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  1. #1
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    Default ISTP Female: Help me disarm a bomb

    Hello friends !

    I'd like to know if some people around here were willing to hear my story.
    It's a long story. One which began more than 10 years ago.

    In essence, it's the story about a fellow ENTP that felt in love with some ISTP female a long time ago.

    A story where, in 11 years, I still haven't figure out how to break the shell of that person.

    She basically runs far away any time she realises our relation is deeper than any other one she has in her life

  2. #2
    Junior Member Liriope's Avatar
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    Where is it!

    Please consider the environment before printing this email

  3. #3
    Member Borns's Avatar
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    Isn't 11 yrs enough time to call it quits...
    You demand so much from me, simultaneously ignoring what I need.
    Likes Liriope liked this post

  4. #4
    Senior Member ceecee's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Borns View Post
    Isn't 11 yrs enough time to call it quits...
    I can't disagree with this.
    I like to rock n' roll all night and *part* of every day. I usually have errands... I can only rock from like 1-3.

  5. #5
    Forged in Fire Luminous's Avatar
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    You'll probably get more help if you just post the story here in this thread.
    Likes Poki liked this post

  6. #6
    Mastermind Fieldmarshal Sacrophagus's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Fornatsu View Post
    Hello friends !

    I'd like to know if some people around here were willing to hear my story.
    It's a long story. One which began more than 10 years ago.

    In essence, it's the story about a fellow ENTP that felt in love with some ISTP female a long time ago.

    A story where, in 11 years, I still haven't figure out how to break the shell of that person.

    She basically runs far away any time she realises our relation is deeper than any other one she has in her life

    I'll assume you're very smart and know what you're doing. Now, what was this uncanny feat she did to you that warrants all this long waiting?

    And please don't say something like "She blesses me with her presence". I will make you disappear mysteriously.
    الخَيلُ وَاللَيلُ وَالبَيداءُ تَعرِفُني *** وَالسَيفُ وَالرُمحُ وَالقِرطاسُ وَالقَلَمُ
    Swift steeds, dreary nights, and the desolate wasteland, all know me full well
    As do the sword, the spear, the paper and the pen.
    Likes Abcdenfp, phobik liked this post

  7. #7
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    Alot of answers, nice !
    Well I'll do a quick resume of the story then ask the main question.

    We met when we were both 12-13.
    We were originally attracted to each other directly, especially I to her.
    Basically from the age of 13 to 19, we were in a weird relation of "love-hate", I was looking for her, she would reject me, then look for me when I disappeared etc.
    She was clearly having the upperhand in the relation tho, I feel like it's important to state it.
    We were intimate once around 16 but we didn't end up having sex.
    Around 15, her parents got divorced and she started to "change", meaning she doesn't do well with attachment and the slightest display of blunt affection makes her run far away.
    From 19-23 we only had brief interactions, like talking to each other for some weeks, see each other on social events.
    We started to talk to each other last november, and that's where the "wtf" part really begins.

    We planned to see each other countless times but she always cancelled, once, she admitted that it was because she was feeling "under pressure" at the idea of seeing me.

    We finally saw each other 10 mn a month ago, from the beginning she started being "aggressive" as if she wanted to take the upperhand. Which didn't happen as I answered to her the same way she did.
    She got out of the car, sent me "Too bad it has to end like this".
    My answer to that was quite a really mean message and I thought it was over.

    Now, last week I was partying when I received "What are you doing I hurt my head falling I'm alone at the hospital can you please come"
    Which, of course, I did.
    I then learned that she was with 5 of her friends and told them to go home because she wanted to be alone and be with no one, me excepted, I looked after her after being out of the hospital for a few hours blablabla
    She stated the next day that she could have called someone else or directly go home but "She wanted to see me because she knew she needed it"

    Now, sadly, I'm the kind of person that naturally pushes BIG RED BUTTON. When I see them on people I pushed them.
    That's why, when I'm hitting on her "" like a man"" (meaning as if I didn't care about her) , she clearly displays sign of interest and as soon as I'm kind (or doing the psychologist) she goes full defense mode.
    And I don't see how to break that shell.

    When I'm engaging her verbally on the subject : "we are nothing for one another and she is not hitting on me"
    When I act as if I didn't care she softly tries to make me interested
    When I engage her and actually ask her to do something she always agree and then ends up cancelling it.

    Of course, the main answer would certainly be "Get the fuck out" "Stop wasting your time".
    I've done that countless times, it's been like, 6-7 years, that I'm not really in love with her anymore.
    But it seems our path always crosses, I could get the fuck out now and it would come back in 6 months, a year or so.

    If I had to describe her psyche, she would be like " a beaten dog" with me, she hides her "sadness/distress, etc" behind some aggressive/not concerned behaviour but even knowing that I do see beyond that I can't find the way to ""heal"" her.
    I can live without her but I also really want to help her, and well, see what she and I could do together

    (It's pretty wacky and confusing but I hope I was clear enough)

    I'm usually the kind of guy that really doesn't care about that kind of things, if someone doesnt act logically then fuck me but well she is my weak spot I guess
    Likes Borns liked this post

  8. #8
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    Default

    Oh yes, and by her own words "We have never been friends, nor lover", when she feels like being a pain in the ass "there is no way to explain what we are so we're nothing to one another" or I'm "Me"

  9. #9
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    ISTPs are an enigma. The only one I've ever known well is my Dad, who's also a very well developed ISTP.

    It's good that you care about this girl. But sometimes it's best to give people some space.

    You also aren't responsible for "fixing her." Even if we want to, we can't single handily solve another's problems. Especially if the problems deal with emotional turmoil, which I suspect this girl has a considerable deal of.

    I would express to her that you're always there to help her if she should need it. She might not necessarily act on that, but when you care about someone it's good to let them know that you're there for them. Sometimes people don't realize when others care.

  10. #10
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    Default

    Oh yeah I'm aware of that, and she knows it too. I'd prefer for her to show up being fixed and able to admit what she feels without being afraid of it but.

    Currently I'm thinking "Since I'm strong enough to endure it without any suffering, I might as well try to "sneak in" step by step and gain her "trust" to see if "we" could be a thing

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