ObscureENBlank
New member
- Joined
- Feb 15, 2019
- Messages
- 2
Disclaimer: It might be a bit long. I put in some effort and typed quite a bit, spent quite some time on this, as such I did remove a few questions so as to keep it a bit more.. readable.
Posted this on PerC.. Was wondering how different the outcome would be if I posted it here. I should state that I try to come off as honest as possible and I personally do not feel conflicted or a disconnect between my emotions and my thoughts; I find value in both, and use both. If anything, the disconnect I feel would be with regards to my thoughts/emotions with other people's thoughts/emotions.
How old are you? What's your gender? Give us a general description of yourself.
23, male. I'm not very good with descriptions.. although I don't see how my physical description would have anything to do with my type, maybe other than inferring habits. English is not my native language, I might make some mistakes. Recently I've realized that it is natural to fluctuate from stagnancy in most ways, and I am coming to terms with that, trying to move out of the box I tend put myself in.
Is there a medical diagnosis that impact your mental/comportamental stability somehow?
No.
Describe your upbringing. Did it have any kind of religious or structured influence? How did you respond to it?
My father, 'fuhrer' as I call him, had a lot to do with my upbringing. Mother was depressed and all. She was more caring and calm, on the days she felt better. He was overly intrusive, strict, always going on about the rules, never gave me much space, cared a lot and over emphasized on my values, character development and academics; results mainly. Overly result oriented, had to be right all the time, a bit too OCD. Growing up was hard, but I did learn quite a lot from him organizationally, he was always objective, sometimes, unnecessarily harsh, and judgmental, but never refrained from speaking the reality of the situation based on the result. I just wanted space and cared little about being right and winning arguments. You should be able to get an overall impression of my childhood by now.
Yes. There was a lot of emphasis on religion. On structural growth, on faith towards an external ideal. Be mindful that I did not belong to any of the major religions. Yes, I intentionally typed in the past tense. I don't appreciate blindly following along though I am respectful and will not refute the ways of religion aloud. I don't question it aloud, I don't talk about it aloud, I analyze it myself, reach my own conclusions myself, and I don't limit myself to one specific religion considering how they're all generally similar when one strips away culture, practices and meaning from it, looking purely at the symbolism of the texts and the values it seeks to embody. Personally, I don't believe in anything supported by a community or a group of any sorts, and I don't care about how individuals choose to live their lives, or at least, I don't care enough to feel the need to change anything. It's not in my place to do so. I guess the experience affected my relationship with my parents but did not affect the way I understood things for I think I was detached from the start.
What do you do as a job or as a career (if you have one)? Do you like it? Why or why not?
Student, though lagging behind a bit as compared to the average student my age in the country I'm in. I was too.. obsessed with my own thoughts and ideas, building up knowledge in a field completely unrelated to what was required of me from school. developed tunnel vision, sort of lost track of society's requirements along the way in favor of my own impractical ideas.. Still struggling to come to terms with it emotionally, I think. Ethically I have a choice to make, become a financial burden and pursue a course I think will benefit me in the long run, or get what I deserve, not be a financial burden but hate my field of work for the rest of my life. I'm holding out on the decision for the time being. I can't answer the second part due to this. Overall, I know what I want.
If you had to spend an entire weekend by yourself, how would you feel? Would you feel lonely or refreshed?
That would be great. It's all I ever wanted; to be left alone. Free from responsibilities, no relationships to deal with; at least all the ones I've had seem to be rather.. intrusive and paradoxically emotionally uninteresting to the point where I'd consider it resource intensive. I would not feel refreshed, but I wouldn't feel lonely. I probably would find myself feeling rather calm and focused, maybe more emotional actually considering the lack of intrusion. Then again, this is all 'in theory'.
What is your relation with movement and your surroundings? For instance do you prefer a sport or outdoors event? If an outdoors event what is it? And why? If not what type of activities do you tend to engage in?
I am a little clumsy. I knock into things sometimes unknowingly. I fluctuate between extreme precision, and clumsiness. I prefer being indoors.. If I have to go outdoors, I prefer sports. It's much more, stimulating. Tennis mainly, I like to think I'm quite good at it. I strongly dislike team based activities, I don't like coordinating and compromising with others. I appreciate a good challenge, beating odds and playing creatively, which can usually be accomplished in individualized sports. I rarely engage in outdoor activities and sports though, don't make time for it.
How curious are you? Do you have more ideas than you can execute? What are your curiosities about? What are your ideas about - is it environmental or conceptual, and can you please elaborate?
I am rather curious about things, genuinely curious. Not curious with an agenda in mind, not curious due to insecurity with the unknown, not curious due to anxiety of sorts, but curious simply so as to be able to achieve clarity. To paint reality as I see it, as clean as possible. I do have quite a few ideas, but they're in separate areas and mediums. They're all generally connected and sort of build onto one another leading towards the next until I reach the final one, revealing my ultimate 'secret.' I find the sequence to be of great importance so.. that removes the problem surrounding "starting too many ideas, can't finish them all." They're mostly conceptual, they're as removed from the happenings of society and the world as we know it. Removed from the present, past and future. I like to think of them as the frameworks of reality as I see them, and identifying them by dis-identifying with the way we have known things to be. I really do not wish to share anything further on it. It's a negative process, one that starts by questioning the assumption, then rejecting it.
Would you enjoy taking on a leadership position? Do you think you would be good at it? What would your leadership style be?
No. I would be good at it if my subordinates were self-aware machines. Capable of executing my plans, sustaining and maintaining the current plans. Managing the company while I move on to work on something new. I want to be at the start of the process and control the end of it. The machines can perfect it. Though, it's all just a fantasy, I'll most likely spend most of my life doing solo research and executing my models theoretically or digitally. People are too hard to handle. They complain too much, they're insecure, lazy, always need something to believe in... that's coming from someone highly impractical, someone who failed to meet society's standard. I don't like working with people in general, I can get along with them, I can work with them, I just don't like it.
Are you coordinated? Why do you feel as if you are or are not? Do you enjoy working with your hands in some form? Describe your activity?
Not consciously coordinated. I am in some ways attracted to it, while knowing I will be horrible at it. I don't enjoy it as much hands on.
Are you artistic? If yes, describe your art? If you are not particular artistic but can appreciate art please likewise describe what forms of art you enjoy. Please explain your answer.
I was an art student previously. I dropped art as my art teacher was too demanding and kept rejecting my ideas in favor of the more emotionally cliché ones. Considering that I would deem myself to be artistic. Unfortunately, art to me is nothing more than a tool to express my ideas. I appreciate artists like Bocklin, Escher, Van Gogh and Giger, not so much for their art itself but for their being. Their thought process, the symbolism involved, that was what attracted me; I read up Van Gogh's letters, Munch's Private Journal and Escher's notes for insight. Art by itself means nothing to me.
What's your opinion about the past, present, and future? How do you deal with them?
Insignificant. Time goes as it will. The dead are no longer alive. The present is over. The future is really far away. I could be a little dissociated from time. I spend a lot of time thinking about what I'm going to do and how I'm going to do things, hopefully willing that into the present. Once in a while I indulge in the unknown and explore a separate dimension where I fantasize about the future, daily, but highly controlled and short. I have a hard time being aware of the present. The past only exist as memories and my memory is failing due to my migraines.
How do you act when others request your help to do something (anything)? If you would decide to help them, why would you do so?
Depends who they are. I wish they could do it themselves, but if they need help, and I am the only one who can help them, I guess I will have to help them or they will go about bothering everyone, complaining.. I usually help, though I find it disturbing and distracting. I don't like obligations and responsibilities, so I make it clear that they don't owe me anything, and they're not compelled to give me any more attention than they normally do.
Do you need logical consistency in your life?
No, it's not a necessity. In fact, I like being inconsistent every once in a while just to get out of my comfort zone. I have a tendency to trust my unconscious, my dreams, whatever just comes to me, without truly criticizing it, and that does lead to a fluctuation in values/character at times.
How important is efficiency and productivity to you?
Everybody seems to value efficiency and productivity nowadays. I'd define efficiency as getting the job done with an above average quality and least amount of resources used. By that definition, I value efficient a lot. Everything I do, I make sure I don't use more than I need, own more than I need etc. Less resources mean spending more time on my decisions, not rushing with the 'hit and run' mindset everyone seems to embody nowadays. Understanding the problem completely so as to find the optimal solution. Productivity on the other hand.. I struggle with that. Lets just say my emotions are not very regulated. I am somewhat prone to the whims of emotive beings especially in the areas of negativity, making it harder to sustain my work when depressed.
Do you control others, even if indirectly? How and why do you do that?
No. I don't care how others live their life, as long as they're content with their decisions. Why? Because it's not in my place to condone how they choose to live, they know themselves better than I do, they know their lives better than I do. If they ask me for an opinion, I will give it to them honestly, but I will be clear that it is merely my opinion and they should make the choice for themselves. That way, if things go wrong, they also can't go around blaming external factors for their problems.I like for people to be independent.
What are your hobbies? Why do you like them?
Ugh, reading (Non-Fiction/Philosophy(Nietzsche, Rand, Aristotle, Heraclitus), Alchemy/Mysticism, Fiction, (fantasy/scifi)), game programming, drawing(comics) and animation, music (undefined experimental). I like them because they involve creation, pushing boundaries; moving beyond the stagnancy of daily life and allow for enlightenment in some ways. By indulging myself in the above mediums, I am organizing my ideas, shifting them around, going in deeper, and deeper, understanding them better. Sometimes I don't even realize that the said conclusion was there all along until I go through the process, it's cathartic and essential to my development, I think. I don't think it's about whether I like them or not..
What is your learning style? What kind of learning environments do you struggle with most? Why do you like/struggle with these learning styles? Do you prefer classes involving memorization, logic, creativity, or your physical senses?
I struggle in environments where I'm being told what to learn, what to memorize, and why I should do it. I need to discover the 'why' myself. If I fail to do so, I fail to truly understand what it is I'm understanding. I don't see the point in being taught as if I'm a machine. Why bother? Condition me to follow the rules just to build up my discipline and lie to me that Its formal education? Do one thing, do it well. Once you do it well, then you can introduce another variable. The basic function of school is for universal knowledge transfer, if that is not happening effectively, it everything is going by a standardized procedure, then the system in my opinion has failed. It is not universal as a standardized system can only account for the mass majority, it will struggle keeping up with anything exceptional, or different in my case. I am alright with any type of learning as long as I am a part of the process. Not apart from the process and told to memorize, told to use logic, told to be creative, or instructed to use my senses. That's just my opinion, or at least, what I've learned about how I tend to learn. I do appreciate (appreciate, not like) a well developed system, universal or not. I just despise one that claims to be more than it is, and that's usually a people error due to some deep insecurity that causes them to stand by the cause/system they find supports them. The system is merely a tool.
How good are you at strategizing? Do you easily break up projects into manageable tasks? Or do you have a tendency to wing projects and improvise as you go?
A bit of both actually. I wing projects, but when I wing them, I stick to them until completion. Once It's in my head, I break it down into smaller goals but I prevent myself from micromanaging it. Not everything needs to be broken down. I desire some flexibility and the plan is only a tool, not the entirety.
What's important to you and why?
I value truth, no. Honesty. I value honesty, reason and integrity. I think honesty allows one to remain objective regardless of the chaos and illusionary order around them. Allows one to view reality as it is, chaotic and entropic as it is without a tendency to favor an extreme. I value emotion, even though I don't act on it, I remain unable to explain why as of yet. As for reason. I believe reason forces one to be vulnerable to life itself, open to any outcome whatever for the sake of consistency, and coupled in with honest objectivity, that vulnerability allows one to transform emotionally in ways I have yet to fully understand. I don't value material, family, relationships for I have not found any joy from those. I enjoy traveling light and prefer leaving as little of a mark in the environment as possible. I would say knowledge, but honestly, who doesn't value knowledge.
What do the "highs" in your life look like?
I don't think I've experienced any 'highs' yet. One could deem me an under-achiever simply due to my (previous) tunnel vision, and obsessive focus on my 'inner world'.
What do the "lows" in your life look like?
I think I've been fluctuating to a low state for quite some time already. They're rather.. hmm.. apathetic hatred, overly emotional, I end up doing nothing sometimes, thinking about a lot of things, reflecting about how useless of a human being I am. It mainly consist of comparing myself, what I am with what I should have been in the eyes of those around me who constantly scrutinize me, alongside the fear from the helplessness of not being given ample alone time. Questioning my identity and values, shifting my world-view completely. It's hard recovering from that.
How attached are you to reality? Do you daydream often, or do you pay attention to what's around you? If you do daydream, are you aware of your surroundings while you do so?
Not very. Growing up one thing my 'fuhrer' used to say to me constantly was "Be aware of your surroundings" and "Don't be too comfortable." He's been onto me ever since I was a single digit, on the lookout for when it looked like I was attempting to adjust the environment to my comfort levels.. Just so he could make a rule and prevent me from doing so the next time, regardless of the reasons (migraines). That was a little off-topic. I daydream often if I'm not focused or doing anything. If I daydream, I'm completely unaware of my surroundings. I can even miss out on the loudest sound.
Imagine you are alone in a blank, empty room. There is nothing for you to do and no one to talk to. What do you think about?
I do not know. I would have to be in the blank, empty room to know.. Probably carry on a thought I had earlier or start off on a new thought.
How long do you take to make an important decision? And do you change your mind once you've made it?
Quite long, I usually hold it off until I'm sure I have all the information I want. My 'fuhrer' has a tendency to rush into making decisions and I despise that for he seems to just decide based on an impression of the situation and that has gotten him into trouble before. A lot of people around me, it could be a cultural trend, tend to do the same thing. I usually don't change my mind, regardless of the consequence.
How long do you take to process your emotions? How important are emotions in your life?
Hours, maybe days sometimes. Quite long, they're not my native language.. I find them important though. Analyzing them, they always teach me something new about myself, or the situation at hand, sometimes even about others. I find at times, this is really odd, especially during one to one sessions. I don't normally express my emotions but at times, previously when I knew someone was having a hard day I tried to move out of my comfort zone and if they were close to me, I would maybe possibly say something nice to them. I suck at eye contact, but when I did so and tried to be sincere I felt a rush of blood to my head and it got really hot. I thought I was going to break down emotionally. It was really odd that for someone normally detached, I felt rather uncontrollable and got such a physical response based on their reaction to my action. From that day on, I decided to forgo the kindness.
I generally know how I feel, they're just muted until I'm either really tired or really free. I'm not uncomfortable with my feelings, just others.
Do you break rules often? Do you think authority should be challenged, or that they know better? If you do break rules, why would you?
Yes. I don't process authority, it does not make sense to me. I am neither for nor against it. I break rules because I dislike the person enforcing them, not because of their position. That is secondary though, usually if I do break the rules, I have a genuine reason to do so.
Posted this on PerC.. Was wondering how different the outcome would be if I posted it here. I should state that I try to come off as honest as possible and I personally do not feel conflicted or a disconnect between my emotions and my thoughts; I find value in both, and use both. If anything, the disconnect I feel would be with regards to my thoughts/emotions with other people's thoughts/emotions.
How old are you? What's your gender? Give us a general description of yourself.
23, male. I'm not very good with descriptions.. although I don't see how my physical description would have anything to do with my type, maybe other than inferring habits. English is not my native language, I might make some mistakes. Recently I've realized that it is natural to fluctuate from stagnancy in most ways, and I am coming to terms with that, trying to move out of the box I tend put myself in.
Is there a medical diagnosis that impact your mental/comportamental stability somehow?
No.
Describe your upbringing. Did it have any kind of religious or structured influence? How did you respond to it?
My father, 'fuhrer' as I call him, had a lot to do with my upbringing. Mother was depressed and all. She was more caring and calm, on the days she felt better. He was overly intrusive, strict, always going on about the rules, never gave me much space, cared a lot and over emphasized on my values, character development and academics; results mainly. Overly result oriented, had to be right all the time, a bit too OCD. Growing up was hard, but I did learn quite a lot from him organizationally, he was always objective, sometimes, unnecessarily harsh, and judgmental, but never refrained from speaking the reality of the situation based on the result. I just wanted space and cared little about being right and winning arguments. You should be able to get an overall impression of my childhood by now.
Yes. There was a lot of emphasis on religion. On structural growth, on faith towards an external ideal. Be mindful that I did not belong to any of the major religions. Yes, I intentionally typed in the past tense. I don't appreciate blindly following along though I am respectful and will not refute the ways of religion aloud. I don't question it aloud, I don't talk about it aloud, I analyze it myself, reach my own conclusions myself, and I don't limit myself to one specific religion considering how they're all generally similar when one strips away culture, practices and meaning from it, looking purely at the symbolism of the texts and the values it seeks to embody. Personally, I don't believe in anything supported by a community or a group of any sorts, and I don't care about how individuals choose to live their lives, or at least, I don't care enough to feel the need to change anything. It's not in my place to do so. I guess the experience affected my relationship with my parents but did not affect the way I understood things for I think I was detached from the start.
What do you do as a job or as a career (if you have one)? Do you like it? Why or why not?
Student, though lagging behind a bit as compared to the average student my age in the country I'm in. I was too.. obsessed with my own thoughts and ideas, building up knowledge in a field completely unrelated to what was required of me from school. developed tunnel vision, sort of lost track of society's requirements along the way in favor of my own impractical ideas.. Still struggling to come to terms with it emotionally, I think. Ethically I have a choice to make, become a financial burden and pursue a course I think will benefit me in the long run, or get what I deserve, not be a financial burden but hate my field of work for the rest of my life. I'm holding out on the decision for the time being. I can't answer the second part due to this. Overall, I know what I want.
If you had to spend an entire weekend by yourself, how would you feel? Would you feel lonely or refreshed?
That would be great. It's all I ever wanted; to be left alone. Free from responsibilities, no relationships to deal with; at least all the ones I've had seem to be rather.. intrusive and paradoxically emotionally uninteresting to the point where I'd consider it resource intensive. I would not feel refreshed, but I wouldn't feel lonely. I probably would find myself feeling rather calm and focused, maybe more emotional actually considering the lack of intrusion. Then again, this is all 'in theory'.
What is your relation with movement and your surroundings? For instance do you prefer a sport or outdoors event? If an outdoors event what is it? And why? If not what type of activities do you tend to engage in?
I am a little clumsy. I knock into things sometimes unknowingly. I fluctuate between extreme precision, and clumsiness. I prefer being indoors.. If I have to go outdoors, I prefer sports. It's much more, stimulating. Tennis mainly, I like to think I'm quite good at it. I strongly dislike team based activities, I don't like coordinating and compromising with others. I appreciate a good challenge, beating odds and playing creatively, which can usually be accomplished in individualized sports. I rarely engage in outdoor activities and sports though, don't make time for it.
How curious are you? Do you have more ideas than you can execute? What are your curiosities about? What are your ideas about - is it environmental or conceptual, and can you please elaborate?
I am rather curious about things, genuinely curious. Not curious with an agenda in mind, not curious due to insecurity with the unknown, not curious due to anxiety of sorts, but curious simply so as to be able to achieve clarity. To paint reality as I see it, as clean as possible. I do have quite a few ideas, but they're in separate areas and mediums. They're all generally connected and sort of build onto one another leading towards the next until I reach the final one, revealing my ultimate 'secret.' I find the sequence to be of great importance so.. that removes the problem surrounding "starting too many ideas, can't finish them all." They're mostly conceptual, they're as removed from the happenings of society and the world as we know it. Removed from the present, past and future. I like to think of them as the frameworks of reality as I see them, and identifying them by dis-identifying with the way we have known things to be. I really do not wish to share anything further on it. It's a negative process, one that starts by questioning the assumption, then rejecting it.
Would you enjoy taking on a leadership position? Do you think you would be good at it? What would your leadership style be?
No. I would be good at it if my subordinates were self-aware machines. Capable of executing my plans, sustaining and maintaining the current plans. Managing the company while I move on to work on something new. I want to be at the start of the process and control the end of it. The machines can perfect it. Though, it's all just a fantasy, I'll most likely spend most of my life doing solo research and executing my models theoretically or digitally. People are too hard to handle. They complain too much, they're insecure, lazy, always need something to believe in... that's coming from someone highly impractical, someone who failed to meet society's standard. I don't like working with people in general, I can get along with them, I can work with them, I just don't like it.
Are you coordinated? Why do you feel as if you are or are not? Do you enjoy working with your hands in some form? Describe your activity?
Not consciously coordinated. I am in some ways attracted to it, while knowing I will be horrible at it. I don't enjoy it as much hands on.
Are you artistic? If yes, describe your art? If you are not particular artistic but can appreciate art please likewise describe what forms of art you enjoy. Please explain your answer.
I was an art student previously. I dropped art as my art teacher was too demanding and kept rejecting my ideas in favor of the more emotionally cliché ones. Considering that I would deem myself to be artistic. Unfortunately, art to me is nothing more than a tool to express my ideas. I appreciate artists like Bocklin, Escher, Van Gogh and Giger, not so much for their art itself but for their being. Their thought process, the symbolism involved, that was what attracted me; I read up Van Gogh's letters, Munch's Private Journal and Escher's notes for insight. Art by itself means nothing to me.
What's your opinion about the past, present, and future? How do you deal with them?
Insignificant. Time goes as it will. The dead are no longer alive. The present is over. The future is really far away. I could be a little dissociated from time. I spend a lot of time thinking about what I'm going to do and how I'm going to do things, hopefully willing that into the present. Once in a while I indulge in the unknown and explore a separate dimension where I fantasize about the future, daily, but highly controlled and short. I have a hard time being aware of the present. The past only exist as memories and my memory is failing due to my migraines.
How do you act when others request your help to do something (anything)? If you would decide to help them, why would you do so?
Depends who they are. I wish they could do it themselves, but if they need help, and I am the only one who can help them, I guess I will have to help them or they will go about bothering everyone, complaining.. I usually help, though I find it disturbing and distracting. I don't like obligations and responsibilities, so I make it clear that they don't owe me anything, and they're not compelled to give me any more attention than they normally do.
Do you need logical consistency in your life?
No, it's not a necessity. In fact, I like being inconsistent every once in a while just to get out of my comfort zone. I have a tendency to trust my unconscious, my dreams, whatever just comes to me, without truly criticizing it, and that does lead to a fluctuation in values/character at times.
How important is efficiency and productivity to you?
Everybody seems to value efficiency and productivity nowadays. I'd define efficiency as getting the job done with an above average quality and least amount of resources used. By that definition, I value efficient a lot. Everything I do, I make sure I don't use more than I need, own more than I need etc. Less resources mean spending more time on my decisions, not rushing with the 'hit and run' mindset everyone seems to embody nowadays. Understanding the problem completely so as to find the optimal solution. Productivity on the other hand.. I struggle with that. Lets just say my emotions are not very regulated. I am somewhat prone to the whims of emotive beings especially in the areas of negativity, making it harder to sustain my work when depressed.
Do you control others, even if indirectly? How and why do you do that?
No. I don't care how others live their life, as long as they're content with their decisions. Why? Because it's not in my place to condone how they choose to live, they know themselves better than I do, they know their lives better than I do. If they ask me for an opinion, I will give it to them honestly, but I will be clear that it is merely my opinion and they should make the choice for themselves. That way, if things go wrong, they also can't go around blaming external factors for their problems.I like for people to be independent.
What are your hobbies? Why do you like them?
Ugh, reading (Non-Fiction/Philosophy(Nietzsche, Rand, Aristotle, Heraclitus), Alchemy/Mysticism, Fiction, (fantasy/scifi)), game programming, drawing(comics) and animation, music (undefined experimental). I like them because they involve creation, pushing boundaries; moving beyond the stagnancy of daily life and allow for enlightenment in some ways. By indulging myself in the above mediums, I am organizing my ideas, shifting them around, going in deeper, and deeper, understanding them better. Sometimes I don't even realize that the said conclusion was there all along until I go through the process, it's cathartic and essential to my development, I think. I don't think it's about whether I like them or not..
What is your learning style? What kind of learning environments do you struggle with most? Why do you like/struggle with these learning styles? Do you prefer classes involving memorization, logic, creativity, or your physical senses?
I struggle in environments where I'm being told what to learn, what to memorize, and why I should do it. I need to discover the 'why' myself. If I fail to do so, I fail to truly understand what it is I'm understanding. I don't see the point in being taught as if I'm a machine. Why bother? Condition me to follow the rules just to build up my discipline and lie to me that Its formal education? Do one thing, do it well. Once you do it well, then you can introduce another variable. The basic function of school is for universal knowledge transfer, if that is not happening effectively, it everything is going by a standardized procedure, then the system in my opinion has failed. It is not universal as a standardized system can only account for the mass majority, it will struggle keeping up with anything exceptional, or different in my case. I am alright with any type of learning as long as I am a part of the process. Not apart from the process and told to memorize, told to use logic, told to be creative, or instructed to use my senses. That's just my opinion, or at least, what I've learned about how I tend to learn. I do appreciate (appreciate, not like) a well developed system, universal or not. I just despise one that claims to be more than it is, and that's usually a people error due to some deep insecurity that causes them to stand by the cause/system they find supports them. The system is merely a tool.
How good are you at strategizing? Do you easily break up projects into manageable tasks? Or do you have a tendency to wing projects and improvise as you go?
A bit of both actually. I wing projects, but when I wing them, I stick to them until completion. Once It's in my head, I break it down into smaller goals but I prevent myself from micromanaging it. Not everything needs to be broken down. I desire some flexibility and the plan is only a tool, not the entirety.
What's important to you and why?
I value truth, no. Honesty. I value honesty, reason and integrity. I think honesty allows one to remain objective regardless of the chaos and illusionary order around them. Allows one to view reality as it is, chaotic and entropic as it is without a tendency to favor an extreme. I value emotion, even though I don't act on it, I remain unable to explain why as of yet. As for reason. I believe reason forces one to be vulnerable to life itself, open to any outcome whatever for the sake of consistency, and coupled in with honest objectivity, that vulnerability allows one to transform emotionally in ways I have yet to fully understand. I don't value material, family, relationships for I have not found any joy from those. I enjoy traveling light and prefer leaving as little of a mark in the environment as possible. I would say knowledge, but honestly, who doesn't value knowledge.
What do the "highs" in your life look like?
I don't think I've experienced any 'highs' yet. One could deem me an under-achiever simply due to my (previous) tunnel vision, and obsessive focus on my 'inner world'.
What do the "lows" in your life look like?
I think I've been fluctuating to a low state for quite some time already. They're rather.. hmm.. apathetic hatred, overly emotional, I end up doing nothing sometimes, thinking about a lot of things, reflecting about how useless of a human being I am. It mainly consist of comparing myself, what I am with what I should have been in the eyes of those around me who constantly scrutinize me, alongside the fear from the helplessness of not being given ample alone time. Questioning my identity and values, shifting my world-view completely. It's hard recovering from that.
How attached are you to reality? Do you daydream often, or do you pay attention to what's around you? If you do daydream, are you aware of your surroundings while you do so?
Not very. Growing up one thing my 'fuhrer' used to say to me constantly was "Be aware of your surroundings" and "Don't be too comfortable." He's been onto me ever since I was a single digit, on the lookout for when it looked like I was attempting to adjust the environment to my comfort levels.. Just so he could make a rule and prevent me from doing so the next time, regardless of the reasons (migraines). That was a little off-topic. I daydream often if I'm not focused or doing anything. If I daydream, I'm completely unaware of my surroundings. I can even miss out on the loudest sound.
Imagine you are alone in a blank, empty room. There is nothing for you to do and no one to talk to. What do you think about?
I do not know. I would have to be in the blank, empty room to know.. Probably carry on a thought I had earlier or start off on a new thought.
How long do you take to make an important decision? And do you change your mind once you've made it?
Quite long, I usually hold it off until I'm sure I have all the information I want. My 'fuhrer' has a tendency to rush into making decisions and I despise that for he seems to just decide based on an impression of the situation and that has gotten him into trouble before. A lot of people around me, it could be a cultural trend, tend to do the same thing. I usually don't change my mind, regardless of the consequence.
How long do you take to process your emotions? How important are emotions in your life?
Hours, maybe days sometimes. Quite long, they're not my native language.. I find them important though. Analyzing them, they always teach me something new about myself, or the situation at hand, sometimes even about others. I find at times, this is really odd, especially during one to one sessions. I don't normally express my emotions but at times, previously when I knew someone was having a hard day I tried to move out of my comfort zone and if they were close to me, I would maybe possibly say something nice to them. I suck at eye contact, but when I did so and tried to be sincere I felt a rush of blood to my head and it got really hot. I thought I was going to break down emotionally. It was really odd that for someone normally detached, I felt rather uncontrollable and got such a physical response based on their reaction to my action. From that day on, I decided to forgo the kindness.
I generally know how I feel, they're just muted until I'm either really tired or really free. I'm not uncomfortable with my feelings, just others.
Do you break rules often? Do you think authority should be challenged, or that they know better? If you do break rules, why would you?
Yes. I don't process authority, it does not make sense to me. I am neither for nor against it. I break rules because I dislike the person enforcing them, not because of their position. That is secondary though, usually if I do break the rules, I have a genuine reason to do so.
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