Black Sun
Member
- Joined
- Jun 16, 2020
- Messages
- 128
Tell me what you see (MBTI, enneagram, IV, Big 5, whatever)
Just curious about getting a new perspective.
What age range are you in? 20s
Any disorders or conditions we should know about?
Main Questions
1. What do you think your life is about? What drives you in life? This can be something like a goal or a purpose, or anything else that comes to mind.
This is vague but expressing an inner vision through art or whatever form satisfies this hunger. I want to bring my inner mental world into the physical world so I can express certain ideas and feel alive. I notice morbid curiosity and a desire for someone fuels my imagination and drive to take on a project or interest. I notice I’m more interested in outlets for self-expression too these days, so I’d add that as a goal. Used to find this stupid because it makes me concerned about superficial things that are a waste of time imo (ex. fashion). I have a goal to be more physical too. It lets off steam and I am in the best state of mind when I add activities like martial arts into my life because they connect me to reality.
2. What were you like as a kid?
I was sick all the time and spent a lot of time alone, but was never lonely. I wished I was an adult so I didn’t have to depend on my family. Even though I knew a 10 year old needs support, it made me extremely uncomfortable and I’m glad my childhood is over. My family told me I came across as mature. I can’t remember much about being a kid. Kind of remember having a sense of being disconnected from everything. I could joke and play around but was never really invested in anything besides my personal world.
3. Describe your relationship with your parents. Does anything stand out about the way you interacted?
My mom acts like she needs to be the center of my emotional universe (as well as god) and is insulted by my independence from her. I was yelled at and criticized many times for not making small talk or for not making my face and demeanor friendly and inviting. She is exhausting to be around because she expects me to validate her (I refuse to feed a desperate person’s ego) and to put on a performance. She was an odd mix of being over controlling and neglectful. Hovering over me and breathing down my neck, then getting mad when I asked about food. Can’t talk to her about much because she is close-minded and gets angry or frustrated when I see a new side to something we are talking about because she somehow takes that as me challenging her or being negative. She infuriates me when she pushes me to a breaking point because she is starved for a reaction out of me and to know where I stand. Sometimes there is a connection through humor or a similar interest, but overall I avoid dealing with her and I don’t feel like I ever bonded with her. I told my dad to leave me alone because of how neglectful he was. My life was going fine without him.
4. What values are important to you? What do you hope to avoid doing or being?
Self-reliance and open-mindedness. I’m stubborn when it comes to not relying on people for anything. I also want to wrap my mind around everything in existence (or try). I want to stop struggling with inertia in important areas of my life. I think about my mortality a lot and how little time I have left to invest in what I’m drawn to at a certain level.
5. Aside from phobias, are there any fears that characterized your childhood? Have they continued into the present day, or not, and if not, how have you dealt with them?
Having no control over how and when my boundaries are crossed. Wasting my life because I completely lose focus.
6. a.) How do you see yourself?
I think I seem very apathetic based on the feedback I get. I feel very apathetic most of the time. I know I can be dry and direct, but I don’t see myself as cold as I think others see me. I think my emotions are intense but I’m very in control of their expression. They’ll slip out with force if I am speaking about something I have a strong opinion on, or through a project. I don’t feel like I exist (a feeling left over from childhood). I’m not easily shocked and appear nonjudgmental on the outside. I’m quick to cut people off if they cross boundaries that are non negotiable.
b.) How do you want others to see you?
I don’t care. As long as they can’t see a weakness they can pick at. I’m concerned with how I view myself. With people I like, I hope they enjoy my company as much as I enjoy theirs and find me interesting enough to stick around.
c.) What do you dislike the most in other people?
When they enforce social rules that I think are stupid. When they say something that is not air tight in any way. Way too easily unsettled people can be boring. I like to joke around but it’s draining when people can’t get serious or shy away from controversial or taboo topics. I dislike dramatic and overly accommodating people and control freaks. I don’t like or really understand why some people get upset to the point where they stop listening because they can’t have their views challenged (being wrong is unnerving but I try to stay open to new perspectives). People who can’t keep secrets. Insincere flatterers.
7. Which habit do you most automatically act on? Rank the following habits from most to least automatic, on a scale of 1 (most) to 3 (least).
a.) Work for personal gain with more concern for self than for others. (1)
b.) Strive for a sense of tranquility in yourself and the world around you. (2)
c.) Decide what is right for the betterment of something or someone else. (3)
8. Where does the wandering mind take you? What provokes this?
Personal worlds and I‘ll add details to them. Kind of a slow process. Just happens naturally if I get a new idea or find some inspiration. I think about future relationships and how they might work. I think about how to find time for myself within certain time frames. I’ll just ruminate on whatever I need to do or what is interesting at the moment. Or I’ll try to piece together my day and see how I’ll focus on one thing intensely.
9.What makes you feel your best? What makes you feel your worst?
Best : Making progress with a certain interest and being connected to what makes me feel alive and feel a rush. Having control over my life. Seeing things clearly and developing my perception. Being connected to my vitality and using that energy. When my subconscious gives me wisdom.
Worst : Having expectations I don’t want thrown on me. All of a sudden being aware of how weak my body is. Not taking action in time. Stagnation. Being forced around someone whose company makes me feel like I’m breathing through a straw the width of a toothpick. Reality being unable to match fantasy.
10. Let's talk about emotions. Explain what might make you feel the following, how they feel to you or how you react to the emotion:
a.) anger - If I ruminate on past injustices committed against me. When someone crosses a boundary a lot of anger fuels how direct I get to enforce it. Usually I express strong opinions with a lot of force and people trying to make me tone it down makes me more angry. People who pry make me angry and I cut our conversations short. People encroaching on my space and taking away my time makes me feel like a ticking time bomb.
b.) shame - My current skill level in certain areas of my life. Not developing myself enough in certain ways. Seeing what I want and who I want to be and not being there yet. Always been ashamed of the areas in life where I saw I could improve my self-reliance.
c.) anxiety - Losing time. When I’m at low point where I see no way to move forward I start letting my life’s balance fall apart. I end up procrastinating and chase short term pleasures. I can’t take anything seriously at this point and it’s hard to reach into myself for answers. This type of anxiety has even fueled strange paranoia before. Anxiety is a twisting, poisonous spiral of restless mental energy dragging me to hell and shattering my mind.
11. Describe how you respond to the following:
a.) stress - I continue doing what I need to do. I’ll treat myself to some kind of indulgence along the way to cope but normally I just pull through.
b.) negative unexpected change - I think I‘m pretty adaptable so this does not faze me much. If this takes away my alone time or time with something or someone I’m attached to I’ll try to think of any way to get that time back.
c.) conflict - I look at the person I’m talking to with a blank face until I figure out what is the root of the problem. If someone is being way too dramatic I’ll get angry and be very firm. I try to have a lot of control over my words. Conflict can give a nice thrill too. I deal with conflict as it comes. If pushed too far I’ll explode, but I will never lose control over my words. Edit: just adding this because I don't think I explained myself well enough. My environments have contained quite a few ill mannered and aggressive types (cultural thing/part of my upbringing). I do have a territorial side that can come out partly because of this, but overall I would say I maintain a polite and calm demeanor with people.
12. a.) What kind of role are you naturally inclined to take in a group? Why?
The person who is in pain because I’m in a group, doesn’t talk, and is thinking about lying or just saying I’m tired so I can go home and do what I want. This depends on how many people are around, or if I’m enjoying the conversation.
b.) If put in power, how do you behave? Why?
I’d be mad that someone forced me into this position. I’d do what I have to do the best I could, but I’d also be looking for a replacement from day one if I can’t just straight up refuse the position. I don’t want to be bothered with other people’s agendas and problems. I have enough on my own plate.
c.) Do you tend to struggle with others who have authority over you? Why?
I was marked absent from school multiple times even when I participated so it seems like people don’t even notice me. So I’ve worked alone and been left unbothered for the most part. I can appreciate a good mentor but clash with control freaks and resist them. I’ve been seen as disrespectful and inappropriate because someone thought I owed them more respect because of a stupid title.
13. What do you see or notice in others that most people don't?
If they are not being genuine. How connectable they are. How open-minded they are.
14. Comment on your relationship with trust.
I’m literally so disconnected from everything and everyone, including myself, that this is hard to answer. I haven’t made an effort to trust people much because I haven’t met someone I really wanted to let into my life completely. I think I’m willing to trust but quick to move on.
15. Briefly: What religious and/or political beliefs do you have? Do you think they influenced your responses in this questionnaire?
Atheist but I’m open to learning about the spiritual side of life. I‘m not too aware of what is happening in society so honestly I don’t focus on politics enough to say I fit a certain label. I don’t think they influenced my answers much.
Just curious about getting a new perspective.
What age range are you in? 20s
Any disorders or conditions we should know about?
Main Questions
1. What do you think your life is about? What drives you in life? This can be something like a goal or a purpose, or anything else that comes to mind.
This is vague but expressing an inner vision through art or whatever form satisfies this hunger. I want to bring my inner mental world into the physical world so I can express certain ideas and feel alive. I notice morbid curiosity and a desire for someone fuels my imagination and drive to take on a project or interest. I notice I’m more interested in outlets for self-expression too these days, so I’d add that as a goal. Used to find this stupid because it makes me concerned about superficial things that are a waste of time imo (ex. fashion). I have a goal to be more physical too. It lets off steam and I am in the best state of mind when I add activities like martial arts into my life because they connect me to reality.
2. What were you like as a kid?
I was sick all the time and spent a lot of time alone, but was never lonely. I wished I was an adult so I didn’t have to depend on my family. Even though I knew a 10 year old needs support, it made me extremely uncomfortable and I’m glad my childhood is over. My family told me I came across as mature. I can’t remember much about being a kid. Kind of remember having a sense of being disconnected from everything. I could joke and play around but was never really invested in anything besides my personal world.
3. Describe your relationship with your parents. Does anything stand out about the way you interacted?
My mom acts like she needs to be the center of my emotional universe (as well as god) and is insulted by my independence from her. I was yelled at and criticized many times for not making small talk or for not making my face and demeanor friendly and inviting. She is exhausting to be around because she expects me to validate her (I refuse to feed a desperate person’s ego) and to put on a performance. She was an odd mix of being over controlling and neglectful. Hovering over me and breathing down my neck, then getting mad when I asked about food. Can’t talk to her about much because she is close-minded and gets angry or frustrated when I see a new side to something we are talking about because she somehow takes that as me challenging her or being negative. She infuriates me when she pushes me to a breaking point because she is starved for a reaction out of me and to know where I stand. Sometimes there is a connection through humor or a similar interest, but overall I avoid dealing with her and I don’t feel like I ever bonded with her. I told my dad to leave me alone because of how neglectful he was. My life was going fine without him.
4. What values are important to you? What do you hope to avoid doing or being?
Self-reliance and open-mindedness. I’m stubborn when it comes to not relying on people for anything. I also want to wrap my mind around everything in existence (or try). I want to stop struggling with inertia in important areas of my life. I think about my mortality a lot and how little time I have left to invest in what I’m drawn to at a certain level.
5. Aside from phobias, are there any fears that characterized your childhood? Have they continued into the present day, or not, and if not, how have you dealt with them?
Having no control over how and when my boundaries are crossed. Wasting my life because I completely lose focus.
6. a.) How do you see yourself?
I think I seem very apathetic based on the feedback I get. I feel very apathetic most of the time. I know I can be dry and direct, but I don’t see myself as cold as I think others see me. I think my emotions are intense but I’m very in control of their expression. They’ll slip out with force if I am speaking about something I have a strong opinion on, or through a project. I don’t feel like I exist (a feeling left over from childhood). I’m not easily shocked and appear nonjudgmental on the outside. I’m quick to cut people off if they cross boundaries that are non negotiable.
b.) How do you want others to see you?
I don’t care. As long as they can’t see a weakness they can pick at. I’m concerned with how I view myself. With people I like, I hope they enjoy my company as much as I enjoy theirs and find me interesting enough to stick around.
c.) What do you dislike the most in other people?
When they enforce social rules that I think are stupid. When they say something that is not air tight in any way. Way too easily unsettled people can be boring. I like to joke around but it’s draining when people can’t get serious or shy away from controversial or taboo topics. I dislike dramatic and overly accommodating people and control freaks. I don’t like or really understand why some people get upset to the point where they stop listening because they can’t have their views challenged (being wrong is unnerving but I try to stay open to new perspectives). People who can’t keep secrets. Insincere flatterers.
7. Which habit do you most automatically act on? Rank the following habits from most to least automatic, on a scale of 1 (most) to 3 (least).
a.) Work for personal gain with more concern for self than for others. (1)
b.) Strive for a sense of tranquility in yourself and the world around you. (2)
c.) Decide what is right for the betterment of something or someone else. (3)
8. Where does the wandering mind take you? What provokes this?
Personal worlds and I‘ll add details to them. Kind of a slow process. Just happens naturally if I get a new idea or find some inspiration. I think about future relationships and how they might work. I think about how to find time for myself within certain time frames. I’ll just ruminate on whatever I need to do or what is interesting at the moment. Or I’ll try to piece together my day and see how I’ll focus on one thing intensely.
9.What makes you feel your best? What makes you feel your worst?
Best : Making progress with a certain interest and being connected to what makes me feel alive and feel a rush. Having control over my life. Seeing things clearly and developing my perception. Being connected to my vitality and using that energy. When my subconscious gives me wisdom.
Worst : Having expectations I don’t want thrown on me. All of a sudden being aware of how weak my body is. Not taking action in time. Stagnation. Being forced around someone whose company makes me feel like I’m breathing through a straw the width of a toothpick. Reality being unable to match fantasy.
10. Let's talk about emotions. Explain what might make you feel the following, how they feel to you or how you react to the emotion:
a.) anger - If I ruminate on past injustices committed against me. When someone crosses a boundary a lot of anger fuels how direct I get to enforce it. Usually I express strong opinions with a lot of force and people trying to make me tone it down makes me more angry. People who pry make me angry and I cut our conversations short. People encroaching on my space and taking away my time makes me feel like a ticking time bomb.
b.) shame - My current skill level in certain areas of my life. Not developing myself enough in certain ways. Seeing what I want and who I want to be and not being there yet. Always been ashamed of the areas in life where I saw I could improve my self-reliance.
c.) anxiety - Losing time. When I’m at low point where I see no way to move forward I start letting my life’s balance fall apart. I end up procrastinating and chase short term pleasures. I can’t take anything seriously at this point and it’s hard to reach into myself for answers. This type of anxiety has even fueled strange paranoia before. Anxiety is a twisting, poisonous spiral of restless mental energy dragging me to hell and shattering my mind.
11. Describe how you respond to the following:
a.) stress - I continue doing what I need to do. I’ll treat myself to some kind of indulgence along the way to cope but normally I just pull through.
b.) negative unexpected change - I think I‘m pretty adaptable so this does not faze me much. If this takes away my alone time or time with something or someone I’m attached to I’ll try to think of any way to get that time back.
c.) conflict - I look at the person I’m talking to with a blank face until I figure out what is the root of the problem. If someone is being way too dramatic I’ll get angry and be very firm. I try to have a lot of control over my words. Conflict can give a nice thrill too. I deal with conflict as it comes. If pushed too far I’ll explode, but I will never lose control over my words. Edit: just adding this because I don't think I explained myself well enough. My environments have contained quite a few ill mannered and aggressive types (cultural thing/part of my upbringing). I do have a territorial side that can come out partly because of this, but overall I would say I maintain a polite and calm demeanor with people.
12. a.) What kind of role are you naturally inclined to take in a group? Why?
The person who is in pain because I’m in a group, doesn’t talk, and is thinking about lying or just saying I’m tired so I can go home and do what I want. This depends on how many people are around, or if I’m enjoying the conversation.
b.) If put in power, how do you behave? Why?
I’d be mad that someone forced me into this position. I’d do what I have to do the best I could, but I’d also be looking for a replacement from day one if I can’t just straight up refuse the position. I don’t want to be bothered with other people’s agendas and problems. I have enough on my own plate.
c.) Do you tend to struggle with others who have authority over you? Why?
I was marked absent from school multiple times even when I participated so it seems like people don’t even notice me. So I’ve worked alone and been left unbothered for the most part. I can appreciate a good mentor but clash with control freaks and resist them. I’ve been seen as disrespectful and inappropriate because someone thought I owed them more respect because of a stupid title.
13. What do you see or notice in others that most people don't?
If they are not being genuine. How connectable they are. How open-minded they are.
14. Comment on your relationship with trust.
I’m literally so disconnected from everything and everyone, including myself, that this is hard to answer. I haven’t made an effort to trust people much because I haven’t met someone I really wanted to let into my life completely. I think I’m willing to trust but quick to move on.
15. Briefly: What religious and/or political beliefs do you have? Do you think they influenced your responses in this questionnaire?
Atheist but I’m open to learning about the spiritual side of life. I‘m not too aware of what is happening in society so honestly I don’t focus on politics enough to say I fit a certain label. I don’t think they influenced my answers much.
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