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Video: INTJs and Gift Giving

highlander

Administrator
Staff member
Joined
Dec 23, 2009
Messages
26,559
MBTI Type
INTJ
Enneagram
6w5
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
  • INTJs are notoriously difficult to buy gifts for, so I thought this might be interesting. For the most part I agree with what he says about receiving gifts. We want things that are practical and often boring things that we really need but haven't bothered to get. If you pay close attention, you can guess what we want. The one thing I completely disagree with is "cards". Perhaps it's because my love language is words of affirmation, but I have always really liked cards with some hand written comments in there. As to how he approaches gift giving, what he says doesn't necessarily resonate with me that much though when you get to a certain volume, some organization is needed. I find that the best gifts I have given are those where I have used my creative imagination to come up with an idea of something that the person didn't even think about wanting before they got it, or maybe even paying really close attention when they didn't realize it and storing that in memory to get it for them later.

 

Coriolis

Si vis pacem, para bellum
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Apr 18, 2010
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27,226
MBTI Type
INTJ
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5w6
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sp/sx
I agree with much of this.

  • Greeting cards are expensive, especially when bought individually. We gave up writing Christmas cards years ago, mostly because it took too much time. Now we send emails to the people we really want to catch up with. I can't be bothered to buy greeting cards for other occasions, so keep a stock of blank cards with different pictures, and simply write my own message. In a pinch, I have been known to make origami birds to use as gift tags.
  • I do enjoy receiving personal notes, whether on a card or by email. I have a friend (likely ISFJ) who sends me a store-bought birthday card every year, but manages to choose the perfect card, and writes the best personal notes in them. This I do appreciate, since it reflects considerable thought.
  • I have no patience with gifts that I cannot use or enjoy in some way. I have no hesitation about regifting them, even if that is to the local thrift store.
  • I wouldn't mind not getting gifts. I would prefer that to getting gifts I don't like and can't use, but now have to find a way to dispose of.
  • I also buy what I need and want, and tend to be extremely picky. My MIL likes to give me clothes unlike anything she ever sees me wear. Given how long we have known each other, I cannot understand this. Is it some passive/aggressive way to tell me she doesn't like my style? Is she honestly that unobservant? Does she think I will like what she likes, or her other son's wife likes?

On the other hand, I do get pleasure from managing to find a good gift for someone else. I do this by observing them through the year, thinking about what they do, what their average day entails, what they might find useful or enjoyable but not think of themselves.
 

Ene

Active member
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Aug 16, 2012
Messages
3,574
MBTI Type
iNfj
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5w4
It's interesting to me. I "might" be getting a gift for an INTJ.
 

Mind Maverick

ENTP 8w7 845 Sp/Sx
Joined
Jan 17, 2018
Messages
4,785
I also buy what I need and want, and tend to be extremely picky. My MIL likes to give me clothes unlike anything she ever sees me wear. Given how long we have known each other, I cannot understand this. Is it some passive/aggressive way to tell me she doesn't like my style? Is she honestly that unobservant? Does she think I will like what she likes, or her other son's wife likes?
My mother picks out what she likes. Say we're in a store picking things out and she makes a suggestion. I say I don't like it and instead of trying to find something else I'm interested in or understanding my tastes she tries to convince me to change my mind about the thing I don't like and get it anyway. If you're insistent about not liking or wanting it she frequently gets disappointed and sometimes she starts pushing to hurry up and leave the store instead of giving you time to shop since she's upset. She switches to grumpy "nagging to go" mode. Every now and then she manages to purchase a gift that is likable though, but you're lucky if she doesn't use both that and what you don't like to guilt trip you. I don't really understand it.


Also, my mother self-types as an INTJ but there's no way in hell I'll ever believe that.
 
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