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  1. #151
    mod love baby... Lady_X's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2008
    9w1 sx/so

    Default make a lil bit of sense with that yeah...maybe 3 fits. i've only read a bit about 3's.
    There can’t be any large-scale revolution until there’s a personal revolution, on an individual level. It’s got to happen inside first.
    -Jim Morrison

  2. #152
    i love skylights's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2010
    6w7 so/sx
    EII Ne


    Quote Originally Posted by Lady X View Post
    i think you're 7w6 if i am.
    lady x were you talking to me here? you always sound 7 to me but what the hell do i know

    Quote Originally Posted by Chloé View Post
    i really dont think there is freaking way not to understand the fear of being deprived and to be a 7 still.
    perhaps you are right.

    though, it's not that i don't understand the fear of being deprived - i do, and i manifest that in bizarre ways sometimes (i like keeping a full pantry, i just feel more comfortable like that) - but i don't think it's as pressing an issue as personal insecurity is. what's confused me is this:

    Quote Originally Posted by Enneagram Institute
    Misidentifying Threes and Sevens

    Both Threes and Sevens are aggressive or assertive types i feel like i'm an avoidant type, how the hell did i end up deciding between these two? lol (PT, 433-36) and both are interested in enjoying different aspects of success. Both types may pursue the acquisition of wealth and status symbols, but with significant differences: Sevens because their sense of self is maintained by possessing things, Threes because status symbols reinforce their feeling of superiority and hence their sense of self. i feel like both of these are true for me. the things i buy or acquire represent me and differentiate me. it's not necessarily objective superiority over everyone else, but it's superiority to myself. it's what i value most and want to be appreciated for.

    Sevens love the material world and want to acquire a variety of exciting experiences because having a steady stream of sensations makes them feel alive. They are sensation seekers, whose sense of self is maintained and reinforced by heightening their experience of the world, irrespective of anyone else's knowledge of their acquisitions. For them what is important is the stimulation that the pursuit and acquisition of experiences and things gives them, whether or not anyone else is part of the picture. For example, taking a first-class cruise on an ocean liner is a source of pleasure for Sevens, whether or not anyone else knows that they are doing so. By contrast, unless everyone knows that they are going on an expensive trip and are made to feel envious about it, the experience has far less value for average Threes. i can't imagine not enjoying a cruise! lol. i would like it primarily just because it's fun, but also like that the cruise represents part of who i am - that i have had the success to be on it, that i am part of an elite group. i don't think it's about making others envious. in fact, i am more often envious of others. i think it's about proving to myself (and/or to others) that i am worthwhile.

    The similarity between Threes and Sevens can be most confusing in the average Levels when Sevens become faddish trendsetters who want to experience whatever is new and exciting right away. (Average Sevens want the excitement of being the first at the hottest place, whereas average Threes are trendy in that they create new status symbols of various kinds for the exclusivity of being one of the "in crowd.") Thus, both types become snobs, with Sevens looking down on others because of the expensive things they have that others do not, and Threes looking down on people because they are able to exclude others from associating with them while still tantalizing them to want to do so. and none of this even resonates with me much at all. i don't want to exclude others or make them feel shitty. i don't even particularly like designer stuff, i find it stupid and overpriced. i do want to be seen as impressive for who i am, though.

    The differences, however, are very great. The underlying motive for average Sevens is to provide themselves with a continuous stream of stimulation from the environment, particularly from material things. By contrast, the principal underlying motive for average Threes is to rise above others competitively in whatever ways they can—socially, sexually, in status symbols and careers, or simply in their own minds. For Threes, expensive possessions advertise to others that they have arrived socially and that they are desirable–someone others must pay attention to. For example, money allows Threes to hire a governess for their children so they can pursue their careers and so that they can let everyone know that they are successful enough to afford a governess. By contrast, Sevens may engage a governess so that they can travel and not be tied down by having to raise their children themselves. see, here, the latter sounds more like me. but really i think i'd want to travel and take the kids with me. lol.

    One of the fundamental reasons why Sevens and Threes are confused in the traditional Enneagram teaching is that unhealthy Sevens in a manic phase have grandiose delusions similar to the grandiose feelings of self-esteem we find in narcissistic Threes. The difference is that Sevens are grandiose about their ability to achieve things: they have great expectations about their activities and plans for the future. When they become manic, everything seems possible for them. By contrast, average Threes are grandiose about their self-worth: narcissistic, exhibitionistic, arrogant and contemptuous of others.

    It is likely that these two very different types have been confused because both seem to be narcissistic–that is, inflated with self-love or self-regard. However, average Sevens are not really narcissistic; they may be selfish, self-centered, greedy, insensitive, and so forth, but they do not have an inflated sense of self-worth. Instead, Sevens inflate their desires, appetites, plans, and the glut of their possessions.

    Furthermore, by the time that Sevens become grandiose, they are neurotic (at Level 8) and delusionally trying to escape from reality, whereas grandiose Threes are still within the average Levels of Development (at Level 6) and are overcompensating for their fear of failure. The crucial difference is that, beneath their grandiose plans, manic Sevens are intensely insecure and in a flight from anxiety, whereas narcissistically grandiose Threes are not insecure and are fleeing from failure or from being humiliated in any way.

    Last, one of the simplest ways to distinguish these two types is by marking the difference in their overall emotional tone and style. Average Threes are cool, in control, projecting the impression that they are perfectly together, with no emotional or personal problems. So convinced of their superiority, they become shameless braggarts and show-offs, arrogantly looking down on others. By contrast, Sevens have many more rough edges, rarely seeming as perfect or as coolly self-contained as Threes. For better or worse, Sevens do not censor themselves and can be funny, outspoken, vulgar, ill mannered, and outrageous–allowing far less polished behavior and attitudes to be displayed for public view. Contrast Sevens such as Bette Midler and Howard Stern with Threes such as Shania Twain and Bryant Gumbel.
    and after reading this i feel like neither really fits me. i'm not exclusionary enough to be a 3 and i'm not hyperactive enough to be a 7.

    Threes tend to focus on task, on efficiency, on performance. Of course, Threes have feelings, but as much as possible, they put them on the backburner whenever there are things to get done—and with many Threes, that is most of the time. As Threes become less healthy, they increasingly see their own feelings as "speed bumps"–annoyances that must be dealt with but which interfere with their effectiveness. Threes want to get their goals accomplished, and then, time permitting, process their feelings.
    this is also not me... i HAVE to work through feelings first or i can't get anything done.

    And while Threes enjoy the attention, and want relationships, they actually fear intimacy, becoming more uneasy as the relationship becomes closer.
    if this is true, there's no way i can be a 3. i love and seek intimacy and get more comfortable as a relationship gets closer.

    and here i was liking the idea of 3

    gah freaking enneagram

  3. #153
    Senior Member Chloe's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2009


    I can not convince you but ... profiles are written based on mostly EST 3s... of course its a lot different when NF is 3...

    Things you said dont aply to me either....many garbage in profiles... about not processing emotions... I am NF of course I cant be completely emotionless...

    I dont know... you should only consider important stuff : motivations.

    and you could be 7..dont understand why you doubt 7... i think you'd know if you are 7, because ENFP and 7 is so similar.. no reason to be confused.

    maybe this helps. bolded ones are essential.

    and if you slide to 9 or to 1 thats also easy way to tell.

    i dont think you're avoidant type.... that can look if you're 3 and you go to 9 for ex.

    that's all i know.

    i think i actually sense 6,3 and 9 in you.. but i could be completely wrong.

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