Can you help me with my enneagram subtype / instinctual variants?

[Iceblueblossom]

Hey everyone!

I'm an INFP 9w1 who is fairly sure of her core enneagram type for over a year now but still has doubts about her instincts.
I personally find this part to be very confusing and pretty hard to apply to my personal life.
The reasons are probably that my mental health isn't the best for many years now (diagnosed depression and possibly anxiety) - which means that some aspects will be pretty distorted. But maybe this fact can also help for typing purposes?
Probably around one or even two years ago I asked a similar question on Reddit already but got only a few answers. Considering that I've learned far more about the subtypes other than what they mean I think it was probably not the most representative text I provided though. That's why I would try to let you evaluate me if you have the time and patience.

Thanks in advance!

Why I might be self-preservation dominant
- I will generally not do things if it means I put myself in danger or there is any risk involved. In fact I am overly anxious about things happening to me
- I am very much into comfort food. It can both be a reason to leave my house, try new things but also to calm myself down if I feel anxious.
- Most of my time it spent at home. It is comfortable and everything that gives me joy is here
- If I have a day / schedule planned I can get pretty grumpy if I need to change them to make room for other people. I usually am not very flexible when it comes to changing plans. I also prefer to know things I am gonna do in advance so I can plan them in
- I have some habits that I struggle to let go of: Browsing my phone for hours before I sleep, a flavoured drink every morning and watching an entertaining video while eating. Everytime my parents criticized the latter I got very upset at them.
- Having a stable job is important to me and also earning money. I can also be kind of stingy. I first look at my own needs being met (be it physical or emotional) before I spend money on other people. It's important for me to know that I will not run short of money when I might need it. Though I definitely can overspend at times when it has no real consequences on me.
- Having some untreated illness or in general having some terrible desease is among my biggest fears - it can be CRIPPLING especially when in low health levels. It's so bad that I even googled if there is a phobia for sicknesses. I only found out about health anxiety though, which is not quite the fear I experience. For me it is enough to hear someone talk about an illness or condition or see graphic scenes in series (especially with actual actors) to push me over the edge because I keep imagining what it would be like to have that. Not sure if this is instincts related. Tough I should adress this regardless.
- I am regulary doing diets to make sure I am happy with my body. Not because I want to feel attractive but to feel more in tune with myself (also to like myself more).

Why I might have a self-preservation blind spot
- It's been awhile since I've had a health checkup. I am afraid of going to doctors because of how much I neglected caring for myself and feel like they will find something terrible for that reason. I keep procrastinating with actually getting my health checked and even forget this option even exists.
- While I care about my comfort food being present I am not particulary good at seeing whether I've run out of things unless I actually SEE it. Usually it is my mother who takes care of monitoring things. And if she doesn't buy something she usually complains to me about how "she can't monitor everything" and tells me I need to look at that kind of things myself. I still struggle with it though and only write down a list with all the important things to buy when I absolutely have to
- I am not very good at taking care of my body - and by that I don't mean health but also things like working out or showering etc. I might try to get it under control for awhile but often I drop it as soon as I don't feel like doing it anymore.
- While I certainly enjoy my routines I wouldn't say that I have many of them. The ones I listed above are those who occur everyday but with things that are supposed to be good for me I change them up constantly. If I have a routine to be more productive or work out I will most likely change or drop it as it is connected with effort and negative emotions and therefore becomes boring quickly. I also like when I have some other activities planned because it breaks me out of my "brain fog"
- I am not sure how much I would have cared about finding a stable job if it wasn't for my mum who very much valued that and raised me that way.

Why I might be social dominant
- One thing I noticed in particular is that I have a "analysis" mode ruinning in the background - constantly. Whenever I talk to people in a group or even one to one I study their facial expressions. I try to find out, if what I just said was received in a good or bad way. If they like what I said then I will push the same direction further, kind of "molding" myself into the perfect conversation partner for the other person. I also feel like I gain some self acceptance through the fact I did the "right" thing. At the same time I become very anxious if I am not sure how the person feels about that and gives me a blank expression or even looks irritated / displeased. I start to overthink what I did wrong and worry that what I said might not be relateable to them.
- I at times have this secret craving (that probably comes from my childhood and being an outcast for my entire school life) to be part of a small social group and just... be "one of them". If I find a group that I like I cherish it and am very defensive about it when new people want to join out of the fear that the dynamics will change.
- I am not against more "casual" talk or even gossip, depending on what it is about. The thing I mostly can bond over is being annoyed at something and complaining about life / university. With closer friends I also like to discuss other people because it makes me feel like I am "one of the cool kids" for once. Especially if it's a person I admire and is actually more "in tun" with real life than me.
- I would much rather be friends with someone first before I do any romantic advances
- It's VERY important to me to get recognition, especially online. IRL it was more the case before I isolated myself even further (before I started university). I love posting creative things or just thoughts online and see interaction under it. By that I don't mean starting a conversation but rather get the feeling that I am "important"
- I often feel that I never belong into a group and feel extremely out of place which seems to be typical for enneagram 9 so.
- I am aware of social norms and am very polite. I am aware of how I am different from others and at times wish I could be more like others (and at the same time I don't)
- One of the main things I do online is chatting with people. With the few friends I have I daily message them, share random thoughts and in general enjoy interacting with them (I guess everyone does that tough?)

Why I might have a social blind spot
- Social interaction freaks me out on many levels. I never know how to behave, if I am reading people properly and often I downright shut down, especially in group situations
- I don't go outside. I don't interact with real people. That might be the so blind stereotype.
- I only have one friend IRL and it freaks me out when they want to interact and meet. I also don't like it if people "force" emotionality out of me
- When having to meet people I am often resigned and ask myself "do I HAVE to?" At times I end up enjoying it anyway. At times I don't.
- I always hated group dynamics. I am aware that so isn't only about groups but social 9 are always described as group people. I never integrate. I try to say something and get ignored so I sit outside of everthing happening, not listening, staring at my phone.
- I don't get "group vibes". I can learn centuries after being in a situation that the atmosphere was tense and I wouldn't even be able to tell.
- I don't understand how people can have the entire group in mind when speaking - also those people who are not saying anything ever. I am focused on the people who are speaking and the others just disappear. Often in group therapy I was saying "oh, I am happy that everyone was so active today" and I accidentally ended up missing that there were people who felt uncomfortable and held themselves back
- At times I feel like I don't care about people as much as I should. If people tell me what happened during their day I am only half listening, I don't buy presents, I hate calling my relatives when they have birthday and in general people who are trying to get me out of my comfort zone stress me out. I still give in to this though.
- I was always the outsider - in school and in my private life. It used to bother me to get rejected by everyone but I don't really miss being involved with people all the time.

Why I might be sexual dominant
- It's one in the morning, I am kind of tired but I have this burning urge to get answer finally that I couldn't keep myself from writing this even though the contrary would have been wiser (and would probably get a more high quality text from me)
- I seek out emotional extremes while daydreaming. Making myself sad on purpose for example.
- I live for loud, bombastic cinematic music that is very emotional and dramatic. I probably damaged my hearing through listening to music way to loudly to get into the "zone"
- Passion is my drive. I NEED to have at least thing I love doing or one thing to be obsessed about to have happiness in my life. I couldn't just do work all day and not induldge in something that gives me pleasure and meaning
- I have very intense interests I am passionate about and could talk hours about
- I can live in extremes and either be obsessed with something or forget that it exists
- I can act on impulses, especially when it comes to avoiding work. I am easily distracted by things I would rather do. I often procrastinate because I get absorbed in one irrelevant thing and many hours pass - having a good day wasted.
- I am very emotional in general, artistic and I love deep talks with people. I prefer talking about deep insecurities above small talk
- I have this gut feeling of when I particulary "vibe" with people and I can't really explain where it comes from. It is a kind of platonical attraction. Sometimes it just clicks.
- I merge with people in the way that I will copy them without realising it. There is even some system to it! I will observe what they like / what they want me to be and I will be that! I can shift into different shapes but at the same time I still have this urge to be authentic and have limits. I am deeply merged with my mother. I rarely have different opinions than her (and if I do I started to force myself not to change them for her). In the past I even acted as if I was into the same things as other people just to get approval. Needless to say that it failed
- Though it's not specific for sx I perfer one on one conversations ALOT. Mostly because it's easier for me to read the other person and change my approach and feel like I can go "deeper" and more "real" with them
- When I am in love I can get VERY obsessive and want the person for myself. Afraid of them hating me, leaving me or me not being enough. I push boundaries very heavily and that intensity drove some people away from me when it occured. Which is why I keep it in check if possible.

Why I might have a sexual blind spot
- I don't care about how I look. Really. I don't get why people want to look desireable because I am happy if I don't get that kind of attention from others. I want people to like me for who I am not for how attractive I am
- Most people I felt uncomfortable with were sx doms. Russ Hudson said that there is an instinct each one of us is probably triggered by. This is what usually comes to my mind. While I love talking to people who are just as passionate as me, I struggle realting with very sexual and impulsive people. My Fi doesn't get triggered often but it certainly happens with everything that is relationship related. People who change from relationship to relationship, initiate physical affection fast, show openly that they are aroused and in general have very "experimental" ways of experiencing sexuality are hard for me not to judge. While I accept it I really don't like it and I do NOT want the same energy to be directed at me
- I was only in love with 3 people in my life, I rarely crush (though I constantly crush for fictional characters - whoops!) und I never notice if someone is "attractive" around me. This might be a sexuality thing
- With relationships I don't like it when things are moving too fast (it doesn't help I rarely feel connections in the first place) and the demands of the moderns dating world scare me. People seem to impulsive and "dangerous". While I am able to feel an instant "spark" I would instantly jump back if they were to act on that spark
- On a similar note: While I am often good with getting along with people I can jump back if people become pushy. People who are pushy from the start, even if they seem nice make me suspicous and uncomfortable too. I often feel a connection with rational, more distant types, especially online. I don't like it if people instantly post huge messages or 50 ones at the time (look at what I am doing right now lol).
- I see my instincts (especially if they could harm me or disturb the peace) as something I need to keep in check. People tell me I am very out of touch with my emotions and what I personally want. I cannot openly extress my sexuality as I find the idea of letting myself be ruled by animal instincts as degrading.
- I will not act on my instincts if personal risks are involved (getting involved with people who may be bad for me, possibly getting injured when doing spots activities, being afraid of disliking something if I try something new)


I could probably go into muuuuch more detail but considering how late it is and you probably didn't read all of this anyway I will stop here. I realise that this approach will not make it easier to help me - in fact, it might make it even harder. But I am still thankful for every explanation or suggestion you might have! Also: if you have more questions about how I see things feel free to ask!

 

[Totenkindly]

I crossed out the things that have little to do with the Sexual variant.

It's charged energy/connection, one on one, but it isn't necessarily about SEX. Or appearance. Or romance. There does tend to be intensity and sharp focus on the other person, or subject, or thing you are connecting with. The word "sex" is used mainly to refer to intensity and intimacy, but the sexual act itself or physical attraction isn't necessarily part of it.

Why I might have a sexual blind spot
- I don't care about how I look. Really. I don't get why people want to look desireable because I am happy if I don't get that kind of attention from others. I want people to like me for who I am not for how attractive I am
- Most people I felt uncomfortable with were sx doms. Russ Hudson said that there is an instinct each one of us is probably triggered by. This is what usually comes to my mind. While I love talking to people who are just as passionate as me, I struggle realting with very sexual and impulsive people. My Fi doesn't get triggered often but it certainly happens with everything that is relationship related. People who change from relationship to relationship, initiate physical affection fast, show openly that they are aroused and in general have very "experimental" ways of experiencing sexuality are hard for me not to judge. While I accept it I really don't like it and I do NOT want the same energy to be directed at me
- I was only in love with 3 people in my life, I rarely crush (though I constantly crush for fictional characters - whoops!) und I never notice if someone is "attractive" around me. This might be a sexuality thing
- With relationships I don't like it when things are moving too fast (it doesn't help I rarely feel connections in the first place) and the demands of the moderns dating world scare me. People seem to impulsive and "dangerous". While I am able to feel an instant "spark" I would instantly jump back if they were to act on that spark
- On a similar note: While I am often good with getting along with people I can jump back if people become pushy. People who are pushy from the start, even if they seem nice make me suspicous and uncomfortable too. I often feel a connection with rational, more distant types, especially online. I don't like it if people instantly post huge messages or 50 ones at the time (look at what I am doing right now lol).
- I see my instincts (especially if they could harm me or disturb the peace) as something I need to keep in check. People tell me I am very out of touch with my emotions and what I personally want. I cannot openly extress my sexuality as I find the idea of letting myself be ruled by animal instincts as degrading.
- I will not act on my instincts if personal risks are involved (getting involved with people who may be bad for me, possibly getting injured when doing spots activities, being afraid of disliking something if I try something new)

I think the things you listed that could be validly against SX are (1) your feeling of discomfort around SX people (although were they properly identified as SX?), and also not trusting the connection.

Still, I tend to waver between SP and SX behavior, and I have a 9 in my Gut section of my tritype. I don't like invasive/intrusive people either. Typically when I've had an SX connection with someone, maybe we're engaging intensely but I don't feel like my boundaries are being violated. I mean, I think Nine plays against intensity -- you're looking for a more balanced, negotiated relationship, and it kind of cushions the intensity. I haven't really felt intensity towards another human being for a number of years, sadly. I'm kind of in a self-pres mode / energy management, but I also haven't met anyone who intrigues me that way for a long time. Still, if I did, I would be able to feel myself locking into it.

... sorry, I would write more but I'm just pretty tired right now + on a Discord gaming chat.

 

[Luminous]

Why I might be self-preservation dominant

You seem very concerned with safety, comfort, home as a holding environment, organization/structure, resources-money and energy, health, fitness.

Why I might have a self-preservation blind spot
- It's been awhile since I've had a health checkup. I am afraid of going to doctors because of how much I neglected caring for myself and feel like they will find something terrible for that reason. I keep procrastinating with actually getting my health checked and even forget this option even exists.

Being dom at an instinct doesn't mean you're good at it; just that it's where your attention goes. So this fits more with sp dom if it's something you're more concerned about.

I'd say you seem quite strong in sp.

Why I might be social dominant

You seem very concerned with interpreting social situations-reading people & attuning yourself toward others, with belonging,
contribution, context and what you are communicating by being different from others.

Why I might have a social blind spot
- Social interaction freaks me out on many levels. I never know how to behave, if I am reading people properly and often I downright shut down, especially in group situations

Again, it's more an issue of how focused and aware you are of these issues, not how good you are at them. How much does this affect your life?

- I don't go outside. I don't interact with real people. That might be the so blind stereotype.

Yes, it is. You can be so dom and be an introvert.

- I only have one friend IRL and it freaks me out when they want to interact and meet. I also don't like it if people "force" emotionality out of me

I don't think this has to do with so instinct. It may have to do with being a 9, though, with boundaries not being respected.

- When having to meet people I am often resigned and ask myself "do I HAVE to?" At times I end up enjoying it anyway. At times I don't.

Again, one can be an so dom and an introvert.

Why I might be sexual dominant

You seem very concerned with merging (focus, losing self, passion, concentration/distraction).

But not very concerned with attraction or concerned with exploration at all.

- I merge with people in the way that I will copy them without realising it. There is even some system to it! I will observe what they like / what they want me to be and I will be that! I can shift into different shapes but at the same time I still have this urge to be authentic and have limits. I am deeply merged with my mother. I rarely have different opinions than her (and if I do I started to force myself not to change them for her). In the past I even acted as if I was into the same things as other people just to get approval. Needless to say that it failed

Doing it for approval would be far far more so instinct than sx instinct.

Why I might have a sexual blind spot
- I don't care about how I look. Really. I don't get why people want to look desireable because I am happy if I don't get that kind of attention from others. I want people to like me for who I am not for how attractive I am
- Most people I felt uncomfortable with were sx doms. Russ Hudson said that there is an instinct each one of us is probably triggered by. This is what usually comes to my mind. While I love talking to people who are just as passionate as me, I struggle realting with very sexual and impulsive people. My Fi doesn't get triggered often but it certainly happens with everything that is relationship related. People who change from relationship to relationship, initiate physical affection fast, show openly that they are aroused and in general have very "experimental" ways of experiencing sexuality are hard for me not to judge. While I accept it I really don't like it and I do NOT want the same energy to be directed at me

Sx is not relationships, so is. Sx is about the energy. So you are put off by big sx energy? Only regarding sex?

- On a similar note: While I am often good with getting along with people I can jump back if people become pushy. People who are pushy from the start, even if they seem nice make me suspicous and uncomfortable too. I often feel a connection with rational, more distant types, especially online. I don't like it if people instantly post huge messages or 50 ones at the time (look at what I am doing right now lol).

This has NOTHING to do with sx. One can be an sx dom and have good boundaries (I will nominate myself for that, as a 9sx/sp, a typing I am quite confident in.)

You are put off by attention being put toward broadcasting, display, risk, getting out of your comfort zone, and stay far far away from the 'edge'.

Honestly, from this, I would guess sp/so.

Do you feel this fits?
"SP 9 is the passion of sloth applied in the Self Pres Zones. SP 9 is an interesting contradiction--at once the most easygoing 9 but also the most stubborn. SP9s tend to be grounded & to appreciate simplicity. They generally prefer to keep their lives uncomplicated as possible. The SP variant of each type tends to introversion, and SP9 is no exception. SP9s enjoy solitude & are particularly attuned to nature. They have a live & let live attitude but are also the 9s who can most easily tell people off if offended. They like to go at their own pace. They can be very practical & are often valued for their common sense. Of the 3 zones, they tend to have problems w. self care & are the 9s who can get caught in ruts--becoming resistant to new experiences. They can be brilliant & creative, but are also genuinely humble.

Naranjo called SP9 "Appetite"--referring to one way this type may try to narcotize. I call this combo "The Comfort Seeker"--noting that there are many ways we humans try to be comfortable, & the healthy side of SP9 is the capacity to relax & simply be. SP9s help others land too."
Hudson's 27 Type Profiles

I don't see much of this in you. You are put off by the sensual, and don't have an earthy sense of enjoyment. You don't mention anything about picking up others' energies.
"The SX9: the passion of sloth in the SX zones. For me, this is "I can't have what I really want in the sexual energy, but this will work." SX9s are often highly romantic, creative,& sensual. The SX energy brings more volatility to feelings so they are often mistaken for 4s. SX9s combine an earthy sense of enjoyment w. an ethereal quality that is difficult to describe. They attract w. a presentation of innocence & openness--even though they may be highly experienced in the ways of the world. They have a rich fantasy life & love stories & symbols. SX9s emphasize the merging zone as well as the attraction zone, although their desire to merge can clash with the 9 wish for autonomy. Thus, SX9s may go back & forth with the objects of their attraction--becoming intensely involved them moving away to restore themselves. When troubled, SX9s can feel torn btwn the need for space & the need to merge. They may resolve this through triangulated relationships but can also lose themselves in fantasies about a perfect partner coming along. At their best they are brilliant, sparkling, & passionate.

Naranjo called SX9 Union & I call SX9 Merging. Here Claudio & I are quite close in our observations. Many SX9s do not easily recognize themselves as 9s. They can be adventurous, free-spirited, & creative in many ways. They express their passions more openly than SP or SO9s. As SX types, SX9s are good at broadcasting: they know how to attract. They sometimes feign surprise when others are interested, but it may be true that they know quite well what they're doing. Winking face They often write well, & their personal notes & diaries can be full of richness. Even w. verbal skills, SX9s prefer nonverbal expression. They are often fond of music, dance, symbols & imagery, & can be talented in these areas. They tend to "pick up" energies from others, including animals, & base many decisions on what they feel in others' energy field."

But for more analysis, you could fill this out: New Questionnaire To Fill Out!
And make a collage of images that appeal to you and post it here (you can host it on imgur or a similar site, as image attachments don't work well on the forum). Unclick the Retrieve remote file and reference locally box when you paste in the URL.

 

[Iceblueblossom]

Again, it's more an issue of how focused and aware you are of these issues, not how good you are at them. How much does this affect your life?

It affected me primarily in my entire school time. I was bullied and didn't know how to deal with people which made me isolate myself ever since. I wouldn't say I think about this all the time but it often enough comes up whenever I actually meet people. If I get the know them better I usually feel less uneasy and feel the need to observe every word I say. I think this is because I already "modified" myself to the other person and know what they tolerate and don't. I don't feel like there is much that could go wrong in that regard. Also my issues are mostly with groups of people. In casual conversations it can occur but doesn't have to. I could see that being one of the reasons why I isolate from people - though a certain general disinterest is also present. My therapist always told me I keep people at a distance by engaging mostly online because the stakes are lower and I could always get away from situation if I wanted to (which ironically might be sx blindess if you think about it).

Sx is not relationships, so is. Sx is about the energy. So you are put off by big sx energy? Only regarding sex?

Me feeling extremely uneasy and / or having strong opinions / affects definitely primarily is about sex. Not only the act itself, obviously, but also this "I approach a person because of how they look" "I want to attract people". I admire people who are absolutely obsessed with what they love and dedicate their lives to it - it's really admireable. I can also get along with people who have strong opinions and don't really care what other people think. But I think it's all in moderation and if I am not adressed by that same intensity. The very firey stereotype of sx tends to irritate me though. I am not sure if it's a lack of understanding for the more sensual pursuits in general (probably because my Se in nonexistent) or if I find involvement in things without regards for safety just highly dangerous. If people talk about searching out intense experiences with other people by approaching them or absuing substances I just have a giant questionmark on my face.

Do you feel this fits?
"SP 9 is the passion of sloth applied in the Self Pres Zones. SP 9 is an interesting contradiction--at once the most easygoing 9 but also the most stubborn. SP9s tend to be grounded & to appreciate simplicity. They generally prefer to keep their lives uncomplicated as possible. The SP variant of each type tends to introversion, and SP9 is no exception. SP9s enjoy solitude & are particularly attuned to nature. They have a live & let live attitude but are also the 9s who can most easily tell people off if offended. They like to go at their own pace. They can be very practical & are often valued for their common sense. Of the 3 zones, they tend to have problems w. self care & are the 9s who can get caught in ruts--becoming resistant to new experiences. They can be brilliant & creative, but are also genuinely humble.

Naranjo called SP9 "Appetite"--referring to one way this type may try to narcotize. I call this combo "The Comfort Seeker"--noting that there are many ways we humans try to be comfortable, & the healthy side of SP9 is the capacity to relax & simply be. SP9s help others land too."
Hudson's 27 Type Profiles

I marked everything I couldn't relate to in red and things that I really resonated with in green. I did the same with the sx description:

"The SX9: the passion of sloth in the SX zones. For me, this is "I can't have what I really want in the sexual energy, but this will work." SX9s are often highly romantic, creative,& sensual. The SX energy brings more volatility to feelings so they are often mistaken for 4s. SX9s combine an earthy sense of enjoyment w. an ethereal quality that is difficult to describe. They attract w. a presentation of innocence & openness--even though they may be highly experienced in the ways of the world. They have a rich fantasy life & love stories & symbols. SX9s emphasize the merging zone as well as the attraction zone, although their desire to merge can clash with the 9 wish for autonomy. Thus, SX9s may go back & forth with the objects of their attraction--becoming intensely involved them moving away to restore themselves. When troubled, SX9s can feel torn btwn the need for space & the need to merge. They may resolve this through triangulated relationships but can also lose themselves in fantasies about a perfect partner coming along. At their best they are brilliant, sparkling, & passionate.

Naranjo called SX9 Union & I call SX9 Merging. Here Claudio & I are quite close in our observations. Many SX9s do not easily recognize themselves as 9s. They can be adventurous, free-spirited, & creative in many ways. They express their passions more openly than SP or SO9s. As SX types, SX9s are good at broadcasting: they know how to attract. They sometimes feign surprise when others are interested, but it may be true that they know quite well what they're doing. Winking face They often write well, & their personal notes & diaries can be full of richness. Even w. verbal skills, SX9s prefer nonverbal expression. They are often fond of music, dance, symbols & imagery, & can be talented in these areas. They tend to "pick up" energies from others, including animals, & base many decisions on what they feel in others' energy field."

I am not sure about the "energy" thing that they describe here. I certainly can pick up on "vibes" from people and especially feel like I am experiencing the emotions of the other people just by being around them. Which is why being around people who are very angry makes me want to smash something too. This doesn't translate into text. At all.

But for more analysis, you could fill this out: New Questionnaire To Fill Out!

I might do that at a later point, thank you!

Edit: I talked to some people on a server and did some self reflection and I think I can really see myself being sp/so. Thanks for the help! I think many of the things I attributed to me seeking out intense experiences was just trying to get the most pleasure out of things from a more traditional standpoint.