They are not just one set of behaviors. NTs have an SF side, and vice versa. After all, even an INTP has Si and Fe in their top four functions (ie, an SF side). Similarly, an ESFP has Te and Ni in their top four functions (ie, an NT side). People are colorful, multi-faceted and often times contradictory. Even the nicest, bubbliest person has an iron fist underneath. We all have sometimes very contradictory dimensions to our personality. In other words, what type someone is is not always, or even frequently, obvious. People are so much more dynamic than that, especially as they acquire experience. You're looking at one tree in the forest, boxing people in too narrowly.

I'm an I, but I speak easily with people when I'm not in bad mood. In fact, I can be the life of any party. I joke easily. I'm an F, but I like to think I have a very reasonable and intellectual side, too. I'm an N, but I have a meticulous eye for detail and art. Some people might have difficulty typing me if I were to keep my type from them. People are very multi-faceted and dynamic. To be fair, you're an F, but you have a very strong intellectual and analytical bent, right, Athe?
 

JAVO

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The more balanced people are, the more difficult they are to type. As people get older, they presumably become more balanced. I generally find it more difficult to type people in their 40's or above.

I see no reason to doubt that this lady is an INTP. I could see myself doing and saying the same things given a similar situation.
 

Athenian200

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I think what Jennifer may mean is that you're looking at types much too one-dimensionally. You don't seem to think types can be dynamic. Types have many sides. They are not just one set of behaviors. NTs have an SF side, and vice versa. After all, even an INTP has Si and Fe in their top four functions (ie, an SF side). Similarly, an ESFP has Te and Ni in their top four functions (ie, an NT side). People are colorful, multi-faceted and often times contradictory. Even the nicest, bubbliest person has an iron fist underneath. We all have sometimes very contradictory dimensions to our personality. In other words, what type someone is is not always, or even frequently, obvious. People are so much more dynamic than that, especially as they acquire experience. You're looking at one tree in the forest, boxing people in too narrowly.

Granted, but that still doesn't address that there was almost nothing about her behavior to suggest that she WAS an INTP. If there had been, I would have been open to the idea, but I saw nothing pointing in that direction. Just because what was seen doesn't make it impossible doesn't mean that it's automatically likely.

I'm an I, but I speak easily with people when I'm not in bad mood. In fact, I can be the life of any party. I joke easily. I'm an F, but I like to think I have a very reasonable and intellectual side, too. I'm an N, but I have a meticulous eye for detail and art. Some people might have difficulty typing me if I were to keep my type from them. People are very multi-faceted and dynamic. To be fair, you're an F, but you have a very strong intellectual and analytical bent, right, Athe?

I know that... but what does T have do with being intellectual/analytical? I assumed T just means that you prefer not to deal with emotion, tend to see most things impersonally, and like to act competitively. I don't do that.

I just assume that their type would still predominate their pattern in spite of specific instances, and it doesn't appear to do so in this case. Am I just supposed to accept that this person is typing themselves accurately, for no apparent reason, regardless of what their behavior suggests? That's what I feel like I'm being asked to do, and I don't even see a good reason for it.

But it's so annoying that no one is willing to give an actual reason for believing this person to be what they say, rather than a justification of why it's not impossible. I guess it's pointless to say anything further, everyone else believes it and can't be swayed.
 

Mempy

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Just because what was seen doesn't make it impossible doesn't mean that it's automatically likely.
True, but you seemed so sure.

I know that... but what does T have do with being intellectual/analytical? I assumed T just means that you prefer not to deal with emotion, tend to see most things impersonally, and like to act competitively. I don't do that.
But it takes some distancing from emotions to really analyze things and get to the heart of them. Otherwise, your emotions just get in the way. I'm not sure that T has anything to do with competition, either.

I'm just saying it's really hard to be so dead certain about a person's type, because people are dynamic and not so clear-cut. I don't care that you question her type. I admit, at first glance, she doesn't seem INTP, but I wouldn't rule it out yet. If she CONSTANTLY seemed exuberant, claimed no interest in theory, and gushed and gushed about her emotions all the time, yeah, I'd really question whether she were INTP. But what I AM saying is, INTPs have a squishy and outgoing side too. They CAN, anyway, just like anyone can develop sides that reach beyond their type. The only reason I even bothered to bring it up was because you sounded SO certain, and didn't seem willing to budge on your assessment that she was SF. Your verdict was too sure. That's why I questioned it.
 

Athenian200

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The only reason I even bothered to bring it up was because you sounded SO certain, and didn't seem willing to budge on your assessment that she was SF. Your verdict was too sure. That's why I questioned it.

Okay, that makes me feel better now. I understand. But I never said she was SF, I said she definitely seemed to have either an E or an F, possibly both. That meant I was considering anything from ENFJ, ENFP, or even ENTP. I actually doubted she was an S.

But I can see why you still wanted to leave it for consideration as a possibility, even if it didn't seem likely... that makes sense, it just sounded to me like everyone was saying that she was clearly an INTP and I was being ridiculous for doubting it.
 

arcticangel02

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Are you taking into account the fact that she's nearly 50 years of age?

Another possibility would be that she's been married to (or has been close to) a strong ExFx for a number of years, and consequently she's absorbed some of their traits? Even being more well-rounded because of her age may be enough to allow her to put on the appearance of being an ExFx when the need arises - this action sounded quite deliberate, to come up and get to know you because your sons got on well.

An INTP is perfectly capable of social niceties, when they need to be. They just normally choose not to exert a great deal of energy in that direction.

I'm sure as you get to know her it'll be clearer - I believe it's nearly impossible to judge type based on one meeting, even if they are very obvious, which she's clearly not! :p
 

INTJMom

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The more balanced people are, the more difficult they are to type. As people get older, they presumably become more balanced. I generally find it more difficult to type people in their 40's or above.

I see no reason to doubt that this lady is an INTP. I could see myself doing and saying the same things given a similar situation.
Thanks for that valuable perspective.
 
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