What's my Enneatype? 3, 4, 6??

[c-jade]

Hi everyone! I'm back for the first time in yeaaaars and I am SUPER confused about my enneagram type. I've gone back and forth for years now and I've started joking that maybe I'm "divergent," but the idea of not having a clear-cut answer makes my skin crawl, so that joke just won't stick. I wanna hear your thoughts!

First, I do think that SX and SP are probably my top two instincts, with SX first. I am super passionate and pretty intense/intimidating, which is why on internet tests I get type 8 a lot. I don't relate to the inner fears/desires of an 8 at all though, so I haven't spent that much time considering it.

For a long time I thought I was a 1. Then I switched to 4, because while I am definitely principled and perfectionistic, I am not...rigid...the way that a 1 is? I don't have that stoic angle, you know? I'm generally a very bubbly and larger-than-life personality; very people-focused and excitable, but also a strong leader and pretty bossy, if I'm being honest. I thought I was a 4 because I related a lot to the getting lost in my imagination, pulling back from the world, feeling different from everyone, thinking there's no way to fix me because there's something inherently off. But over time I also second-guessed 4, because I really am such a gregarious personality.

Someone then suggested 3w4. I think I could be a 3w4...I am confident while also being super NOT confident, I'm very very aware of what people think of me. I watch people closely, easily notice the cues of what they need, and shift to be that person. sometimes I wonder if the only time I'm fully myself is when I'm alone or with like...the two or three people I trust enough to let go around. I really want the approval of authority and I love being the center of attention. I want to be the most impressive person in the room, and this desire is usually at odds with my strong heart to love people DEEPLY and truly and make them know just how special and important they are. I also definitely struggle with feelings of worthlessness, of not being enough, and I remember growing up feeling like the only way to get people to love you was to impress them. To be funny. To be smart. To be charming. But, I ended up second-guessing being a 3 because I really am not job-obsessed. I am definitely an ENFP so I'm ALL over the place with my goals and dreams; and while I have BIG ones, I'm usually afraid to go after that headlong and will more dance around the ideas of what I want to do, rather than actually doing them. I'm a big idealist and I often get stuck in the daydream of things (again, 4-like), but I lack the courage to go after it. I struggle to believe in myself.

SO recently I've started wondering if I'm a 6...? I actually tend to be SO annoyed by the general description of a 6 because I'm like...buck the f*ck up and stop being such a noodle!!!! Like the whole "OH NO MAKE SURE THE FRONT DOOR IS LOCKED ALWAYS!" and "I just...I just...I just don't know, can someone else decide??" those things get under my skin SO BAD and I have a really hard time loving those people the way I so easily love others (I am so sorry to anyone that might offend). So the idea of being a 6 makes me wanna gag a little, because I don't think I'm that anxious of a person. I don't remember in childhood feeling like I needed someone's support all the time... My mom says on my first day of daycare I was like, "peace out mom!" and ran off immedaitely. I remember spending a lot of time alone growing up and enjoying it, and I've always been really dramatic and confident in my ability to hold the attention of a room. But at the same time, I don't trust myself to go after the things I want, I really want to earn the adoration of those in power/authority, and in romantic relationships what I really want most is someone to feel safe with, someone who will take care of me for once the way I take care of everyone else. Like I just want the chance to actually let my guard down for once and feel safe. I tend to be the person that makes others feel safe, while not feeling safe myself and desperately desiring that.

So. I currently would guess I'm either 3w4, 4w3, 6w7, or 6w5. Someone the other day did guess social 7, and I will say that the description for a social 7 by Beatrice Chestnut rang very true for me...but I don't really relate to the fear of depravity stuff.

Sorry for the MASSIVE information vomit. Feel free to ask follow-up questions to better understand! I'm excited to hear others' thoughts. Thanks for reading!

 

[Vendrah]

[MENTION=26325]c-jade[/MENTION]

I am the guy who comes when nobody answer and I generally take weeks for that, but since you have a good number of posts there are good chances you are going to read this.

Enneagram is not by far my favourite typing system. I like to use it as a support for MBTI and Big 5, not on its own, but here we go.

First thing to note is that you are ENFP, and you are sure of it.
With that I can say that, if you are type 6, then you must be counter-phobic type 6 because ENFP cant be a phobic 6 type. The reasoning about why ENFP and type 6 (phobic) are incompatible is here:
MBTI and Enneagram combinations (most common, usual, rare and incompatible)

Also, from the same thread, ENFP is unlikely to be a type 3 and from type 6, type 3 and type 4, 4 is the most likely. I dont know where are your borderlines, but checking if you have the proper borderlines on dichotomy for type 3 (on that thread) is good. To be a ENFP type 3, you need to have some good Te use and it must be done towards objective, goals and social prestige seeking (and it must be social prestige seeking on a Te way and not on a Fe way - its about a desire for people to respect you by thinking and not to make people like/love you) and not towards data (towards data and numerical reasoning would make you ENFP 5).

And I said that without even reading the text.

Now I am done reading the text.
There are not any signs of counter-phobic 6. The 6 security stuff runs against ENFP type, if you were so much driven for it you wouldnt score as ENFP.

3 vs 4 is kind of interesting. Im more a fan of stock Enneagram and tri-types and not much of wings, although I think 3w4 fits you.
Enneagram 3 is so obsessed with its image that it is more a image-type than really a core inner type. Sorry for the indirect critique, but generally enneagram 3 is way more about how others see you than any trait that really belongs to you. It is more about how people see you than who you really are. Enneagram 3 is related to Te social prestige aspect. It is not a type that has much significance when you are alone (unless working towards a goal), and you being yourself only when you are alone or with very few friends would be natural, because while you are with big groups you are seeking for some sort of social prestige and there is a good like-hood that some ENFP traits might get in your way and you need to suit yourself in order to gain approval, to assist you being at the center of attention and to make them see you as enough, worthy and to impress. Also, type 8 and type 3 are very related to each other, if there is one wing that is full of sense but is seem as non-sense on typology community is a 8w3 and 3w8 type. As I perceive, people who score high on one usually score something "decent" on the other one.

So I think that you are type 3, or, better, that you "are" type 3, but perhaps inner down, you are perhaps a type 4 or even a type 7. Im going to say that the environment plays a role and it is very likely that you have not been unlucky lately, otherwise you would have at least an identity crisis.
My advice here is what Jung says for people who are way too much extravert: You have the risk of completely losing track of who you are in cost of prioritizing way too much who you need to be.

And there is one other thing... Im counting that on a MBTI dichotomy test you go as a borderline F/T here. If you have a clear preference for feeling, there is a good chance that you are a type 2 instead. Also, these 3 enneagrams in your evaluation tells me that it is very likely that you are not a clear perceiver. Wanting to be respected by others is related to Te and type 3, wanting to be feared by others is related to type 8 and Te, and wanting to be liked and loved by others relates to Fe and type 2.