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  1. #11
    can't handcuff the wind Z Buck McFate's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2009
    5w4 sx/sp


    I'm on board with those who have said they don't relate much to what is being said. It seemed to be more about the subculture they are part of than their 'type'. (Granted I'm hard of hearing and couldn't make out much of what either INFx contributed- some voices sound too garbled to me, regardless of volume- but based on what I did hear. Also, I only watched half of it.)

    I do think it would be interesting to watch a video of these different types with older people though. with a slightly less homogeneous group.
    Reality is a collective hunch. -Lily Tomlin

    5w4 sx/sp Johari / Nohari

  2. #12
    Away with the fairies Southern Kross's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    4w5 so/sp


    Quote Originally Posted by PeaceBaby View Post
    Agreed. (But you and I are social-dominant - I wonder if other INFPs would feel the same?)
    I wonder that too.

    That's a good point. I think he alternated between wanting to speak yet finding no insertion point and "zoning out" (even though he was still listening) when it was clear that 1.) the extroverts dominated the floor and 2.) the stuff being discussed was insubstantial.
    You said this better than I did - yes, the need for a "insertion point" is very much what I was getting at.

    By extension, it unfortunately shows how INFPs are sometimes not regarded as someone to take into account or make space for - like, there's no consequence to not making space for us. When the INFJ spoke, it wasn't that the extroverts were engaged by his words, they made space and relinquished the floor. The body language of each turned more submissive, less dominant. It was as though they didn't dare butt in lol! That did not happen when the INFP spoke, perhaps because he's "nice" and doesn't appear pissed when he's interrupted (not that the INFJ appeared that way either, but I sense history there). It would have required a much more concentrated burst of Ne in that situation to grab some time anyway and as you say, there wasn't much to ping off.
    I think they gave the INFJ space because he gave the impression that he has something to particular to communicate; a specific thought that had to be completed all the way through to have meaning. Whereas the INFP was more "vibey" in what he talked about. Like I said, he seemed to be mirroring what others and take that as a vague leaping off point, which is something others are more prone to interrupt - in a way he kinda invited people to interrupt him. It seemed like he was more driven by relational building than saying something particular he felt/thought. This is very surprising seeing as most people think of these traits as being reversed in INFJs and INFPs. Also interesting was that the ENFxs were far more self-absorbed than the INFxs, when the stereotype is generally the opposite.

    Also it was interesting that the only 2 that asked questions of the others were the INFxs. And I liked that the INFJ made an effort to include the INFP - he was the only one that did so.

    I can get so good at mediating I even forget what my opinion is and I really relish an opportunity to speak when the topic is interesting and I have something to say. I was a bit surprised the ENFP didn't try at least once to do that. Maybe the value is in seeing the dynamic play out like reality anyway.
    I would have thought the ENFJ would have facilitated more too...

    eta: I guess how I think in these situations is that I'm listening to everyone else, giving them the courtesy of my attention, and then politely waiting reciprocally for my turn to speak. This assumes that the others talking understand that they are the recipient of that energy and have a self-awareness that everyone "should" be heard, has an opinion, even if it's only to express they don't have much of an opinion on the topic atm. So, when the people you're talking with don't recognize that, or are too self-absorbed to "get" that, it can be disappointing. When in a group, I try to pay attention to everyone, and some people assume this is because they must be rivettingly interesting, but no, it's because I value hearing everyone speak and can focus even if very bored. This can occasionally lead to misunderstandings too.
    I also get annoyed when people don't give others a chance to speak, especially if they're the quiet and courteous type, and will try to give them an opening if I can - but I'm not as much of a mediator in this way as you are. I only be that attentive if the social imbalance is uncomfortably apparent or if I'm bored by the topic/situation. Being bored sometimes drives me to ask questions and dig through a subject until I salvage something engaging, useful or meaningful out of it; with the secondary benefit of doing other people the courtesy of showing respect and interest in them. I'm probably less polite about waiting long periods for my turn; if I want to say something I'll say it.

    Also if there's one way I vary from that INFP guy is that I would be making more flippant and sarcastic remarks. However, he may have been thinking them to himself, judging by the occasional grin on his face.

    eta2: I seem to have a lot to say about this!
    Yeah, me too! The meta dynamics turned out to be far more interesting that the actual content of conversation.
    INFP 4w5 so/sp

    I've dreamt in my life dreams that have stayed with me ever after, and changed my ideas;
    they've gone through and through me, like wine through water, and altered the colour of my mind.

    - Emily Bronte

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