Help deciphering a type?

[quietgirl]

I have a new boyfriend and I am trying to figure out his type. I could have him take an online test, but in general, I feel they are somewhat unreliable.

I've ruled out NT and I'm leaning towards an S preference over NF.

Here are some of his characteristics:

-We have similar interaction styles, so I'm leaning towards a "Chart the Course" one or something similar. We seem to be exactly alike with hating to be late, anticipating the next move, planning in advance, and needing to make definite plans - where we're going, what time, etc so we can plan the rest of our day accordingly (and know if we need to eat first, what to wear, etc). Both of us get anxious with uncertainty in day to day life. This seems very Ni to me.

-He does not initiate conversation - hell, I had to do it when we met & that's not my bag either. He comes across as quiet, but seems to get downright chatty once he's comfortable with you - something I do as well. I'm thinking this makes him introverted, but I'm not sure. He doesn't seem to embarass easily at all & has a goofy side to him that he readily shows others - but more in a prankster kind of way.

-Very active. He runs marathons, works as a personal trainer, and wakes up early every day to run an ungodly amount of miles. Seems to be driven by accomplishment, though, and constantly sets goals for himself. Where Se seems to feed my Ni to accomplish, Ni seems to feed his Se to accomplish.

-Very artistic. His drawings are detailed, rather than flowy. They don't seem to be too abstract, either. He's also into photography & is rather good at it.

-Not much of a school person, but will take a class here and there to learn a skill that he needs for his art or personal training.

-Expressive with his feelings towards me, moreso than I am to him. He also enjoys taking care of me & those close to him. However, he doesn't have that humanitarian bent that NF's tend to have. He readily makes decisions, but I'm unsure about whether they are based on logic or feelings. He's very affectionate.

-The main thing he provides in the relationship is stability & security. He calls when he says he will and is very consistent in general. He's a relationship person instead of a play the field person.

-His explanations and thoughts tend to be more on the concrete side of things, but it's possible I just haven't initiated more theoretical conversations yet. Still, I notice when I meet N's, we immediately start diving into the abstract.

I'm inclined to think he's some sort of SJ or possibly ISTP? My hesistance on the SJ is that he doesn't seem particularly rooted in tradition and doesn't really expect me to take on a traditional "girlfriend" role. Also, he seems to use Se quite a bit. What are your thoughts?

 

[scantilyclad]

isfj maybe?

 

[Athenian200]

I would think ISFJ, but since you don't see much tradition-orientation and some Se, I'll go with ISFP. Don't know why, really. ISTP wouldn't normally be that comfortable with expressiveness since they have inferior Fe.

I'm actually beginning to think people have overestimated the influence of the SP temperament in the case of IS_P's. Some ISTP's actually seem more towards the NT side in their interests, yet still somehow more concrete. I notice even more that ISFP's seem very much like INFP's, the only real difference being a couple less abstract interests and a bit more practicality, but basically the same make up/vibes.

 

[Totenkindly]

I would think ISFJ, but since you don't see much tradition-orientation and some Se, I'll go with ISFP. Don't know why, really. ISTP wouldn't normally be that comfortable with expressiveness since they have inferior Fe.

ISTP sounds like a possibility. But he generally fits ISFP better... the only incongruity is his discipline with his jogging. Often ISFP males have a very hard time adhering to a rigorous program of any sort, they are too "go with the flow." This is the sort of thing that ISTPs do better, because they use "T" to justify to themselves the need to stick to the routine.

Still, if someone believes in something enough, or wants to do it badly enough, or has already developed a routine or has some specific goal they can articulate, they are capable of intense discipline.

So I would say ISFP if I had to pick a type for him... but that is only a guess.

 

[The_Liquid_Laser]

I think he's ISFJ. Don't let the tradition thing fool you too much. I have an ISJ friend and while he doesn't follow a lot of set traditions, he's not a nonconformist either. Also if you get to know him really well you see that he has mixed feelings about tradition, sort of a love/hate relationship. Anyway the guy you are describing sounds like an ISFJ.

 

[quietgirl]

Thanks for your responses!

The Se is what is throwing me. He just simply does not seem to be Si dominant, but I suppose my impression of Si dominant is my ISTJ father so I am not sure how it would manifest in an ISFJ. If it weren't for that, I'd choose an SJ. My hesistance with ISFP (and ISFJ, actually) is the interaction style. I have an INFP brother & an INTP close friend who supposingly share the same "Behind the Scenes" interaction style with ISFP & ISFJ. My current boyfriend seems to differ from them in this way.

I should just have him take the test, but this is a bit more fun... haha.

 

[Colors]

Your description sounds staunchly ISFJ.
J: (first paragraph) on time, planning
I: (second paragraph) quiet at first- many I's are chatty in more familiar/intimate situations

Being expressive of his feelings towards you sounds like Fe. And the taking care of people thing sounds very SFJ. You don't have to be Se dominant to enjoy physical activity. I'm not that close to any ISFJs, but I do have a close ESTJ friend and she loves physical activity- as well as the drive and accomplishment (and maybe some relaxation) that comes with it.

 

[quietgirl]

Hmm. I do see the Fe. I see it a lot with how he talks about his family, as well. He also uses words similar to myself when I use my Fe.

I guess I always associated my anticipatory planning with my Ni. How does that differ when Si is driving it?

 

[INTJMom]

...I'm actually beginning to think people have overestimated the influence of the SP temperament in the case of IS_P's. Some ISTP's actually seem more towards the NT side in their interests, yet still somehow more concrete. I notice even more that ISFP's seem very much like INFP's, the only real difference being a couple less abstract interests and a bit more practicality, but basically the same make up/vibes.

I agree with you.

 

[Randomnity]

He sounds to me like either an ISFJ or an ISTP who's comfortable expressing emotions. Yes, I realise those are two very, very different types. For some reason I don't see IXFP in that description. I find that IXFPs are very easy to identify in RL, they just give off a certain vibe.

Most of that describes me, other than the expressing emotions part.

 

[cascadeco]

-We have similar interaction styles, so I'm leaning towards a "Chart the Course" one or something similar. We seem to be exactly alike with hating to be late, anticipating the next move, planning in advance, and needing to make definite plans - where we're going, what time, etc so we can plan the rest of our day accordingly (and know if we need to eat first, what to wear, etc). Both of us get anxious with uncertainty in day to day life.

This sounds exactly like the dynamics of me and my ISFJ friend. At times I think we're extremely similar, in terms of interaction and values, but then her conversational style and WHAT she talks about is quite different from me -- I'd describe it as much more *particular* and detailed when it comes to describing everyday things (to the point of tediousness, at times). Whereas I tend to be much more general and don't go into the specifics very much.

However, she blows me away with her intuitive capacity when it comes to emotion and human relationships -- she's quite observant and navigates relationships very intuitively, and is very good at reading people and fulfilling peoples' needs, and really trying to get at them on a deep level.

He does not initiate conversation - hell, I had to do it when we met & that's not my bag either. He comes across as quiet, but seems to get downright chatty once he's comfortable with you

Just like my ISFJ friend. In general, I think this points more towards I, than E.

Very active. He runs marathons, works as a personal trainer, and wakes up early every day to run an ungodly amount of miles. Seems to be driven by accomplishment, though, and constantly sets goals for himself.

I'm of the opinion that ones' extracurriculars don't really line up with mbti stuff easily. For example, another friend of mine, an INFJ, recently completed the IRONMAN. She's very driven by accomplishment. She did it with her ExTP husband. And I know a variety of personality types that are into the marathon/running scene - don't think this is type-driven. The key is that they each may have a different *motivation* for accomplishing it.

Very artistic. His drawings are detailed, rather than flowy. They don't seem to be too abstract, either. He's also into photography & is rather good at it.

I imagine certain types are more inclined to be artistic, but I don't think the art thing is a fabulous indicator of type. But for what it's worth, my ISFJ friend is really into scrapbooking, and that's her chosen artistic bent.

Expressive with his feelings towards me, moreso than I am to him. He also enjoys taking care of me & those close to him.

My ISFJ friend is much more expressive than I am, and seems to have a much more nurturing/giving nature than I have.

The main thing he provides in the relationship is stability & security. He calls when he says he will and is very consistent in general. He's a relationship person instead of a play the field person.

His explanations and thoughts tend to be more on the concrete side of things, but it's possible I just haven't initiated more theoretical conversations yet.

Both remind me of my friend; the SJ fits more w/ the first quote than SP would, I'd think.

 

[ygolo]

-We have similar interaction styles, so I'm leaning towards a "Chart the Course" one or something similar. We seem to be exactly alike with hating to be late, anticipating the next move, planning in advance, and needing to make definite plans - where we're going, what time, etc so we can plan the rest of our day accordingly (and know if we need to eat first, what to wear, etc). Both of us get anxious with uncertainty in day to day life. This seems very Ni to me.

Officially, Chart-the-Course, includes ISTPs and excludes ISFJs--if that clarifies anything. Is he similar to you in being "directing" and planning ahead or being "organized"? Is he fulfilling a drive to anticipate, or a need to fulfill a duty and carry out a responsibility. That makes a big difference. Also note, that IS_Ps have Ni as tertiary functions that can be quite strong. ISTPs and INFJs have the same first 4 functions according to the lasagna model, which could also lead a feeling of similarity.

-He does not initiate conversation - hell, I had to do it when we met & that's not my bag either. He comes across as quiet, but seems to get downright chatty once he's comfortable with you - something I do as well. I'm thinking this makes him introverted, but I'm not sure. He doesn't seem to embarass easily at all & has a goofy side to him that he readily shows others - but more in a prankster kind of way.

Seems like I_SPs I know. I__Js I know (as well as IN__s) tend to force themselves to initiate conversations more readily. But SPs (even ISPs) tend to be naturally good story tellers. Their motive orientation, and concrete and colorful choice of language is well suited for this.

-Very active. He runs marathons, works as a personal trainer, and wakes up early every day to run an ungodly amount of miles. Seems to be driven by accomplishment, though, and constantly sets goals for himself. Where Se seems to feed my Ni to accomplish, Ni seems to feed his Se to accomplish.

ISTPs are masters at skill improvement. Whether it is a video game, a sport, or whatever. IMO, they are the most likely type to master a skill through active practice. The Se feeding Ni also seems ISTP.

There are many types that can be "accomplishment" oriented for different reasons. INTPs, for instance, have a drive to integrate everything they know into something cohesive and that can drive them to accomplish a lot of things that others would consider "accomplished"

-Very artistic. His drawings are detailed, rather than flowy. They don't seem to be too abstract, either. He's also into photography & is rather good at it.

Again, seems stereotypically Artisan.

-Not much of a school person, but will take a class here and there to learn a skill that he needs for his art or personal training.

School is based on a teacher-student relationship, or a coach-mentor relationship. These are preferred by SJs/NFs more so than SP/NTs. Js in general also tend to be good students.

-Expressive with his feelings towards me, moreso than I am to him. He also enjoys taking care of me & those close to him. However, he doesn't have that humanitarian bent that NF's tend to have. He readily makes decisions, but I'm unsure about whether they are based on logic or feelings. He's very affectionate.

I've had people say things like that about me too. Does his caring, despite having a practical bent, also seem "childlike" (not necessarily childish)?

-The main thing he provides in the relationship is stability & security. He calls when he says he will and is very consistent in general. He's a relationship person instead of a play the field person.

Seems like someone who believes in those values, and has good control of his impulses. I don't think I_SPs are necessarily "play-the-field" people. In fact, they make the largest contingent of my male friends who are married.

-His explanations and thoughts tend to be more on the concrete side of things, but it's possible I just haven't initiated more theoretical conversations yet. Still, I notice when I meet N's, we immediately start diving into the abstract.

Seems like a preference for being concrete that you've mentioned several times.

I'm inclined to think he's some sort of SJ or possibly ISTP? My hesistance on the SJ is that he doesn't seem particularly rooted in tradition and doesn't really expect me to take on a traditional "girlfriend" role. Also, he seems to use Se quite a bit. What are your thoughts?

I don't think SJs need to be pegged as "tradition" people. But they do tend to have expectations for themselves and others based on perceived roles. I think most young people don't really like gender roles. But if there is something that is "duty bound" by a role, IMO SJs are likely the ones to value it the most naturally, but anyone who's value system (based on religion, family background, military history, etc.) has duty high on the list would have similar expectations.

Se seems to again indicate ISTP, but ISTJs are very observant people.

He gives me an impression of ISTP.

I consider ISTPs to people who have a core needs to have the freedom to act on impulses, and the ability to make an impact, in addition to a having a core drive to anticipate what is going to happen. They try to fulfill these needs by analyzing their sense grounded experiences.

Could your conversations and impressions of him be based on being brought into his confidence in his analyzing?

 

[quietgirl]

Officially, Chart-the-Course, includes ISTPs and excludes ISFJs--if that clarifies anything. Is he similar to you in being "directing" and planning ahead or being "organized"? Is he fulfilling a drive to anticipate, or a need to fulfill a duty and carry out a responsibility. That makes a big difference. Also note, that IS_Ps have Ni as tertiary functions that can be quite strong. ISTPs and INFJs have the same first 4 functions according to the lasagna model, which could also lead a feeling of similarity.

He is definitely similar to me with planning ahead and setting goals. I have a feeling he's still trying to make a good impression with me, so he's not as direct. However, I notice that he is direct when dealing with his family and friends. People tend to listen to him when he talks.

We're both organized in the same way. We organize so it's easier to find what we need in the future instead of organizing for the sake of organizing. I'm actually a little more particular with the organization (alphabetized books, color coded closet) than him. On the flip side, he keeps his room neater than mine.

ISTPs are masters at skill improvement. Whether it is a video game, a sport, or whatever. IMO, they are the most likely type to master a skill through active practice. The Se feeding Ni also seems ISTP.

There are many types that can be "accomplishment" oriented for different reasons. INTPs, for instance, have a drive to integrate everything they know into something cohesive and that can drive them to accomplish a lot of things that others would consider "accomplished"

He tends to set goals and then work towards them - similar to me. However, his goals tend to be more physical (I want to complete this marathon) and mine tend to be emotional (I want to improve how I handle conflict). Neither of us seem to be comfortable without having a set goal.

I've had people say things like that about me too. Does his caring, despite having a practical bent, also seem "childlike" (not necessarily childish)?

It does seem childlike and innocent...and almost seems to come out in bursts. I think it's adorable. Sorry, I was having an NF moment.

Seriously, though... I seem to have more control over how I express my emotions. Probably because I use Fe all the damn time!

I consider ISTPs to people who have a core needs to have the freedom to act on impulses, and the ability to make an impact, in addition to a having a core drive to anticipate what is going to happen. They try to fulfill these needs by analyzing their sense grounded experiences.

Could your conversations and impressions of him be based on being brought into his confidence in his analyzing?

Can you explain that last question a little more? Maybe I'm spacy tonight, but it went over my head.

 

[ygolo]

Can you explain that last question a little more? Maybe I'm spacy tonight, but it went over my head.

Does he talk a lot about having an impact on others?

Does he express a strong need for freedom to act on impulses?

Does he then still want to anticipate and plan to allow this to happen?

 

[quietgirl]

Does he talk a lot about having an impact on others?

Does he express a strong need for freedom to act on impulses?

Does he then still want to anticipate and plan to allow this to happen?

1. No, he does not.
2. He hasn't verbally expressed it, but he does plan his days in a way that he is free to do what he wants to do. Making plans does not seem to stifle him, but he actually plans his activities - running, art stuff, etc. I also want to note that he isn't rigidly stuck to a routine - he more just feels better having stuff planned out. He's not one to eat dinner at the same time every day or whatever. It's more that he plans his day AROUND what he wants to do. This is exactly how I do things, btw.
3. I guess I just answered the third question. haha.

 

[quietgirl]

Figured I'd give you all an update. His extremelly unofficial online test result is.... ISTP.

 

[Randomnity]

That seems reasonable. In particular, what you said about him organizing for function, in order to find things most efficiently, and keeping his room fairly tidy, resonates with me.

Did you have him read a *good* ISTP description online and did he see himself in it?

 

[quietgirl]

That seems reasonable. In particular, what you said about him organizing for function, in order to find things most efficiently, and keeping his room fairly tidy, resonates with me.

Did you have him read a *good* ISTP description online and did he see himself in it?

Can you point me in the direction of what you would consider a good one? I don't have much experience with ISTPs (that I know of at least!) & there's no way I'd be able to determine inaccuracies in the profiles. Thanks!

 

[Randomnity]

Can you point me in the direction of what you would consider a good one? I don't have much experience with ISTPs (that I know of at least!) & there's no way I'd be able to determine inaccuracies in the profiles. Thanks!

ISTP - Introverted Thinking with Sensing is the most accurate one (for me at least) that I've come across so far. And it's the only one which doesn't assume the ideal job for ISTPs is a mechanic. :rolli:

 

[anii]

Based on the info you provided, my guess is: ISFJ.