Merced: Okay, I think I'm ready now.
Yuu: xD
Merced: First things first, let's talk fears. What's your biggest fear?
Yuu: Few things really. I am claustrophobic. I hate flying not because I'm afraid of the plane crashing but there is no where to go and nothing to do suppose, most of all ending up completely reliant on anything external, like people or other things. Is that too vague?
Merced: Not too vague but possibly a little to literal. Why that last fear? Could you elaborate on it?
Yuu: Why? Uuuh...I guess because my autonomy is important to me? I guess the claustrophobia is because I have no options, or control in a confined space. I never don't want to have some sort of control over my situation...even if all of the options are shitty, it's fine as long as I get to make the call.
Merced: Are you often in positions where you don't get to make the call?
Yuu: Yes. It' my only-- and greatest-- complaint in life.
Merced: How do you get out of that?
Yuu: I don't feel like I do. Instead I just revel in the choices I can make, like how I react to the world and people in it.
Merced: Are you okay with that?
Yuu: Heh, good question. I think more so than not. I do get upset at the things I can't have but I think it's given me a unique perspective that I wouldn't trade for, well, those things I don't have...but it's also why I have a hard time relating to people.
Merced: Is that the only reason you have a hard time relating with people?
Yuu: I think that if there is any other reason, it is rooted in this.. I have certainly met people in similar situations as myself but I have never even gotten along with them let alone felt any relation or connection. Actually, I feel even less of one
Merced: Which do you feel less of?
Yuu: People in similar situations. They seem to revel in their helplessness and misery. I... do not see myself as helpless and I will never be miserable.
Merced: What would an ideal partner look like?
Yuu: LOOK Like? Heh, I definitely won the lottery with my husband in that way. ...I kid, I get what you're asking. Someone who does not "Try to take care" of me. Someone who does hold me back and frequently remind me of my limitations. Someone who believes that I am as indestructible as I do and who joins me in my eternal quest risk my own life and well being all to experience everything life has to offer... oh, and someone who understand what I am capable of regardless of what anyone else says.
Merced: I know you don't want to be taken care of, but what about the other way around? How do you feel about taking care of others? Better yet, what do you think about taking charge of other people? Leading and such?
Yuu: Oh, I am a great leader ( says me xD) but everyone who knows me agrees. I am almost always the one making decisions when no one else will. I am the person everyone else I know comes to when they need something. Even if I can't do it myself I will find someone who can or I will make it happen...somehow. As for "taking care of others" in a maternal sort of way? I just don't have it in me. I grudgingly play house wife to the best of my abilities because someone has to but I do not enjoy it
Merced: Do you enjoy being relied on so often?
Yuu: Being relied on is a pain. I wish people would just suck it up and take some initiative themselves. But I can't deny that I enjoy having some sort of role and responsibility. Without it, I think I'd be quite depressed.
Merced: Why is that?
Yuu: Always gotta be moving... in a body that doesn't move well. So I am constantly restless.
Merced: What makes you sad?
Yuu: Inaction. Not living my life to the absolute fullest, knowing there is so much to do and see and knowing I will not.
Merced: Are there ever times you'd prefer to passive? A common theme so far is that you need to stay active and present. Has something happened to instill that in you?
Yuu: Nope, never. It is probably because for so much of my life I was not allowed to be active, in multiple ways. I was not allowed to choose anything that happened to me and was always told "you can'tâ€. I was always very defiant about it too
Merced: Let's say you have kids. What's the one thing you want to do for your children development wise that your parents didn't for you?
Yuu: I would would teach them to be confident and self sufficient. I would make it known to them that their choices are theirs alone for better or worse. That they should not allow the unfairness or injustice of the world to bring them down yet to have a healthy understanding that the world does not owe them anything and accept that they will not always get their way.
Merced: How are you doing today?
Yuu: Somewhat headache but otherwise great! It is very sunny and warm.
or, it has been. it is not quite sunset
Merced: How often do you find yourself fighting for that autonomy? Or is it subdued? I know the desire is there, but the action, how do you cope?
Yuu: Honestly, I think I have conceded much of that fight. I am stubborn but not stupid and realize in my "old age" there are some things battles I cannot win. I save my energy for the ones I can fight and the ones I can't… I go outside and just enjoy being a part of something greater than myself. No matter how angry I get being outside makes it all seem so insignificant… or maybe it's more like, in a probably bizarre sort of way I feel like I have MORE control outside?? I can control how angry I get, I can control refusing to letting it bring down... does that make any sense?
Merced: How has these questions been for you?
Yuu: A bit difficult. I'm not sure I answered with 100% accuracy but not for a lack of wanting to. I just don't think about or know how to express such thoughts very well.
Merced: You did wonderfully, Yuu. 8w9 4w3 5w4 sp/sx. I will officially start mocking people who see you as anything but core 8. (Kidding!)
Yuu: That's okay, they deserve it.But no 7?
Merced: Not at all, escapism seems almost like something that would insult you
Yuu: Oooh. That makes sense! I never knew that was part of 7 and it would :nods:
Merced: You wouldn't punch and dodge like an 8w7, you punch and grit
Yuu: I am too slow to dodge. Just have to take it on the chin. :laughing:
Merced: Your craving for independence is also based in reality, that's another thing pointing away from w7 to me
Yuu: I have...greatly misunderstood 7
Merced: 4 fix because there's the "I am STRONG and INDEPENDENT and YOU WILL KNOW THAT" in your responses
Yuu: Yaaah I'm not proud of that chip on my shoulder. >_>
Merced: Could possibly by 3w4, but ehhhh
Yuu: According to Ix I am too sincere for 3
Merced: Not too sincere, to me you're too secure.
Yuu: :flushed: That's a thing!?
Merced: Too secure to be a 3 I mean
Yuu: Ooooooh. yes, that is probably what he meant
Merced: There is the stereotype that 3s are faking it but I don't think that stereotype is based that deeply in reality. So either 845 or 835. Thanks for letting me ask ya questions. I'll post the transcript and results when I get home
Yuu: Heh. I hope the typos are not too bad, but I think everyone expects that from me. And your welcome, thank you for the insight!
