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How Do You Deal with a Narcissist?

Zarathustra

Let Go Of Your Team
Joined
Oct 31, 2009
Messages
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Someone who feels a need to put his ego on the table all the time...

What does it mean to put one's ego on the table?

...to the point that it starts infringing on other people's ego boundaries...

What are ego boundaries?

And how do they get infringed upon?

...someone who keeps measuring himself against others...

That's an interesting one.

I'll have to think about that one.

It's problematic in cases where people have to rely on each other and share resources...

[Sorry to ask so many questions, but I'm genuinely curious how you see things...]

Why is that?

What problems does "it" create?
 

yeghor

Well-known member
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Dec 21, 2013
Messages
4,276
What does it mean to put one's ego on the table?

Talking too much and too loud to the point of suppressing others' voice and not noticing or caring about that..

What are ego boundaries?

Mental boundaries within which you can exist as yourself...and express your own voice and identity..

And how do they get infringed upon?

You become fearful of exerting them...even when they are not offensive in nature...

[Sorry to ask so many questions, but I'm genuinely curious how you see things...]

Why is that?

What problems does "it" create?

Discontent, stress, fear, more risk of crime and violence, certain members' voice becoming suppressed and less active in the group...disparity in resource sharing, monopolizing of resources and power, slavery, fascism, dictatorship...a less synergetic, less harmonious and less overally-efficient collective system...
 

Forever_Jung

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May 23, 2009
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There's this dude at my work who thinks he's the centre of the Universe (if people are happy, it's because he's handsome and charming, if people are unhappy, it's because they're jealous/resentful of how handsome and charming he is).

And while he's relatively harmless (he occasionally steals my thunder), I'll call him by a similar sounding but incorrect name from time to time. If he corrects me, I'll act all bashful and apologize, but I'll still make sure I get it wrong a few weeks later. It works very well, because I have been there a very long time and have a bit of status. His face gets all red. I was inspired by Ron Swanson:

 

Zarathustra

Let Go Of Your Team
Joined
Oct 31, 2009
Messages
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Thank you for your response, yeghor.

Talking too much and too loud to the point of suppressing others' voice and not noticing or caring about that..

Seems a bit limited in scope, but ok.

Mental boundaries within which you can exist as yourself...and express your own voice and identity..

Hmm, ok.

What if you are just fearful and don't have good ego boundaries?

Is it other peoples' fault if you can't exist as yourself, express your own voice and identity, when around them?

You become fearful of exerting them...even when they are not offensive in nature...

Once again, what makes one be the victim, as opposed to the perpretrator?

What if one is just excessively fearful, and then blames others for their excessive fearfulness?

Discontent, stress, fear, more risk of crime and violence, certain members' voice becoming suppressed and less active in the group...disparity in resource sharing, monopolizing of resources and power, slavery, fascism, dictatorship...a less synergetic, less harmonious and less overally-efficient collective system...

Man, that's a lot to be blaming on egotism.

You think any of your feelings around this might have to do with Critical Parent Fi?
 

highlander

Administrator
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INTJ
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Saw this yesterday as well.

Considered posting about it, but figured Highlander would.

I don't know if [MENTION=21100]Article Poster[/MENTION] is an admin, tho, anymore, or someone related to 'Personality Type In Depth'...

Anyway, having been called a narcissist a number of times, I've actually done a reasonable amount of research into it.

We pull in RSS feeds from a few sites including Personality Type In Depth. Article Poster is just an ID I created for the things to show up under.

For the record since you mentioned it, you don't strike me as narcissistic. I think people use that term too lightly today. The one person I've known who I believe truly suffered from NPD was destructive to everyone around her. She had a highly inflated verbalized opinion of herself, was only able to accept positive strokes, blamed others for every negative circumstance in her life and wasn't able to accept any constructive feedback. She was poison.

I do subscribe to what [MENTION=195]Jaguar[/MENTION] said in a sense that I tend to admire people who don't brag about their accomplishments. Humility is a virtue. That being said, there is something to be said about communicating. I (again) learned this the hard way last fall on this forum. There is something to be said about visibility and people don't always know what you are doing or how you are contributing unless you communicate with them.
 

Elfboy

Certified Sausage Smoker
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Nov 26, 2008
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I hate to say it, but sometimes, the only answer is passive-aggression.
 

highlander

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Oh no. What did I do?
 

Evo

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yeghor

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Dec 21, 2013
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Seems a bit limited in scope, but ok.

You can apply it metophorically as well...not just literally..

Hmm, ok.

What if you are just fearful and don't have good ego boundaries?

Is it other peoples' fault if you can't exist as yourself, express your own voice and identity, when around them?

I think it all comes to averages and norms... Even if I am more fearful than the society's average, and other people knowingly and unknowingly trigger it, resulting in me not being able to express my voice and identity...it still becomes other people's fault when other people fail to recognize that I suddenly got fearful\inhibited in their presence or if they choose to ignore that...

Consider a case where someone gets fearful around some other who then goes on to beat or force sex onto the former... Or someone who beats or rapes the other and then blames it on him\her not being strong enough to resist the former... Or a country who doesn't have a strong army who gets invaded by another with a strong army... It doesn't justify or excuse the transgression... It fuels aggression though...

Once again, what makes one be the victim, as opposed to the perpretrator?

If I become fearful or distressed due to an action of another and the other fails to take my situation into consideration despite my notifying him\her of it, then I become a victim and the other a perpetrator...

What if one is just excessively fearful, and then blames others for their excessive fearfulness?

Man, that's a lot to be blaming on egotism.

I think we need to have an average to define what's excessively fearful and what's excessively overpowering for that... In either case, one has to either disengage from the one in distress or let him\her to disengage... It they don't, it's OK that they get the blame... These are all related to living as a society... Outside society, someone with a high ego would have better chances of surviving individually... OTOH, a society might have a better chance of survival over an individual... So you either go along with society or leave it to fend off for yourself or find a happy medium... Both are different mechanisms of survival... However, within the societal framework, someone with too much self-interest (an egotist) becomes a detriment to the survival of the group...

Oh, I'd blame wars (edit: and politicians) on egotism too by the way...OTOH, egotist individuals in a society may also be serving as challenges to test the robustness of the societal framework thereby allowing it to strengthen and refreshen itself...

You think any of your feelings around this might have to do with Critical Parent Fi?

How?

Edit 2:
 
Last edited:

entropie

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The phaenomena NPD, obviously the new ADHD, I encounter around any corner in the internet at the moment. But I wouldnt have the slightest idea of a person, who actually could suffer from that. Even if I dig way back into the past, I wouldnt know.

Isnt that all kinda hyped again ?
 
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