Stilldoubting
New member
- Joined
- May 18, 2019
- Messages
- 4
- MBTI Type
- Duno
- Enneagram
- Dun
Hi
Decided to make an account instead of always reading. I hope the information that i gave in sufficient enough and not too large (even though i deleted other stuff)
Thanks beforehand.
1. I usually elaborate everything with multiple examples or give a lot of information about the thing i'm informing you on so you have the whole picture.
2. I don't like being rude unless severely provoked and fed up which usually takes months. Which then turns into such nasty things (very hurtful words) from me which then i later regret.
3. I have a very hard time of saying no especially if i have nothing to do. And if others know that i don't like being idle they abuse my willingness to say yes instead of no to get away from restlessness & boredom
4. I give a lot of examples when I'm explaining something to my therapist because i don't like leaving anything to her imagination and like sharing multiple perspectives. I suppose this is a form of anxiety/control issue. (hard to discern these things from one another)
5. I'm well mannered in most cases unless provoked or my values are in war with what someone said or their behavior.
6. I think before i say something. I usually need time to formulate my opinion/conclusion as i don't do things on a whim. I like to ask the person multiple questions so i understand him/her. (Probably has to do with avoiding to make a mistake/misunderstand).
7. I dress well but i don't follow the hype. I don't like modern types of hair styles either. In dress in such clothes & colors that make me feel good & comfortable.
8. I usually have my emotions under control (my therapist noticed that i have a high sense of control over my emotions). Always worried how i might affect the situation if i behave in a certain way or say something in a certain way.
9. I like finishing my tasks hate/don't want others to meddle with my tasks because i don't believe they can do good as me since they usually mess up & never think ahead.
10. I feel a sense of duty, always have to finish what i start even if i take large breaks between them i can't really let it rest. Also I'm slow & deliberate. Always looking for best solution using multiple perspectives.
11. I don't like disorganized and dirty environments.
12. Being polite, not as often as i used to be as a kid though.
13. When i was younger i used to hold the doors open for other people usually females or open them. I also enjoyed lending my jacket to a girl i was with, i enjoyed her happy expression full of emotion. Doing these things was natural for me. I still like these things.
14. I don't like leaving things at chance. I'd like to know what to expect from a situation in order not to cause anxiety i guess.
15. I also don't like others imposing their rules on me or behavior in certain situations. I like things done my way with in tune of my values.
16. I don't like parties, weddings or birthdays where i have to behave in a certain way that is expected of me or say things i don't give a Fuck about. I also don't give a fuck about meaningless things like “this guy did this today at work and it was so stupid & funnyâ€. I'm like “i don't give a fuck about thatâ€. But i don't particularly say this to the person unless under heavy stress. Worried i may scare off the person for good. Fe? People Pleasing at the cost of me?
17. As a kid i used to be an avid reader of many fictional books like Jules Verne, Agatha Christie (realistically fictional, not about 5 eyed dogs with snake tales & crap like that, Harry Potter). The books were usually either about history, geographical discoveries or encyclopedias about everything (nature). I used to be so proud of reading books & knew so much so i was always happy when i had to show off my knowledge during school vs school knowledge competition through asking questions to groups of pupils.
18. I'm pretty delicate.
19. I usually say please & thank you. Whenever i forget these things i feel bad that i didn't appreciate other's effort ;(. I usually can't forget these things
20. It takes a lot of time to open myself to someone since I'm observing the other and if it clicks with me then sure otherwise no chance. Which makes dating (one night stands) undesirable for me.
21. The girl I'm talking to now was making her effort for over a year to open me up with so many compliments & positive outlook of her that i did opened up myself. This is just complicated and since i don't explain things in few sentences this will become a fucking book so I'll leave at that.
22. I also watch how a female i might be seeing is behaving around others, how she treats them or what she wears on different occasions. What i like in girls i suppose is that how freely they act or behavior unlike me who is rather restrained (may be male stereotypes)?
23. I feel restricted in general due the stereotypes & expected behavior. I occasionally wonder what life must be like being non restricted. Even though my desire is the opposite of restriction i feel extreme fear to behave in such a way. So this girl, acts freely unlike me. If i ever go to a party which is unlikely and i dare to dance with a certain female. If her energy is in sync with mine i get relaxed and i let go of myself in such a way she can never forget but wonders why i don't usually do that often. Alcohol did help in the past (i was once on Ghent national parties).
24. I believe i can articulate myself well (despite English not being my native language).
25. I can talk about many subjects. I always could. But the fear of speaking my mind was always restricted by family which i believe still contributes to this day which I'm trying to understand through therapy and eventually overcome it.
26. I also don't believe things at face value (i usually question them) but not in a way like “ you don't make sense to me†etc. I just ask relevant questions in order to figure out what the person is saying.
27. I'm highly curious, always was.
28. As a teen (puberty till 16th of age) i used to be extremely active physically at least & mentally (books). I was the most active kid in around my neighborhood & the village i used to visit (where my grandparent & nieces lived). I always wanted to do things all the time or playing cards, swimming, fishing, hunting, walking around (in forests, hills, fields, discovering new places) since i hated/disliked these activities alone (felt asocial/alone) i never did them alone. I was never into solo things. When i used to start a new book and if it was fascinating i simply didn't want to stop & finish it by reading even through the night by the morning.
29. I refrain from speaking my actual opinion bout many subjects due to fear of upsetting someone by my harsh (depending how they interpret it of course) comment. So, if you were to bake a cake and you handed over to me a piece of that cake I'd not tell you the truth that it was fucking average. Which then also leads you to believe that it was good which also is not my wish but then fuck this.
30. I also like to play safe (anxiety symptom perhaps)? I don't like new places, cautious, reluctant and i don't like strangers. If i have to drive somewhere i first use google maps, find the best route (not fastest, hate highways) how to get there, see if there are parking places etc. So much work i know. But i don't like being frustrated
31. When meeting strangers if i like their observable behavior and i think i'd click with them afterwards its a breeze.
32. All the MMORPG games i played i could play all classes equally well but i still did have a favorite one. I always looked for progression minded guilds/clans, can't stand idleness & doing average things. I want the best so my time of doing a certain would cost lest time & id have more time to socialize. Could never stand people who didn't bother with progression but still wanted to have best item? What? No.
33. Also, once i finished playing a game, I'm done with them permanently. I can no longer replay them.
34. So at work I'm bored constantly and my therapist brought up that i may need something challenging. Looking at my past (video games, real life) when i get bored i have 0 motivation to do anything.
35. I prefer cycling, walking in nature or playing a sport (except football), playing cards, sight seeing, thinking, daydreaming over a party unless I'm with someone (certain female) whose energy is relaxing & comforting.
36. I don't like loud mouthed, rude, aggressive people, i like the opposite. Feminine females with a streak of dominance or curiosity or experimentally minded.
37. During therapy sessions it turns out that I'm a black & white thinking, this seems a rather an anxiety/trauma issue? How de fuck would one know whether this is either innate or caused by something else?
38. I believe that personality types of people are a bundle of behaviors that are formed either by cultural upbringing, cause by traumas or innate. How would one know? Unless deconstructing everything in detail testing everything in all possible situation one by one which would probably take 100 years? Such a strenuous task.
39. I like aesthetics (symmetric in body), of buildings, beautiful cars etc
40. My favorite subjects in school were history & geography. Sadly in Eastern culture subjects like philosophy or psychology were not taught not even in the most basic sense ;(. I used to know all important data of historical things or related to geography (like capital cities, rivers, lakes, mountains, animals residing in which country, their lengths, width, depth, heights, size etc)
41. I'm also sensitive to noises
42. I absolutely abhor conflict and avoid it at all costs unless i no longer can. And when i do get in conflict its pretty bad, i just mentally breakdown the person in most harsh ways (verbally) that they no longer bother with me which afterwards i regret. It amazes me that these people never reflect on their forever pushing provocative behavior, its like they can't think at all unless shit goes south. Which makes me wonder why i don't do such things.
43. When i reach a conclusion/decision about something i still question whether I'm making a correct one. Why don't people doubt their personality types, where does your certainty come from? Share some insight. And if you don't have that certainty how do you live with it? How do you let it go? Explain the process at least of the latter one please.
44. Would not traumas & childhood experiences severely modify the personality types & their behavior? How do you know that perfectionism, very high standards, empathy and altruism are not the symptoms of certain syndromes, disorders, abuse?
45. I link things to one another, from different perspectives, i guess i look for patterns from different perspectives, may be I'm looking for consistencies to understand the whole picture. I suppose I'm deconstructing my experiences & myself here so i can understand myself better. When i don't get something i can't let it go until i understand it. The questions i asked to my therapist she can't answer them i don't think anyone can. Since, psychology is not an exact science which adds to my frustration because apparently i can't deal with uncertainty (a form anxiety or trying to preventing it from happening?
46. If i were to choose between an eBook & real book, I'd always go for a real one holding it in my hands.
47. I prefer face to face interaction instead of online. Reason i also don't attend discussions debates on forums because i can't see the other persons facial expressions or behavior and its fucking frustrating to deal with this online.
48. During exams i usually looked around the questions (thinking they implied something else & were trying to trick me) so i elaborated around the questions instead of answering the questions directly. Why de fuck would i have a need to do that ? Does it come from 0 validation of my opinions during school years & forbidding to expressing my opinions from family? Who de fuck knows? If psychological community can't figure these things out then how de fuck can i help myself? WTF!!! During, lets say, a math exam, when they asked a certain shit like find out the answer to this but you also have to explain how you came to the conclusion i usually skipped the process and just gave the answer so i got a nice 0. I was always afraid of explaining my process out of fear of being ridiculed or shamed
49. We noticed in my past behaviors that i switch from one extreme to another, so i lack balance which would imply that balance comes from upbringing that all kids need (positive validation, teaching them speak their minds regardless how ridiculous, correcting them to form better & informative decisions or conclusions instead of Demanding to understand things they can't like my mom used to). Now I'm stuck with these crap and i no longer believe in myself, i don't think i ever could. I have 0 self esteem. I'm in constant doubt too. Yet such parents give the same fucking pathetic answer “but i want the best thing for my kid†like you have a clue how. So when you grow up then the ridicule does not decrease it increases by your environment. Are not we lucky motherfuckers.
50. During my therapy i did questionnaire consisting of 300 questions (NEO PRI I perhaps) to find the themes playing major roles in my life of no progression. So they were: Perfectionism, High Standards, Empathy, Altruism & something else. Good luck progressing in life when you doubt yourself constantly & Never feel good enough. I can articulate myself in 5 languages but i don't feel proud?
51. I could also list my values here to help if necessary. Also these list is imply too big, wow.
52. My work ethic is also pretty high, reliability, dutifulness. These things only increase with appreciation on a personal level.
53. Finding my 'correct' type would help me to use it as a tool rather labeling myself to a certain type. Once i can figure out with your help of course I'll do then do a massive research to to the smallest detail so i can understand whats wrong with me or how to help myself understand.
54. Trying to do vipassana meditation too but i get heart palpitations.
55. I try to cycle too, remembering my old activity levels.
56. When someone compliments me i feel confused because regardless what they say i know that smarter more handsomer people than me exist. Things i know everyone can know if placed in right circumstances? So i usually have an urge to tell the person to elaborate?
57. I did several tests, read cognitive functions & still doubt between ISFJ, INFJ or may be ENFP?
58. My results on Jordan Peterson's big 10 was this (i hate tests because i can easily guess which questions leads to Extroversion or Introversion or rationality whatever). However, results were:
Agreeableness: 57th Percentile.
Compassion: 72th Percentile
Politeness: 38th Percentile
Conscientiousness: 52th Percentile
Industriousness: 27th Percentile
Orderliness: 76th Percentile
Extroversion: 10th Percentile
Assertiveness: 12th Percentile
Enthusiasm: 17th Percentile
Neuroticism: 95th Percentile
Withdrawal: 97th Percentile
Volatility; 89th Percentile
Openness to experience: 57th Percentile
Intellect: 41th Percentile
Openness: 69th Percentile
I scored too low on Extroversion, lower than i thought on Conscientiousness and Intellect.
Decided to make an account instead of always reading. I hope the information that i gave in sufficient enough and not too large (even though i deleted other stuff)
Thanks beforehand.
1. I usually elaborate everything with multiple examples or give a lot of information about the thing i'm informing you on so you have the whole picture.
2. I don't like being rude unless severely provoked and fed up which usually takes months. Which then turns into such nasty things (very hurtful words) from me which then i later regret.
3. I have a very hard time of saying no especially if i have nothing to do. And if others know that i don't like being idle they abuse my willingness to say yes instead of no to get away from restlessness & boredom
4. I give a lot of examples when I'm explaining something to my therapist because i don't like leaving anything to her imagination and like sharing multiple perspectives. I suppose this is a form of anxiety/control issue. (hard to discern these things from one another)
5. I'm well mannered in most cases unless provoked or my values are in war with what someone said or their behavior.
6. I think before i say something. I usually need time to formulate my opinion/conclusion as i don't do things on a whim. I like to ask the person multiple questions so i understand him/her. (Probably has to do with avoiding to make a mistake/misunderstand).
7. I dress well but i don't follow the hype. I don't like modern types of hair styles either. In dress in such clothes & colors that make me feel good & comfortable.
8. I usually have my emotions under control (my therapist noticed that i have a high sense of control over my emotions). Always worried how i might affect the situation if i behave in a certain way or say something in a certain way.
9. I like finishing my tasks hate/don't want others to meddle with my tasks because i don't believe they can do good as me since they usually mess up & never think ahead.
10. I feel a sense of duty, always have to finish what i start even if i take large breaks between them i can't really let it rest. Also I'm slow & deliberate. Always looking for best solution using multiple perspectives.
11. I don't like disorganized and dirty environments.
12. Being polite, not as often as i used to be as a kid though.
13. When i was younger i used to hold the doors open for other people usually females or open them. I also enjoyed lending my jacket to a girl i was with, i enjoyed her happy expression full of emotion. Doing these things was natural for me. I still like these things.
14. I don't like leaving things at chance. I'd like to know what to expect from a situation in order not to cause anxiety i guess.
15. I also don't like others imposing their rules on me or behavior in certain situations. I like things done my way with in tune of my values.
16. I don't like parties, weddings or birthdays where i have to behave in a certain way that is expected of me or say things i don't give a Fuck about. I also don't give a fuck about meaningless things like “this guy did this today at work and it was so stupid & funnyâ€. I'm like “i don't give a fuck about thatâ€. But i don't particularly say this to the person unless under heavy stress. Worried i may scare off the person for good. Fe? People Pleasing at the cost of me?
17. As a kid i used to be an avid reader of many fictional books like Jules Verne, Agatha Christie (realistically fictional, not about 5 eyed dogs with snake tales & crap like that, Harry Potter). The books were usually either about history, geographical discoveries or encyclopedias about everything (nature). I used to be so proud of reading books & knew so much so i was always happy when i had to show off my knowledge during school vs school knowledge competition through asking questions to groups of pupils.
18. I'm pretty delicate.
19. I usually say please & thank you. Whenever i forget these things i feel bad that i didn't appreciate other's effort ;(. I usually can't forget these things
20. It takes a lot of time to open myself to someone since I'm observing the other and if it clicks with me then sure otherwise no chance. Which makes dating (one night stands) undesirable for me.
21. The girl I'm talking to now was making her effort for over a year to open me up with so many compliments & positive outlook of her that i did opened up myself. This is just complicated and since i don't explain things in few sentences this will become a fucking book so I'll leave at that.
22. I also watch how a female i might be seeing is behaving around others, how she treats them or what she wears on different occasions. What i like in girls i suppose is that how freely they act or behavior unlike me who is rather restrained (may be male stereotypes)?
23. I feel restricted in general due the stereotypes & expected behavior. I occasionally wonder what life must be like being non restricted. Even though my desire is the opposite of restriction i feel extreme fear to behave in such a way. So this girl, acts freely unlike me. If i ever go to a party which is unlikely and i dare to dance with a certain female. If her energy is in sync with mine i get relaxed and i let go of myself in such a way she can never forget but wonders why i don't usually do that often. Alcohol did help in the past (i was once on Ghent national parties).
24. I believe i can articulate myself well (despite English not being my native language).
25. I can talk about many subjects. I always could. But the fear of speaking my mind was always restricted by family which i believe still contributes to this day which I'm trying to understand through therapy and eventually overcome it.
26. I also don't believe things at face value (i usually question them) but not in a way like “ you don't make sense to me†etc. I just ask relevant questions in order to figure out what the person is saying.
27. I'm highly curious, always was.
28. As a teen (puberty till 16th of age) i used to be extremely active physically at least & mentally (books). I was the most active kid in around my neighborhood & the village i used to visit (where my grandparent & nieces lived). I always wanted to do things all the time or playing cards, swimming, fishing, hunting, walking around (in forests, hills, fields, discovering new places) since i hated/disliked these activities alone (felt asocial/alone) i never did them alone. I was never into solo things. When i used to start a new book and if it was fascinating i simply didn't want to stop & finish it by reading even through the night by the morning.
29. I refrain from speaking my actual opinion bout many subjects due to fear of upsetting someone by my harsh (depending how they interpret it of course) comment. So, if you were to bake a cake and you handed over to me a piece of that cake I'd not tell you the truth that it was fucking average. Which then also leads you to believe that it was good which also is not my wish but then fuck this.
30. I also like to play safe (anxiety symptom perhaps)? I don't like new places, cautious, reluctant and i don't like strangers. If i have to drive somewhere i first use google maps, find the best route (not fastest, hate highways) how to get there, see if there are parking places etc. So much work i know. But i don't like being frustrated
31. When meeting strangers if i like their observable behavior and i think i'd click with them afterwards its a breeze.
32. All the MMORPG games i played i could play all classes equally well but i still did have a favorite one. I always looked for progression minded guilds/clans, can't stand idleness & doing average things. I want the best so my time of doing a certain would cost lest time & id have more time to socialize. Could never stand people who didn't bother with progression but still wanted to have best item? What? No.
33. Also, once i finished playing a game, I'm done with them permanently. I can no longer replay them.
34. So at work I'm bored constantly and my therapist brought up that i may need something challenging. Looking at my past (video games, real life) when i get bored i have 0 motivation to do anything.
35. I prefer cycling, walking in nature or playing a sport (except football), playing cards, sight seeing, thinking, daydreaming over a party unless I'm with someone (certain female) whose energy is relaxing & comforting.
36. I don't like loud mouthed, rude, aggressive people, i like the opposite. Feminine females with a streak of dominance or curiosity or experimentally minded.
37. During therapy sessions it turns out that I'm a black & white thinking, this seems a rather an anxiety/trauma issue? How de fuck would one know whether this is either innate or caused by something else?
38. I believe that personality types of people are a bundle of behaviors that are formed either by cultural upbringing, cause by traumas or innate. How would one know? Unless deconstructing everything in detail testing everything in all possible situation one by one which would probably take 100 years? Such a strenuous task.
39. I like aesthetics (symmetric in body), of buildings, beautiful cars etc
40. My favorite subjects in school were history & geography. Sadly in Eastern culture subjects like philosophy or psychology were not taught not even in the most basic sense ;(. I used to know all important data of historical things or related to geography (like capital cities, rivers, lakes, mountains, animals residing in which country, their lengths, width, depth, heights, size etc)
41. I'm also sensitive to noises
42. I absolutely abhor conflict and avoid it at all costs unless i no longer can. And when i do get in conflict its pretty bad, i just mentally breakdown the person in most harsh ways (verbally) that they no longer bother with me which afterwards i regret. It amazes me that these people never reflect on their forever pushing provocative behavior, its like they can't think at all unless shit goes south. Which makes me wonder why i don't do such things.
43. When i reach a conclusion/decision about something i still question whether I'm making a correct one. Why don't people doubt their personality types, where does your certainty come from? Share some insight. And if you don't have that certainty how do you live with it? How do you let it go? Explain the process at least of the latter one please.
44. Would not traumas & childhood experiences severely modify the personality types & their behavior? How do you know that perfectionism, very high standards, empathy and altruism are not the symptoms of certain syndromes, disorders, abuse?
45. I link things to one another, from different perspectives, i guess i look for patterns from different perspectives, may be I'm looking for consistencies to understand the whole picture. I suppose I'm deconstructing my experiences & myself here so i can understand myself better. When i don't get something i can't let it go until i understand it. The questions i asked to my therapist she can't answer them i don't think anyone can. Since, psychology is not an exact science which adds to my frustration because apparently i can't deal with uncertainty (a form anxiety or trying to preventing it from happening?
46. If i were to choose between an eBook & real book, I'd always go for a real one holding it in my hands.
47. I prefer face to face interaction instead of online. Reason i also don't attend discussions debates on forums because i can't see the other persons facial expressions or behavior and its fucking frustrating to deal with this online.
48. During exams i usually looked around the questions (thinking they implied something else & were trying to trick me) so i elaborated around the questions instead of answering the questions directly. Why de fuck would i have a need to do that ? Does it come from 0 validation of my opinions during school years & forbidding to expressing my opinions from family? Who de fuck knows? If psychological community can't figure these things out then how de fuck can i help myself? WTF!!! During, lets say, a math exam, when they asked a certain shit like find out the answer to this but you also have to explain how you came to the conclusion i usually skipped the process and just gave the answer so i got a nice 0. I was always afraid of explaining my process out of fear of being ridiculed or shamed
49. We noticed in my past behaviors that i switch from one extreme to another, so i lack balance which would imply that balance comes from upbringing that all kids need (positive validation, teaching them speak their minds regardless how ridiculous, correcting them to form better & informative decisions or conclusions instead of Demanding to understand things they can't like my mom used to). Now I'm stuck with these crap and i no longer believe in myself, i don't think i ever could. I have 0 self esteem. I'm in constant doubt too. Yet such parents give the same fucking pathetic answer “but i want the best thing for my kid†like you have a clue how. So when you grow up then the ridicule does not decrease it increases by your environment. Are not we lucky motherfuckers.
50. During my therapy i did questionnaire consisting of 300 questions (NEO PRI I perhaps) to find the themes playing major roles in my life of no progression. So they were: Perfectionism, High Standards, Empathy, Altruism & something else. Good luck progressing in life when you doubt yourself constantly & Never feel good enough. I can articulate myself in 5 languages but i don't feel proud?
51. I could also list my values here to help if necessary. Also these list is imply too big, wow.
52. My work ethic is also pretty high, reliability, dutifulness. These things only increase with appreciation on a personal level.
53. Finding my 'correct' type would help me to use it as a tool rather labeling myself to a certain type. Once i can figure out with your help of course I'll do then do a massive research to to the smallest detail so i can understand whats wrong with me or how to help myself understand.
54. Trying to do vipassana meditation too but i get heart palpitations.
55. I try to cycle too, remembering my old activity levels.
56. When someone compliments me i feel confused because regardless what they say i know that smarter more handsomer people than me exist. Things i know everyone can know if placed in right circumstances? So i usually have an urge to tell the person to elaborate?
57. I did several tests, read cognitive functions & still doubt between ISFJ, INFJ or may be ENFP?
58. My results on Jordan Peterson's big 10 was this (i hate tests because i can easily guess which questions leads to Extroversion or Introversion or rationality whatever). However, results were:
Agreeableness: 57th Percentile.
Compassion: 72th Percentile
Politeness: 38th Percentile
Conscientiousness: 52th Percentile
Industriousness: 27th Percentile
Orderliness: 76th Percentile
Extroversion: 10th Percentile
Assertiveness: 12th Percentile
Enthusiasm: 17th Percentile
Neuroticism: 95th Percentile
Withdrawal: 97th Percentile
Volatility; 89th Percentile
Openness to experience: 57th Percentile
Intellect: 41th Percentile
Openness: 69th Percentile
I scored too low on Extroversion, lower than i thought on Conscientiousness and Intellect.
